One mans terrorist is another mans freedom fighter
by hoppinghamster
Summary: Set a few hours after Season 2's Elogium. Chakotay and Kathryn Janeway have a conversation and they get to know each other a bit better...
1. Getting to know you

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 1**

**Getting to know you.**

"She was _pleading _with me Chakotay!" Kathryn said as she spun around to face where her first officer stood on the other side of her quarters.

"Pleading?" Chakotay replied looking confused.

"I think she thought I would tell her to terminate."

"Abort her baby? She really thought you would order her to do that?" Chakotay's facial expression did not hide his shock.

"Well she didn't say so in so many words, but I could see it in her tone of voice. The way she told me her and her husband had been trying for a long time." Kathryn said very quietly looking down at her feet and biting her bottom lip.

"Where is her husband now?" Chakotay asked moving closer to his captain and longing to hold her in his arms.

"Still on Deep Space 9. I met him once; he's Ktarian, nice chap. A bit shy but he's nice. Oh Chakotay she told me that this baby was all she had left of him. It made me want to cry."

"It will be a bitter sweet birth." Chakotay replied understanding what the captain was meaning in her words.

"What have I done Chakotay?"

"Captain?"

"Condemned a child to grow up without a father, Condemned Ensign Wildman to be a single mother. And then there's Tuvok and Allya and many more I am sure who have children left behind in the Alpha Quadrant. And young Harry who is only fresh out the academy, I know he miss's his parents so much. Oh Chakotay it's all my fault, all those families separated because of me"

"Captain, that's not your fault, you did what was right, and you did what you had to do. Nobody blames you for that."

"I do."

Chakotay moved closer to her still, all he longed to do was hug her. His growing attraction for his captain had been growing even more over the last few weeks. At first he had tried to suppress his feelings but was now finding it harder to do, especially today with all the talk of mating and paring off and fraternization. He had even tried to test the subject with her first thing that morning by asking if she had any plans to 'pair off' as she called it. She had replied by saying the captain doesn't have that privilege, and then there was Mark, the fiancé. But he saw something in her eye when she said those words, Longing perhaps? She had suddenly become very shy when he had asked her.

"Captain you don't have to. We all have loved ones left behind, even you. I know it's been hard for you all these months without Mark." he replied hoping to offer her some small amount of comfort that he could while still staying in respectable parameters.

"I survive"

"I know you do." He replied simply.

"Because I have to, it's the only way." She sad with deep sadness in her blue eyes that Chakotay just noticed had turned a grey colour and looked distant, like they were remembering a very distant and long forgotten memory.

"Are you OK with that Captain?"

"I have to be commander, I have to be strong for my crew."

"And who is going to be strong for you captain?" There she was again always thinking of her crew, never herself Chakotay thought.

"I can be strong for myself" Kathryn sated rather sadly as she turned from him.

"Everyone needs somebody captain." Chakotay said hoping he could be that somebody. 'Maybe one day' he thought. When she did not reply or turn back to face him she just stared almost absentmindedly out of her window Chakotay decided to return to the original topic of conversation, One of their crew had just informed the Captain she was pregnant, "What did you tell Ensign Wildman?"

"I simply congratulated her and then asked if she had been to see The Doctor about it. There is no way I can tell her to terminate a child, all life is sacred." Kathryn turned to face her First Officer with an expression on her face that Chakotay couldn't read, but what she said had caused him to break into a large grin, dimples flashing. "It's not funny Commander!" Kathryn said looking at him very sadly.

"No it's not, I am just admiring you, for a woman who's life is governed by science you surprise me every day." Wiping the smile from his face.

"I surprise you? In a good way?" she asked tentatively.

"Oh yes Captain so very good. I didn't think a scientist would consider an unborn child as sacred."

Kathryn's brows drew closer together as she placed her hands on her hips and angrily told him "Commander, I am not cold hearted."

"Of course your not, your heart beats very warmly in that chest of yours." Chakotay replied trying to lighten the mood in the room, his way of defusing the short temper of his annoyed Captain.

"Commander! How dare you! What do you know of my chest?" she snapped issuing a famous 'Janeway Death Glare' as the crew called it, the glare that would make the ensigns on deck 15 weak at the knees as they trembled with fear, but not the Native American warrior that was now on the receiving end of it.

"Nothing captain, but you did say you would turn to me if you had any questions about mating rituals." Smiling at her once more with his dimples flashing. Those dimples made the captain go weak at the knees in a very different kind of way, and he knew it.

"well I suppose I did say that didn't I commander? But what does that have to do with my chest?" The captain said lightening up and playing along with her first officer's joke, after all she _had _said that to him in front of all her bridge crew.

"That you did captain. And I find a woman's chest is involved very nicely in mating rituals."

Rolling her eyes she swatted his arm playfully with her hand she moved towards the replicator. "Coffee?" She asked, this was one of the first times Chakotay had been in her quarters and she wasn't too sure what he liked to drink in the evening after a shift.

"Tea if you're offering."

'Tea' She thought, 'interesting, same as he likes during the day in my ready room, I need to remember that.'

Moving towards the couch after making the order to the replicator and picking up the two hot mugs she gestured with her head for him to join her there.

Once he had settled next to her she had handed him his mug of tea. The two had been sat silently thinking for a few minutes. Breaking the silence Kathryn asked, "Commander, do you ever think about having children?"

"I suppose I did once. But that was before-" Chakotay stopped mid-sentence as though he thought he had said to much already.

"Before?" Kathryn urged.

Chakotay did not reply, he just sat holding his tea near his face and looking into it, meditating, much as he had earlier that day in her ready room after their conversation about generational ship,s replacement crew and procreation.

"I'm sorry commander, forgive me, I am being too personal." Kathryn said deciding she should change the subject. Kathryn went to stand up from the sofa trying to break the intimate feeling that had washed over them when Chakotay began to speak in a soft voice;

"I suppose the idea of being a farther went from my mind when I saw the true evil of the universe."

"The Cardassians?" Kathryn asked sitting back down, closer to her first officer this time and placing her mug on the coffee table in front of her.

"In my opinion captain they are far more evil than the Borg." Chakotay was not raising his voice or talking with hatred in his voice as he said this he stayed calm and collective but was not making eye contact with his captain.

"They do have quite some evil tendencies." Kathryn said leaning back on the sofa and staring into space as though remembering something she would rather not remember.

"Far more than just tendencies captain" Chakotay spat, the first signed of anger Chakotay had displayed.

"What about Wolf 359? You can't say that what the Borg did there wasn't sickeningly evil to the core." Kathryn pointed out trying to get a wider perspective on the conversation as she was not too sure she liked where it was heading.

"No I can't and I wont, I never implied it wasn't."

"Why Chakotay?"

"Why what? Why wont I say Wolf 359 wasn't evil?"

"No, I mean why are you a Maquis?"

"I am no longer a Maquis, captain, I am first officer on board your _Starfleet _ship." There was something about the way Chakotay said the word 'Starfleet' that put Kathryn on edge.

"Does that bother you?" she asked with genuine concern.

"Captain?"

"Does it bother you that your serving on board a Starfleet ship?"

"I sacrificed the Val Jean to save voyager Captain, I put my life at risk doing it and while I do not regret that action I sometimes find it hard to be in Starfleet again."

"Because as a Maquis you opposed Starfleet?"

"Because I blame Starfleet."

"For the treaty with the Cardassians?" Kathryn thought it was about time somebody mentioned what they both knew was the real problem.

"For killing my family. My people. My tribe" Chakotay angrily said staring at her wide eyed.

"The Cardassians killed your people commander." Kathryn said calmly but with a hit of forcefulness determined that Chakotay should keep some perspective in his anger.

"Because Starfleet let them." He reminded her.

"Because of the treaty?" Kathryn pushed on.

"What do you know of the treaty between the Federation and Cardassia captain?" Chakotay spat at her very sarcastically. She had touched a raw nerve and he was angry, not really with her but it had angered him.

"Are you asking because you think it's none of my business? Or because you think I don't know anything about it?" she asked trying to understand his meaning behind his words.

"I am asking because I want to know what you really think of me," he said staring into her blue eyes.

"Chakotay?" she asked unsure. 'How can he question what I think of him?' she thought to herself.

"Well you have just made it clear that you think I am a terrorist." He said looking away form her.

Moving closer to him as they had moved apart in their frustration for each other Kathryn placed a delicate hand on his chest lovingly as she looked into his eyes, Blue eyes blazing with honesty as she sat next to him "I could never think that."

"You just called me a Maquis. To the federation the Maquis are terrorists. You hold your Starfleet principles in high esteem."

"So therefore I think you're a terrorist? Is that what you are saying commander?" she took her hand from his chest but still looked at him feeling hurt that he could generalize her and her feelings like that.

"I am saying I did what was right."

Kathryn knew he meant joining the Maquis. "So did I." she said talking about staying with her Starfleet principles.

"By staying with Starfleet knowing that many innocent people were being massacred each day by the Cardassians because your precious federation made a treaty with them and practically handed those people over to the evil that is Cardassia? That was right?" he spat at her angrily. Criticizing her staying with Starfleet when the war broke out.

"And that's why you left Starfleet and joined the Maquis?" she asked feeling defensive.

"One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter Captain. You were ordered to capture us and bring us home to prison as disgraced terrorists and traitors to the federation but there are some back in the Alpha Quadrant who would have welcomed us as heroes."

"But the Maquis changed you?" she asked trying to get back on topic to the original conversation, the argument of right and wrong terrorist or not was annoying her.

"Changed me?" Chakotay said slightly taken by the sudden change is apparent topic of conversation.

"Well you said that before you were with the Maquis you would have considered fatherhood, but now you wont."

"No I said before I saw what the Cardassians were capable of I would have considered fatherhood. What about you Captain? Why no children when you have lived your life in a nice safe Starfleet protected planet? With a fiancé who loves you." Chakotay said feeling bitter and sly, 'Spirits she can be so naive and innocent sometimes!'

"Maybe I saw the evil in this universe and I couldn't bear to bring a child into it." She said again sounding sad and turning away from him.

"What evil does a beautiful daughter or a Starfleet admiral know?" He knew as soon as he said the words it was wrong of him to say but the anger the Cardassians made him feel was bubbling inside of him.

"Evil can not be measured in that way commander."

"When you have seen true evil as I have captain you will know, I was forced to watch helplessly as the Cardassians tore into my village and slaughtered all our elders, my grandfather among then, I watched as his throat was slit and the Cardassians spat on his body as he hit the floor. I watched as they burned our wooden houses to the ground, many of our people still trapped inside. The smell of burnt flesh and the screams of my people still plague me as I try to sleep each night. I watched as my mother and sisters and many of the other women and children from our village were taken from their hiding places, tied to poles in the ground and rapped before the eyes of their fathers, brothers and husbands and sons before they were slaughtered. I, and a few others managed to escape. My father did not make it. I have a cousin who lives in Ohio and I have a sister who survived but was rapped and it has haunted her and changed her in ways you could not begin to imagine Captain. They are my only living relatives it has changed me. Don't judge me for that. I can find no peace Captain. The federation handed our colony over the Cardassians in that treaty and that was the result; the same can be said for many more like it. I joined the Maquis when my friend Sveta recruited me, I wanted to pay them back for the horrors they committed against my people and my family, yes but I also wanted to make a stand and try to prevent it happening to others." He wasn't really angry with this little woman sat before him but he wanted to get his anger out somehow and he trusted her.

"Chakotay, I am so sorry." Kathryn said with deep compassion

"Don't be, you did nothing wrong." He said to her but it was clear to her he didn't really care about reassuring her.

"No, but what you went through, what your people went through is evil and you do blame the organization I work for and who I represent. You blame the very thing in which I place my values."

"You think I should blame the Cardassians."

"But because the federation let Cardassia have access to your home planet you blame the federation and therefore Starfleet."

"Where was Starfleet when my sister screamed as a Cardassian rapped her?" he spat angrily in her direction.

"It was a war Chakotay." She said in a pained and husky voice.

"Oh so because it was a war that makes it all right does it? My sister should have just rolled over, shut up and let _that_ happen to her should she?"

"I did not say that Chakotay!" she insisted.

"You did not have to!" Shouted Chakotay as he slowly place his barely touched mug of tea on her coffee table in front of him and stood up stiffly.

"Chakotay please." Kathryn begged as she stood to join him where he was now moved away towards her door.

"Goodbye _captain."_ Chakotay was only just beginning to build a relationship with his captain and had never yet called her Kathryn but hoped one day she would allow him to call her by what he considered to be such a beautiful name. Though something about the way he snapped her rank at her then showed her he was hurt and annoyed. Chakotay brushed her hand of his arm before leaving through her door.

Kathryn stood staring at the now closed doors of her quarters that her first officer had just left through in an angry and hurt hurry. A tear fell from her deep blue eyes and down her rosy cheek.

**End of Chapter 1. **

**Chapter 2 NOW UP... read on to find out what happens next!**

**Helpful reviews welcome.**


	2. Following Starfleet protocol

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 2**

**Following Starfleet protocol.**

_**Authors note:- This is a shorter chapter as this chapter and the chapter that will appear after it as 'Chapter 3 Don't force my hand' were originally written as one chapter. But when reading through it I felt it was nicer and fitted better if they were published as two separate chapter. Thank you for reading.**_

After the two had parted the night before neither had seen each other or made any effort to contact the other. Chakotay's shift had started earlier than Kathryn's so he was already sat in his chair when the small redheaded woman can cheerily onto her bridge, coffee mug in hand that morning.

"Report" She cheerily asked Chakotay as she settled into her chair and looked to her left smiling broadly, blue eyes flashing to where her First Officer sat next to her. He was staring at the view screen ahead with a somewhat pained look on his face refusing to look at the beautifully radiant woman who had just interrupted his intense train of thought. He replied to her coldly and stoically;

"All systems operating normally, on a steady course to the Alpha Quadrant, Warp 6."

Nobody on the bridge dared to say a word for nearly two hours. There was nothing of interest and nothing for anybody to report. The usual relaxed chats between the command team that would normally have taken place during an uneventful shift like this one was not present and neither had looked at each other since the captain had breezily walked onto her bridge.

"I'll be in my ready room. You have the bridge commander." Said Kathryn standing up and still not really bothering to even glance at her First Officer. 'God this is just getting annoying' She thought as she moved towards the door. Tom, Tuvok and Harry were all finding something else to look at and busy themselves with as she headed for her ready room, they could all sense the mood wasn't good and nobody wanted to be the one to annoy her even more.

"Aye sir" came Chakotay's cold and sly voice.

Kathryn stopped in her tracks before she had reached her door to her sanctuary. She spun around to face where Chakotay was sat still staring at the view screen in front of him and not looking at her. Tom had spun round in his chair and was now looking in disbelief from Chakotay to the Captain and back again. Tuvok who was at his station just behind Kathryn raised and eyebrow but said nothing. Harry was coughing as though he had choked on something. All on the bridge except Chakotay were now looking at the captain to see what her response would be. Deciding not to play to his bate she simply turned back round, ignoring his remark and entered her ready room letting the doors close behind her blocking out the now confused and shocked faces of the bridge crew.

The mood on the bridge did not change since the captain's departure to her ready room an hour ago. Chakotay had been snapping remarks and orders at the crew but other than that nobody had dared to speak.

"Janeway to Chakotay" came Kathryn's husky voice over the comm to break the silence on the bridge.

"Chakotay here" Chakotay snapped.

"Please can I have a word with you in my ready room?" she asked sounding pleasant and happy.

Chakotay did not reply he simply stood up from his chair as he tapped is comm badge to end the connection. He nodded at Tuvok as he passed him to indicate he had the bridge and entered the ready room.

"Reporting as ordered sir." Chakotay said, standing to attention with his arms by his side and staring at the bulkhead well above where the captain sat at her desk.

"It wasn't an order Chakotay." She said trying her best to sound friendly.

When Chakotay did not reply or even make any effort to relax his stance, exasperated Kathryn went on to address the other problem she was now facing;

"And what is with all the 'sir' this morning?"

"Following Starfleet protocol, sir." Chakotay replied in a formal tone of voice.

"Chakotay please. You know I don't like being addressed as sir."

"Are you ordering me not to follow protocol?" he spat at her still looking at the bulkhead well above her head even though she had now stood up and moved around her desk to stand in front of him.

"Stop it Chakotay. At ease please! This is not a formal meeting." She said looking at him with wide blue eyes that were rapidly turning a grey colour and filling with moisture as she tried hard not to allow herself to cry in front of Chakotay.

"What did you want me form captain?" Chakotay asked still standing to attention before her even though he was well aware how upset and vulnerable she was stood before him like that. Part of him wanted to hug her and comfort her so much right then, the part of him that was rapidly realizing he was falling in love with his beautiful and compassionate captain. But there was another part of him, the part of him that was angry, an angry warrior, revengeful and full of hatred and unable to find peace. That part of him had flared up again last night during their conversation about the Cardassians. That part of him needed to be angry, needed to lash out at something, at someone, and it just happened that his captain was now on the receiving end of that anger.

"I was hoping we could talk some more about our conversation last night, clear the air so to speak." Kathryn said in a quite and almost broken voice as she raised her hip to shuffled her bottom to perch herself in a relaxed sitting position on her desk.

"Are you making it an order captain?"

"Chakotay I am not about to order you to talk to me! I was hoping you would _want_ to talk to me." she said in disbelief at her First Officer who was still stood to attention before her and staring at the bulkhead above her head.

"I have nothing left to say to you ma'am." He replied coldly.

"It seams my being in Starfleet and this ship being a Starfleet ship has hurt you very deeply commander, more than I knew, for that I am sorry." She said heavily looking at her hands clasped in her lap.

"Am I dismissed?" Chakotay asked, he really wanted to get out of there, he could see the pain he was causing her but he didn't want to back down, right then he _needed _to be angry.

Kathryn thought for a long time staring at her First Officer, waiting for him to change his mind, relax and talk to her. Maybe it was more of a hope that he would do that rather than an expectation but she wanted to give him the chance all the same. When he did not say any more, he merely stood still very stiffly and staring at the bulkhead above her head she slid of her desk and circled him scaring at him as she did so. Still he did not move or even twitch, he made no effort to look at her or relax his mussels. Kathryn walked up onto the upper level away from him, she knew this battle was lost, but the war had only just begun.

"Dismissed" she muttered with her back to her First Officer who stiffly turned and marched out of her ready room completely missing the tears that were now streaming from the captains face.

**End of Chapter 2…. Chapter 3 NOW UP.**

**Hope you Enjoyed. Helpful Reviews welcome.**


	3. Don't force my hand

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun! (Though I do own the characters named Dickson and Kingsley who appear at the very end of this chapter.)

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 3**

**Don't force my hand.**

_**Author's note:- this is a shorter chapter as this chapter and the chapter that before it 'Chapter 2 Following Starfleet protocol' were originally written as one chapter. But when reading through it I felt it was nicer and fitted better if they were published as two separate chapter. Thank you for reading**__**.**_

Very near the end of that day's shift Kathryn had not left the sanctuary of her ready room after entering it two hours into the day's shift. Nobody had disturbed her all day and Commander Chakotay seemed to be doing a fine job at keeping the ship running smoothly. Kathryn had only 30 minutes left before she could hide in her quarters and curl up in her bed for the evening feeling sorry for herself after the argument she had earlier that day with her usually faithful First Officer, an argument that had been carried over form the day before and one that Kathryn didn't quite understand.

Captain Kathryn Janeway was just about to order a mug of Coffee from her replicator when the door chime sounded interrupting her day of solitude.

"Come in" She said feeling warn out.

It was none other that her said First Officer Commander Chakotay who entered her ready room with a determined look on his face. He handed her a PADD without a word to her.

"What's this?" Kathryn said quietly as she looked at Chakotay wide eyed after reading and rereading the PADD several time to be sure she had read it correctly.

"It's all there" He said offering no more explanation.

"Do you really mean this?" Kathryn asked him waving the PADD in his face furiously. She was hoping with everything she had that he would tell her he didn't mean what it said, that it was some kind of sick joke he was playing to annoy her. That she could deal with, what the PADD said she could not. When he did not reply she threw the PADD at him,

"Is this where I am supposed to beg?" She spat at him furiously "because I will if that's what you want." She said stepping closer to him still with rage in her face.

He had not expected her to say she would beg for him, which made him do a double take as he looked at her. He did feel sorry for her, but he would not and could not back down.

"I'm fed up and I'm through Captain." Was all he said meeting her blazing blue eyes.

"This is not a passenger ship Commander." She said turning from his gaze and rubbing her forehead furiously, she could feel a headache coming on.

"It's Chakotay."

"What?" She said spinning round to face him again.

"Not commander, just Chakotay."

"Look this is absurd. We can talk about this." She said with pleading blue eyes.

"What is absurd is you," he hissed before he really thought what he was saying.

"Me?" she whispered, stumbling backwards from him in disbelief.

"Yes you, your Starfleet principles have blinded you, you would blindly follow them without thinking for yourself!" he pressed on.

"What makes you think that?"

"You showed me you true colours last night, you think I am a terrorist."

"Like I told you last night _commander_ I could never think that." She growled at him through gritted teeth, feeling that they were just going round in circles in an argument she didn't even understand why they were having. She was determined to reinforce his rank when she talked to him.

"But you think all the Maquis are terrorists."

"What I think of the is not what is at question here!" She shouted at him across the room her anger brewing.

"Oh, but it is captain."

Trying to understand why he was causing so much anger between them Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose with her forefinger and thumb of her right hand. Closing her eyes slowly trying to think and compose herself she signaled for him to remain quite with the palm of her left hand before she said anything. Still stood in that position she talked;

"So let me get this straight, what your saying here is that because I, a Starfleet captain, asked you why you joined the Maquis that means I think you and the other Maquis to be terrorist?"

"Well if you don't think that what do you think?" he hissed at her.

"Chakotay if you want the truth here it is, I personally believe the Maquis cause to be a noble and brave one, I believe the people of the Maquis to be heroes but you never asked me that you never gave me chance to tell you that. You generalized how I feel because of who I work for."

"No you don't."

"I don't What Commander? I don't think that about the Maquis? Well if you are so sure why did you ask me what I think?"

"I know all you Starfleet officers, you are only saying now what you think I want to hear."

"There see your generalizing me because I work for Starfleet rather than bothering to lessen to what I tell you that I actually think!"

"I am sick and tired of it _Captain,_ and to that end I formally hand in my resignation. It's there in writing on the pad I just handed you." He growled at her gesturing to were the PADD now lay at his feet after she had thrown it at him.

"And as I told you when I read your letter of resignation Commander, this is not a passenger ship." She hissed through gritted teeth.

"That's not my problem captain." He said removing his rank bar from hi turtleneck and stretching out his arm to hand it to her, Where she did not move she merely stared at it in his outstretch palm he threw it on her desk where she left it were it had landed.

"Commander don't force my hand. I need you." She _was _begging him now. In her own way, he saw the pleading in her beautiful blue eyes.

'Could she really mean that _she _need's me?' Chakotay thought to himself 'could she want me?' He turned to meet her eyes head on, Kathryn saw there a look of deep desire and longing as he looked at her. He took a step forward towards her.

"This ship needs you." She corrected herself stepping back realizing what she had said, she did need him, she needed him so much but she could never admit to being weak, least of all to him and especially not now, like this.

'I knew it, she just wants me for her ship, to use me!' Chakotay told himself.

"You need me because I can be your united front for the integration of _my _crew and _your_ crew." He spat at her accusingly.

"I thought we agreed this was to be **one **crew, a **Starfleet **crew." She whispered almost crying in front of him as she shook her head at him.

"No you said so, I had no choice. There was no agreement."

"So now six months later you're resigning as my First Officer because I touched a raw nerve when I asked why you joined the Maquis?" she stood before him in disbelief of the situation before her.

"You don't have to make everything so clinical captain."

"Well that's how it appears to me. Quite frankly it's childish and it's unbecoming an officer such as yourself." She shouted, She was not making it clinical she was stating the facts and he didn't like it.

"I am **not** a Starfleet officer though am I? I resigned from Starfleet many years ago."

"Six months ago you agreed to be my first officer."

"What else is a man to do? I was a captain of my own ship, my own crew. I was not going to let you put me in some small anthropological team down on deck 10."

'What? He loves his work as an anthropologist, what has that got to do with this?' Kathryn wondered feeling very confused about what was going on in Chakotay's mind.

"So you wanted to be close to command, because what? You wanted to stage a mutiny at some point?" She asked tilting her head to look at him trying to understand.

"I suppose that would be the terrorist thing to do wouldn't it?" he hissed sarcastically.

"Are you threatening me with mutiny Commander?"

"So you **do** think of me as a terrorist?"

"Commander I am just trying to understand your motives for resigning." She was trying hard to keep her voice calm and collective and together when all the while she was breaking apart inside.

"I have had enough of you!" he shouted at her.

"Do-not-force-my-hand-Commander." She slowly and carefully hissed back at him and she moved closer to him and pocking his chest with her forefinger trying hard to keep some command in this situation.

"Force your hand? HA! Maybe I will help you understand my position, maybe I will show _you _what the Cardassians did to my sister and then you will know."

Chakotay didn't really know why he said that or where it had come from. The instant he had said it he regretted saying it. He realized his hatred and anger had completely consumed him now. That was not him, he would _never _threaten anybody with that, least of all the woman he was beginning to love. The captain stumbled backwards wide-eyed, as she looked deep into his eyes with a look of shock and horror sweeping across her face. She was fearful too, he was much stronger than she was, and he could overpower her in a second. She was backed up against the bulkhead of he ready room now, trembling slightly with fear and shock.

Chakotay who was full of a sudden sense of guilt and remorse for what he had said moved closer to her with intention of simply comforting her.

"Captain I-"

"Janeway to security. I need a security team in my ready room _now!_" Kathryn cut off what he was going to saw as she tapped her comm badge not taking her eyes from his.

"On my way." Came Tuvok's voice over the comm lie.

Chakotay who realised what he had said and done started to back away towards the door. Not to try to escape but to try to show her he was not threatening to her. A second later Tuvok entered from the bridge holding a phaser and looking widely around the room for the problem. All he saw was the captain backed up against the bulkhead looking terrified and the ships First Officer backing away from her. There didn't seem to have been a struggle, just a PADD lying on the floor between the Chakotay and the captain. He also noticed the Commander's rank bar looking discarded on the desk.

"Captain?" Tuvok asked unsure of what the problem was. Just then five security officers came bounding into the ready room Phasers in hand.

"Take Mr Chakotay to the brig." The captain ordered still shaking, her voice cracking.

"Captain?" Tuvok questioned, the first officer didn't appear to be committing any crime.

"NOW! Lieutenant." The captain shouted switching her gaze furiously to the Vulcan security chief.

"Yes Captain. Ayala, Dickson." Tuvok said nodding towards two of the ex- Maquis security officers who were two of the five security members who had entered the ready room, ordering them to take Chakotay to the brig.

"I would prefer if Kingsley went with them." Kathryn ordered nodding towards the only originally Starfleet security officer who had entered the room other than Tuvok.

"Kingsley." Tuvok ordered nodding at the Ensign in question. The three security officers took hold of Chakotay's arms and lead him out of the ready room into the corridor rather than through the bridge. All three pointing Phasers at him even though he was not protesting at all, he simply walked out with them quietly feeling very ashamed of himself.

"May I ask what are the charges against the Commander?" Tuvok asked the captain once the rest of the security team had left now that the problem had been dealt with and the captain had relaxed and moved away from the bulkhead and was now rubbing her forehead with the palm of her left hand.

"I am not sure exactly what happened there Tuvok. I will be in my Quarters for the rest of the day. You have the bridge. Please Inform Mr. Nelix that Mr. Chakotay is to only be fed bread and water."

"Bread and water, captain?" Tuvok enquired.

"Yes lieutenant. Leola Root Stew and water." She replied over her shoulder as she left though the doors Chakotay had just left through, avoiding her own bridge and heading for her quarters.

**End of Chapter 3….. Chapter 4 NOW UP! Read on to find out what happens next!…**

**Authors second note:- I am aware that this scene may appear very out of character for Chakotay but I really wanted to write a story that focus's on the past of both Chakotay and Kathryn. This is beginning to see the anger and pain and hatred that Chakotay's past has left with him. I have always wondered why a man with such a painful past could be so calm when he calls himself an 'angry warrior'. Here I am trying to show what that pain and anger can drive our 'angry warrior' to do and say if he never deals with what happened to him and his people. We all know he need's Kathryn's help to do it… This is the build up to Chakotay's famous ancient legend.**

**Helpful reviews welcome.**


	4. I want to stand by your side

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun! (Though I do own the character named Kingsley who appears in this chapter.)

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 4**

**I want to stand by your side.**

"Hay old man." A voice came from towards the doors and startled Chakotay as he sat up from where he had been lying down on the small bed inside the brig.

"B'Elanna, what are you doing here?"

"Came to talk to an old friend." B'Elanna said grinning at him.

"Does the captain know you're here?" He asked standing up and feeling concerned that his old friend would get herself in trouble just to see him.

"Of cause, she's given me five minutes, to be honest I think she was sick of me asking why you're in here."

"What has she told the crew?" he asked with relief for B'Elanna but worry about what the Captain thought of him and what she might have been saying about him.

"She told the senior staff you resigned your commission and that she wasn't very happy about that."

"Just the senior staff? What did she tell the rest of the crew?"

"Nothing yet, I don't think she really knows what to tell them."

"Is she OK?" he asked, he had been concerned for her the moment he had seen her back into the bulkhead of her ready room fearful of him.

"The captain? I don't know. She spends most of the time in her quarters or the ready room. Tuvok is running the ship; she only ever talks to Tuvok. Nobody really knows what's going on. She wont say why you're in here, nobody seems to know only her and Tuvok. Most people are coming up with rumours though."

"Oh great, just what I need."

"Is it true old man?"

"Is what true?"

"That you resigned your Commission?"

"Yes that is true." He simply stated. He was thinking of the Captain unable to show her face to anyone but Tuvok her trusted friend and confidant.

"So why did she throw you in here?" B'Elanna asked looking around the small area of the brig where Chakotay now stood behind a force field.

"Was it right B'Elanna?" Chakotay asked ignoring the young woman's question.

"Was what right?" B'Elanna asked the older man whom she admired and respected and who was being held behind a force field in the brig in front of her.

"What we did."

"What we did? Chakotay you're not making and sense." B'Elanna snapped feeling very irritated and not really understanding what was going on here.

"As Maquis."

"We did what we had to, but Chakotay what has being Maquis got to do with why yo-" B'Elanna began to ask a question mid-sentence but then something else started to dawn on the half Klingon engineer.

"No! Tell me she didn't! Tell me she didn't put you in here because you were Maquis!" B'Elanna shrieked horrified.

"No B'Elanna, it's not that. It's- Oh I am so ashamed."

"What is it Chakotay, tell me, maybe I can help?"

"You can't help me with this, nobody can."

"Try me old man. So many times you were there for me when I seemed like a hopeless case."

"I threatened her." With those words B'Elanna stared at her older friend. She knew he wasn't the threatening type. It didn't make sense to her.

"You threatened the captain? Why? So that's why she threw you in here?" B'Elanna pressed in trying hopelessly to make sense of what she was seeing and hearing.

"Were we right as Maquis B'Elanna? I mean what we did to get to the goal we wanted." Again ignoring B'Elanna's questions Chakotay pressed on with his own trying desperately to make sense of his own thoughts and feelings.

"It was war Chakotay. I suppose Starfleet decided those planets weren't worth the recourses. Was that right? No of cause not, you of all people here know what that decision cost."

"It's just something the captain said B'Elanna." Chakotay said turning away from where the engineer stood just outside his cell.

"What did she say?"

"She asked if I had a problem serving on a Starfleet ship."

"And do you?" B'Elanna asked him, this was a problem she had been struggling with herself for the last six months since all the Maquis had been forced to stay on Voyager after Chakotay had sacrificed the Maquis ship, the Val Jean in order to save Voyager but it had been Chakotay who had persuaded her to get over that.

"I didn't think I did but what if I do?"

"So you threatened her? What did you say to her? She is being really hard on you. How long is she planning to hold you in here?"

"I don't know. Nobody is telling me anything, you're the first person to talk to me in six days."

"What a p'tahk!" B'Elanna spat taking about the captain.

Chakotay jumped right to the captain's defense, "B'Elanna I don't want to ever hear you say that about the captain again!"

"You're defending her? After she threw you in here for six day's straight without a word from anyone all because you threatened her? I bet Janeway's been threatened hundreds of times before why is she over reacting now?"

"B'Elanna What I said to her is unforgivable no matter how angry I was." Chakotay said as he sank on to the bed behind him and buried his face in his hands.

"Chakotay it can't be that bad, I'll go talk to her, make her see reason!" B'Elanna was feeling desperate now, she didn't want to see this man she respected so much in this state, it pained her so much just to see him helpless in the brig.

"B'Elanna I threatened to rape her!" he mumbled as a great sense of guilt and remorse overpowered him as he said those words aloud.

B'Elanna stepped back staring at the broken looking man sitting hiding his face in his hands, the great Indian Maquis warrior looked weak and powerless as he sat there. B'Elanna was shaking her head at him refusing to believe what he had just said, "No Chakotay, No. That's not true, there's been a mistake. Tell me that's not true." She demanded looking like she wanted to cry.

Ensign Kingsley who had been the security officer on guard duty in the room had tightened his right hand around his phaser on his belt, nobody had been told what Chakotay had done and it was as much a shock to him as it was to B'Elanna.

Chakotay simply looked up at her red eyes and B'Elanna knew then it was the truth. Neither had heard Tuvok enter the room.

"Lieutenant Torres your five minutes are up."

"Just give me another minute Tuvok please!" She said feeling confused and unsure what to think. She needed more time to talk to Chakotay about this.

"When the captain gives you five minutes with the prisoner she means five minutes Lieutenant." Tuvok stated unemotionally.

B'Elanna looked back at Chakotay who was staring her silently begging her not to judge him for this before she turned and obeyed her orders and left the room without another word.

Tuvok was looking back at where Chakotay sat leaning his head against the bulkhead behind him with his eyes closed. He didn't care very much for the Vulcan right then. "The captain has asked me to remind you to get some sleep." Tuvok sated in a monotone voice.

"Pardon?" Chakotay asked snapping his head up and opening his eyes.

"Sleep Mr. Chakotay." Tuvok repeated raising an eyebrow at Chakotay. "The captain feels that you have not had enough these past six day's and is concerned for your health and has therefore asked me to reminded you to sleep."

"The captain is concerned for my health?"

Tuvok merely tilted his head slightly at the younger man and then turned to walk out of the door nodding at Kingsley on the way past.

Chakotay had been trying to sleep for many nights in a row but had not been able to find a way to get the captains terrified face after he had threatened her out of his mind. After tossing and turning on the bed for nearly two hours after Tuvok had left Chakotay gave up and started to do press up's on the floor of the brig. He was concentrating so hard he hadn't heard to doors open and the small redheaded woman walk into the room and stand just in front of the force field of which he was doing press up's behind.

Kathryn couldn't help but want to watch as the very attractive Chakotay was working out on the floor inches form where she stood. Folding her arms in front of her chest, relaxing slightly as she stood before him tilting her head to the right and placing her bodily weight on her right leg so that her whole body was leaning to the right she smiled broadly as he continued to do press up's and still didn't notice her stood there. After a while, her face nearly cracked into laughter and she decided to cough loudly to get his attention then she addressed him;

"Mr. Chakotay, if this is your idea of sleep then I would hate to see your idea of exercise." as soon as she started to talk he froze mid-press up realizing she was stood right in front of him.

"Captain!" Chakotay exclaimed as he stood up from the floor.

"At ease Mr. Chakotay, you informed me five days ago that you are no longer a Starfleet officer therefore I doubt you need to stand to attention just because I enter a room." She smiled at him warmly was he relaxed and looked deeply into her eyes.

The captain then turned towards the security guard who was looking anxiously at her and not liking the way she stood so close to the force field, not after what he had heard a few hours before. "Thank you Kingsley, wait for me outside." She said warmly at him.

"But cap-"

"Ensign." Kathryn cut him off before he could protest issuing him with her best 'Janeway death glare.'

"Yes Ma'am." Kingsley said nodding at her knowing it was best not to argue with her, "I'll be just outside if you should need me."

Kathryn smiled at the ensign and nodded at him before she turned back to the hansom copper skinned man she had held in her brig whom she was realizing she was beginning to fall in love with.

"Now Chakotay I wanted to ask, you once showed me your medicine bundle. I know your spiritual beliefs mean a great deal to you in troubled times. Would it help if you had your medicine bundle with you now?"

"Captain?" Chakotay asked her looking surprised; this was not at all what he had thought she would have come to say.

"If I am completely missing the mark here please do let me know but I just thought your medicine bundle might help you calm your anger, towards me or Starfleet or Cardassia or anything else you feel anger and unrest towards."

"I thought you didn't believe in spirits and faith, you're a scientist."

Kathryn tilted her head and considered Chakotay by looking him up and down before she replied to his remark;

"That is the second time this week you have told me I surprise you because you misjudged my feelings because you thought they would be a certain way simply because I am a scientist. Also you seem determined to assume I believe you to be a terrorist simply because I work for Starfleet. Why is that? You always struck me to be the kind of man who would get to know a person well before making assumptions and generalizing them in such a way."

"Is it true what you said when you said you think the Maquis are heroes?"

"I said it didn't I?" She asked him not breaking eye contact with him, determined to get her point across.

"Yes but-"

Kathryn cut him off "Chokotay I would never lie to you."

"I'm sorry Captain."

"For what exactly Chakotay?" she asked.

"Doubting you, shouting at you, saying what I said, resigning my commission. Threatening you."

"That's too easy Chakotay." She said waving her hand dismissively at him.

"What?"

"To say sorry and then I say I forgive you and then it's all over and everything goes back to the way it should be. How long have you been doing that Chakotay? Trapping yourself in a cycle of hatred, anger, blame, lashing out, remorse, guilt, forgiveness and then back round to hatred again. It will never ever stop that way! Believe me I know!" she shouting at him, not out of anger but out of frustration determined to help him understand.

"How could you who is so innocent and beautiful know anything of those things?"

"Like you think I know nothing of evil?" she asked.

"I know what I see in you."

"But have you looked at me Chakotay?" she pressed on moving even closer to the force filed that divided them. "I mean _really _looked at me, because if you did you would see me. See more than what you see on the surface. We all have a past Chakotay and we all have evil and pain and hatred and anger which we must overcome."

"So how does a scientist do that?" he was questioning her sounding almost sarcastic.

"How does a Spiritual Warrior do that?" she threw back at him.

"He joins the Maquis and heads out to save others from that evil he had to face." Chakotay replied almost daring her to challenged his actions to have been wrong.

"And a Scientist joins Starfleet so she can explore the galaxy and find the good that she has to believe is out there." Kathryn replied steadily determined not to allow him to turn their conversation into a debate of religion vs. Science. Kathryn had always respected all of her crew's spiritual beliefs and none held their faith as dear to them as she knew Chakotay held his dear to him. She had respected him for it and was even interested in knowing more about his faith, she had asked him to share the most precious part of his believe with her, the spirit guide. He had been willing and had given her the honor of showing her is most prized possession, his medicine bundle, an artifact that was so sacred and important to him and his faith.

"And is able to keep herself calm and controlled." Chakotay was talking of her now as he turned away from her as he felt his anger brewing up inside of him again. It was an anger he feared, an Anger he could not control.

"Not all of the time." She corrected him. She too had her anger to contend with, she to had her pain and her past to face each day.

"Whenever I see her she is." he said turning to look lovingly into her deep blue eyes. The two stared longingly into the others eyes, there was a connection there, a passion growing there that neither could deny. But right then it was marred with something else, both carried great pain and sadness, great betrayal and such a heavy burden of anger and guilt.

"And what of her behind closed doors?" Kathryn whispered, breathing hard as she continued to look into the eyes of the man she had just realized she truly loved. "What of her when she is alone in the dead of the night? Is she strong then? Is she calm than? – She has to try to be, no matter what Chakotay because she is alone, now more than ever."

Again he wished he could embrace her into a deep and loving hug to _show _her she was not alone but the force field that divided him from her was a sharp reminder to him of the reality of what he had done. He wondered then if she only felt safe around him then because he couldn't actually get to her. He simply told her again "I told you captain everybody needs somebody. You don't have to be alone."

"What about you? Is that why B'Elanna has been demanding to see you? Every time I have talked to Tuvok recently it seems she has made yet another forceful request demanding to see you, I think the poor Vulcan couldn't cope with all her emotions." She smiled at him to try to show she was joking with him to lighten the mood, when he did not respond the same way and she saw he was merely scowling at the mention of B'Elanna's name Kathryn asked the question she had been wondering for the past six months, "Is she your somebody?"

"Is that why you let her come here? Because you think we are lovers?"

"Everybody needs somebody. I think she needs you. And frankly she was getting annoying." Kathryn added jokingly on the end.

A slight glimpse of a smile appeared on Chakotay's troubled face for the first time in six days, but it disappeared almost as fast as it had come,

"When I first met B'Elanna she was naive, streetwise yes, but naive. She couldn't control her temper and blamed everybody else for every problem she had ever faced. I took her under my wing so to speak."

"Like a master takes on an apprentice." Kathryn stated finally beginning to understand the true nature of the relationship they had for each other.

"Like a father cares for a daughter."

"Ah. So you're the father she never had? I see that now." Kathryn said feeling slightly relived that this hansom man was not currently in a relationship with her chief engineer. Also Kathryn found a sense of delight in what she now saw as a beautiful relationship that the two had with each other.

"Sometimes I think she thinks too highly of me." Chakotay sank back onto the bed thinking of the end of the conversation he had with the half Klingon two hours before.

"That can happen, children don't want to see their parents floors, or can't see them. I was the same with my father, even long after he died, the great Admiral Edward Janeway. I wanted nothing more than to be just like him when I grew up. When he died I didn't see how I could go on without him, and I blamed everybody I could at first, Admiral Paris for sending us on the mission in the first place, Starfleet for merely existing having hundreds of people commissioned into such dangerous professions. My father for his clearly failed piloting. I even blamed Justin- well I blamed Justin for just being there! And I blamed myself, I blamed myself the most and I was so angry. I let the anger consume me and maybe I said and did things to the people I loved back then that I am not proud of. We all have regrets Chakotay, it's what we do with them that matters now."

"Captain I'm sorry I had no idea your father had died." Chakotay whispered standing up and facing her. He hadn't really heard the rest of what she had said, all he could focus on was the fact that her father had died, and he really had no idea.

Waving her hand dismissively Kathryn said, "That was many years ago now."

Suddenly Kathryn felt a sudden rush of a great sadness over come her, turning from chakotay and walking from the cell where he was held she continued as he watched her back intently, "My point is I understand why you lashed out, why you do lash out. And yes Chakotay I forgive you, and I see the good man you are and I trust you with my life but I cannot and will not let you get away with this by ignoring it. I want you to deal with it here and now, and I want to be there to stand by your slide when you do. It wont be easy, for either of us but Chakotay I can't ignore what you told me, the pain you carry because of your past. Together we can face it." Turning back to face him as she took in a heavy intake of breath she announced, "You told me you can find no peace. Chakotay I want to stand with you as you find peace, I know it's out there for you somewhere, together we will find it."

He did not reply, he had nothing he could think of to say to this wonderful, forgiving, loving and compassionate woman. He felt he did not deserve her compassion yet there she stood offering it freely to him after he had said the unthinkable to her only day's before.

"Now get some sleep Chakotay, I will return in the morning with your medicine bundle." She said turning and walking towards the door as she tried desperately to compose herself and find her command stance again. She stopped walking for a second and without turning her body towards him she turned her head to the right to talk over her shoulder to him "If you allow me to bring get it?" she asked tentatively.

"Why do you need my permission? It is your ship." He asked looking at her with great intensity.

"Firstly Chakotay I maybe entitled to go anywhere on this ship but I respect all peoples privacy, to enter your quarters without your permission would be a breach of that privacy, even more so now that you keep reminding me you are a civilian. Second I know how sacred the medicine bundle is to your people and your beliefs, I didn't want to dishonor your beliefs by bringing it here to you."

"Don't worry captain, I don't mind if you bring it here, it might actually be a help to me." he told her still watching her as she turned her head back towards the door and taking one more step forward before stopping again. Talking almost at the door she said;

"Very well. Get some sleep; I shall bring it in the morning. You once told me you had never shown it to anybody before you showed it to me, please be assured that I personally will be the one to bring it to you, I will not allow anybody else to see and handle something so sacred to you."

With that she walked from the door allowing it to swish shut behind her.

"Thank you Kathryn for honoring and respecting my beliefs, that means more to me than you know." Chakotay whispered as he stood rooted to the spot in disbelief because of the response he had received from this woman.

Seconds after that the door opened again and Kingsley entered and took his usual guarding stance and he glared angrily at Chakotay. Chakotay decided Kathryn was right, he should really get some sleep, too many conflicting emotions were swimming around his head and he just didn't know what to do with them. Was Kathryn right? Was it possible for him to find peace somewhere?

**End of Chapter 4…. Chapter 5 NOW UP!...**

**Helpful reviews welcome.**


	5. Nighttime injuries

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun! (Though I do own the character named Cosgrove who appears in this chapter.)

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 5**

**Nighttime injuries.**

It had been four days since Kathryn had been to visit Chakotay in the brig. She had felt the conversation had gone well but she knew he had a long way to go. Kathryn was deeply concerned for the well being and mental state of the man she loved. She had gone as promised to his quarters the next morning and had carefully brought the medicine bundle to him in the brig. He was still asleep when she arrived before her shift and not wanting to wake him she had simply placed his medicine bundle on the floor ready for him when he woke up. That was three day's ago now and Kathryn had not been to see him since. She was finding it hard herself to make sense of what was happening her around her. She was now sitting awake in her quarters at 04:00 hours trying to read some poetry and makes sense of all the painful and conflicting emotions she was feeling for herself.

"Tuvok to Janeway." Came the voice of her chief security officer and now First Officer over the comm.

"Janeway here."

"Sorry to disturb you this early in the morning but we have an incident in the brig that needs you presence."

Kathryn shot to her feet dropping the book on the floor as she stood. "What's the problem Lieutenant?" she asked Tuvok with a great feeling of dread and worry for Chakotay entering into her mind.

"Mr. Chakotay began punching the bulkhead forcibly an hour ago. He is refusing to stop until he talks with you captain."

"On my way. Janeway out." Kathryn shouted as she headed out of the door of her quarters without even glancing back. She was wearing her uniform pants and only her grey tank top and some pink fluffy slippers. She didn't care what she was wearing all she knew was that she had to get down there and talk to Chakotay and find out what was going on.

Kathryn hurried into the brig room where she saw Lieutenant Tuvok and Lieutenant Cosgrove stood pointing their phasers at the force field which Chakotay was stood behind repeatedly punching the bulkhead as though trying to have a boxing match with it with his raw and exposed knuckles that were now very bruised and blood stained. Blood was smeared all over the bulkhead. It was clear to Kathryn that he was doing this with all his strength and had been doing this for a long period of time. When Kathryn saw the scene she wanted to lower the force filed and pull him away herself but she knew she couldn't. She knew she was much weaker than he was and she knew in this state he would attack her if he could.

Kathryn stood and watched as the man she loved inflicted more pain on himself with each angry blow, she winced each and every time. She wanted to cry. She wasn't sure she really had the stomach to watch "Mr. Chakotay what can I do for you?" she asked tentatively over his screams of pain and anguish as Tuvok moved aside to give the captain a clearer view to be able to stand in front of the force field.

"This is _your _fault!" Chakotay spat at her as he realized whom it was who had spoken. He stopped punching the bulkhead mercilessly and turned his full body to face her. For the first time Kathryn saw what a state Chakotay was really in. She saw what he had inflicted upon himself during his rage and angry outburst. She gasped slightly was she saw blood pouring from his mouth and down the left side of his face from his head. She saw he had clearly been banging his head against the bulkhead for some time also. His left side of his head was covered in so much blood that it was impossible to see the black lines of the tattoo he had there. He also had scratches all over his face and arms where it was apparent he had been scratching himself. His clothes were torn and covered in blood. "See this captain this is what you have done to me!" he shouted at her with evil and malice in his jet black eyes as he looked at her lifting his hands and arms into the light to show the glistening crimson of his blood, which covered them.

"How is this my fault Chakotay?" She whispered to him feeling sick at the sight of his self-inflicted injuries.

"You drove me to it. You better be watching your back everywhere you go because I will have you when you least expect it _captain._" He scowled through gritted and threatening teeth.

"Get back! How dare you!" Shouted Cosgrove as he dived in front of the captain to stand between her and Chakotay. Kathryn saw in the young Lieutenants eyes that he would have struck Chakotay if it weren't for the force filed.

Not wanting to add any more fuel to the already raging fire or add salt to the wound Kathryn shouted "Lieutenant!" warningly as she pulled the Lieutenant back and step purposely between him and Chakotay with her back to Chakotay issuing her best 'Janeway death glare' and placing a hand on the young mans chest to warn him to stand down.

"Captain I don't think you should be here talking with this dog!" Cosgrove spat pointing maliciously at Chakotay.

"Thank you Lieutenant! Your loyalty is admirable but please control your personal feelings and outbursts." She warned him feeling angry that he had insulted Chakotay. Turning back to Chakotay happy that the situation had been defused she asked;

"Why are you doing this Chakotay?"

"I hate you!" he growled.

"Why?" she asked trying to stay calm and not let what he said get to her and bother her.

"Why what? _Your majesty_." Chakotay slyly asked her taking a rather excessive bow in front of her to make fun of her.

As Chakotay did this Cosgrove lurched forward again looking as though he wanted to strike Chakotay. Kathryn hadn't grabbed Cosgrove fast enough before he started hurling insults at Chakotay from across the force filed. He then began to punch the force field causing it to shimmer widely between them, almost as though he had forgotten it was there and he really wanted to punch Chakotay.

Kathryn pulled Cosgrove back from the force field while barking orders at him, "Lieutenant! Stand down! Take a break! Go and get yourself something to eat, go back to your quarters freshen up and then please report to my ready room when I call for you." Tuvok was also restraining the Lieutenant who was still looking at Chakotay with a great sense of hatred.

"Captain?" He asked scowling back at Chakotay as she released the small black haired man.

"Lieutenant!" she hissed at him pinching the bridge of her nose with her left hand and pointing at the door with her right hand. She was quickly loosing her patience with the Lieutenant.

"Yes ma'am." He muttered as he walked backwards towards the door still staring wide eyed at the blood covered Chakotay. Kathryn knew it had gotten around among the Security Officers that Chakotay was in the brig because he had threatened to rape the captain. Many of them held great loyalty towards the Captain and even the ex-Maquis officers were torn between where their loyalties lied now.

Kathryn watched as Lieutenant Cosgrove sulked out of the doors while Chokotay cackled at him from inside the brig. Once the doors had shut behind him Kathryn turned back to Tuvok. With her back to Chakotay now she whispered in a low voice to her dear Vulcan friend, "Tuvok, please wait outside for me." Without hesitation Tuvok nodded at his captain who he admired and made for the door, "and please find another security officer to replace Lieutenant Cosgrove." She said as he exited the room.

"Now Mr. Chakotay, please explain to me why you have called me 'your majesty'" Kathryn turned back to were Chakotay stood covered in crimson blood, the sight wanted to make her heave but she managed to stay calm.

"You prance around here acting liking your queen reigning over us all."

"It's called being captain!"

"Well I am fed up with you. You are no longer my captain!"

Shaking her head at him and pacing around the room she asked "Then what are you proposing Chakotay? How can you be on bored this ship, civilian or otherwise if you want to refuse to see me as your captain, **I am** captain of Voyager Chakotay!" she was shouting now, she was angry. When he didn't reply she stopped pacing and watched him as he turned back to the bulkhead and continued to punch it issuing painful cries and grunts each time his fist's hit the bulkhead.

"Chakotay! Stop this! Talk about it!" she screamed at him feeling very desperate now.

"I won't talk to you!" he shouted back still punching the bulkhead.

"Then would it help if I asked B'Elanna to come and talk to you about it?" she was desperate now.

"I can't talk to B'Elanna she's too much like a daughter to me."

"Then who can you talk to about it? Tell me and I will have them brought here."

"Nobody can help me with this."

"Chakotay you can work through this. Your anger has overcome you but you can work through this."

He had stopped punching the bulkhead now and breathing heavily with exhaustion he turned back to her and asked "What's makes you so sure?"

"Because I see the Chakotay you can be." She said full of passion and love.

"I hate you captain and I will make you suffer!" he shouted full of rage that she could see in his eyes when he looked at her.

"What have I done to you to make you so angry Chakotay?"

"**You** killed my family!" he announced, his cold words hung in the air like a knife for a second.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked wide-eyed and confused as she stepped back from the force field, she sincerely hoped she had heard him wrong.

"You-murdered-my-family!" He repeated in a cold slow voice to be sure she heard him.

"I murdered your family? You really believe that?" she asked in desperation and shock.

"Don't find excuse's captain." He spat at her

"Excuses?"

"For why you murdered my family."

"Chakotay I did not murder you family!" she hissed through gritted teeth.

"Starfleet did, and you are Starfleet."

"For the last time Chakotay the Cardassians killed your family."

It was then that Kathryn saw the blood stained medicine bundle scrunched up in a mess in the corner of the brig, this made her very sad to see it disregarded and dishonoured like that.

"Did you even use your medicine bundle?" She asked him feeling very sad now. He turned and grabbed the precious item and threw it at her face where it hit the force field causing it to shimmer before the medicine bundle hit the floor in a heap.

"Your faith is important to you, maybe your spirit guide will help."

"My faith died with my people!"

Kathryn could barely believe what she was hearing "You know that's not true! Your faith is very real to you." She said with great love and compassion in her voice.

"How dare you talk about my faith! You know nothing! Get away from me!" he screamed turning back to the bulkhead and banging his head against it. "I won't stop until you leave."

"Fine Chakotay, I am leaving now. But I wont leave you like this forever! I will help you." Kathryn said feeling like she wanted to cry for him as she backed away towards the door.

As Kathryn left the brig room and entered the corridor where Tuvok was stood waiting for her. She waited for the doors to close behind her before she turned to Tuvok and bellowed at him very angrily;

"Tuvok I want you, Cosgrove, Torres and Paris in my ready room in five minutes!"

With that she started to march off towards the turbo lift where she would head to her quarters to get her uniform jacket at least and then change out of her pink fluffy slippers into her regulation black books. She stopped just inside the turbo lift doors and turned back to bellow down the corridor at Tuvok, "I don't care if Paris is in bed I want him up! And get a replacement in there NOW Tuvok!" She knew B'Elanna was working the Gamma shift in engineering to cover for Vorik who had come down with space sickness.

Five minutes later Kathryn was sat in her ready room with a large cup of coffee in her hand and feeling very worried for her former First Officer.

"Ah, Lieutenants." She said as three of the Lieutenants she had requested entered her ready room.

Tom Paris who looked rather embarrassed said "My apologies for my attire ma'am I didn't have time to change." He said sleepily stood there in blue slippers, grey shorts and a baggy green t-shirt.

"At ease LT. Pars." Kathryn smiled warmly at him trying very hard not to laugh. "No need to worry Lieutenant this isn't a disciplinary, my apologies for dragging you out of bed. I am in great need of your assistance with something important. Please take a seat. Do you care for a coffee or something else to waken you up?"

Tom relaxed and suddenly felt a bit better. "U'm Coffee ma'am. Thank you." He said sitting on her sofa where she indicated. Kathryn shot a stern glance at Tuvok and Cosgrove as she moved towards the replicator, "I will deal with you two in a minute." She said in a stern voice to the two Lieutenants' who were stood to attention facing her desk.

Moving away from the replicator with two mugs of hot coffee in her hands Kathryn was about to sit down next to where Tom sat when her door chime sounded.

"Come in" she said calmly as she stood to turn to face the doors. It was B'Elanna Torres who came bounding into the room, it was the first time in over a week that Kathryn and B'Elanna had come face to face.

"Sorry I am late captain I was having trouble with the warp core diagnostic." She said quickly looking around the room to see Tuvok and Cosgrove still stood to attention and Tom sat on the sofa in his night wear. B'Elanna tried hard to stifle a laugh at the sight of him.

"All sorted now I trust?" Kathryn asked the engineer in a friendly and compassionate voice as she turned to hand Tom his mug of coffee, she then gestured for B'Elanna to join them. She didn't offer the younger woman a drink as she was actually officially on duty and therefore Kathryn felt she should have been wide awake, that and the fact that she was running out of replicator rations.

"Yes Captain." B'Elanna told her looking at Tom with a very confused expression on her face, Tom wasn't much help as he merely shrugged at her.

Taking in a huge breath to work herself up to tell B'Elanna what had just happened down in the brig, Kathryn said "Mr. Chakotay in the brig has sustained some considerable injuries this morning."

B'Elanna was wide eyed as she screamed at Kathryn "Injuries captain?"

"They would appear to be self sustained injuries" Kathryn said knowing there was no going back now. "And I sincerely hope that is what they are." She said coldly shooting a look at Cosgrove.

"Captain you need to do something!" B'Elanna screamed jumping from her seat.

"I am aware of that Lieutenant." Said Kathryn calmly trying to defuse the half klingon and keep everyone thinking clearly. "Right now I have limited options but I need somebody to go down there and treat him."

"And that's where I come in?" Tom asked following what was being said.

Kathryn looked from the wide brown eyes of her chief engineer to the deep blue eyes of her best pilot and assistant medic. She looked into his eyes for a second and then nodded slowly "As you know the doctor can't leave sickbay and I would rather not have Mr. Chakotay transported to sickbay unless absolutely necessary." She stated.

Ignoring B'Elanna who had started to pace up and down around her ready room Kathryn kept her eyes on Tom "Many of his injures appear to be flesh wounds but I need somebody to go down there and clean him up with a dermal regenerator. I also need you to check him over with a tricorder to ensure none of his bones are broken."

"Broken bones!" B'Elanna exclaimed looking furious at the captain.

Closing her eyes, taking in a deep breath and standing up to face B'Elanna she took the younger woman's arms in her delicate hands to gently hold her still "I know this will be hard for you B'Elanna but I want you to be the one to go with Tom."

"Me? I am not a security officer captain."

"I don't want a security officer to be present." Kathryn said.

It was at that point that Tom shot up to protest to the captain, "But captain, I mean if he's angry and lashing out I'm going to be one of the first he would love to attack. With no security officers there and me on his side of the force field I'm just asking for it." Even Tuvok who was still standing with Cosgrove facing the captain's desk shot round to face the captain raising an eyebrow in silent protest.

"Tom I wouldn't ask you if I didn't _need_ you to do this." Kathryn told him facing him with a steady eye. "If my assumptions are correct he wont do anything like that with B'Elanna present."

"Is he OK captain?" B'Elanna asked concerned for the man she saw as her father.

"I hope so B'Elanna, I really hope so." She said turning back to B'Elanna and compassionately placing her hand on B'Elanna's arm, she continued talking in a calm soft tone knowing she had to pre warn B'Elanna of what she was asking her to see, "B'Elanna he doesn't look very good right now, it's not a pretty sight but I think he will be OK, I need you to do this, not for me but for him. Lt. Tuvok and I will be waiting just outside the door should there be any problems. I would rather not make this and order to the both of you so I am _asking _you to do this."

"I'm in ma'am." Tom said smiling broadly, he and Chakotay might have started on the wrong foot but Tom had now begun to grow very fond and respectful of the older and wiser man. Tom knew what it was like to have messed up and he wanted to help Chakotay. "besides us convicts have to stick together." He joked trying to lighten the mood.

"Thank you Tom." Kathryn said joining him with a smile. Turning to her engineer she asked "B'Elanna? What about you?"

"Do it for Chakotay." Tom urged B'Elanna. Who was clearly deep in thought trying to weigh up the pros and cons of helping.

"Shut up helm boy!" She spat at him. Turning back to the captain B'Elanna slowly and tentatively nodded her agreement to the plan.

"Thank you." Kathryn said smiling as she placed a gentle hand on B'Elanna's arm to offer some comfort for a second before tuning back to Tom "Lt. Paris I suggest you go to your quarters and change into your uniform as quickly as possible." Tom looked started for a second and then looked down at his attire, he had tonally forgotten he was still in his nightwear. Continuing with her orders Kathryn went on "Both of you head to sick bay and get the equipment you need and then head to the brig and meet Lt. Tuvok and myself outside. Do not enter and do nothing until we arrive."

The two hurried out of the ready room into the corridor. Kathryn saw Tom put a comforting arm around B'Elanna before the doors shut concealing them from her view, this gave her a happy smile before she turned angrily to the two Lieutenant's still waiting for her to address them.

"Now I want you two to explain to me how that situation down in the brig was allowed to continue as long as it clearly was." Kathryn shouting angrily at them as she rounded on them.

"Ma'am?" Cosgrove asked in a slightly sarcastic way.

"Mr Chakotay inflicting injury on him self Lt. Cosgrove!" Kathryn shouted feeling very impatient. "When I arrived he had inflicted considerable damage on himself. He is covered in blood and so are the bulkheads of my brig. How do you explain that Lieutenant?"

"He was bashing himself against the bulkheads Ma'am." Cosgrove seemed to purposely be stating what was obvious.

"Thank you for your observation Lieutenant, I could see that for myself. What I am asking is as the Security Officer on duty why did it take you so long to make this observation?"

"Captain?" He asked her clearly pretending to not have understood her.

Getting more and more agitated she said "I want to know why he was allowed to continue doing what he was doing until he got to the state he was in when I arrived."

"I was unsure how to stop him ma'am."

"Unsure how to stop him? Did you try or did you simply stand there and watch him?"

"I called Lt. Tuvok ma'am."

"Right away?" Kathryn asked him she was sure he wasn't telling her the full truth.

"No ma'am"

Exasperated Kathryn came to the conclusion that she had more important things to be doing right then as apposed to dealing with an uncooperative Lieutenant, "Cosgrove I have a very injured man in my brig, I need to be sure he gets the proper medical treatment. It is the early hours of the morning and my shift starts very soon and I have not been to sleep yet. I cannot deal with you right now. I am confining you to quarters until further notice, do not bother reporting for duty until I say so. I am also taking you replicator offline. Now get out of my sight."

Cosgrove nodded at her as he walked towards the door without a word "Oh and lieutenant if I ever hear you call a human being a dog again I will have you in my brig is that understood?" she shouted at his back as he walked towards the door.

**End of Chapter 5… NOW UP!…. Read on to find out more of Kathryn's troubled and painful past and how she deals with it. Can Kathryn and Chakotay help each other?...**

**I also want to thank everyone for the wonderfully encouraging reviews so far! More are ALWAYS welcome! ;-)**


	6. Little Katie Janeway

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 6**

**Little Katie Janeway.**

Captain Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway walked with her new First Officer and long-standing friend towards the turbo lift. The image of Chakotay injured in her brig was still plaguing her mind and she couldn't get his words from her head, **'You killed my family.'**

Rationally she knew she hadn't killed his family but something kept nagging in the back of her mind, an old pain, an old thought and an old self-hatred. There was a blame she still burdened herself with, a blame that she had ignored for too long. A blame that she had never truly managed to shake from her mind.

"Did I kill them Tuvok?" she whispered stopping dead in her tracks thinking about something from long ago.

Tuvok stopped walking with her and looked at his friends face and surely if Vulcan's felt emotions Tuvok would have been feeling great compassion "You know the answer to that captain." Her Vulcan confident replied.

"I can never bring them back Tuvok."

Tuvok who had known the captain for many years was one of the few people in the universe and one of only two on Voyager who would know what the captain was talking about "As we have talked of many times nothing anybody could do can bring them back." He reminded her patiently.

Five minutes later the captain found herself walking though the doors into her well-ordered and tidy quarters on board the Federation Starship Voyager. The small redheaded woman looked around at the empty bulkheads and shelves. She had no décor in the quarters she would be calling home for the next seventy-five years. She just didn't feel that this was home to her, six month's into the journey and she had simply been refusing to see this as home. She stood staring around the room and was feeling very lost and confused. Not even bothering to ask the computer to turn the lights up the woman who hadn't slept all night sank into the sofa and rested her head on the rest behind her.

Thirty minutes later anyone entreating the same quarters would be forgiven for thinking them to belong to somebody else. The whole place was a mess. Ripped clothes lay strewn around the floor. The chairs that normally sat nicely around the dinner table were thrown upside down and four seemingly full mugs of coffee had been thrown as the bulkheads leaving four dark brown splattered stains around the room. An untouched bowl of now cold porridge lay upside down and spilt all over the carpet near the foot of the sofa on which Kathryn Janeway lay fast asleep surrounded by dirty used tissues and was clutching two photo frames tight in both her hands as she slept.

One photo was showing a younger version of herself with her long red hair held loosely around her hips, a happy grin across her cherry red lips and her blue eyes twinkling widely. The younger Kathryn Janeway wore a short black silk dress and black-heeled sandals. She was holding a glass of red wine in her right hand and held her left hand entwined with that of the hansom brown haired man who stood proudly to her left wearing a smart black tuxedo and bow tie. The two young people looked look very happy as they were celebrating something important. The other photo showed and even younger Kathryn Janeway stood proudly in her new Starfleet uniform for the first time during her graduation from the Starfleet academy. This Kathryn Janeway stood wide-eyed and eager feeling ready to take on the galaxy. The blue of her new uniform brought out the eagerness in her own blue eyes. Her long red hair was pinned tightly in a Starfleet regulation yet pretty style. Stood next to her equally as proud with his arm tightly around young Kathryn's shoulder stood a Starfleet Admiral in his dress uniform.

While Kathryn slept soundly in her quarters Tuvok was stood waiting in the corridor outside the brig with Lieutenant Baxter who was the security officer who had been placed on duty to replace Lieutenant Cosgrove. Tom and B'Elanna had just left them outside to go to tend to Chakotay.

As he stood in front of the brig looking around at the blood stained bulkheads and then moving his eyes to the great tribal warrior who was now lying calmly on the bed staring up at the ceiling Tom asked trying to make the mood a happier one "So big guy what's all this about?"

"What are you doing here Tom?" Spat Chakotay not moving to look at him.

"I'm your friendly medic on a home visit." The younger man was ginning widely at him now.

"I don't want your pity."

"What about the captain's, she sent us here." Tom stated coolly.

"Us?" questioned Chakotay sitting up and looking around to see whom the captain had sent to come with Tom.

"Hay old man!" Said B'Elanna angrily as she eyed Chakotay up and down as she came into view from round the side of the bulkhead.

"B'Elanna! What are you doing here?" Chakotay said turning away to face the bed behind him, he didn't want B'Elanna to see him this way.

"Shut up P'Tak we are here to help!" she spat thinking he really had not got the right to question their motives.

"I would do as she say's if I were you, they have got quite a temper on them- Kingons you know." Tom joked.

"Hay! By the looks of things so does he!" said B'Elanna as she lowered the force field allowing Tom access, taking advantage of the fact that Chakotay was calm and had his back turned to them.

"Where is our lord and master now?" Chakotay tried to sound sarcastic and yet nonchalant as Tom probed him with a medical tricorder.

"Worried about you." Said Tom just as nonchalant as he scowled at the readings. Chakotay did feel a slight pang of guilt at Tom's words; the captain was worried for him. Chakotay had so many conflicting emotions that he simply could not decide if he was angry or loving towards his captain.

"Why are you so angry with her?" B'Elanna asked staring at him from across the room.

Chakotay didn't really know why he was angry with the most beautiful woman he had ever met. He supposed he was in need of somebody to blame and she was there, and so very ready to take it from him. He was just so bitter that she had had such a happy and good life. She could never understand him; she could never understand where he had been.

"Do you think the captain will ever see us as anything other than terrorists?" he asked turning to face where B'Elanna stood some distance away as Tom started to run the dermal regenerator over his wounds on his face.

"Terrorists?" the young engineer asked.

"Last week, before all this happened, the day we had the problem with those space dwelling aliens that thought we were their mate I was in her quarters talking with her. She asked me why I am a Maquis."

"And that means she thinks you're a terrorist?" Tom asked butting into the conversation.

"Well she's just so-"

"So?" Tom interrupted him in mid sentence.

"So Starfleet." Chakotay finished.

"Chakotay have you heard yourself? What else was she supposed to do? The war affected everyone, Starfleet, Maquis and civilian alike! Chakotay, a wise leader who I respect once told me that the federation is not the enemy, the Cardassians are and I would do well to remember that. What's changed since you told me that?" B'Elanna shouted at him furious now, he had persuaded her to change her view of Janeway and now he was expressing the very view he told her to change.

"B'Elanna sometimes it just gets me down."

"What does?"

"Starfleet protocol."

"What has Starfleet protocol got to do with the war?" she asked sounding confused and angry.

"It's nothing, it's just something the captain asked me before we started talking about how the Maquis are terrorists." Chakotay said trying to wave it out the way as nothing.

"The captain actually said that?" Tom asked in disbelief as he stopped using the dermal regenerator on the former First Officers wounds half way through his treatment procedure.

"Not in so many words, but she's Starfleet. She started out on this mission to bring us, the terrorists, home for trial."

"She was doing her job." Top pointed out staring at the older man, he could just not believe what he was hearing about the captain and was determined to defend her.

"Her _Starfleet_ job." Chakotay spat back at the younger man.

"Chakotay I wont lie to you, she's annoying, like last week when she wouldn't just fire on those life forms attacking us, even Tuvok advised us to. Sometimes I think she's too emotional, like she's not the warrior type, and her principles get in the way far too much, it's annoying. But I have to say, and you better not repeat this, but I admire her, to Captain Janeway all life is sacred. And she tries to see the best in everyone, like when she made me chief engineer over Carey, she gave me a chance and even when I nearly blew it she gave me another, because she believed in me." Said B'Elanna surprising herself at the forcefulness in her voice as she said those words.

Tom was thinking about things he knew he shouldn't really know about his captain and her past, things he knew only he and one other on Voyager knew about. He knew the other knew because she had known him at the time and that she had confided in him. "She has a heart." he muttered absent mindedly as he picked up the tricorder to scan Chakotay's skull again. "Yes, do you really think she thinks you are a terrorist just because she asked you why you joined the Maquis? Chakotay you're a fool! I know some things about the captain and I truly think she would be the first of the Starfleet lot to stand up for the Maquis cause."

"She's Starfleet through and through."

"Did you ask her why?" Tom asked calmly.

"Why what?" Asked B'Elanna now getting annoyed even with Tom.

"Why she is so committed to Starfleet?" said Tom as though this was an obvious thing to consider. Both B'Elanna and Chakotay were staring at tom now. B'Elanna looked annoyed with her arms folded staring at tom angrily from across the room. Chakotay whose wounds were completely healed with the dermal regenerator was now looking very agitated at the younger man.

Tom knew that he had done what he had been asked to do and that there was no further injury to Chakotay. He and B'Elanna could have left then but Tom decided he needed to defend the captain to Chakotay.

"Her father was a Starfleet admiral." Tom stated as though this answered everything. When both Chakotay and B'Elanna continued to look blankly at him tom asked, "How well do you know your Captain Chakotay?"

"Her Father died." Chakotay said simply, he couldn't see how this was related to anything they were talking about. Only a few days ago Kathryn had told him her farther had died. She had been telling him about the anger and guilt she felt because of that death but he hadn't really been listening. He had been focusing on the fact that her father had died and he really had no idea.

"Died?" B'Elanna asked, she too had no idea her captain's father had died. B'Elanna's own father had left her and her mother when she was very young. She had spent most of her life being angry and bitter with hi for leaving but all the while in the back of her mind she had been telling herself 'at least he hasn't died' B'Elanna had no idea that was a pain the captain had to face.

"Yea was killed."

"Killed? Tom how do you know that?" shouted Chakotay both the ex-Maquis officers were shocked now; neither had imagined the captain to have faced that kind of pain. To them she seemed so innocent and Starfleet protected all her life.

"Know about Edward Janeway? I know some stuff. If the captain knew I was talking about this- I don't really think she realizes I know, or that I knew him."

"You knew the captains farther?" Chakotay asked surprised now, there was more to Tom than he had even realized.

"Of cause! My dad and her dad, Starfleet admirals together. They were best friends. The captain and I were both Starfleet brats. Except I rebelled against anything Starfleet, against authority and structure, but the captain, well she threw herself right into Starfleet. My dad say's it was all she could do, let protocol and rules and regulations govern her, it's the only way she survives. I never had the privilege of meeting 'little Katie Janeway' as my dad always called her. I don't think the captain realizes my dad used to talk about her all the time. 'Why can't you be more like Katie Janeway? Now there's a Starfleet admiral in the making, her fathers daughter.' Oh how I hated Katie Janeway when I was growing up, I imaged some Starfleet, ugly brat who was no fun at all. When I did meet her for the first time back in the New Zealand penal colony she was my ticket out of there, if I did what she said for three weeks while living it up on her brand new starship, I was free, that was better than the manual labor they had us doing down there, hoping to pass my next review with the parole board. You could say I chose the easy option." Said Tom shrugging as though no of that really matter now.

"So you first met her in the penal colony?" Chakotay asked, he really knew no of this, of cause he had known Tom had been a convict in prison but he had no idea he and the captain had a long-standing connection or that their families knew each other. He was beginning to see no he really knew very little of his captain.

"Yea she showed up one day, announced who she was. As soon as I realized who she was I wasn't interested in what she had to say. She even told me she knows my farther, like that was supposed to mean something to me." said Tom airily and no committal as he packed up is medicine equipment.

"But you came on Voyager with her." Chakotay pointed out.

"Like I said, easy option." Said Tom almost as though he were ashamed of it.

"Do you still think of her like that?" It was B'Elanna who asked now.

"No I admire her, I would defend her to the ends of the universe and back. Like last month, when your shuttle went missing and you were captured by the Kazon." Tom said as he addressed Chakotay who nodded for him to continue. "B'Elanna and some of the others said she didn't care. I knew she cared far more than she could bear to show and I respected her in that. I saw in her then what my dad used to say about her, 'little Katie Janeway was never the same again after the shuttle was destroyed.'"

"What shuttle was destroyed?" Chakotay asked knowing he wasn't talking of the shuttle he had managed to destroy last month.

"The shuttle she was in, years ago when she was serving on the Al-Batani with my dad. It was attacked! Taken down. A merciless and revengeful attack, unprovoked, sudden, taken by surprise, they didn't stand a chance! The shuttle went down and crashed on a near by planet in pieces. Even my dad was changed by it. I remember when he told my mum about it, I overheard them talking. I was angry with him, all he wanted to do was go to Starfleet medical and sit at the side of Ensign Katie Janeway! I all I could see was that she was just an ensign that served on his ship; he didn't need to go and visit her like that, like she was his daughter. I just didn't see it then. He had lost his best friend, Admiral Edward Janeway and another of his crew Lieutenant Justin Tighe. The young Ensign Katie Janeway had been severely injured in the attack. I didn't understand back then, but now I understand, my dad felt guilty, ordering Justin and Katie into that. That's why the captain takes all the risks herself; she can't bear to order somebody into a dangerous situation. Survivors guilt my dad say's. So last month when your shuttle went missing, I knew she blamed herself for allowing you to go alone to do your tribal ritual or whatever it was."

"I had not idea." Chakotay said standing frozen in disbelief.

"My dad say's if you ask her about it she will tell you that there's always risk and loss when serving on starships. He used to go to visit her in Starfleet medical everyday while she was there. He told my mum once that she never said a word or looked at anybody or responded to anything, she just lies there for months. That was until they released her to her mothers home, they could no longer find anything medically wrong with her. My dad was really worried about her back then. She had tried desperately to save Admiral Edward Janeway and Lieutenant Justin Tighe. Who both died painfully and slowly in the young Ensign's arms, all she could do was watch. It was hours before she was rescued. My dad said she was in such a state when they found her, lost far too much blood. They had to prize Justin's cold limp body from her hands. I remember everyone thought Katie Janeway would leave Starfleet after that and join the Maquis after that."

"Join the Maquis, captain Janeway?"

"I think she came close. The revengeful side of her wanted to join the Maquis. My dad was sure of it. 'Such a waste' he said, but I don't think my dad or anyone else in the federation could of blamed Kathryn Janeway if she was to join the Maquis, not after what she suffered at the hands of the Cardassians."

"The Cardassians?" Shouted B'Elanna.

"Well who do you think attacked the shuttle? The Vulcan's?" Said Tom sarcastically.

"Cardassians killed her father?" whispered Chakotay sinking down to sit on the bed behind him.

"Yes, and Justin Tighe. There was nothing she could do, just watch in pain as they died." Said Tom sorrowfully feeling the captain's pain as he talked.

"She watched them die?"

"There was nothing else she could do."

"Who was Justin Tighe?" asked B'Elanna quietly as she began to feel great respect for her captain.

"A Lieutenant who served with my dad and the captain on the Al-Batani"

"Was he friends with the captain?" asked Chakotay quietly, he wasn't sure he really wanted to know the answer.

"I think you should ask the captain about that." Said Tom realizing he might have said too much already.

"But you said they had to prize his body from her hands, why was she not holding on to her farther who she admired and loved." Asked B'elanna not really following what Tom was trying to imply.

"Talk to the captain about Justin." Tom said sternly directing his words at Chakotay rather than B'Elanna.

"Your dad told you she wanted to join the Maquis? Was that because they killed her farther and this Justin?" asked chakotay looking wide-eyed at Tom and feeling very sick with himself.

"Among other things, the cardassians took so much from Katie Janeway." Said Tom as he nodded to B'Elanna to let him out the force field. Chakotay who was sat on the bed deep in thought didn't even make any effort to move let alone escape. Tom gestured to B'Elanna to leave but she wouldn't move she merely stared at Tom who was hoping he didn't have to say any more. When B'Elanna still wouldn't move and Chakotay looked like he was about to start going mad again Tom carried on;

"Everyone thought she would after the shuttle went down. But she didn't. I think my dad thought that she might have joined the Maquis the year before after she was rescued but she didn't then. She never talked of those six months, of cause Starfleet gave her the best counselors they could but my dad says all she would say is 'it was war'" Chakotay's head shot up to look at Tom, those were the exact words she had used when talking about how his sister was raped by Cardassians. Tom ignored him and continued, he was feeling slightly guilty he had said too much and he really wanted to get out of there before Tuvok asked what was taking so long. "No one knows for sure what she went through but everyone knows what the cardassians do to women and she was held there for six months. So after the cardassians killed her farther and Justin everyone thought it would push her over the edge to join the Maquis."

"She was held where for six months?" Asked B'Elanna feeling annoyed she didn't understand.

"She was captured by the Cardassians and held in a cardassian prison for six months."

"Captain Kathryn Janeway was captured by Cardassians and held in a Cardassian prison for six months?" Said Chakotay shocked.

"Yes, and then a year later the Cardassians attacked and shot down the shuttle Her farther, she and Justin were in, She watched as her farther and Justin died in her arms. Captain Janeway is the only Starfleet captain I know who personally sees the Maquis as heroes. She nearly joined them, that's what everyone say's. Nobody really knows why she didn't but I think it has something to do with why she is so hot on Starfleet rules and regulations."

When Chakotay just stared at him in shock looking like they wanted to know more Tom deiced it was time to leave.

"Look, I am not sure the captain would want to know that I know all this! And I promise I respect her enough to be discreet about it, please don't drop me in it with her!" Said Tom looking from Chakotay to B'Elanna.

"I won't, thanks Tom!" Said Chakotay lowering his face into his hands where he sat.

Tom Looked at the pain in his face for a second and then turned at left him alone with a very stunned B'Elanna following close behind.

**End of Chapter 6….. Chapter 7 NOW UP... Read on to find out more...**

**Reviews are VERY welcome, please. It helps me know what you think.**


	7. The mark of your people

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 7**

**The mark of your people.**

Kathryn Janeway quietly walked into the holodeck on her ship one mid morning. After silently signalling to the security officer who was stood guarding the doors to wait in the corridor Kathryn turned to look around the room as the doors closed and disappeared behind her. She found herself in a dim lit basement type room that felt very old fashioned and Smokey. There were six low hanging electric bulb lamps hanging from the ceiling above a boxing ring where Chakotay was forcibly punching the living daylights out of a holographic Cardassian man who was failing extremely badly to defend himself against the Tribal Warrior.

Kathryn watched unseen from the shadows as the Cardassian finally hit the floor with a great thud.

Kathryn felt she could watch this handsome man spar this way all day. She went to move silently to a wooden chair a few yards away from where she stood so that she could sit comfortably and watch. As she moved in the dark she accidentally stubbed her toe on something heavy causing a great noise to ring out through the silent room. Grumbling Kathryn had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from crying out in pain.

"Whose there?" Snapped Chakotay trying to scan the darkened room. "Lieutenant Baxter?"

Kathryn, realising she had been found out decided it was best to make herself seen. "Lieutenant Baxter has been momentarily assigned to waiting for me outside." She said as she moved into the light to face Chakotay with a smile on her face.

"Captain!" he exclaimed clearly having not expected to see her. He hadn't seen her in nearly two weeks, since the incident where she had been summoned in the middle of the night to deal with him causing injury to himself by trying to box with the bulkheads in the brig.

Smiling at him even more Kathryn explained "I just thought I would visit and see how my favourite prisoner is doing but by the looks of things he is doing just fine which is more than can be said for that poor Cardassian." She said climbing up on to the boxing stage and under to ring ropes to join him as she glanced down at the seemingly unconscious holographic Cardassian man Chakotay had just beaten up. The sight of the Cardassian's facial features made Kathryn want to vomit.

"I'm sorry captain I didn't see you come in." said Chakotay quietly watching her face contort with a mixture of pain and fear as she looked at the Cardassian hologram. Chakotay felt great compassion for her as he watched her do this so he ordered to computer to delete the character.

For a second she painfully and absentmindedly stared at the place where the Cardassian had lain before she jumped and looked at Chakotay as though jumping from a trance. "That's quite all-right Mr. Chakotay I hope you don't mind my intrusion?" she asked him calmly.

"Not at all captain."

"Well it is certainly good to see you looking a lot better than the last time we met." She said smiling once more as she looked Chakotay up and down. He had clearly been working in the ring for some time. He was fairly sweaty and looked slightly exhausted. He had a small gash on the left side of his face where a bruise was beginning to form clearly a Cardassian had got the better of him at some point and Kathryn could deduce by this he had been fighting with the safeties off. Something she would ask him about at a later date.

She stood just before him as he began to speak "Captain I am so sorry for-" but she stopped him by placing her small forefinger on his lips. Her gentle touch caused a shiver to run through him as his deep jet black eyes met lovingly with her blazing blue eyes. She tilted her head up to meet the eyes of the tall man she was now stood before. She saw love in his eyes not hate and she felt only love for him. This confused her as the last time they had come face to face he had told her he hated her, and threatened her telling her to watch her back because he would have her. He said this to her only just over a week after threatening to rape her. He accused her of killing his family, a crime they both knew there was no way she could have been responsible for and now he stood before her with nothing but love in his eyes as he looked at her.

"Chakotay please. I feel like I am having Deja Vu. I told you the last time you apologised that it's not that easy." She told him as she lowered her hand from his face, she gently brushed the buries on his face with the tips of her fingers as she did so. Chakotay had once before apologised to her for his actions and then the very next time he saw her had lashed out at her again. "Though I do think my Bulkhead's suffered quite a beating." She said jokingly as she smiled broadly at him.

"I'm am sorry about your bulkheads"

"Well you can apologize to my bulkheads another day Chakotay." He said stepping back from him smiling as she leaned on the post behind her arms folded.

"Tuvok made me clean them."

"Ah yes, well you see you mess up my property you clean my property." She said waving her forefinger in his face to make a mockery of telling him off and then in a more serious voice she said "Though the report our Vulcan friend gave me say's you did a fine job so I must congratulate you." When Chakotay said nothing she looked at her feet for a second and shifted them awkwardly. "My apologies for not coming down there and inspecting them myself, I have had a leave of absence this last two weeks." She told him lifting her head to look at him awkwardly.

Smiling he told her "I was starting to think I had frightened you off." but underneath his smile he felt worry for her.

"You could never frighten me off Chakotay. I know who you _really_ are inside. Like I told you before we can work through this, together." Chakotay was very stunned at the gentle compassion and honesty in her words.

Kathryn moved forward towards Chakotay from the post where she had been propping herself up. She took his left hand in her tiny hands and slowly started to undo the boxing glove. She slid it from him gently knowing his hand would be sore after all the boxing. Taking the other hand she started to gently do the same with that one.

"You don't have to do that." Was all Chakotay could say but did not pull his hand away from her lovingly gentle touch.

Kathryn didn't look up or stop as she ever so delicately started to unravel the white hand wraps he wore to offer some extra protection to his now sore knuckles, "What help you to work through it with you or take off you gloves for you?" she asked.

"Both."

"Yes Chakotay I do" she told him as she softly stroked his knuckles with her fingertips "because I want to, do both that is." She then picked up a towel and started to dab the sweat from his arms, still not making eye contact as she did so. She kept her eyes fixed on where she was dabbing him with the towel.

Chakotay stood and allowed her to continue with the passionate act of love she was showing him. He watched her intently as she worked lovingly to tend to him in a way she did not have to but chose to. "Captain thank you for allowing me to come here and run this program each day." Still she did not look at his eyes as she reached up to dab the sweat from his neck.

"B'Elanna told me boxing helps you. And after what I saw you do to my bulkheads I thought I better get you a hologram to beat up. Though mind you I gave you the choice of choosing it's visual parameters. Why a Cardassian?" she asked him looking up at him to meet his eyes with her hand resting on his chest.

"Isn't that obvious?"

"Try me." she said stepping back from him.

"It's all the Cardassians fault."

"What is?" she said slowly tilting her head. The love and tension in the room was sensual at that moment.

"They killed my family and slaughtered my tribe, they rapped my sister."

"I thought it was Starfleet's fault, my fault." She was not accusing or angry when she said that to him she just simply stated what he had told her he believed.

"You could never do something like that." He whispered.

The two stood inches from each other staring at each other in the dimly lit and heated room. Neither said a word for what felt to both like an eternity. It was Kathryn who broke the silence with a distant look on her face.

"Sometimes I wish I could do that to a Cardassian or two." She told him nodding to were the hologram of the Cardassian had been lying after Chakotay had beaten him up.

"Maybe you should join me one day and we could beat up a few Cardassian's together." He told her, he was not being sarcastic, he was being real and she knew it.

"Maybe. Or maybe you could join a lonely captain in her quarters for dinner this evening?" she said turning from him and walking to the other side of the boxing ring.

"Captain?"

"I'm inviting you to dinner Chakotay but if you have other engagements in my bring this evening then that's just fine with me." she said over her shoulder.

"Only staring at my captains beautifully clean bulkheads and feeling sorry for what I said and did to her." He said trying to make light of something so serious.

"Did she not make you walk the plank then?" It was Kathryn's turn to joke now.

"Not yet."

"Ah that's her last form of punishment." Kathryn said smiling as she pointed up to the ceiling knowingly. "She'll make you eat her poor cooking first." She told him with a serious warning about the health risks of her cooking.

"I'm sure her cooking is as delightful as she is, I'm willing to give it a try." He said warmly.

"flattery Mr. Chakotay? I like that, you earn yourself some points" she joked winking at him. "19:00 hours." Then she stopped and thought for a moment, talking seriously and turning her back to him once more she told him "I'll have to have you transported Chakotay, I'm sure you'll understand."

"Of course captain." He said without argument.

"Good, now come here you." She said smiling as she turned back to face him a twinkle in her eye.

"Captain?"

"Come here" she repeated sternly.

Chakotay walked slowly towards where the captain stood on the other side of the boxing ring as he got within arm length to her she grabbed him by the hand and pulled him closer to her.

For a second he thought she was about to kiss him, "Captain what are yo-"

"Shhh." She whispered in his ear as she stood on her tiptoes to run a dermal regenerator delicately over the bruise on his face. Chakotay could tell her action was full of love and compassion. She again did not make eye contact as she worked before him in all her beauty.

"But captain you don't have to do that." He said again.

"I want to. I would have been the one to do it two weeks ago when you decided to attack my bulkheads but I think my presence was making things worse and I fell asleep truth be told."

"Thank you captain." He said as she finished her work and stood back to admire his smiling face, 'those dimples are just beautiful' she thought.

Leaning in and reaching up she used the tips of her fingers to trace the deep black lines of the dark tattoo above his left eye "I would like to know about this." She told him.

"What would you like to know?"

"It's just so intriguing. What does it mean? Where does the design come from? Why do you have it?"

"So many questions with so many answers."

"Did it hurt?" she decided was the question she would settle for asking.

"Yes captain it hurt." He told her smiling and then quickly added "But only a little."

Rolling her eyes she said "of course." Smiling to herself. "Great Warriors don't get too hurt by something as small as a tattoo."

"I like it." She announced stepping back to admire it fully on his face.

"Thank you." He replied watching her intently. He realised it suddenly mattered to him what she taught of his tattoo.

Tiling her head and still staring at it happily she asked "Do all the man in your tribe have it?"

"Most, yes. The men take the mark of our people when they become of age."

"And the woman?" she asked drawing her eyes from his tattoo and making eye contact with him.

"A woman takes the mark when she commits herself to a man." He told her simply.

"At marriage?" she asked trying to clarify his meaning.

"No when she commits herself to spend the rest of her life by his side or to one day marry him."

"So the engaged and married women of your tribe have tattoo's like that on their face too?" She asked really trying to imagine women with large facial tattoos, somehow the idea didn't feel quite as attractive as it did on men.

He looked at her confused expression for a second before he smiled at her and then began to chuckle at the idea of it. "No captain. Their faces are too beautiful for a warriors mark. Their bodies to delicate and special to endure the pain of getting a tattoo."

"Are you saying woman aren't strong warriors?" she said placing her hands on her hips and issuing him with her best 'Janeway death glare' which she knew had no effect on him but was fun to do anyway.

"Woman are very strong and very proud warriors, we cherish and respect our woman for bringing out children into the world for us." He said thinking proudly of the woman of his tribe.

At his words he saw the colour from the captains face drain, her expression became suddenly contracted as she scrunched up her face to avoid the tears that suddenly threatened to fall. Chakotay didn't miss this even though Kathryn had hoped he would.

"What if a woman can't bare a child, does she have purpose in your tribe?" Kathryn asked brokenly.

"Our woman are loved and cherished no matter their health, no matter if she can birth a child or not."

The colour started to return to her face and she relaxed a little. "If they don't have tattoo's like this then what? How do they take the mark?" she asked intrigued.

"The man makes her a trinket, a necklace or some other jewellery or something special for her to wear or carry with her each day with the mark of my people engraved on it. Much as the men in your culture give the woman a ring to wear for the rest of her life to show her commitment to him." Chakotay told her taking her left hand in his and running his thumb over a small silver diamond ring he had seen there for the first time ever. Kathryn looked down at it and nearly cried when she saw Chakotay's copper fingers touching her old engagement ring.

"Sometimes circumstances out of their control separate them forever." Kathryn whispered thinking of a great pain from long ago.

"We will find a way home captain." Chakotay said with conviction him his voice.

"Home?" Kathryn asked confused by his meaning.

"You said so yourself, you intend to find a way home before Mark gives you up for dead." It was clear chakotay had really misunderstood what he had seen there.

Snapping from the thought Kathryn had been having she asked "Mark?" almost as though she didn't know who he was as she was momentarily confused. "Oh yes Mark." She said absentmindedly as she caught on to what Chakotay was saying.

"Captain?"

"Well I must be going, I'll send Baxter back in here and have you transported back to my nice clean bring. I'll have you transported to my quarters at 19:00 hours for a hopefully tolerable meal." She told him as she called of the exit and hurried from the room and not waiting for a reply as tears began to stream from her cheeks.

**End of chapter 7…. Chapter 8 NOW UP!**

**Reviews welcome PEALSE! Thank you in advance. Hope you are loving it so far? Would love to hear your comments.**


	8. Tell me about the wolf

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 8**

**Tell me about the wolf.**

Kathryn stood in a long blue sleeveless dress that was made out of a fine velvet material. She was just finishing lighting the two candles that she had placed on her nicely set out dinner table when she heard the familiar beam of the transporter behind her.

Turning round to welcome her guest Kathryn cheerily exclaimed "Chakotay! Welcome!"

"Captain, this looks lovely." Said Chakotay as he had materialized and was looking at the splendour of the table set for two to dine. The lights were dimmed and the candles cast a beautiful flickering light on the table. Smoothing classical music played in their ears. 'This is like heaven' Chakotay thought. Turning to Kathryn his breath was taken away, "you look lovely." He whispered. He had never seen her out of her uniform. Nor had he seen her with her long hair down and held loose the way it was that evening.

"Why thank you kind sir. You scrub up nice yourself." She joked smiling joyfully and trying to divert the attention from her.

"You really do look lovely. You have gone to so much effort it's beautiful, I don't deserve this."

"Everybody deserves a bit of kindness Chakotay"

Kathryn turned to try to uncork a bottle of red wine. She appeared to be having difficulty,

"Here let me help you." Said Chakotay moving towards the beautiful woman to help her.

"No that's ok, I've got it." She told him as he finally pulled the cork from the bottle and poured him a glass of rich red wine. Make yourself at home it wont be long now." She told him waving to the couch as she moved towards the replicator.

Chakotay watcher her as she pulled a rather confused and concentrated face as she looked down at the replicator clearly trying to understand what she needed to key into it. Deciding that his captain had clearly gone to so much trouble for the evening he knew to interfere would be an insult to her so he left her to it and turned towards the sofa where she had told him to sit. After all he was in fact still her prisoner although it was only then he noticed there was not a security officer in sight. It was only then that it dawned on him that she had ordered away her security officers very time she had been to see him since she had ordered him to the brig. He looked back at her and smiled as she was busy in the kitchen like a radiant beauty.

It was only then that Chakotay realised that there was something very different about her quarters from the last time he had been there only a few weeks before. It was then he realised that all the bulkheads were now decorated with the most beautiful paintings.

"Captain these are beautiful." He told her as he moved to look deeply at one painting to the next.

"What are?" asked Kathryn still with her back to him busying herself by prodding her replicator with a paintbrush.

"These paintings."

"Oh those" said Kathryn as she turned to face him her cheeks a slight shade of pink, "I tried to lighten it up in here a little."

He stopped in front of one on the floor standing up against the bulkhead "I love this one." He told her as he bent down to admire it closely.

Kathryn watched him for a second, as she watched the intense look on his face she mistook his look of adoration and awe for confusion and slight disgust.

"It's a wolf." She told him thinking he could not see what it was a picture of; she thought all of the paintings now covering the walls were poor and hard to see what they are of.

"She's beautiful." Said Chakotay and he ran the tips of his fingers over the work.

"She?" Kathryn asked slightly amused.

"She looks like a she."

Kathryn looked at the expression on his face and then back at the painting of the fierce wolf running through the night, "The Wolf is my favourite animal."

"Really? Why is that?" he asked almost shocked at her.

"I saw many growing up in Indiana. I have always thought they are beautiful and swift animals." She told him staring at the painting and almost loosing herself in a memory much as she had done many times this last few weeks.

"Wolves are sacred to my people. They are well respected and loved animals." He told her realising he was standing alone next to the most beautiful women in the universe to him. A woman whose story he knew very little of but what he did know of this woman caused him to love and admire her more than he ever thought he would any woman. He could feel his heart beating faster as they stood together admiring the painting.

"I would love to hear so much of your culture. I would love to hear about your traditions and celebrations." She told him turning to face him. In the dim lighting and warmth of the closeness her beauty seemed to radiate with each passing second he realised he wanted to care for her and never let her go, she needed him and her needs would come first, he promised himself that at that very second.

"I would love to hear of the childhood of a farm girl in Indiana." He told her.

"Tell me about wolves Chakotay." She said simply as she looked back at the painting.

For a second Chakotay was taken aback and then he stared at her. It shocked him that she was being so genuine and serious about wanting to know about his culture. Nobody had wanted to know such things before. He smiled down at her as she looked away from him and was absentmindedly looking at the beautiful paining of the wolf. She was to him what he wanted to live for.

Turning back to the paining himself Chakotay told her "For my people the wolf is revered for its great hunting prowess. One of the most misunderstood of all animals is the wolf. For years, the wolf has been seen as an aggressor, when in reality they are very loving and social creatures. The woman wolf is seen as a spiritual being and believed to watch over our people while they sleep or as they journey to the spirit world. They protect us and care for us and show us the way to live. Many of my people have artist depictions of wolves hanging above their sleeping slumbers much as they do with the dream catcher. This is to remind them they are safe as they lay their head down." He leaned in closer to the painting and once more he stroked the work with his fingertips. "This is a good likeness of a wolf, the brush strokes show the elegance in her fur beautifully."

Kathryn simply replied "Thank you." With no explanation to her words as she turned from the wolf painting back to her kitchen area to get the dinner. Chakotay mistakenly thought she had thanked him for telling her about the wolf from the eyes of his people. He watched her fiddle with her replicator for a second and then asked her;

"How much replicator rations did you used on all these paintings and drawings? It must have been nearly six weeks worth." He said waving around the room where nearly thirty paintings and drawings lay scattered.

"Not really." She shrugged and then understanding his meaning she smiled and told him "you see paint's, brush's and canvas takes up far less power than a single painting. It wasn't even a weeks worth."

"Paint's and brush's?" he asked her with confusion and then before she had even had chance to reply it dawned on him what she meant "Captain are these your work?" he turned his head back to the beautiful running wolf.

"I have had a few weeks off mainly to work through some things that have been troubling me. One of which is that I was refusing to see this as home so wouldn't decorate and I never had any time too anyway so I used that time to paint, it helps to clear my mind."

"Captain they are amazing, the craftsmanship is astounding, I had no idea you were an artist."

Kathryn turned to face him as she laid a dish of food down on the table and told him forcibly "No Chakotay I am not an artist, my sister Phoebe she is the artist. She makes a fine living that way. She gets it from my mother's side. I merely attempt to paint. I took after my father in the carer path."

"And joined Starfleet?"

"Yes." She said turning back to replicator to get another dish of food.

"Would you wish it to be different?" he asked her.

Looking back at him as she carried the dish towards the table she said, "Do I ever wish I wasn't in Starfleet? I have done. I have hated Starfleet much the same as you do, don't get me wrong Chakotay I put my trust in Starfleet, mainly because I had to trust something."

"Starfleet and the federation are full of good people, they were never my enemy." He told her, once again feeling ashamed of what he had said to this beautiful, talented and forgiving women over the last few weeks.

"Would you wish it to be different Chakotay?" she asked as she keyed more codes into her replicator.

"Would I wish Starfleet to be my enemy?" He asked confused by what she was asking.

"No, I mean would you wish you hadn't left Starfleet?"

"I did what I thought was right." He told her with conviction in his voice.

She looked him in the eye as she told him "I don't blame you for that. It was war, who is to say what was right or wrong, each person had to follow their own path."

"And that's why you never joined the Maquis?" he asked knowing what she had meant by her words.

"Why would I have joined the Maquis?" she asked shocked by his question. She couldn't understand what would make him think she would have left Starfleet and join the Maquis.

"To fight against the evil of Cardassia," he told her as though this was obvious.

"And what does a daughter of a Starfleet admiral know of evil?" she harshly spat at him. It was her turn to feel annoyed, using his own words against him.

"A lot more than I was aware." He whispered as he looked around the room at the pictures that now hung on the bulkheads.

"Chakotay?" she asked the unspoken question unsure what his meaning was.

Chokatay took in a deep breath and looked at his captain "Captain I have a question I have wanted to ask you for two weeks now, I didn't see you for two weeks and this morning didn't feel the right time. Captain I need your word, I need your promise that you will answer me as honestly as you can."

"I would never lie to you Chakotay." She told his slowly shaking her head at him.

"Your word captain?"

"I give you my word." She said with conviction.

With a deep breath Chakotay asked his captain "who was Justin Tighe?" and then watched as her face turned a sickly pale color. Whatever she thought Chakotay was going to ask her it certainly wasn't that. Nor did she know how he could have known of Justin. She suddenly felt faint as she stumbled towards the counter to catch her balance on it. Closing her eyes and trying to catch herself on she hoped Chakotay wouldn't have noticed her sudden weakness but of course he had.

Hurriedly she said "Justin Tighe? I don't know anybody by that name." while she stirred the food on the table, "Dinner is ready Chakotay please take a seat."

He didn't move he just watched her.

"Chakotay?"

"Captain you gave me you word."

"Chakotay please dinner will get cold." She told him still refusing to look at him.

"Captain who was Justin Tighe?" he repeated using a tone of voice just as forceful as hers.

"Stop this Chakotay!" She shouted. I don't know where you heard that name but let me make one thing very clear to you, it's over and it's finished. It ended a long time ago." She snapped as the tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

"What is over captain?" Chakotay pressed on.

"It died Chakotay! It died along with him." She spat gulping back flowing tears.

"What did?" he asked trying to sound compassionate.

Kathryn who was now sat at the table couldn't bare it anymore, she couldn't hold the tears in and she let them flow. She sat at the table and broke down with tears that had needed to fall for such a long time. Chakotay watched her feeling his heart was being torn out with each drop.

"Captain?" he whispered as he fell to his knees before her and took her tiny pale hand in his large copper one.

"You tell me I know nothing of evil." She trebled as her voice was cracking "You were wrong, I know evil, I lost everything the three of them died and I was left to live a half life. You say you can never find peace, nor can I Chakotay." She told him "nor can I." she repeated so he could barely hear her as her head hung low.

"The three of them captain? Who else died that day?" he questioned.

"Nobody, I am a scientist therefore she was nobody, right?" Kathryn snapped at him pulling her hand away from him as she stood in anger.

"Captain? Are you saying you feel as though part of you died that day?" Chakotay asked standing to meet her blazing blue eyes with his jet back loving eyes.

"Of cause she was part of me!" cried Kathryn.

"It can happen that way, it's called survivors guilt." Chakotay told her.

"What?" shouted Kathryn who really had no idea what he was talking about.

"You can't bare to live with the loss you felt that day so you feel as though you too died that day, maybe the part of you who was free from guilt and felt at peace and happy was lost forever that day." He told her trying to help her understand what he thought she was feeling.

"How dare you talk of what you do not know, get your facts right before you start trying to be my therapist and failing badly!" she shouted at him backing away from him, her anger and pain was boiling now.

"I have been there remember captain, I shared with you the loss of my family, my people."

Feeling like she wanted to scream and shout at him, she needed him now but couldn't understand how he could be so stupid. "As I told you when you shared that with me I am so sorry for your loss but as you were so quick to tell me then I know nothing of evil, pain and loss and now you tell me I have survivors guilt."

"I didn't mean to offend you captain." He said calmly, confused about what had gone wrong, he was trying to support her.

"No you never do mean to do you? I think you should go." She snapped at him pointing at the door.

"No guards?" he asked her slightly sarcastically out of his confusion.

"Do you see any? She snapped back waving her arms around the room.

"No transporter back to the brig?"

"I am officially releasing you to your quarters, but you are not to leave there unless to use the holodeck boxing program. Now go." She hissed pointing at the door.

"Captain, it's such a waist." He said gesturing towards the beautifully laid out table and all the effort she had put in to making the evening a special one.

That was when she cracked and lost her temper at him, "Chakotay you're giving me a headache! What is a waist is these last few weeks. I asked why you join the Maquis because I care about you and want to get to know you. That leads you to accuse me of thinking of you as a terrorist. You then go on to tell me I couldn't not possibly know anything of evil. You then refuse to talk to me and childishly spit protocol at me. You then resigned your commission blaming Starfleet for what you your people went through. You then, and I still haven't got a clue why, threaten to rape me. I have you locked up for my protection and the protection of any woman on this ship as well as your own safety. But I care too much about you so I go to see how you are and make a decision to stand by your side to get through this. You then apologize and tell me how you don't want it to be the way of hatred anymore. I am then called in the middle of the night to face you harming yourself where you waist no time in telling me you hate me, and that I need to watch my back because you will have me one day. You then proceeded to tell me I personally murdered your family!" she shouted in full anger at him, she couldn't take it any more.

"Captain I-"

"And there you go again Chakotay, you tried to apologize this morning in the holodeck. This is not easy and I will stand by you but not like this." She shouted over him.

"You gave me your word you would be honest and you haven't been." He calmly reminded her.

"Pardon?" she hissed at him through gritted teeth.

"You have yet to tell me who Justin was." He reminded her.

With no energy left to fight Kathryn told him "A young Irish lieutenant who died in the same shuttle accident which killed my father."

"Who was he to you?" Chakotay pushed on putting emphasis on the word 'you' as he held her wrist holding her close to him and using his other hand to turn her tear streamed face towards him.

"It doesn't matter, he is long gone." She said shaking her head as more tears fell from her deep blue eyes.

"He must have been somebody special to you."

"He was my champion, my protector. He was my world." She whispered.

"And now he's dead." Said Chakotay calmly letting her go as he watched her walk towards the coffee table at the side of the sofa where he saw her absentmindedly looking at a photo frame. There he saw a younger Kathryn in a black dress smiling happily holding a glass of wine as she held the hand of a man in a black tuxedo. The two looked very happy together.

"Life is a fickle thing Chakotay, you know that." She told him not turning her face from the photo.

"Did you love him?" Chakotay asked her looking at the photo.

Kathryn spun round to stare at Chakotay feeling very offended. "Excuse me?"

"Did you love him?" Chakotay repeated.

"What has that go to do with anything?"

"I was just wondering if he was more than a friend to you?"

"Of course I loved him Chakotay!" she shouted her anger resurfacing.

"How many men have you had before now captain?" Chakotay asked her merely interested and not meaning to offend.

"What? Who do you think I am?" She asked making eye contact with him. "I get it" she said nodding angrily at him, "your just the same as everybody else, Katie Janeway has been engaged twice and never got married! She must be a player! Is that it? Is that what you think of me?" she asked feeling very hurt.

"Engaged twice?" Chakotay asked her as it suddenly dawned on him what she meant.

Calming down Kathryn told him nodding at the photograph they were both now looking at, "that was taken minutes after he asked me to marry him." As tears began to fall even more she shakily told him as she raised her left hand in front of her. "Minutes after he gave me this."

Chakotay saw the same small engagement ring he had seen her wearing that morning in the holodeck but it all made sense to him now, he had mistakenly thought the ring was marks engagement ring but mark was the second fiancé and she had now practically lost him, her first fiancé had been killed by the Cardassians. He understood than that this beautiful woman warrior stood hopelessly broken before him was much stronger and braver than he ever knew. "Captain I'm so sorry," he said stepping up close to the crying woman and embraced her in a tight hug that to his delight she returned.

Still held in his tight embrace she told him "It finished long ago, he died long ago, now please let's eat before it goes cold and tastes even worse that it already does."

"So I can say?" He smiled as he kissed the top of her red head, hoping he had not gone too far and was happy when she did not pull away.

"Unless you would prefer to go?" she asked looking up at him with tearful wide eyes. Chakotay smiled down at the tearful beauty held in his arms. Never had he dared to even dream of holding her this way and all hope had shattered with his anger these last few weeks.

"No of coarse not. I want to stand by your side and support you." He told her using her own words.

"You don't have to." She said pulling away and using his words as she sat down wiping her tears away and smiling.

"What support you or stay for dinner?" He jokingly asked mimicking their earlier conversation in the holodeck when it was her promising to support him.

"Both" she replied coping his words from earlier.

"I do, because I want too."

"I should be the one supporting you, you're the troubled one. The one in pain and consumed by anger." she told him as he sat down to join her at the beautifully lit dinner table.

"You have helped me more than you know. Somehow I feel a little less angry now." He told her as he took a bite of her lovely dinner.

"I haven't poisoned it but I am not known for my delightful cooking." She told him cautiously as she poked her own food with a folk.

"It's a replicated." He said simply as he thought you couldn't go wrong with replicated food.

"You would be surprised Chakotay." She told him as she frowned at it.

Taking a bite and finding it delicious he asked her "Captain May I ask, why are you being so loving towards me after all I said to you?"

She looked up at him with love in her eyes as she told him "I believe in you Chakotay and I am trying to be extra nice so you would agree to sit at my side on the bridge as my first officer again." She joked.

"Your offering me my commission back?" He asked her seriously.

"I'm a lonely captain begging for you to return to my side." She said standing up next to him and cupping his face in her hands.

"Captain I-"

She place her finger on his lips and told him "Please don't answer now. Please think seriously about it. Will you promise me that?"

"Yes, that I can do." he said smiling flashing his dimples at her.

"Good." She said standing up and picking up the bottle of wine "More Wine?"

"Yes thank you." He said picking up his glass so she could pour.

**End of Chapter 8…. Chapter 9 NOW UP… Read on to find out what happened in the rest of their meal.**

**PLEASE, review and let me know what you think, Thank you!**


	9. I always win

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 9**

**I always win.**

Nearly two more weeks had passed since Kathryn and Chakotay had shared a meal together in her quarters. The rest of their meal had gone beautifully and the two had stayed up until the early hours of that morning sharing stories of their childhood. Kathryn learnt more of Chakotay's people and their proudly spiritual beliefs and Chakotay learnt of the life of a farm girl growing up in Bloomington Indiana.

Now the two of them were entering the turbolift on board the good ship Voyager, linking arms Kathryn was laughing loudly.

Almost unable to control herself through fits of laughter the forty-year-old woman said to the older man, "I am telling you Chakotay I know you were cheating!"

He turned to her with a huge grin on his face trying hard not to laugh at her, It was in fact the twenty fourth time she had said that sentence in the five minutes it had taken them to enter the turbolift after Chakotay had managed to beat her in a game of Velocity, for the sixth time that evening, "you can't stand it can you? You can't stand loosing." He laughed as she looked up at him sternly.

"It was an unfair match!" she insisted.

"Because you lost?" He asked her smiling down at her with his dimples flashing dangerously at her. His dimples made the captain feel like her knees were about to give way. He gently and loving brushed flyaway strands of her red hair from her eyes. Gently he ran is forefinger down from the bridge of her tiny nose and tapped the end of her nose with his fingertip.

"I'm the captain I _always _win." She told him with a look of defiance on her face.

"Not this time captain." He laughed as they left the turbolift still linking arms as they made their way up the corridor towards their quarters. It was nearly 01:00 hours and Kathryn started the Alpha shift at 06:00 hours.

Shaking her head and rolling her eyes she asked him "so go on then, how did you do it?"

"Now that would be telling. A good warrior never gives away his secrets!"

Kathryn stopped walking and looked up at him playfully flashing her eyelash's at him, "not even to his poor, sweet captain who just can't stand loosing?"

He looked down at her beauty and than laughed at her so clearly throwing caution to the wind, the two could have been transported back to their quarters to avoid any of the crew seeing them in this relaxed state. It was only then that Chakotay noticed she didn't seem to have been to bothered about that. He playfully tutted at her and told her "Not even to my poor, sweet captain who really can not stand to loose but who is in fact the most beautiful woman in the universe, mainly because she is even more beautiful when she is miffed because she lost."

"I am not miffed!" she snapped back at him completely ignoring the compliment he had just given her.

"Oh no?" He asked sarcastically.

"No I am not!" She insisted getting worked up by his teasing, 'as if loosing wasn't enough!' she thought.

"Whatever you say captain." He told her, clearly not convinced.

"Ok fine I give in, you won." She resigned herself to the fact that she had lost but couldn't quite bring herself to admit that, "Not so fairly." She mumbled the last bit to the side of her mouth hopping he wouldn't hear.

"I heard that, see you just can't stand it." He told her laughing.

"Ok fine, lets settle this tomorrow, who ever wins a second match is indeed the champion."

"Ok fine, if I win you have to come to my quarters and spend the evening with me." At his words Kathryn let go of his arm, the smile fell from her face and she stepped back almost in horror. Chakotay who had only just caught on to what she clearly thought he had meant he reassured her of his true intentions. "Nothing like that captain! Just a nice relaxed dinner as friends."

Relaxing a little Kathryn eyed Chakotay suspiciously staring at him from the side of her eye before she slowly and cautiously asked him

"And if I win?" Due to the way she was acting anyone would think she was engaging is some extremely difficult trade negotiations.

Chakotay made a mockery of pretending to think for a moment and then he told her, "You get to keep your honour knowing you won in the end, therefore proving to everyone who would dare challenge that you do indeed _always_ win."

She tilted her head at him as she smiled and told him, "I like that, you're on Chakotay." She reached out her hand for him to shake a deal with it.

As he did so he held her hand in the corridor or Voyager and she didn't even bother to try to pull away. "I have been thinking about what you asked me to think about." He said simply.

Still holding his large warm hand she thought for a moment but couldn't actually think had he could have been meaning, "What did I ask you to think about?" she asked him with her eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"Returning to your side as your first officer."

"Ah yes, well? Don't keep a lady waiting, you will soon find I can't stand not knowing just as much as I can't stand not winning." She told him sternly to try to cover up the begging and desperate need and hope in her voice.

"Captain your just like a little child." He told her happily as he smiled down at her. "And yes I would love to be your first officer once more, truth be told I am honoured and maybe a little surprised."

Kathryn smiled to join Chakotay's smile. For a minute their eyes met lovingly and Kathryn placed a delicate hand on his chest as she gazed up into his loving jet black eyes telling him, "Chakotay, please know, I believe in you, I always have."

After what felt like an eternity Kathryn broke her eyes away from her newly reinstated first officer's gaze and made her way to the door of her quarters. Taking a deep breath before they opened she turned back to face Chakotay who was now moving past her towards the doors next her hers, the doors of his quarters. "Right now though I am tired, and very hungry, I have been working a sift all day and had to skip lunch, all this loosing really takes my energy from me. I'm just not as young as I used to be _Commander_." She told him putting a stress on the word 'commander' to let him know she allowed him back as her commander and First Officer.

Smiling at her he said, "None of us are captain."

"Are you calling me old?"

"Beautiful. That's what you are my captain." He replied smiling at her.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I am hot, sweaty and extremely fatigued. My hair is everywhere and I look a mess!"

"You look radiant and athletic to me captain."

She watched him for a while, and the two stood inches from each other, she looked at him lovingly and expectantly and he looked back at her with desire, love and adoration. When he did not say anything or make a move she took the initiative and asked, "So what happens now?"

Breaking from his loving gaze he looked awkwardly at his feet longing to grab her in his arms and give her a hug and a kiss but he restrained his desire and replied to her question, "I could say goodnight now that I have walked such a beautiful woman safely home."

She smiled at him and when he didn't moved or say anything she frowned, folded her arms and leaned against the bulkhead next to her bedroom door. She watched him and still he did not make a move he merely stared to his feet. So she snapped, "Well then?..."

"Goodnight Captain" he laughed as he showed her his dimples.

Pretending to be annoyed Kathryn asked, "Is _that_ it?" He looked at her confused so she smiled and continued "Do I not even get a kiss? A hug at the very least."

"Captain?" Chakotay asked thinking he must have miss heard her.

"Well are you not even going to comfort me on my loss this evening?" She asked him spreading her arms wide so that he could hug her.

Chakotay slowly stepped forward and embraced her in a tight and loving hug for the second time in his life. Right then he felt like he was in heaven. He prayed to the Spirits right then to protect this delicate woman. He thanked the spirits for her beauty and her loving forgiveness and hoped that one day he would be allowed to embrace her, calling her his own, his love, his bride. But right then he was content will saying a simple "Goodnight Captain." To her as he hugged her.

He felt her quiver in his tight embrace and he knew she was laughing as he heard her muffled voice as she talked into his chest, "That, commander is more like it."

"See you tomorrow, sleep well." He said as he kissed the top of her glistening red hair and let her go from his embrace.

Turning towards her door she told him in her best command voice, "Your on Alpha shift with me tomorrow, you had better sleep well."

He watched her enter her quarters, "Yes ma'am." He said as he turned to enter his own.

"Chakotay." Kathryn said sticking her head out of her still open door and looking at him.

"Captain?" he asked turning to face her once more.

"Thank you." She said simply.

"No thank _you_ captains, for helping me find a reason to live."

She smiled at his words and disappeared behind the door "good night Commander." Is all he heard her say as the doors swished shut behind her.

Kathryn Janeway stood alone in her dark quarters feeling fresh and ready to take on not just the Delta Quadrant but the entire galaxy. She felt sixteen again, ready and eager in her pursuit of the man she hopped to be dating very soon.

**End of chapter 9…. It's a short and sweet one… more to the story NOW UP, more of Kathryn's pain and Chakotay's anger. Can the two hold each other together?... Can their relationship form under those circumstances?... Read on to find out… **

**Reviews and comments always welcome. Thank You.**


	10. Chakotay put the phaser down

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 10**

**Chakotay put the phaser down.**

Kathryn Janeway climbed into her bed half an hour later still feeling very fresh and happy about the way things were going with Chakotay. It felt very unsure and an long way off perfect to Kathryn but there was one thing that she was certain of, they had a chance, an chance at a friendship and maybe even something deeper and of that Kathryn was hopeful. Feeling once more like a very giddy sixteen year old the forty-Year-old captain of the star ship Voyager knew the only way to survive pain was to be hopeful and to live in hope.

Kathryn was just drifting off to sleep when she heard a loud crash from the other side of the bulkhead. She sat bolt upright in her bed and stared worriedly at the bulkhead opposite her bed from behind which she had heard the crash. Normally it wouldn't have bothered her and she would have lain her head back down and gone to sleep but she knew behind that very bulkhead was none other than Chakotay's quarters. Kathryn sat silently in her bed feeling worry seep over her as she stared stiffly at the bulkhead hoping with all she had that she wouldn't hear another sound and that he had simply dropped a vase or something.

Something inside her told her though that wasn't what had happened. She was full of dread now, with his resent volatile state she was extremely worried for the man she was beginning to fall desperately in love with. She could hear her heart pounding and it was getting faster and louder with each passing second of silence coming from the other side of the bulkhead. Normally Kathryn would have simply lain her head back down but she knew something was wrong. She slowly and cautiously slipped out of her bed and slowly crept towards the dividing bulkhead. Kathryn made it half way across her bedroom when she heard a loud THUD. Quickly jumping backwards she realised something had been flung heard against the bulkhead. 'No not again!' she thought desperately, 'please don't let him be punching the bulkheads again.' She wished, to who she did not know she just hoped and wished that wasn't what it was. THUD. There it went again, THUD and again. Then there came an ear splitting, and terrifying scream as she heard the unmistakable voice of Chakotay screaming on the top of his lungs. Kathryn who had been stood wide-eyed and frozen to the spot spun around and grabbed her communicator from where it lay at the side of her bed.

Without a second thought she activated it and almost screaming with fear herself she said, "Janeway to Chakotay." She waited for what felt like and eternity but he did not reply, though silence was now all that emanated from behind the bulkhead. "Janeway to Chakotay" she tried again as her voice trebled with fear. Still Chakotay did not respond. Kathryn turned away from the bulkhead trying to decide what to do when she heard him screaming her own name, yes her name not her rank. She had never heard him call her by name, in fact in the whole seven months they had been stranded in the Delta Quadrant she had never heard anybody call her by her first name.

"KATHRYN!" She heard him scream ear piercingly and clearly from the other side of the bulkhead. She knew he must have been screaming very loudly indeed for her to hear him so clearly. Voyager's bulkheads were thin but they were not too thin. "NO! NOT KATHRYN! NO!" She heard him again; she heard the urgency and desperate pleading in his tone of voice. It sent an icy shiver through her spine as she discarded the comm badge by flinging it onto her bed and hurrying out of her bedroom, out of her reception room and into the deserted corridor. She trebled as her shaking and frightened hand keyed in her over ride code and she flung herself into his darkened quarters.

"Chakotay?" she shrieked as she looked around madly for him.

She heard him screaming extremely loudly and desperately from his own bedroom, "NO! Get off her!" Desperate herself she ran with her heart pounding into his bedroom without a second thought to the matter.

"Chakotay!" She screamed as she ran into the room. She looked around widely, "Chakotay!" She shrieked as she saw him facing her in the dimly lit room. He was wearing nothing but a pair of grey short and she could see sweat was pouring down his face and chest. His trembling hand was pointing a phaser at her.

"Kathryn! Please No!" he screamed as he fired the phaser at the ceiling. Kathryn froze for a second staring at him confused about what was going on. "Take me! No! Take me instead, Please leave her!"

Kathryn raised the outstretched palms of her hands to face him to show him she was not carrying a weapon. "Chakotay, please but the phaser down, we can talk about this."

"KATHRYN! NO!" He screamed still pointing the phaser at her "Stay back, if you touch her I will fire at you."

"Chakotay? If I touch who? Who am I not to touch?" she asked him calmly still keeping her palms facing him to show she had no weapons. She was trembling; it hurt her to see him in this state. The dim light prevented her from seeing his face but she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to. She was not entirely sure what was going on. She wasn't sure what he was angry with her for but she wanted to reach him, make him see reason. She stepped closer to him, within arms reach.

Within a second Chakotay had hold of her tightly and was roughly pressing the charged phaser against her skull. She could not move an inch due to the tight grip he was holding her in. She was so frightened but she couldn't let him see it.

"Chakotay! What are you-" she began to ask but Chakotay slammed the handle of the phaser into the side of her skull. "Shut up Cardassian Bastard!" he screamed in her ear and Kathryn immediately realised what was going on. But the force of the blow to her head had caused her to feel dizzy and nauseous. She felt her skull split open and she felt warm blood trickle slowly down the side of her head. She knew if he weren't almost dragging her upright she would have fallen to the ground. Because she was so much shorter than he was he was now lifting her off the ground using his arm around her throat.

Coughing and choking she managed to say, "Chakotay, it's me! It's Kathryn Janeway!"

With that he just pointed the phaser harder at her head and tightened his grip around her throat.

"Chakotay! It's me Kathryn, Kathryn Janeway" she coughed as she told him once more.

"How dare you speak her name!" Shrieked Chakotay as he threw her to the ground and kicked her and spat of her as he towered above her.

"Chakotay!" she screamed staggering to her feet and backing away from him as quickly as possible.

"Janeway to security, I need a team in Chakotay's quarters. Now!" she shrieked tapping her comm badge and trembling with fear.

"Chakotay!" She shrieked again as he fired the phaser and grazed her right arm causing a superficial flesh wound to appear.

As she yelled, grabbed her arm and cried out in pain a much softer calmer voice came from Chakotay.

Kathryn looked up at his confused eyes with fear in her grey blue eyes she was clutching her arm and staggering away from him.

"Captain?" Chakotay asked sounding confused.

"It's me Chakotay." She whispered in reply to him even pleading.

"Captain what's going on?" he asked her as he simply glared back at her. She was clutching onto his bedside cabinet to catch her balance and breathing heavily, mainly in an attempt to control the pain she was now feeling.

"Mr. Chakotay, lower the phaser." Came the cool dark voice of Tuvok from behind the captain. He had just entered the room responding to her call for security.

Realising how the situation would look to Tuvok and given the last number of weeks Kathryn knew that she had to set an example for her crew when it came to trusting Chakotay. She also knew it would be very difficult for some to see Chakotay as their first officer once more and as far as she was concerned her earlier promise to reinstate him as her first officer still stood. Closing her eyes and pulling herself to her full height she mustered her best command tone she ordered, "Stand down Tuvok!"

"Captain?" Tuvok questioned, she knew she was taking a risk but if her assumptions where correct she knew Chakotay would not harm her any more.

"Stand down Tuvok." She repeated not taking her eyes from Chakotay. She watched him trembling as he still pointed the phaser at her almost rooted to the spot where he stood. She stumbled closer to him, Tuvok moved in behind her with his hand still on his phaser though he had now attached it to his belt due to her orders.

"Chakotay please." She whispered as she came within a foot of where he stood. "Please give me the phaser Chakotay." She asked him calmly and quietly with a hint of deep love in her voice.

"Captain?" Chakotay asked as he slowly lowered his head to look at his own hand in which was the phaser was still pointing at her.

"Please, it's me. It's Captain Kathryn Janeway, Please give me the phaser Chakotay." She repeated as she slowly and gently reached out and wrapped her hand around the phaser he was lowering. Chakotay let go of the phaser and stepped back looking wide-eyed and almost frightened at her. "Thank you." She whispered. The two stared loving into each other's eyes for a second and then Kathryn turned to silently handed Tuvok the phaser. It was only then in the dim lighting that Chakotay saw the sticky blood on the side of her face coming from the wound on her head and the gash across her arm.

"Your injured captain." He gasped.

"It's nothing." She insisted, not wanting to talk about it in front of Tuvok who she knew was stoically raising one eyebrow behind her. She tilted her head and looked up with compassion at the man she knew she loved "How are you?" she asked as though they had just met for mid morning coffee.

"I'm fine. What happened?"

"Bad dreams I think." She told him with a twinkle in her eye as Chakotay looked at her with confusion.

"Shall I take Mr. Chakotay to the brig captain?" Tuvok interrupted causing Chakotay to stare at him wide eyed.

"No, thank you Lieutenant. You're dismissed."

"Captain I must protest."

"Dismissed Lieutenant." She made herself sound as commanding as she could in the middle of the night, bear footed and still wearing her pink silk nightgown and blood trickling from her head and arm.

"Yes Ma'am." Said Tuvok leaving, clearly with reservations.

"Captain you are OK?" Chakotay asked her with deep love him his voice as he moved closer to her to examine closely the wounds on her head and arm. "But the Cardassians?" he asked taking her by the arm and guiding her to sit on his bed.

"As far as I know Commander there are not any Cardassians in the Delta Quadrant." She told him calmly as she relaxed into his bed soft bed. She suddenly realised she needed to relax and so she lay down and suddenly felt surrounded by his comforting and soft sent.

Chakotay moved over the where she lay on his bed looking small and vulnerable. He took a dermal regenerator from his bedside cabinet and looked down at her innocent beauty. He knelt of the floor next where she lay on his bed and brushed the hair from her eyes. She turned her head to meet his eyes as he began to talk, "But I-"

"I think it was a dream Chakotay." She interrupted him quietly placing a gentle small hand face.

"I'm going crazy. Like him." He mumbled turning from her.

"Going crazy Commander? Like who?" she asked concerned and she sat up to look at him.

"It's nothing captain." He said brushing it off as nothing. "What happened to you, you're hurt." he said as he leaned in to take her arm in her hand and run the dermal regenerator over her flesh wound.

"Oh it's nothing, I've been through worse scrapes." She joked.

"But how did it happen?" he genuinely had no idea how it had happened. He had been sleep walking during a nightmare. He had believed the captain to be a Cardassian before he had woken up.

"That doesn't matter commander." She said laying back down as he gently stoked her newly healed arm and watched a tear fall down her cheek. He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her face towards him where she rested it on his pillow.

He wiped away her tear with his thumb, "It does matter, and it matters to me. Somebody did this to you." He knew enough by the sight of her wounds to know somebody with great strength, strength much greater than hers, had inflicted them on her.

She turned from him again, she really wanted to stand up but felt like she simply couldn't her head hurt too much. She wanted to cry, she just couldn't bare to tell him that in his sleep state during his nightmare he had believed her to be a Cardassian attacking…. well her, and so he had attacked her. "Commander I am fine."

"No your not. Let me tend to you." He said leaning in to run the dermal regenerator over the wound on her head.

"Commander it's just a flesh wound." She snapped pushing his hand away and trying to sit up.

Helping her to a sitting position and propping her up with pillows he asked tenderly, "Captain please tell me what happened."

"Why don't you start by telling me what happened in your dream." She said turning her head to him and allowing him better access to tend to her wound.

"It was the Cardassians." He stated.

"Yes." She pressed on.

"They were on Voyager."

"On Voyager?"

"Yes, I don't know how but they were here and they were trying to get us all to cooperate but we resisted." he said hurriedly as she heard both fear and anger welling up in his voice. He stopped and though for a minute and then said lovingly, "You resisted. I was so proud of you."

"Me?" she asked him.

"They had us round up like cattle, just like they did when they attacked my people." He was shaking fist clenched as her turned from her.

She watched for a second and then she said calmly reaching for his hand and pulling him back down to face her at her level where she sat on his bed. "Chakotay look at me." She whispered taking his face in her hands and gently turning it to face her she said, "Look at me Chakotay. It's over, it was a dream." She stoked his tattoo as she looked into his eyes lovingly. Both their hearts were pounding fast together as silence fell over them.

Pushing her hands from his face she said, "It was you."

"Me?" She gasped at him, "Chakotay I-"

He interrupted her as tears fell from his jet back eyes, "Yes you they had you because you are our leader." He turned back to her and knelt before her as he lovingly stoked her face and neck. "I kept begging them to let you go but they wouldn't. They had you like they had my sister." He turned his face away from her.

"Chakotay, look at me." When he did not turn she took his face in her hands to make him look at her, "Look, see. I'm right here it's me. I'm OK. Look." She then lowered her hands and grasped his with her own as she stoked his hands with her thumbs. Lovingly their eyes locked once more and the tow watched as the other slowly began to cry in the dim light of his bedroom. He sat on the bed and he knelt beside her. There was great love lingering between them.

"But they had you, you couldn't get free, they wouldn't let you go. There was nothing I could do. I kept shouting." He began desperately as he tightened his grip on her hands.

"I heard you Chakotay. It's OK, I am OK."

"Oh Kathryn I was so proud of you. You were brave." Kathryn looked at him, other than in his shouting earlier he had never called her Kathryn, and she had to say she really did like him saying her name. This caused her to smile as the two looked at each other lovingly.

"NO!" Chakotay screamed as soon as she smiled.

"Chakotay." She said calmly as she pulled herself up to stand before him.

"NO! I can't do this!"

"You can Chakotay, we can do this! We can do this together." She told him placing her gentle palm on his chest.

"NO!" he screamed as he grabbed her wrist and looked at her with malice and hatred that was washing over his face.

"Chakotay! Look at me. Look at me Chakotay! Stay focused!" She asked him trying hard to reach into his soul.

"Get away!" He shouted pushing her backwards.

"Chakotay!" She shouted back at him.

He looked deep into her eyes shaking his head he told her, "Captain I hate them! I hate them captain! I want them to die!"

"Hate will get you nowhere Chakotay." She said calmly. She stretched out her arms, "Come here." She said stepping forwards and embracing him.

"Captain?" Chakotay asked looking down at the small woman held in his arms. He stoked her hair were the wound had been and then he understood what had happened. She must have realised he understood because her heart beat faster. He held her arms tight in his hands and withdrew his body from her and watched her for a second as she stared at the floor.

"Please look at me Captain." He said. Slowly she lifted her head to meet his eyes. She looked into his eyes as she saw many tears falling form the loving jet-black orbs.

"Captain what happened this evening?" She would not answer, she just watched as he cried, "Please captain, I want to know." She lowered her head and shook it refusing to talk.

"I did it didn't I?" he whispered as he tilted her head upwards to look at her face by cupping her chin in his hand, When she did not say a word she merely stood there with her eyes closed his heart clenched with the pain of what he knew he had done to her, "It was I who injured you in such a horrible way." he stated not questioned.

Slowly she opened her eyes to look at him. She reached up and wiped away his tears, "no not you Chakotay. Not the Chakotay I know and believe in. It was the Chakotay who is overcome by anger and rage who injured me, just as it was that Chakotay who threatened me a number of weeks ago."

"Captain I would never…. I could Never..." Twice he tried to complete his sentence but could not bring himself to utter the words 'rape you' and so simply said, "I am so sorry." As he looked in to her deep blue eyes.

"I know my brave warrior, I know. Some words do not need to be spoken." She told him as she smiled and held him once more in a tight embrace. For a second he stood stiffly and stunned at her ability to love and forgive him after all he had done to her. He then raised his arms and embraced her as well. He lowered his lips to gently plant a tiny kiss on the side of her head where the wound he had inflicted on her had once been. The two stood that way for a number of minutes as each wept for their pain.

**End of chapter 10… Chapter 11 now up… Reviews very much welcome.**


	11. Commander on the bridge

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 11**

**Commander on the bridge**

After nearly half an hour of doing nothing but embarrassing and crying into each others arms Kathryn pulled away from the bear chest of Chakotay and silently turned from him and walked out of his quarters. She had gone straight to sleep and then woken up with plenty of time to be ready and fresh faced and ready to take on the morning even though she had only had about three hours sleep. She was now sat in her command chair on the bridge with her right leg tucked up under herself and feeling very relaxed. The chair to her left was empty but she was feeling very happy about it. She knew its rightful owner would soon occupy it and Tuvok was back in his rightful place in tactical. It wasn't that she didn't like Tuvok, he was indeed a great and long standing friend of hers who she admired and respected greatly but it was true that she somehow needed what only a loving human could offer her as a first officer.

Smiling to herself and feeling very happy she waited for the turbo lift doors to open to admit him onto her bridge and back by her side once more. She was straining to hear him enter her bridge and silently daring somebody to dare to speak and interrupt her longing for him to enter the bridge. It felt like an eternity before she heard the familiar swish of the doors opening. Smiling she tilted her head backwards to check it was him. She stood up proudly and look at him back in his uniform and announced to the entire bridge crew,

"Commander on the bridge." She then stood to attention in front of him. The rest of the crew followed her lead; She stayed like that waiting for him to say something.

Chakotay who had thought she would be annoyed due to his slight lateness was taken slightly aback by her standing to attention in front of him. "Isn't that supposed to be 'captain on the bridge'?" he asked her as she relaxed and moved up the steps to the higher section where he stood between Tuvok and Harry's consoles.

"Maybe" she shrugged smiling "but it's good to have you back commander."

"It's good to be back." He said moving closer to her to head down the steps to his seat.

She stopped him by placing her hand on his shoulder, he stopped walking and simply looked at her, "aren't you forgetting something commander?" He looked down at her and their eyes met on the bridge, she felt the deep connection of love as she looked at his eyes, she blinked and quickly looked away, smiling she held up the glistening golden rank bar he had thrown on her desk weeks before. As she pinned the golden bar to his turtleneck "It is my honour to reinstate you to the rank of commander." She gently ran the back of her hand slowly over his jaw line as she finished pinning his rank bar back in place, Whispering quietly so only he could hear she told him, "Provisional, I am afraid Chakotay." He looked down into her eyes, where he saw that she was sad and full of pain to not be able to give him a full rank of Commander. She was sad she could only offer a rank bar and not Starfleet rank pips. He wanted her to know he understood that she could not give any of the ex-Maquis full commissions, there could be no guarantee the commissions she gave any of them would stand when they returned to the Alpha Quadrant.

"I know it has to be." He whispered down at her and then keeping with the tradition he announced for all the bridge crew to hear, "It is my honour to accept."

Smiling happing Kathryn clapped her hand on his back and said, "Welcome back commander." Chakotay flashed his dimples back at her, he felt like he was home.

Chakotay saw that stood behind his captain the Vulcan security officer who he knew was the only person to know fully what he had said and done to this beautiful red headed woman. "Tuvok." Chakotay said nodding at the Vulcan tactical officer and Voyager's second Officer and the captains long trusted friend.

"Commander." Was merely all the Vulcan replied.

Kathryn who felt the tension and eager to show her crew that she trusted Chakotay and did not fear him she asked "Commander wont you join me in my ready room?"

He followed her quickly in and felt more relaxed now that he was alone with her once more. He couldn't believe how much of a pull this woman was beginning to have on him.

"Coffee?" her deep and husky voice asked pulling his attention back into the room.

"It's a bit early for that isn't it?

"Commander it is _never _to early for coffee." She told him sternly. Then thought for a moment and reminded herself what she had promised her self to remember the last time they had sat in her ready room together, the day Sam Wildman had told her she was pregnant. "Though you're a tea man right?" She said smiling and pointing at him making a show of feeling proud that she had remembered something important.

"Tea would be good. Thank you."

Getting his tea from the replicator she stepped closer to him and tilted her head to look into his eyes she asked, "How are you feeling this early morning?"

Taking the tea in one had and cupping her face in the other he whispered, "A little tired, a little shaken and very worried about you." He rested his palm on her arm where his phaser had grazed her a matter of hours before.

Kathryn felt as though all she wanted to do was stare into his eyes but knew she couldn't allow that luxury. "I am doing just fine," she told him turning away from him and walking around her desk to sit down. "Tired as you are" she admitted nodding "but all in all there doesn't seem to be any lasting damage commander." Whit that last remark she smiled warmly at him.

"I am so sorry about last night captain."

"As I told you last night there is no need commander." She said shaking her head and raising her palm of her hand to face him to tell him to stop talking and then pointing to the chair on the other side of the desk where she now sat, "Please do sit." When he didn't move he just stared at her she told him "I am afraid I didn't call you here for a social chat, I have a first officer who has no idea what has been taking place for over a month and a senior staff meeting in little over an hour when I am really going to need my first officer up to date." She said feeling slightly exasperated and torn between her own desires for Chakotay as a man who she now knew she loved and to her duty as his captain.

"Yes ma'am." He said smiling and taking the seat opposite her desk.

**End of Chapter 11. Just a little one to show Kathryn bringing Chakotay back as he commander…. Chapter 12 NOW UP. Reviews welcome.**


	12. Innocent children

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 12**

**Innocent children**

Commander Chakotay was walking briskly towards the turbo lift when he heard somebody shouting his name behind him.

"Chakotay! Chakotay!" Shouted Kathryn as she hurried behind Chakotay to catch up with him.

Chakotay turned to see who was calling him and was surprised to see a very flushed and read faced Kathryn running towards him. "Captain?" He asked panic washing over him as he moved towards her and took her upper arms in his hands to still her as he gazed down at her with panic.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked looking indignantly up at him.

"To the bridge." He replied letting go of her and glancing behind him towards the turbo lift.

"Oh I don't think so commander." She told him looking at him from the corner of her eye and shaking her head at him trying hard not to laugh as she waved her forefinger at him as though she were telling him off.

"Captain?"

"There is a party taking place on holodeck 1 and your lonely captain is in need of somebody to accompany her." She said now grinning, as she was unable to hold in her laughter at the sight of his confused and worried face.

"But captain-" he began.

Sending her best 'Janeway death glare' his way and placing her hands on her hips she told him "no buts commander, Kes's surprise birthday party is a wonderful way for you to spend time with the crew again, I have noticed you have been distant these last two weeks since you came back to work." She placed her hand on his arm to show her support.

"I assigned myself the bridge duty so you could enjoy the party." He had truly meant this to be an act of love and compassion, he knew how much she saw Kes as needing much guidance due to her young age and child like out-look on life. He knew she felt slightly responsible for allowing Kes to be on bored Voyager and not being able to offer her the guidance and support in growing up that her own people could have. He knew Kathryn would have wanted to be at Kes's second birthday party.

She reached up and cupped her hand on the side of his face and whispered "and I begged Tuvok to take the bridge duty so my handsome first officer could escort me to the party." She was feeling extremely vulnerable stood in the corridor that way, it made her uneasy to know that so many of her crew were walking past them but she knew it was not only important to her relationship with Chakotay but it was important to him as a proud warrior who held traditional values of the roles of men and woman. She smiled at him as he turned to look at her; she shrugged and laughed, "truth be told I think he simply couldn't wait to find an excuse not to go to the party." For a second Chakotay simply stared at her with confusion then he too laughed showing her his dimples causing her to feel her knees buckle under her, his smile made her feel so weak and attracted to him. "So commander, shall we?" she asked him.

"With pleasure ma'am." He said still smiling as he held out his arm for her to take and she did. The two walked happily together into the turbo lift to Kes's surprise second birthday party.

Kes's birthday party hadn't quite gone to plan as an energy field had taken over the ship and twisted it. The sips layout had been changed and none of the crew had been able to find any of the rooms they were looking for, All who had been in the holodeck party, shortly followed by Harry and Tuvok had ended up trapped on the Holodeck. The captain had fallen unconscious and seemingly brain dead after coming into direct contact with the energy field. This had left Chakotay in command for the first time since he had been reinstated as First Officer. He had frozen and not acted with precise decision and quick thinking command that this situation had required. He had felt personally challenged by Tuvok and was more interested in arguing with him over who was rightfully in command rather that thinking up solutions to the problem they were facing. All the senior crew were trapped together in the holodeck and were looking to Chakotay for instruction. Chakotay found he had no idea what to do. It wasn't until both B'Elanna and Tuvok made their own suggestions that Chakotay found the strength to command and ordered everybody to try B'Elanna's suggestion. Chakotay hadn't even really listened to what the suggestions were he had simply made a prideful and bias choice not to go with the suggestion Tuvok had made. After B'Elanna's suggestion failed and in fact made their predicament worse Chakotay then gave in and ordered the crew to try Tuvok's idea only to find there were too late. The senior staff were now completely trapped on the holodeck with a seemingly delusional captain. The fate of the rest of the crew who were trapped on other parts of the ship was completely unknown to those in the holodeck.

With only a matter of minutes to formulate a plan to stop the energy field from engulfing those trapped in the holodeck Tuvok made a suggestion that the logical thing to do would be to simply do nothing and wait to be engulfed and hope they are not killed. Chakotay who didn't like the idea but saw no other option agreed to do follow Tuvok's suggestion and simply did nothing.

Chakotay who had been feeling very guilty and inadequate and responsible had sat alone to trying to meditate as the rest of his senior staff stood to take the energy field head on. Chakotay looked over to where his captain lay, the woman he could not admit aloud to loving. His captain who had put her undying trust in him even after all the horrible things he had done and said to her. She had lain unconscious and not protected as he had promised himself that she would always be. He had promised himself that he would let her needs come first and he had not met any of her needs that day. He was feeling very guilty and annoyed with himself; he had even entered into a power struggle with Tuvok over whom the captain had put in charge.

He had sat holding the hand of B'Elanna who he knew needed his comfort and who he looked to as his own daughter. When he looked over at his captain lying there he had seen Tuvok stood by her side and a pang of jealousy had taken over his heart. He wanted to be the one stood at her side but he had let her down.

Now, a few hours later he was sat on the floor of his darkened quarters feeling very angry and bitter with himself. He had laid out his medicine bundle in front of him but he had been unable to find the peace and calm state of mind he had needed to contact his spirit guide.

He had also found himself unable to eat or sleep. He simply was just far too angry and because he was angry with himself he was sure his beautiful captain would be angry with him too.

It was then that his door chime sounded and pulled him from his thoughts.

"Computer what time is it?" He asked.

"**The time is 02:00 hours."**

Chakotay was unsure who could be stood at his door at that time in the morning and wasn't really sure he wanted to talk to anybody. He walked towards the door and opened it standing in the way so that the visitor could not gain entrance. As the doors opened he found himself face to face with his captain, "captain!" he exclaimed with slight shock and some worry. He had not expected to see her there and he had been sure that she would have not wanted to talk to him ever again after the failure he had felt he had made that day while in command. He firstly assumed she must have come to reprimand him or take his rank from him but he then noticed she was smiling with a twinkle in her beautiful blue eyes. Not only that but she was wearing a silk pink nightgown on fluffy pink slippers and her long hair was held loosely around her hips.

"I am sorry commander, I hope I didn't wake you?" she asked looking up and flashing he eyelashes dangerously at him. She could see she hadn't as he was clearly still in his uniform.

"No not at all captain." He said still stunned by her appearance at his door so early in the morning so informally dressed. "Are you ok?" He asked with concern taking her arm gently in his hand to show he his compassion.

"Yes quite well thank you." She said smiling and then disappearing around the side of the bulk head he heard her saying, "I just wanted to give you this." He moved out into the corridor and saw her struggling with a large flat parcel wrapped in beautiful red paper, and tide with a big blue ribbon in a bow.

"Captain, what is it?" Chakotay asked her moving to help her with the large parcel.

"It's a gift Chakotay." She said smiling as he took it from her. He was still stood in his doorway looking from her to the large parcel in his hand and feeling stunned. "You are supposed to unwrap it." She told him with a smile when he didn't make a move to anything he just simply looked at it in his hands.

Slowly he looked up from the parcel at his beautiful captain whose fresh face was without any make-up, she seemed to him to be radiant and vulnerable stood at his door in her nightclothes. "Please do come in.," he said stepping aside to allow her to enter his darkened quarters.

Slowly she walked passed him as he looked down and watched her. Admiring her from behind and still grasping the large flat parcel in his hands he watched her as she walked towards his sofa and then slowly turned to face him with an innocent facial expression, "May I?" she asked gesturing towards his sofa.

"Hum?" He asked and then realising she was asking his permission to sit on his sofa, "Oh yes! Of course captain." He told her. She slowly sat looked around the room as he ordered the computer to higher the lighting by 50%.

She saw on the floor just in front of her feet his medicine bundle neatly laid out, "It's nice to see this looked after again." She told him softly as she reached out and laid her hand on it as though she was touching something very special and dear to her.

"I never did thank you for bringing it to me. Thank you." he said as he stood near the door still holding the unwrapped present and watching her deeply. It touched him the way she placed her hand on this most sacred of possessions and the way she cared for it. She had no faith herself but still cared deeply that he did and respected him for it. He found such love and comfort from her in that.

He watched as she admired each of the items in his bundle. He watched her pick up the feather and stroke it between her delicate fingers. He saw in her eyes such love and respect as she looked closely at each item, normally the contents of a persons medicine bundle were private and sacred objects. Normally he would not permit another to see them let alone touch them. He had shown this remarkable woman his bundle once before but something about the way she touched each of the objects this time drew a adoration and love to his heart. He was not annoyed about her touching the objects in the bundle, in fact quite to opposite as he watched her do it with such love and gentleness it felt so right, to him in a way it was as though she were touching his soul with such love and compassion as the contents of ones medicine bundle are objects that are so very dear the owner. It was at that moment that her promised himself that he must get a object that reminded him of her to be part of his bundle for she was now very much a part of his soul.

When she placed the last on the objects back on the animal hide that wrapped the bundle she looked down at the items for a second and then almost as though coming out of a trace she slowly looked up at him with such deep love in her blue eyes. He also saw then that there were droplets of tears threatening to fall down her cheeks. "Please forgive me Chakotay. I had no right to touch that." As she said those words tear began to fall down her cheeks and she looked back down at the bundle still laid out on the floor.

Chakotay placed the large flat parcel that was still unwrapped on the floor against the bulkhead and walked across the room to sit beside her on the sofa. He took the long hair in her hands and kissed the tips of the strands. She turned to face him as he did so and he smiled back at her tearful eyes. "You have every right my beautiful captain Kathryn Janeway." He told her with great love.

Felling slightly low on self esteem she changed the subject and asked him, "Aren't you going to unwrap it?" nodding at the unwrapped present laying discarded, "Or are you just going to sit there and stare at me all night?"

"Sorry captain, of course." He told her still sat staring at her face and not making any move to unwrap it.

"Go on then." She instructed.

He stood up and walked towards the large flat preset picking it up as he looked over at her very happy and relaxed looking Kathryn. He really had no idea what the present could be or why she was giving it to him. As he opened it he realised what it was, "captain! Captain it's- you didn't have to." He said as he held it up to get a better view. He was truly lost for words.

"I wanted too." She told him.

"But I can't possibly accept this, it's too much."

'It's mine to give to who I want, I want you to have it Chakotay." She said as she stood up to stand next to him and admire it with him.

As the two looked down at the beautiful painting of the wolf that he held in his hands, the very one he had admired in her quarters a few weeks before. She had decided then when he told her how important wolves were to his people that she would give that painting to him. He had loved it so much. She had just been finishing it off and getting it just how she liked it so she could give it to him feeling happy and proud of her work that he kept calling beautiful.

"I just don't know what to say." Was all he said as he looked up from the beautiful artwork in his hands to the beautiful artist stood next to him.

"Thank you will do just fine." She said smiling down at the painting and feeling very happy that he liked it.

"Thank you Captain."

"I thought maybe you could hang it above your bed, like you told me your people do." she said looking at her feet with embarrassment feeling he would simply laugh at her and tell her it was not worthy of such a place.

He must have sensed what she was thinking because he almost reluctantly placed her beautiful painting down and took her chin in his hand. As he tilted her face gently up to meet his own, their eyes locked with love and he told her "It would be my honour to."

After a few minutes of the two stood that way she whispered, "You really like it?"

"I love it." Was his reply as he smiled at her. He watched her turn and walk towards his sofa and to him she almost seemed to flop into it in desperate need of rest, "captain how are you after today?" he asked feeling worry and concern wash over him as he remembered his earlier doubts and feelings of the days events.

"I am feeling just fine thank you commander. I was wondering how my first officer is holding up after today."

"He's been better." he mumbled.

"Oh?" she asked, it was her turn to feel concern.

"I am not fit to be in command of this ship." He said as he turned and walked away from her, he knew his statement would hurt her but he had already made his decision and he needed to tell her.

"Commander that's quite a bold statement, what makes you say that?" she asked feeling annoyed with him for saying such a thing when he had only just taken his commission back. 'This is exactly why I asked him to think about it before accepting my offer for him to return to work' she thought.

"I failed you, I failed this ship. I am so sorry." He said feeling such shame as he stood with his back to his brave captain telling her this.

"Failed?" she asked coming up behind him to join him.

"I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't think."

"Sometimes the pressure of command can do that to us." She told him taking his shoulder in her hand and turning him to face her, "You didn't fail Chakotay, we are all still here, nobody was hurt everyone survived."

"In the Maquis people under my command died everyday but that only fuelled my hatred of the Cardassians."

"And how was this different?"

"I was hopeless, I did nothing. You ended up unconscious; the crew was trapped on all different parts of the ship. The ship it's self was twisted and distorted and I did nothing! I just stood there feeling worried and looking confused." He said raising his voice, not at her, just simply because the situation annoyed him so much.

"There was nothing you could have done" he noticed she didn't even flinch when he shouted or when she said these words with love in her voice.

"Tuvok and B'Elanna had ideas but I was too busy feeling the need to have a stupid power struggle with Tuvok." He told her angrily, he had assumed Tuvok would have already reported the slight incident to her.

"You had a power struggle with Tuvok?" she asked in total confusion. He saw her eyebrows draw closer together and her blue eyes flash at him, almost searching.

"He didn't tell you?"

"No. Should he have?" she asked with caution knowing that if either one reported the incident she would, as captain, be forced to take action against two of her dearest friends.

Knowing the meaning in her words "I don't suppose he _needed _to." Chakotay replied with just as much caution.

"Well then Mr. Chakotay I will over look this infraction but only this time and only because I am here as a friend not as a captain." She joked relaxing a little.

"A friend?" he said not managing to hide that fact he sounded shocked.

"Yes Chakotay, a friend." She said with a smile and then realising he was just looking at her stunned she frowned and said, "I do like to fashion myself as your friend." Still he simply stared at her, "Look Chakotay the way I see it none of us knows what's coming, nobody knows what's round the corner or what is waiting for us at every turn. What is good is that we have each other. That's what matters. Sometimes I just hate commanding this ship. Sometimes I hate the fact that I never get a day off, not even a single minute off. I have to be captain all the time probably for the rest of my life. It's lonely at the top Chakotay," she told him feeling a tremor of a tear threatening to come.

"Then I am proud to be your friend." He said taking her hands in his own and stoking her knuckles with his thumbs.

"The crew doesn't think any less of you because you didn't have a clue what to do." She told him.

"I wanted to prove myself after all that's happened these last few weeks." He said sadly.

"Prove to who? You or the crew?"

"To you."

"Me?" she asked shocked and pulling her hands from his. "Forgive me but I was lying unconscious after being overtaken by the alien in what we thought was an act of aggression, that was kind of the point that put you in charge."

He nodded and took in a large intake of breath, "I was jealous"

"Jealous commander?" she asked confused.

"Well after you _let _Nelix come tracking the ship with me-" he began but then broke of what he was saying and stated, "thanks for that by the way!" in a very sarcastic tone of voice.

"Your welcome commander." She said with a grin but when she realised he wasn't returning it she went on "look I am sorry about that, but what could I do? I could hardly tell him he is useless and there is literally _nothing_ he could be useful doing during a situation like that, come to think of it when _is_ he _ever_ useful?" she said defensively and then pointed out indignantly, "Chakotay I gave you chance to protest."

"And I could hardly say no could I?" he pointed out.

"You just gave me a funny look, what was I supposed to do with that?" she exclaimed trying to prove it wasn't _her _fault Nelix had been allowed to go tracking with the Indian warrior.

"I was silently begging you not to do that to Me." she said pretending to be annoyed with her.

"Oh _that's _what you were doing! How was I supposed to know that?" she shouted with a smile feeling the humour of the situation, "Besides Nelix was better off with somebody like you to keep an eye on him rather than allowing him to wonder around _my _ship alone in that sate." She told him folding her arms and nodding at him.

She suddenly realised that hadn't been the right thing to say because it caused Chakotay to turn from her and mumble, "I didn't even do that right I let you down."

"Let me down?" she asked him moving in behind him and resting her hand on his arm to offer support and to show she didn't feel let down.

"I lost him" Chakotay sated.

Holding in a laugh Kathryn exclaimed in a loud over joyful "Really? Permanently? Commander you are my hero!" and then flung her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder making a joke of the situation to try to show him she didn't care and wasn't annoyed.

"Not permanently."

"Damn! Commander next time you loose Nelix I am ordering you to not find him again!" she said with her joke command voice and drawing herself from his body swatting his arm playfully.

"I didn't, when the ship untwisted he was just there."

She smiled and turned to place her hand on the bulkhead behind her, "I would shout at my dear Voyager but she is so temperamental these days, she is still sulking with me for getting her stuck in this stupid quadrant, last time I had ago at Voyager she went and decided to get us stuck!" when he didn't even smile she went back to him and looked up in his face to tell him, "Chakotay, I trust you, I admire you and I-" braking off from what she was about to say she settled to tell him, "well I care deeply for you. You did not let me down, you did a fine Job." She told him tracing the lines of his dark tattoo with her finger and she looked at it intently causing a shiver to run through his body.

He reached up and grasped her hand forcing her to gently stop what she was doing and he told her, "I was far too focused on proving I could be a better first officer than Tuvok." Looking deep into her eyes looking for the anger and hatred to come.

She simply continued to stare into his eyes while he still held her hand, "Tuvok? And that's why you were jealous? Because you think the crew see Tuvok as a better first officer than you?" she asked in disbelief.

"No."

"Then what?"

"I think _you_ see him as a better first officer than me." he told her letting go of her hand and turning from her in shame and embarrassment.

"Chakotay, look at me." she was in shock and shaking her head at him as he was turned from her. "Look at me Chakotay please." She said in a seductively husky voice and feeling very shaky and vulnerable. Still he would not turn to her and tears began to fall as she talked, "It is true Tuvok and I are long standing friends, we have served together for over fifteen years on three different Starships, Tuvok was there for me at a time when I felt so far away from everybody. Tuvok was my counsel when my father and Justin were killed. Tuvok has heard my nightmares and my cries for help. He is a good officer and a dear friend. I know underneath all that Vulcan mind control and meditation there is a loving, caring man, I know he loves T'pel and I know he holds me and my wellbeing in very high regard." Tears rushed down her cheeks, she had no idea her friendship with Tuvok had effected Chakotay that way.

Slowly Chakotay turned to face her as she stood before him in her nightgown and said "I had no idea you had known him that long."

As she began to reply her voice cracked and the tears fell. "We are close friends, about as close as a human can get to a Vulcan. But please don't misunderstand me, I have every confidence in your ability as my first officer, and I know you performed well today."

"I wouldn't listen to Tuvoks suggestion."

"Sometimes you can only follow one suggestion, as I understand it you followed B'Elanna's idea, it was a risk and it didn't work. Then there was no time to follow Tuvoks idea. There's no failure in that, you made a choice and acted on it. You know a well as I do the burden that command brings. Chakotay you can't keep thinking on all the wrong choices, think on the fact that we all survived and were not injured, sadly even Voyagers very own annoying Talaxian made it through. That's what you need to remember."

"And what if they never made it through, like in shuttle that killed your father and Justin?" he asked her taking her hand in his and wiping the tears from her face with his other hand.

Pulling herself to stand tall, as tall as she could she told him as she looked deep into his eyes, "then you mourn Chakotay, you mourn and then you have just got to pick yourself up and get on with life and all the while you hope and you pray that you never have to go through such pain again."

"Nelix was talking about loosing somebody you love," he told her as he walked over to the painting picking it up and admiring it.

Kathryn stood and watched him intensely for a while and then turned and sat back down on his sofa. "And that mattered to you?" she asked still watching him intently.

"I lost Seska." He said feeling pain, anger and hatred for what she did to him and how she betrayed him.

"Seska?" Kathryn asked him. The Bajoran marquis crewmember whom Chakotay had had a short relationship with sometime in the past had recently be discovered to be a Cardassian undercover spy genetically altered to look Bajoran. She had since betrayed Voyager and joined the Kazon who were currently Voyagers biggest Delta Quadrant enemy. Seska was the last person Kathryn thought Chakotay would talk of when talking about loosing people you love.

"I loved her captain." He stated simply. It was only then that Kathryn realised the pain Chakotay actually carried over the loss of Seska.

"Do you still?" she asked him.

"Captain?"

"Do you still love Seska?" she repeated but not looking at him as she stared at the medicine bundle laid out in front of her.

"I never knew the real Seska." He spat bitterly.

"But something in you still loves her?" Kathryn pressed on.

"In a strange way yes. I mean we did finish our relationship long before we were even on Voyager but I did still love her when we came to Voyager. It broke my heart to learn that she was simply using me." Kathryn saw the pain in his body as his mussels clenched as he stood with his back to her and she felt great sorrow for him.

"It hurt me, it hurt me because it hurt you." She said simply and watched as he turned to face her with his wide jet black eyes staring searchingly into hers. "Know this Chakotay, I will never let anybody hurt you that way again. I will protect you to the end of the universe and back. Know that if anybody, and I mean anybody, on this ship speaks ill of your right to command or your ability to command they will be in my brig faster than they will even blink." She said with full command force in her words. He stood staring at her but feeling great compassion. She smiled at his almost stunned look and laughingly asked, "Now is my host going to offer his guest a drink or does she have to mess around with his replicator to get one herself?"

Chakotay merely walked towards the replicator in silence and ordered a large black coffee for her and a tea for himself and slowly he went to join her on the sofa.

"Do you ever think you could love again?" He asked her softly, not taking his eyes of her as he handed this very beautiful and vulnerable woman her mug of coffee.

"I loved Mark didn't I?" She said simply but Chakotay couldn't help thinking that was avoiding the question.

"What if we don't get home, are you happy living here on Voyager lonely."

"I won't get lonely, I have you to keep me occupied and feel sorry for me." She said looking up at him with a half smile curling her lips but great pain and sadness in her eyes, something Chakotay did not miss noticing.

"I don't feel sorry for you captain." He sated sincerely. He felt many things for her but pity was not one of them.

"Then what do you feel for me?" she asked looking straight at him with determination and clarity.

"I feel pain." He told her.

"Pain?" she asked him, somehow she had not expected him to say that. She had thought he would feel many things for her but pain was not one of them.

"You hide it well, to care for me, you give me a second chance and you look at me with love in your eyes. But I know your pain." He said lovingly but sternly and matter-of-factly as he placed his mug of tea on the coffee table in front of him and looked at her with great love flashing through his eyes.

She looked back at him with deep love in her deep blue eyes. The two stayed in their loving stare making the sexual tension in the room and then she talked in a deep husky, cracked voice, "I have known pain Chakotay. This is nothing compared to what I have known."

"May I ask you a question my dear captain?" he watched as he began to see tears surface in her deep blue and beautiful eyes.

Smiling suddenly and trying to hold in laughter she told him, "I believe you just did." then realising the seriousness in his voice she looked back at him with love and told him in her best command tone with a nod, "but you may ask another."

"Who else died in the shuttle accident?" he talked with sensitivity, love and compassion as he asked the woman he loved this question.

"Who else?" she asked trying to sound nonchalant and as though she didn't understand the question but all the while her voice cracked and tears poured from her eyes. She turned from him slightly and looked away from where he sat on the sofa to her right.

"Yes, your father died, as did Justin, and you who is so beautiful was injured deeply in the attack, both physical and emotional injuries but somebody else died that day." He told her lovingly as he moved closer and took her trembling hand in his. She did not pull away as he brushed her knuckles gently with his thumb.

"And what makes you so sure of that?" she asked shaking with tears.

"You told me." he stated simply.

"I told you no such thing." She snapped at him. She fiercely turned her face to him and he saw the pain in her eyes and the tears trickling down her beautifully soft cheeks. The sight of her pain caused him great pain for the woman he loved so dearly.

"Please captain, I want to help, I want to know. You are not alone in this." He told her as he gently reached up and brushed her hair from her eyes and whipped the tears from her cheeks with his fingers.

"there is nothing to know." She snapped.

"Oh but captain I believe there is."

"A bold statement Commander, is this a speculation, an opinion from my first officer or a fact." She asked throwing her command mask back on over her face and turning from him. Facing her back completely to him where she sat straight upright on the sofa next to him.

"With certainty it is a fact, from the captains mouth herself." He stated and she leaned forward to stroke her think long hair that hung down her back in front of him. "and the captain knows it." He continued waiting for her to reply or turn to look at him, but when she did neither he told her "two weeks ago she and I shared a lovely meal in her quarters and she told me quite clearly then that three had died that day. That 'She had died that day.'" When still Kathryn did not turn to him or say a word she simply did not move he reached forward and kissed the back of her head and continued "At the time I was sure you were referring to yourself, meaning your emotional state had changed but I have thought on it, somebody _else_ died that day, a female you cared deeply for, a female you would go so far as to describe her as part of you."

"It hurts Chakotay, but I have to be strong." He hared her whisper softly and brokenly still not turning to face him.

"a physical pain or an emotional pain?" he asked compassionately as he took both her arms tightly in his hands but still she sat stiffly with her back to him.

"I thought the physical pain was too much to bare, and back then I really was a scientist, I had very different views on what constitutes life, I had to after what I went through with the Cardassians a year before the shuttle. I had to be strong, it was war, and I was alone. But Justin he was different, he saw life from the second of fertilization. As he died in my arms he made me promise to rise her not hating the Cardassians. I didn't have the heart to tell him she was gone, I wasn't certain and I hadn't really seen her as a life, even though Justin had. He just couldn't understand why I didn't. I suppose a scientist cannot know how a mother feels, nobody can apart from a mother. So how does a scientist feel when she is going to be a mother." She told him with conviction but still not looking at him. Through fear or shame or something else Chakotay did not know. Now though he knew the truth and he understood her meaning and he could only imagine how painful it must be for this beautiful woman he loved.

"Captain, you lost your child that day?" He asked so full of compassion in his words. When she still did not turn he said "You had a miscarriage?" She did not say a word, she did not look at him, and she didn't even make a sound. He moved closer to her back and still she did not move. Slowly she wrapped his arms around her from behind where they both sat on the sofa, he moved in closer still to offer some small comfort. He felt her quiver slightly but did not move from him. She stayed very stiff and did not relax in to him as he had hoped but she did not pull away from his embrace. He leaned in and gently planted a kiss on the back of her head into her think long hair. Taking a deep breath he pressed on with asking the conclusions he had come to, "Am I right is thinking you can't have any more children?"

Slowly, Ever so slowly she turned her tear stained and red puffy eyes to face him and asked in almost a distant whisper, "What makes you say that?"

He stared deeply and lovingly into her eyes for a second as their faces were inches from the other. He was trying to gage a feeling in her as he gently told her "When I told you my people respect our woman for bringing our children into the world for us you suddenly looked upset as though you were going to be sick, and you asked me what if the woman can not have children." Slowly her face turned that same pale colour and all life seemed to drain from her eyes as he said those words, she began to tremble as tears fell heavily from her silent face. "Come here." He said simply as he wiped the tears from her face and pulled her in a tight embrace. Resting her gentle head on his chest and stoking he long hair he told her with love and conviction, "Captain know that I admire you. I respect you and I cherish your friendship very deeply, you are very close to my heart." She simply replied by sobbing almost uncontrollably into his chest. He held her there tightly and lovingly as he did so, stoking her hair and allowing her the freedom to cry that way, he was sure this woman had never really cried for the pain she carried. When her tears began to fade in to more silent and controlled tears he looked down and kissed the top of her head and said, "look at me captain." She looked up from his chest as he still held her tight and looked down on her with love and compassion. He continued in an earnest and loving voice, "I respect you and admire you, I do not think any less of you for this. Please know that I could never think ill of you, never and certainly not because you can't bare anymore children."

She looked deep in thought for a second and then reached up to cup his cheek in her hand and asked, "Do you hate Cardassians Chakotay?"

He looked down at the beautiful woman he held in his arms and tried to think how to answer her question honestly, "I don't know what I think anymore. I have hated them, I do hate them. I hate them for what they did to my people, to my family. And now I hate them to what they did to you and the people you have loved. But there is something in you that has the ability not to hate them through all of the pain and grief they have caused you. That I admire. And in many ways want to aspire to be like."

"don't Chakotay." She told him firmly and pulling away.

"don't what captain?" He asked confused and suddenly feeling cold by the sudden loss of contact and change in tone of the conversation.

"do not admire me, you know nothing of who I am or where I have been." She said shaking her head at him with deep wide and honest eyes.

"Captain I was a Maquis, I have killed." He sated leaving himself vulnerable and worried of her response to him.

"We have all killed Chakotay, Starfleet is the military lets not forget." She said almost in anger.

"You have never killed in cold blood simply because of somebody's race. That is what the Maquis do."

tilting her head and looking at him with an expression he couldn't quite work out what it was she asked him, "That's what you have done?"

"I can't and won't lie to you." He said with conviction and then meeting her eyes full on he told her, "yes I have. I have been angry and hated all Cardassians."

"But not all Cardassians killed your people or raped you family." She said as more tears fell from her eyes, Chakotay couldn't understand what was causing her to cry this way. He thought that she too hated Cardassians. "Just as not all Cardassians attacked my shuttle, nor was it all Cardassians who raped…" but before she finished her sentence she stopped what she was about to say and quickly turned from him in embarrassment.

"Captain?" Chakotay questioned trying to understand what she had been about to say.

"It's nothing Commander, Its late I should be going. Thank you for the Coffee I only came to give you the present." She said sharply as she sprung to her feet, she gestures towards the painting of the wolf she had given him and said, "I am truly glad you like it."

"Captain, please." Said Chakotay jumping to his feet t block her in her path to the door, "Captain, who did not all the Cardassians rape?" he questioned and watched as her eyes glazed over and looked as though she was about to faint.

"Anybody Chakotay!" she shouted in rage, "you can not blame an entire race for the actions of a few." With her words Chakotay's face constricted, "Maybe many Cardassian men have raped human woman but not all can be held responsible for the rape of you sisters and mother or for the rape of…" again she stopped in mid-sentence as though she suddenly caught on to what she was saying and stopped herself in anger.

"Or the rape of who captain?"

Furious now and for why Chakotay could not understand she shouted, "Chakotay let me ask you a question and I want a truthful answer."

"of course." He said trying to take hold of her in worry to console her out burst.

"If your sister, or any of the other women of your tribe, fell pregnant with the child of the Cardassian who raped her would you accept the half Cardassian child as part of your tribe? Would you play the role of an uncle to a half Cardassian child, could you love a half Cardassian baby?" she demanded.

"That is an outrage!" Chakotay shouted shocked at her words "Never could that be! My sister would not allow such evil to grow inside of her." he spat, he wasn't really thinking of what he was saying, and he had never stopped to think that such a thing could have happened.

"Chakotay you can't!" She shouted as tear broke from her. He reached to take her in an embrace to console her but she pulled away in anger. "Cardassians start off as tiny baby's just as human children do, tiny babies that are helpless and it is up to the mother to instil her values into her child." She was shouting tearfully turning from him. Then she she said something he didn't understand or see the connection too, she said, "You could not possibility blame myself or Tom Paris for the murder or rape of your ancestors."

"captain?" he questioned unsure why she was so hurt and angry with him.

"When the white men came to your land and destroyed your homes and raped your woman thousands of years ago, when my ancestors desecrated your ancestors and lets not shy from the truth of the atrocities my ancestors committed against your ancestors in the name of the 'new world' is no different from that which the Cardassians committed against your people. And yet I know for a fact your people accepted the children born from that rape thousands of years ago, that evil was just the same. You cannot blame the offspring for the evil actions of its parent. If that be so you blame myself or Tom for the desecration of your ancestors." She told him tearfully still not turning to look at him.

"The idea of a half human half cardassian bastard despises me captain." He spat with anger and hatred at the idea. "I am glad and very happy to say none of _my _tribe parented such a brute."

"but if they had?" She gasped wide-eyed and staring at him "You would see the poor, helpless innocent child as a bastard brute? You tell me all life is sacred." She said trembling with tears falling.

"Not Cardassian life." he spat through gritted teeth. He could not see why she had brought this up or what such a detestable idea that to do with the situation they were discussing.

Kathryn marched up to him, raised her hand and slapped him with full force around his face. She heard the slap ring out through the silent room. He had not expected that and she had caught him off guard. She reached up once more blue eyes blazing with a look of stern hatred at him and she went to slap him again. Without great force or aggression he grabbed her wrist to stop her from slapping him again and looked down at her angry face with shock and horror in his eyes. "It was not his fault, he was a baby!" She hissed at him through gritted teeth and the tear fell and she looked at him with malice in her eyes. "Nor was it mine!" She screamed as he pulled her wrist from his hand and ran from his quarters.

"Captain!" Chakotay called after her, "Captain!" but he did not follow her he simply stood in the silence stunned. His right cheek stung where the clear red handprint of his captain's delicate hand lay slapped across his cheek.

**END OF CHAPER 12…. CHAPTER 13 NOW UP… REVIEWS VERY WELCOME… HOPE YOU ENJOY THE STORY…**


	13. It was war Chakotay

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 13**

**It was war Chakotay**

**Author's note: - this chapter contains a conversation between Kathryn and Chakotay that some may find disturbing or upsetting. Please read with caution as Kathryn talks with Chakotay about her time in a Cardassian prison. Nothing explicit is said and this entire chapter does comply with the rating 'T' but please be aware some suggestive things are mentioned around this topic. Thank you for reading this note, Please don't feel put off from reading the chapter I simply felt it was right to place a note before hand so readers can be aware. **

"Reports commander." Kathryn snapped as she came storming out of her ready room that morning. Chakotay looked up from where he sat is his chair and saw a very angry looking Kathryn Janeway stood before him with her hands on her hips but she stood with her head turned towards the view screen away from him. He hadn't seen her since the night before and knowing she was on Alpha shift same as him he knew she had been in her ready room all this time. He knew it was him she was angry with he just didn't know why, truth be told he was very cross with her for slapping him, and she meant to do it because she had intentions to do it again but he had stopped her.

"All systems at peek efficiency. Steady coarse to the Alpha Quadrant. Warp 6." He reported to her. He was still watching her very closely hoping her to relax a little. He did not get his wish his words only seemed to anger her further.

"And?" she yelled at him as she moved in front of him and stared down at him where he sat in his chair.

"Captain?" he asked really unsure what her problem was.

"That is not quite what I meant commander." She hissed at him trough gritted teeth. She then leaned forward in a very angry fashion, placing her legs either side of his almost as though she were saddling him. She then took the armrests either side of his chair in her hands and angrily moved her face inches from his. Chakotay wriggled in his seat, 'god she's damn sexy when she is like that.' He thought. He was finding it hard to concentrate on her as she snapped again "Computer what is the time?" still not moving from that intensely sexy position.

"**The time is 08:01 hours." **Reported the computer.

"Commander." She barked moving in closer to his face.

"Captain?" he asked her trying to stay focused and not reach out and kiss her seductively angry face as she held it so close to where he sat.

"It is your job to get the department head reports to me by 08:00 hours each Friday. Do I need to ask the computer to confirm it is Friday or are you going to explain to me why you have not fulfilled your duty?" she asked pulling away slightly. It suddenly dawned on her what she was doing.

"Captain I-" Chakotay began still shifting nervously in his chair.

"ALL department head reports on my desk in FIVE MINUTES Commander!" she snapped standing up fully and turning from him feeling very embarrassed.

"Yes captain." Chakotay replied to her straightening out his uniform jacket and pulling himself up straighter in his chair.

"The bridge is yours." She said to him as she hurried away from the commander feeling very flustered and well aware that every eye on the bridge was now utterly and completely transfixed on her because of what she had just done. She had not meant to allow herself to get that carried away at all; in fact she had not meant to slap him the night before.

"Tuvok please join my in my ready room." She said calmly, as the Vulcan moved to follow her in to her personal sanctuary she waved her hand towards Mr. Alaya who was stood near by. "Alaya, tactical please." She said nodding to him.

Five minutes later the captain and her Vulcan friend where interrupted by the sound of the ready room door chime. Almost as tough she had forgotten whom it could be she joyfully called "Come in."

"Captain, lieutenant." A very stiff looking Chakotay said as he entered nodding in the direction of the two friends sat relaxed on the sofa sipping warm drinks.

Kathryn turned to see who had entered with a big smile on her face, making Chakotay feel once again uncomfortable and jealous. 'Obviously whatever the two were talking about it had relaxed and amused her, why can't I make her smile like that?' Chakotay asked himself feeling slightly annoyed.

"Report's commander?" she snapped at him wiping the smile instantly from her face when she saw it was him. He held up several PADDs and she silently gestured for him to place them on her desk. "Next time I expect these to be on time." She snapped turning back to Tuvok making sure her back was completely to Chakotay, obviously giving him a clear indication that he should leave. Tuvok merely watched the two of them with his eyebrow raised as he sipped his Vulcan tea.

Chakotay who hadn't left shifted uncomfortably and then said, "Captain I was wondering is there was any chance I could have a word with you."

Slowly Kathryn placed her mug on coffee on the table in front of her and rather coldly stated, "Go on commander." As she sat there still with her back to him very stiff with pursed lips he didn't say a word just shifted even more nervously on his feet. "Is there a problem commander?" she asked him standing up and facing him with her hands on her hips, her eyebrow drawn close together and her red lips tightly pursed in anger.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you alone." He said glancing to were Tuvok sat watching them both very closely. It was clear to Chakotay that the captain had told Tuvok of the events the night before and Chakotay didn't want any kind of Vulcan logic interrupting what he wanted to talk to her about.

Kathryn slowly closed her eyes, and grumbled as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Tuvok." She said after a minute of standing in silence looking annoyed, she looked back at the Vulcan and nodded. Tuvok slowly stood, looked at Chakotay and then exited the ready room onto the bridge. "This had better be good commander because I am not in the mood." She hissed turning back to Chakotay.

Chakotay met her eyes, looked at her for a second and then said sternly but calmly, "Captain I fear I upset you last night for that I am sorry."

Kathryn Turned from him walked around her desk, sat down and picked up the first PADD he had left there. Absentmindedly and dismissively like she didn't care she said, "Apology accepted. Dismissed." As she examined the PADD in her hand and didn't even look at him.

"Captain I-" He began but she cut him off by throwing the PADD down on the table looking up at him and shouting,

"Dismissed commander!"

"But capti-" he began again.

"Commander we are Starfleet officers ON DUTY and you try to talk to me about a personal matter that you don't even know what the problem is. Dismissed." She hissed again.

"We need to talk about this." He was almost begging her as he said these words and moved closer to her desk where she sat.

"Need to commander?" she asked calmly.

"I want to." He corrected.

"20:00 hours in my quarters, now will you get out of here!" She spat pointing at the door as she picked up the PADD again.

"Why did you slap me captain?" he asked her in his usual calm voice.

"I was hurt by what you said." She told him as though this explained it all; she was still staring at the PADD in her hand even though she wasn't really reading any of it.

"So you slapped me?" He asked calmly, "I hurt you so you hurt me?" He asked sounding slightly annoyed and hurt as he said those words in disbelief.

It was then that Kathryn was really ready to admit what she had done, she had been so hung up on her own hurt and anger that she didn't think that what she had done to him was wrong and would have caused him hurt, something she really didn't want to do. Placing the PADD down and looking up she whispered "Chakotay." With a hint of compassion in her voice as she looked at him with love.

"Your not the only one hurt by last night." He carried on.

"I was angry." She said coolly, hoping that would explain why she had slapped him.

"At least I have the decency to tell you what hurt and angered me but what do you do? You lash out hurting me and then making a show of yourself and me on the bridge to prove a point. It's childish and it's not what I expected from you." He snapped feeling angry with her now.

"Clearly there are many things about me you did not expect and could not bare to look at me for!" She snapped back, her own hurt and anger was resurfacing.

"Captain?" he asked feeling unsure what she had meant by those words.

"You made it clear last night that you find me detestable so just get out commander!" she screamed at him and tried to look down at the PADD that was back in her shaking hands as tears began to fall.

"Captain!" he shouted back feeling hurt that she could even dream of saying he would think such a thing about her. He had tried these last two weeks to show her nothing but love and compassion. He moved closer to her completely unsure why she had thought he saw her as detestable, he was annoyed with her but he did not think she was detestable.

"Do I have to get Tuvok to throw you in my brig again or will you get yourself away from me?" she asked angrily as she looked up at him with wide eyes as he getting closer to where she sat.

"You are anything but detestable captain." He whispered to her trying to take her hands in his but she pulled away, jumped up and moved to the other side of the desk. He saw her blue eyes turn grey. As she looked at him her eyes looked as though they were on fire.

"No? Just my bastard brute! Right?" She screamed as tears began to fall, and it started to dawn on Chakotay what she was saying but he wasn't fully understanding her until she went on, "At least your sister was better than me and never allowed that kind of life to grow inside of her! You can be proud of her for that. Maybe I should have allowed myself to see life more like a scientist rather than through the eyes of a mother! Am I right Chakotay? Then I would never have born such a detestable thing into this world, that is what you would say is it not?" Chakotay stood frozen to the spot where he stood in utter disbelief and shock as he began to understand what she was saying to him. 'Oh spirits, why was I such a fool and talk from my anger and not console this beautiful woman that needed me to care for her?' Chakotay asked himself as he stood in silence watching her. Kathryn mistook his silence for disgust and hatred and threw all her defences up to shout at him through gritted teeth, "NOW-GET-OUT-OF-MY-READY-ROOM!" as she pointed angrily towards the door.

"Captain are you saying what I think you are saying?" Chakotay asked her calmly as he tried to move closer to her.

"I am saying you had better get out of here!" She snapped turning from him again and facing the window to stare at the stars absentmindedly.

"Captain please!" Chakotay bagged.

Kathryn didn't turn to look at him as she shouted, "Chakotay I have all ready told you to come to my quarters at 20:00 hours and we can talk about this. Now please will you leave me alone!"

"Then you promise to talk about it at 20:00 hours?" he asked her forcibly but not angrily.

Taking in a deep breath and turning to face him she tried to sound calm when she said to him, "Commander I have an extremely busy day ahead of me, I have meeting after meeting, today is not a fun day. Now I need my first officer at my side doing his duty. Any personal matter can we please keep until 20:00 hours when you can yell and scream at me all you want, hell commander you can even slap me if you think it will make you feel better!" when she shouted the last line at him Chakotay shook his head in horror and stepped back from her. "Right now" She continued "if you don't mind I am late for a meeting in engineering about the new holo technology B'Elanna and Harry have been trying to create so we can project The Doctor in all parts of the ship, because of your inefficiency and interruption I haven't had time to read B'Elanna's report. I am in such a foul mood and I haven't eaten since last night so woe-betide anybody who tries to talk to me on my way to engineering. Now can you take my bridge please? Could you do that for me? And I promise you 20:00 hours in my quarters I will let you say anything you want to say to me. Or ask any one of your questions and I promise I will answer. Can you do that for me?" She was feeling exhausted now.

"Of cause captain." He said nodding as he realised how busy she was and wanted to help in any way to lighten her load.

"Thank you commander, the bridge is yours." She said as she left through the door into the corridor rather than the bridge.

Later that evening after a very busy and exhausting day for the captain she was sat in her quarters listening to her favourite music from Tchaikovsky and paining a picture she had started not long after Voyager had been stranded in the delta quadrant. It was actually an abstract painting using the design of her first officer's tribal tattoo as a base for the painting. She was deep in thought over him when her door chime brought her back to her quarters away from her line of thought.

"Come in.," she mumbled absentmindedly as she still brushed her paintbrush on the large painting of her first officer's tattoo and not really aware of the fact he had just walked in the room and was now looking down at her. He could not see what was on the painting as it's back on the easel was facing him. But he could see the distant look on her face facing him, he also saw where she had smudged black paint above her left eyebrow similar to where his own tattoo was on his own face.

Haltering and gesturing back towards the door he asked her after a while when she still had not looked up from her painting "captain, I'm sorry should I come back?"

Jumping almost from a trance she looked up at him, "Chakotay, no please do forgive me." she said throwing a cloth over the painting so that he couldn't see what it was. "Please take a seat." She said gesturing towards the sofa. She then picked up a rag and started to wipe the paint from her hands as she joined him to sit next to him. "So commander, this morning you wanted to talk, what can I do for you now?"

"How are you after today?" Chakotay asked her feeling quite compassionate towards her. The mornings conversation in her ready room and the troubling and busy events of the day had made him feel less annoyed and angry with her. He had actually been worried for her all day.

"Wide awake." Was the only reply she gave.

"Tuvok had said you were taking time off with a new holonovel, I didn't think much of it at first." He told her, "I am sorry I had to disturb you."

She looked at him with a smile, she leaned in and placed her small hand on his arm, She looked up at him lovingly and said, "yes, he and the doctor both said I needed to take the time to relax, well actually The Doctor _ordered_ me take time to relax. Was quite funny really because he was about two inches tall at the time!" She said with a smile trying not to laugh remembering the events of that morning which she hadn't found as funny then, "I tell you one thing it turned out to be anything but relaxing." She said relaxing back into her sofa with a stern look on her face.

"Well you can relax now." he told her as he watched her look like she was about to sink into the sofa as she relaxed, "I wanted to say sorry." He said trying to sound casual as he looked at her.

"For what?" she asked in a calm voice still not looking at him and staring up at the ceiling as she spread out her legs and rested the back of her head on the rest behind her.

"Having my reports late to you this morning." He said coolly as she watched her.

She lifted her head and turned to face him, "Oh Chakotay!" She said with a whisper, for her too the day's events had defused her hurt and anger; she needed him and his comfort now. "I am sure it would have been ok really, I am so sorry for making a fool of you, and of myself in front of the bridge crew." She said as she turned from him looking down at her clasped hands and finding them very fascinating.

"I am sure I will survive, and it will give them something to talk about. Tom will have a field day." He joked placing his own hand over hers so that she was now looking at his hand.

"Yes I suppose he will." She said looking at his large copper hand grasped over her own in her lap. She didn't pull away she simply looked at it there for a second as the tears began to cloud her sight. She watched as a single tear dripped on to his hand, as it did she felt his grip on her hand tighten, he leaned forward and took both her hands in both of his.

"Captain, if I am right in what I think, I want you to know that I don't think less of you, I never could. I admire you." Chakotay told her. As he talked to her he talked with so much love that Kathryn just weeped with years of held up emotions that she knew she could trust him with but still she did not look at him.

"I still can't believe I slapped you." She whispered, she then slowly looked up into his eyes were her own tear stained eyes were desperate to find love. "I am so sorry." She said with such conviction and love that Chakotay could not doubt how sincere her apology was. She reached up and gently planted a tiny kiss on his right cheek where she had slapped him the night before. This was the first time she had given Chakotay such a gift and he was determined to cherish it, he gently closed his eyes as he felt her warm breath brushing against his cheek bone, "can you forgive me for the pain I cased you?" She whispered, as her mouth was no more that a centimetre from his copper skin, her tiny rose lips brushed his skin as she talked.

Chakotay waited until she was further away from him and then slowly turned his face to look into her eyes. Here their eyes locked, as their faces was inches from each other's. At that moment nothing else mattered to Voyagers captain and first officer apart from the other just inches form them. He watched her deep blue eyes as they seemed to lock with his own, Tchaikovsky was still playing lightly in the background and the heart rate of both the command team had risen a fair amount in the last minute, Kathryn was still tearful and Chakotay still grasped her hands tightly in his. Both had moved forward to end up in the position they were in, both searching the others eyes, slowly Chakotay leaned in further and tilted his head to allow his lips to almost met hers. Kathryn slowly closed her eyes in anticipation, at this point her heart was pounding and she wished he would close the tiny gap between their lips and clam her lips for his own. She slightly parted her lips to give him easy access, she licked her lips with the building desire she was feeling for him. Just as he was about to do it, just as she felt the heat between them rise and she was feeling a deep pang of desire in her, he pulled away from her with a crocked smile and simply said, "It doesn't hurt any more and my face made it out in one piece." Her eyes shot open as they went searching for his, She was on edge and desperate for his tender touch. She had been so sure he was about to kiss her; she looked at him in disbelief. He leaned in and unpinned her hair so it fell from it's tight bun more loosely around her he stroked it from the top of her head all the way down to the tips. He then cupped her tearful face in his hands and brushed her flushed cheeks with his thumbs. It was then that he told her, "And captain for the record it would NEVER make me feel better to slap you. I could never do that." When he talked he was not aggressive or rude, he merely said what he really felt he needed her to know. He leaned in, kissed her forehead and then realised her. Kathryn felt the sudden loss of contact with him and couldn't help feeling cheated and saddened by him because she had hoped he would kiss her and clam her lips for his own.

"I didn't mean to, I suppose I just lashed out without thinking for that I am sorry." She said sadly turning from him. She knew exactly why she had lashed out but she felt too ashamed to say anything, as far as she could see he had made it clear what he thought. She thought she knew that if she was to tell him the truth that she would loose him that he would despise her and never look at her again. Keeping a secret from him, as painful as it was, was well worth not having him despise her for the rest of their lives.

"You were a mother protecting your child whom I said some horrible things about." He said sitting next to her and brushing some of her long hair from her eyes in a loving action, here head shot up the stare at him with her wide blue eyes. She looked at him with a look of slight shock, "I think you know what I mean, you told me yourself in the ready room." As he said these words her shock turned to fear and she stood and moved quickly away from the sofa, she turned her back to him. She decided she could not bear it if she saw a look of disgust in his eyes, 'this is why he did not kiss me, he hates me and sees me as disgusting' she told herself.

"Ok what if it's true?" She spat at him over her shoulder, she seemed to appear annoyed but he knew she was fearful, "What then? Will you look at me again? Could you tell me you care for me? Do you hate me for bringing such evil into the world?" She said turning fully away from him refusing to look into his eyes as she asked these questions.

Slowly he stood and moved to stand just behind her, she could feel him there but still she did not turn to him. "Never." He told her, He then took her shoulder and forced her to face him, "it was wrong of me to say such a thing"

"Yes it was," She told him simply as she looked into his jet black eyes where she saw nothing but love.

"Can you forgive me?" He asked with a voice that pleaded.

"Maybe, it depends." She told him.

Fear shot across his expression "on what?"

"Two things." She told him sternly.

"Which are?" he gulped through fear that he had hurt her too much for her to forgive.

"One," She said and then gave a pause in which he stared at her with pleading eyes. "You give me a hug." She said turning from him again, She was so fearful he would spit her down and tell her she was not worthy of his hugs. But that he did not do, he took her from behind and turned her to face him, He looked down at her with deep love in his eyes. Wiping her tears from her cheeks with his fingertips he pulled her tight to him. Resting her tiny head on his chest he held her tight. As he gently stoked her hair to two stood like that for an eternity as the tiny redheaded captain cried in to her first officers chest.

"Why is it a hug you want?" he asked her after a few minutes but still holding her in the tight embrace.

"So I know you don't despise me because of my son." She told him in a cracked and broken voice as more tear flowed from her eyes to be absorbed by his chest.

Slowly Chakotay lead her to the sofa where he sat, As she sat next to him stiffly he pulled her close and and allowed her to relax, She slowly slid down and rested her head on his lap, He knew she needed to be there and so he allowed her to lie there, trembling as her tears fell. He stroked her hair and softly asked his tiny crying captain a question he was not sure he should have dared to ask, "Where is he now?"

It was a long time before Kathryn said anything, at one point Chakotay had thought she had drifted off to sleep and then very slowly she quivered and then talked in the tiniest of whispers, "The Cardassians took him from me. They said he needs to grow with his own kind."

Chakotay looked down and this tiny trembling wreck of a woman that lay across his lap broken and abused, "they took you son from you?" he asked her feeling sick. He closed his eyes, he couldn't bare to look down at her, not because she despised him but because a sickening anger was welling inside of him again as he looked at his lovely brave captain quivering like a wreck. His own tears fell from his face as he gently stroked her hair and face as it lay on his lap. She was looking away from him, for that he was glad, he was not sure he could face his eyes meeting her eyes, nor did he want her to see his tears for her, he knew she needed him strong.

He felt her head slowly nod on his lap and then she turned her whole body from him as she said the words that made him want to wretch is nausea, "I gave birth to him in a Cardassian prison. He was the property of Cardassia the moment he was born, as was I."

"Captain you-" Chakotay began.

"Chakotay please don't." She said her whole body shaking as more tears fell from her eyes.

"No captain, look at me." He said knowing if there ever was a moment she needed to see his strong eyes it was then, She still had her face and body turned from him but was still lying on his lap. "Please look at me." Chakotay said again as he stoked her back and arms. Slowly she turned to face him and he was looking down on the beautiful tiny face, She held he eyes tight shut. "Please open your eyes, I want to see those beautiful, brave blue eyes of yours," He told her as he looked down at her face with pride. Slowly she opened her tearful blue eyes and looked deep into his jet black eyes, "Captain no life belongs to somebody else. You were never the property of any Cardassian or anybody else. You belong to nobody."

"I wish I could believe that." She said as more silent tears fell and Chakotay wondered if she had ever cried for this let alone talked of it.

"Why can't you?" he asked as he looked down at her with such tender love and care.

"They, as I am sure you know, are ruthless in getting what they want. Eighteen months Chakotay, eighteen month and I couldn't find a way out. Some may think that eighteen months is a short time but I can tell you after you have endured their hourly regime only a few times then you start to wish that you were their property, and then you start to believe it. And some how that feels better." She said coldly as she sat up from his lap and looked out of her window.

Chakotay watched her for a second debating in his mind if he should say what he was thinking and then decided he would at least ask, "Captain forgive me but I heard you were only there for six months."

"You heard? From who?"

"I would rather not say captain."

"Six months is what is on the official record of the incident. Starfleet would never admit to it being more, they never could. It wasn't exactly an official mission when I was caught." She said turning to him with wide eyes.

"I don't understand." He said shaking his head at her in confusion.

Taking in a deep breath she explained, "I was young, very young. And I was very egger. I was the daughter of a very well respected admiral. I was determined to prove myself to the Starfleet brass. So when my dad and captain Paris, as he was then, asked me to go to Cardassia on a sevalience mission I didn't question it, this was my big chance." She was almost ashamed at her naive immaturity and turned form him as she said these words.

"Your dad sent you to Cardassia?" Chakotay gasped in complete shock.

"No he asked me to go and I said yes." She corrected Chakotay and then looking down at her feet she told him, "Of course he knew I would never say no."

"And you were captured." Said Chakotay feeling angry with both her and Tom's dads.

"My shuttle hadn't even landed." She told him, when she saw the very confused look on his face she went on to tell him, "Starfleet were developing it's own prototype cloaking device. You could say that mission was the test flight."

"A _test flight_ sending a lone Ensign into Cardassia!" he shouted in shock and horror, he was shaking to even think of his beautiful Kathryn going into that.

"Well it wasn't an official test flight," She told him as thought this was supposed to make him feel better; of cause it only made his anger worse.

"And so it failed." He said feeling a mixture of shock and anger.

"Epically. It was a disaster, a shambles." She quivered at him. She then went on to tell more of the shocking story, "Of course My dad and captain Paris could never admit to have sent me in there without the federations approval. Nobody knew what happened to little Katie Janeway. No rescue, no negotiations for my realise. Nothing." She said crying more as she turned away from him.

"Oh captain." Whispered Chakotay as it was all he could think to say; He knew what the Cardassians did to their prisoners, most of all their female prisoners. He guessed she had not been consenting in the conception or birth of her half Cardassian son, but he was her son none the less. He took her in his arms from behind her and she leaned back into his chest.

"I am not even sure my dad told my mum what had happened to me."

"What?" He said slowly and quietly in utter shock, he really was lost for words.

"Well he couldn't tell anybody he had sent me in there." She shrugged as though it we nothing.

"So he and Admiral Paris were actually going to leave you there and hope it all brushed over?" spat Chakotay shaking his head as he still held her from behind.

"I would never put it quite so coldly" She told him turning to face him, "Their hands were tied." She said sadly looking at the floor.

"But effectively yes." He said calmly stroking her hair, he carried on trying to make sense of it all, "They sent you alone on an unofficial mission into enemy territory with an untested prototype cloak that failed before it had even begun and you were captured and so to save their own butts they sat back and said or did nothing about it." He was feeling his anger boiling now.

"It was war Chakotay." She repeated that same sentence again and now Chakotay understood what she had mean by it and why she said that whenever she talked of the evil actions of the Cardassians.

"And who's words are they?" he asked her angrily, "Your own or Admiral Paris's or was it your father who drilled those words into you? Made you believe them to make themselves feel better for what they did to you?"

"Stop it Chakotay please!" She shrieked as she trembled and cried on the corner of the sofa.

Chakotay couldn't bare to see her like that; he couldn't bare the truth of her words. "NO!" He screamed as he rammed his large fist down onto her glass coffee table where it smashed into a thousand little pieces and cutting his hand as it did.

"Chakotay!" She screamed as she jumped away from him, she was so very frightened now, with all the memories resurfacing of her time in the Cardassian prison she couldn't cope with his anger.

"No! it's sick and it's wrong! How can you defend them?" He screamed at her.

Within a split second she turned and ran from her own quarters and was gone out of his sight leaving him stood alone in her quarters with his hand drenched in blood from the cuts the broken glass had left.

As she ran past the painting she had been doing when he arrived the cloth covering it from him had fallen away and he saw the wonderful abstract painting for the first time. He saw immediately that on a beautiful and colourful abstract background it was a painting of his own tribes mark, his tattoo. Calming down he moved to look at it and felt the warmth of love grab his heart as he looked at it. He saw the time and effort she had put into this work that was meant to represent him, he knew she could know nobody else with his tribes mark. It gave him great pride to see that his love, his Kathryn, his captain had been working on a work tide to something so sacred to only him. As he reached up to touch above his left eyebrow where his tattoo was he remembered the black smudge of paint that was just above her own left eyebrow and he came to realise how it had got there as she had been painting. This caused him to smile widely as he realised how deeply she truly must care for him.

He realised all he had said and done to her over the last few months and how deeply that would have hurt her and yet she was still at his side wanting to love and forgive him. That was special.

And now he needed to go in search of his special little woman who needed him to love her, now more than ever.

**End of chapter 13…. Chapter 14 NOW UP! reviews are very welcome!**


	14. Coffee ice cream

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 14**

**Coffee ice cream.**

Chakotay admired the painting of his own tattoo that was in front of him. He wanted to give its artist time to cool off and be alone. He also knew that he had to cool off. He knew he couldn't go and find her if he was angry. She needed him to be calm and supportive. She needed somebody to listen and understand and no get angry at the first sign of something annoying or hurtful.

He spent about thirty minutes contemplating whether or not he should go and run his boxing holodeck program and box the lights out of a Cardassian man for what his beloved Kathryn had just shared with him of her painful encounter with the Cardassians. He hated them even more now for taking from her what was sacred and private and only hers to give.

Realising that thirty minutes had past and he needed to be with her, and sitting alone in the captains quarters waiting for her to come back was not really a good thing to do. He asked the computer where the captain was and discovered that she was on deck 15, the lowest deck on the ship she hardly ever went there, not even on inspection day. He found she was in the starboard large storage locker, well at least her comm badge was. He made his way to the specified part of the ship and opened the door and entered the storage locker (which was in fact no bigger than a broom cupboard or a cupboard under the stairs), he had even had to check where it was using a Voyager spec on the computer, and he had never even known it was there.

He looked around for her but couldn't see her in the tiny broom closet size room. He was about to leave thinking she must have hidden her comm badge among the cargo containers when he heard a tiny voice ask,

"What do you want?" It was Kathryn. Chakotay was confused; unless she had climbed into one of the containers there was no way she was in this tiny little room.

"This might be the only time I let you stand on my head." Chakotay heard Kathryn say with a hint of a laugh in her voice. He looked down and sure enough there below his feet her saw Kathryn's beautiful blue eyes peering at him through the metal mesh that made up the flooring.

"Captain! How did you get in there?" He asked in shock and jumping back so that his feet didn't appear to be standing on her face even though he knew he was only stood on a mettle grid flooring that she was sat under.

She smiled up at him through the flooring as she stood up and pushed hard on the metal above her, Chakotay knelt down to help her and as he did she managed to pull it loose and push it aside above her, leaving a whole above her just at Chakotay's feet just big enough for him to slide down into. As he did so she stepped aside and backed up against the far bulkhead to give him room to enter. As his feet hit the floor he looked around the tiny space where he now stood with his captain and found that the space below the storage locker was actually larger than the space above, he found he was in a room just a tiny bit bigger than the turbolift. As he looked around he had to smile when he saw cushions and paper and sketching pencils scattered around. He knew she hadn't left her quarters half an hour before with any of this and so he knew she must have settled in here before.

"Ok so what is number two?" he asked her as he moved his eye to where she stood.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked leaning forward so that she leaned just past him. Her cheek brushed with his as she leaned above him and pulled the man-whole cover over the gap he had left.

"It's what I have come her for, Number two, what is it?" he asked watching her as she pulled back past him.

As she slumped down along the bulkhead in a sitting position she told him, "A number that comes after one and before three." She wasn't confused or unsure what he was saying she was merely pretending she had no idea what he was asking her.

"Well yes" Chakotay said feeling slightly annoyed with the situation, "but you said that there are two things that you forgiving me would depend on. Number one was to give you a hug so what is number two?"

"To not get cross if I tell you what happened." She said as she stared deep into his eyes.

He looked back at her eyes for a second and then realised she wasn't joking with him so he looked away and mumbled in shame, "I suppose I failed then?"

"I suppose you did." She said as she tilted her head to look at him.

"I am sorry captain." He said looking down at where she sat longing to take her in his arms and hold her tight.

"I know." Was all she said simply without any emotion as he drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them and rested her chin on the tops of her knees and looked down on the floor on which she sat.

"May I sit with you?" he asked, as he wanted her.

"If you want." She said looking up at him with her wide blue longing eyes.

"Where did you find this little space?" he asked as he snuggled onto the floor next to her, their shoulders touching.

"It's not a secret, it is on the ships blueprints." She told him simply with a slight smile as she rested her head against the bulkhead behind her and glancing at him from the corner of her eyes.

"Oh." He said feeling slightly caught out.

"I take it you never studied the copy I gave you when you agreed to be my first officer?" she said with a huge grin.

"I glanced that them." He mumbled and looked away in shame.

"As long as you can find your way to our bridge from your quarters on time I am happy." She told him playfully swatting him arm to show him she was joking with him.

"That I can do ma'am." He told her smiling back her equally as jokingly.

"Good work commander!" she said meeting his eyes and his smile, his dimples were making her feel very content sat next to him.

"Captain?" Chakotay asked her wiping the dimpled smile from his face to show her he was being serious.

"Yes?" She asked wiping the smile from her own face and suddenly going serious.

"You said _our_ bridge."

It took Kathryn a few seconds to understand what he was meaning and then smiled widely with her blue eyes flashing joyfully as she told him "Well it is rather large to keep all to myself."

"Yes I suppose so." He said braking into a smile himself.

"I often allow Tuvok, Harry and Tom as well as occasionally some others to sit there polluting it up" she said waving her hand in the air in front of her as though she were telling somebody to go away, her eyebrows were drawn closely together in pretend annoyance, She then rested her head on his shoulder as she smiled and told him in her deep husky voice "but I like to think I share it with you. I know it wasn't easy for you to sacrifice the Val Jean to save Voyager. We are a command team," She then took his hand in hers and stroked his knuckles with her thumb, "together we command Voyager."

"Thank you Captain, it is my honour." He said tightening the grip on her hand.

"No Chakotay" She told him shaking her head where it still rested on his shoulder. "The honour is all mine, to have you with me is an honour."

"So you forgive me?" he said resting his other hand on her knee and hoping he wasn't being too presumptuous.

"For what? Insulting my dead father and the man I see as my father or for saying I was disgusting for having a half Cardassian child?"

"Both." He said stroking her knee gently and hanging his head in shame for what he had said and done.

"Hummm I suppose I could do that." She said with a smile as she took his hand that lay on her knee in her other hand.

"You are so beautiful." He told her as she sat up and his eyes met with hers, "But I have a question."

"Oh?" she asked looking at him unsure what he could want to ask her.

Smiling he looked at her forehead and asked with a grin, "Were you planning on getting a tattoo?"

"A tattoo?" she asked him, confused as her deep blue eyes shot to the dark lies of his tattoo above his left eye.

"Hum yes," he said smiling richly at her and reaching up and rubbing his thumb gently over her left eyebrow he laughed, "one just here where you seem to have smudged some black paint."

"Oh no, I am sorry Commander." She said in shock turning from him and trying to hide her face.

"Sorry?" He asked watching her and feeling slightly amused.

"I don't want you to think I was making fun of your tattoo." She told him still turned form him covering her face with her hair but her hands still held tightly in his.

Letting go of her hands he reached up and brushed her hair from her face and gently guided her beautiful face to face his, "With that beautiful picture you have in your quarters?" he asked.

"You saw it?" she said with a gasp and pulling away in shame.

"When you ran past, the covering fell of." He told her and then looked at her with deep love as he asked "Why did you hide it from me?"

"I'm sorry." She mumbled looking intently at her hands in shame.

"You don't have to be sorry for coving it, But I love your work please don't hade it from me." he told her looking at her intently.

"No I mean I am sorry I painted it." She said turning to him looking sad.

"I am not so why are you?" he asked honestly.

"I didn't want it to be an offence to use your tribes design."

"An offence?" He gasped at her in disbelief. "Oh no captain it is an honour."

"An honour?" she repeated with her wide eyes looking searchingly at him.

"Yes, that you, such a beautiful artist of such beautiful work would use a symbol so sacred to me for one of her paintings."

"I like the design, it mesmerises me every time I look at you." She told him turning to him and staring at his tattoo.

"Thanks, Your beauty mesmerises me every time I look at you." He told her gazing into her eyes.

Her eyes flickered from his tattoo down to his eyes and then she looked down at the floor and told him sadly, "I have no beauty."

"Yes you do." He told her sincerely.

"Somewhere a long time ago I had beauty, but that was before the Cardassians clamed me for their own." She said turning from him as more tears threatened to fall.

"You were realised from the Cardassians." He reminded her.

"Not inside of me I wasn't." she whispered.

"What did you dream of today?" he asked her with a slight change of subject. All the crew had spent the day hallucinating after being taken over by a hostile alien. Each member of the crew had seen visions of the person that they wanted something from the most; Tom had seen his father and was looking for his approval. Tuvok had seen his wife and Harry had seen his girlfriend Libby who he had been forced to leave behind in the Alpha Quadrant. B'Elanna had seen her dear friend and mentor Chakotay but instead of merely caring deeply for her she had seen him desiring her sexually.

"Oh you know, this and that." Kathryn shrugged, as she was ashamed to tell Chakotay what her visions had been of.

"Was it the Cardassians?" He asked her.

"No!" She spat in horror at the idea.

"Was it Justin?" Chakotay pressed on.

"No." Replied Kathryn looking sad as she said this word.

"Mark?"

"Well, sort of." She said as her eyebrows drew closer together in confusion.

"Sort of?" Chakotay asked for clarification of her meaning.

"He was cross with me, but it is not like Mark to be cross." She sighed feeling confused and hurt by the visions of the day.

"It wasn't Mark, you have to remember that, the real Mark is in the Alpha Quadrant and he loves you." Chakotay pressed on trying to reassure her.

"You don't know that." She said as tears began to fall from her eyes.

"How could he not? He is your fiancé." Chakotay told her trying his best to reassure her.

"That's the problem. Mark, well the Mark the alien pretended to be, was cross with me because he thinks I moved on." She told him as she quivered and wiped tears from her eyes.

Chakotay watched her for a second and then asked her, "He thinks you have moved on?" Slowly she nodded at him and more tears fell from her eyes. "Captain, he is not the real Mark. If he was cross with you for moving on then it's not Mark who was cross with you and only you can say if you have moved on or not." He told her wrapping his arm around her.

"What if I have?" She asked him worriedly.

"I think for now you just have to take each day as it comes."

"But he thinks I am cheating on him with Lord Burleigh." She told him as tears began to fall even faster from her eyes.

He watched her wondering who Lord Burleigh was but he saw how important the need to reassure her was. "It's not Mark it's your minds representation of Mark. I think it's you who is has perceived that you are cheating on him with Lord Burleigh." He told her wanting her to see in a rational way what was happening around her.

"Maybe." She told him looking absentmindedly at the bulkhead in front of her as her eyes turned a greyish colour.

"Errr captain, if I may be so bold, who is Lord Burleigh?" He asked her tentatively as he stroked her shoulder lovingly.

"Oh." Said Kathryn in surprise as she turned to look at Chakotay. "He's one of the Characters from the holonovel I have been playing, his character has just declared his love to my character." As she said the last words more tears flowed helplessly from her eyes.

"Firstly he's a holocharacter programmed to declare his love for you and second just because he has declared _his _love for you does not mean that _you _are in love with him. So that does not mean you are cheating on Mark. Don't worry."

"I thought it was you." She said almost ashamed as she turned from him again.

He really wasn't sure he had heard her right so he said in a slight confused and shocked tone, "Pardon?"

"Yes well, I was hallucinating about the characters from my holonovel, but I thought it was you." She told him shifting very uncomfortablely where she sat next to him with his arm around her.

"Me?" he asked very confused, "You thought I was in your holonovel?"

"No!" She said smiling "I mean I was walking down a corridor and it started when I heard a voice, a man's voice, declaring his love for me. For a second I thought it was you, I turned around," waiting for a second while she debated if she should say it or not, then taking a deep breath she told him almost in a hurry to get the words out "I hoped you would be stood there," Then she turned from him sadly and told him "but there was nobody." Then with a smile and a slight tilt of her head she told him "Well there was Crewman Black but he was just going through a door."

"Crewman Black declared his love for you?" Said Chakotay with a laugh and his dimples flashing as he joked with her.

"No." so told him hurriedly and than when she realised he was teasing her she pushed him gently and laughed saying "your naughty!" Shaking her head she said more seriously, "no it was Lord Burleigh, well a hallucination of him. It wasn't until I saw Beatrice that I knew."

"Beatrice?" Asked Chakotay shaking his head to show he didn't know who Beatrice was.

"Lord Burleigh's daughter." She said matter-of-factly as though this were obvious.

"But this Beatrice is a holocharacter too." He told her and then quickly added, "Right?" to be sure.

"Naturally." She told him nodding. He nodded back at her with relief.

"And she was wondering around the ship, as well as the disembodied voice of her holographic farther who declared his love for you." Said Chakotay trying to be sure he fully understand what she was saying but still hoped that in his words she would see how silly what she was saying sounded.

"Right!" She said in reply to his question and then beginning to see how silly she was being worrying over nothing she said "unless it was Crewman Black!" laughing heartily as he pretended to scowl at her.

"Now who is being naughty?" He asked shaking his head at her with pretend disapproval.

"Or maybe it was you!" She smiled wide-eyed and hopeful at him even though she knew it wasn't him who had declared his love her.

With a slight cough Chakotay quickly turned away from her and asked, "So then what happened? Where does Mark come into it?" hoping to change the subject.

"I should have known with the cucumber sandwiches." She said staring up and biting her bottom lip.

"Cucumber?" Chakotay asked in confusion, he really wasn't following her now.

"When was the last time you saw cucumber sandwiches Chakotay?" She asked him as she still stared absentmindedly at the bulkhead in front of her.

Not really sure what cucumber sandwiches had to do with anything he watched her for a while and then realised she was being serious in her asking he hoped she wasn't going mad when he told her, "I don't know, perhaps the last time I was at Starfleet command. They always had silly posh foods like that." Still watching her intently he worriedly asked, "Why?"

"Nothing." She said hurriedly shaking her head. "I think today stirred me up quite bad." She whispered. She was feeling quite scared and vulnerable now.

Chakotay stroked her hair and took her hand in his to offer some comfort, "When did you last eat? Maybe we could head back to my quarters and get some dinner?" Then he looked around the tiny space they had been occupying he said; "Besides it's slightly cramped in here."

Looking across at him suddenly like she had only just realised where she was she said, "Yes, sorry there is barely enough room for one, though I do like to come here." Standing up and reaching up to slide the man whole cover from above them as he stood to join her she answered his question by saying, "I did have lunch with our friend the Telaxian."

"Yes I saw that. It made me feel happy." He said with a very big grin on his face, much the same as the one he had given to her on the bridge when she agreed to have dinner with Nelix, she just hadn't seen his grin because she had her back to him at the time.

"I bet it did!" She exclaimed scowling at him and then rolling her eyes she told him, "You should have seen the way Tuvok and Harry looked at me when he suggested it. I could hardly say no!" She said as she pulled her self up and out of the man whole swiftly to stand on the floor of deck 15, they had been at the very underbelly bottom of the ship, Chakotay stood amazed at her skill and swiftness at getting herself back up and truth be told couldn't work out how she had done it. "I was waiting for you to pipe up but lucky for you, you didn't say anything." She shouted down as she smiled watching him struggle to scramble to the deck where she stood.

Finally getting up to join her he watched as she knelt and replaced the cover as he said, "After the way you were with me this morning, I was silently doing my duty! But it did make me very happy when you went with him."

"Thanks food wise maybe!" to told him with a slightly annoyed expression on her face has she took his hand in her own, "But you know how annoying he is!"

"Ha!" Shouted Chakotay, "payback!"

"Payback!" She said stopping abruptly and looking at him with her hands on her hips.

"Yes for yesterday!" He told her, when she still looked at him confused he said, "When you _let _him go scouting the ship with me!"

"I see." She said scowling but continuing to walk with him towards he quarters, she wasn't really annoyed with him.

Smiling at her as he watched her display pretend annoyance Chakotay told her, "No really I am very glad you ate lunch, even with Nelix."

"During the hallucination I was going to have Coffee ice cream later in my quarters" she told him but then looking away slightly she continued, "but then I thought I heard Mark and Molly." This made her feel slightly ashamed.

"Molly?" he asked her fearing there were more holodeck characters in her rather interesting holonovel.

"My dog, oh you would love her." Said Kathryn as she joyfully walked with him through the corridors of Voyager towards the turbolift. She was so happy she even felt like skipping.

"Yes I have seen her picture in your quarters, the one you display of her and Mark with you, the three of you look very happy together." He told her with a smile walking just behind her and placing his hand on the small of her back. She didn't pull away and the two walked like that. Chakotay sometimes feared he was being to forward with the slight affection he showed towards her, he still could not forgive himself for all he had done to her recently. She acted like she had forgotten that only weeks ago his anger had driven him to threaten to rape her leading him to end up in her brig, he had not forgotten.

"We were a little family, Molly was pregnant, and I was going to be a grandma!" She told him happily as she entered the turbolift, she turned to face him as he entered behind her with a slight cheeky smile on his face, "Hay Chakotay don't knock it! I was happy!" She told him almost laughing.

He simply nodded at her.

"She mattered a great deal to me!" She told him as they exited the turbolift and moved in front of the door to his quarters where she waited for him to key in the access code.

"I bet," he said as she watched his lean brown fingers key in the code, "come on! Lets get you some coffee ice-cream you deserve it." He told her as they entered his quarters.

"It was good of you to come." She stated as she sat on his sofa without waiting for invite this time, something Chakotay noticed and felt very pleased about.

He ordered her a large bowl of coffee ice-cream from his replicator and handed it to her as he joined her on the sofa saying, "Well you ran off and I knew my anger had upset you."

"No" she said taking a large spoonful of the wondrous ice cream. "I mean, after the hallucinations while I was still in sickbay."

Remembering the dread and worry that had flushed over him when he had been informed that she was in sickbay and appeared to be going crazy he felt once more very worried, he had gone to see her in sickbay without a second thought, he had needed to see her. "I was doing my duty." He told her simply not wanting her to know how worried he had been. He watched her adoring her ice cream and had to keep telling himself that she was fine.

"Oh so you didn't care I was seeing things that weren't really there?" She joked with him.

"You know I did, I was very worried for you!" He exclaimed, he wanted her to be sure to know that he did care, he wanted no doubt in her mind, He then went on to explain to her why he had seemed distant with her when talking in sickbay, "But I was trying to be careful not to be too friendly. I knew I had annoyed you."

She looked up at him like a little child begging for more and handed him an already empty bowl, she licked the spoon the threw it into the bowl in his hand where it landed with a clatter. She then leaned in and snuggled up to him as she was desperate for his tender touch, "Chakotay," She began in a cautious whisper, "What you said to me, the promise you made to me in sickbay before all this really began, well I want to thank you."

"Thank me?" Asked Chakotay staring at her who was resting her head on his shoulder and playing with the ends of her hair and then looking to the empty bowl now in his hands and feeling very bemused.

"Yes, what you said to me, well it touched me. I could see you cared when you told me that there was a reason I was hallucinating and you wouldn't stop until you found it. You had faith it wasn't me, it wasn't that I was going crazy." She said with a husky loving voice still playing with the tips of her long hair.

"I knew you weren't crazy, I have seen crazy and that's not you." He told her standing and moving to place the bowl in his recycler.

"Oh?" She asked standing to join him, "You have seen crazy?"

"My grandfather died a crazy old men, it runs in my family, its what I fear the most but I knew it wasn't you. It is me who should be thanking you."

"Oh? Why is that?" She said with a sly grin as she watched him. She couldn't help but want to flirt with her handsome First Officer.

He turned back to her and nodded slowly a he stood before her, it was his turn to feel vulnerable now, "After all I have done, after I froze yesterday, after what I said to you last night and the argument we had in your ready room this morning you still trusted me enough to put me in charge and not Tuvok."

She smiled at him; she slowly walked towards him and whispered, "I will always trust you Chakotay." As she reached up and traced the black lines of his tattoo with her soft fingertips, she loved to do that and could do it all day if she wanted to.

He stepped back and cleared his throat quickly saying, "So, coffee ice-cream?" It wasn't that he felt uncomfortable with her doing that it was more that he felt a little too comfortable, it was only less than an hour ago that she had been concerned about cheating on Mark, her fiancé she had been separated from not by chance. Thinking quickly of something else to ask he said, "Some more coffee ice cream before or just after your dinner?"

"How about both?" She asked smiling in a giddy child like fashion.

"If you want captain." He said half shaking his head disapprovingly as he ordered a second bowl from his replicator.

As he handed it to her and she took it eagerly she told him, "coffee ice-cream is like coffee, I can have it anytime and want it all the time!"

"I see!" He said laughing as he watched her hurriedly devour the second bowl in less than five minutes.

"So commander, who did you see?" She asked shuffling herself onto the table to perch there eating her ice cream.

"I didn't see anybody on the view screen, only the alien." He told her truthfully.

She looked at him slightly cross that she had sheared with him and now he wouldn't share with her, she pulled a spoonful of ice-cream from her mouth and waved the spoon at him saying, "But, Chakotay everybody saw who they wanted to be with the most, come on commander, don't be shy, tell me."

He watched her spoon another load of ice-cream onto her spoon and smiled as he decided just to be honest with her, "I didn't see anybody on that view screen because the person I wanted to be with the most was stood right next to me."

She was really hurt and annoyed now; she couldn't understand why he wouldn't just tell her. She went on to tell him what he thought, "but when the-" but then stopped when she went on to realise exactly what he was trying to say to her, "Oh!" She shouted wide-eyed as she had just pushed the spoon into her mouth and held it there feeling like she didn't want to move.

"I'm sorry captain, I was out of line." Said Chakotay turning from her.

Quickly pulling the spoon from her mouth and standing to be closer to him she said, "No it's just I feel like I have had to explain myself to Mark, I left him. He's had to live without me, it's just what if I am cheating on him?"

"With me? Or Lord Burleigh?" asked Chakotay trying to understand the exact meaning of her words still stood with his back to her.

"Both" She said steadily as she gently placed her second empty bowl and spoon of the evening down on the table.

He turned to face her and took her hands on his, "I don't think you are cheating on him. You're a very faithful woman, you have never been unfaithful."

"Lord Burleigh kissed me." she told him as her blue eyes met his back eyes.

"Lord Burleigh is a holocharacter," he said and then as he voice deepened a little he told her "though he is managing to make me feel very jealous."

"You are cute when you're jealous. Like today in my ready room! – Cute!" She said with a smile and a twinkle in her eye.

"The ever supportive captain." He replied slightly sarcastically.

"Sorry, I wasn't making fun." She told him placing a delicate hand on his chest.

"Your cute! With your paint tattoo, just there." He said reaching up with a grin and stroking the black paint smudge that was still above her left eyebrow.

Smiling back at him she copied his gesture telling him, "Your cute with your real tattoo just there."

"Thanks. - I think." He said feeling like is male ego might have just been smashed if those words had come from anybody but Kathryn Janeway.

"So ok, maybe you weren't hallucinating while we stood on the bridge but I saw you in the trubolift." At her words he blushed ever so slightly but she didn't really see, "I wanted to kiss you, You were very cute." She told him with that twinkle back in her deep blue eyes.

"Thanks captain, but as far as I was concerned you were kissing me." He told her turning to face the bulkhead directly in front of him but he could not bear not knowing her reaction to his words so he glanced a look at her from the comer of his eye. There he saw her biting back a smile and her cheeks had turned a brilliant shade of pink, this made him want to smile.

"Chakotay!" She exclaimed in mock shock and anger.

"Sorry ma'am. You did ask." He told her standing to attention.

"That I did." she laughed and playfully swatting his arm.

He sat next to her and she rested her head into his chest. The two snuggled together that way wrapped arm in arm for a while and it felt good and safe for both of them.

It was Chakotay who broke the silence after a few minutes by saying, "May I ask a question?"

"Go on." She nodded but not breaking from her resting position on his chest.

"What did you name your son?" Chakotay asked her steadily and calmly tightening his grip on her to show support.

"My son?" She asked feeling like she was suddenly dropped from heaven to a painful hell. "I didn't give him a name." She said shaking her head at him.

"Why not?" he asked her simply looking down at the top of her head and planting a kiss there.

"Well I knew they wouldn't let me keep him and I didn't want to become too attached." She told him truthfully as she began to quiver with the emotional pain.

"Do you ever think of him?"

"Not a day goes by when I don't" She replied, then after a long pause she said to him, "I asked you a few weeks ago if you ever wanted to be a father and you told me you did once before you saw what the Cardassians did to your people."

"Yes." He nodded to agree that he had said that.

"But Chakotay, a child is a hope and a freedom, more than we could ever dream of. I think you would make a wonderful father."

"My father would disagree."

"Why is that?"

"My people call me contrary, my father and I would fight a lot."

"Why was that?" she asked intently tracing invisible circles on his chest with her forefinger.

"He always wanted me to learn the ways of my people, I didn't want to know."

"Really?" She said in shock, "That surprises me! You are so proud and true to your beliefs now." She was now propped up from his chest by her elbows on his lap and looking deep into his eyes.

"That is more to honour my father than anything else." He told her stroking the long think hair that flowed down her back.

"Oh." She said simply resting her head back down on this chest.

"But I do believe in much of it though."

"I love it when you tell me of your people." She told him as she wrapped her arms tighter around his body.

"I love it when you rest your precious head on my chest." He told her planting another kiss on her head.

"Why?"

"Because I want to protect you. You have seen and felt enough pain." He told her the sound of deep love in his voice.

"I want some fun Chakotay." She told him with a sigh.

"Then fun you will have." He said patting her back and shifting his body to stand up and leaving her resting in a lying position on the soft. "After dinner. What do you want?" He asked looking down at her relaxed and curled up body lying on his sofa.

"Coffee Ice-Cream!" She mumbled.

"I know that! But what do you want _for_ dinner?" he asked crouching in front of her face and brushing the long hair from her face where she lay.

Her eyes were closed and she looked almost exhausted lying there like she was about to drift off to sleep, slowly she told him, "A roast dinner."

"Beef?" He questioned.

"I would love it!" She said with a half smile still lying there with her eyes closed.

He smiled back at her, brushed her hair from her face and then kissed her forehead before standing up and telling her, "Then roast beef dinner you shall have my lady."

**End of chapter 14…. Chapter 15 NOW UP! …. Reviews very welcome…**


	15. The name giver

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 15**

**The name giver.**

Kathryn had eaten her roast beef dinner and yet _another_ bowl of coffee ice cream and Chakotay had enjoyed a nut roast dinner. The where lying together on the sofa as her head rested on his chest.

"I am so sorry I have been very testy with you today." She whispered sincerely but not moving form the very comfortable position she was lying in.

"That's ok my captain, I know I brought some painful subjects up and have cause you pain recently." Chakotay told her feeling sorrowful for what he had said and done to her over the past few months. He stroked her long hair as he looked down at the beautiful woman who lay secure in his arms. He vowed to himself that she will always be secure in his arms, "I know you were only defending yourself against me, you saw me as hostile."

"Not you Chakotay, I never saw you as hostile. But I did feel I had to defend myself." She told him as she stretched out her hand and intertwined her tiny pale fingers with his long copper coloured ones. The two lay like that for a while as Chakotay felt so proud to be able to be allowed to hold this woman that way after all he knew he had done. Kathryn broke the silence and asked him, "Do you think I should have named him?"

For a second Chakotay looked at her and didn't understand what she was meaning but then remembered the conversation they had been having before their dinner, realising who she was meaning when asking if she should name him Chakotay asked her "Your son?" to make sure he was understanding her correctly.

"Yes, I have never thought about it before." She told him with a cracking voice and Chakotay knew she was crying again though he could not see her face where she lay.

"Only you can say that." He told her helping her up into a more sitting position but still resting her head on his chest as he held her in a tight comforting way.

"Sometimes I wish I could." She said simply and she quivered tears into his uniform.

"Name him?" he asked her supportively.

"Yes" she said as she nodded as she sobbed.

"Then why don't you?" asked Chakotay seriously.

"I will never see him again, it's easier to believe he never existed." She told him as she sat up and pulled away from him with her back to him. She carried great pain over the knowledge that she will never know what happened her baby, the only baby she was ever going to have now. She would rather not acknowledge his existence and she had always thought that if she gave him a name she would have to acknowledge him, something she couldn't face of survive alone.

"And naming him will make him more real?" he asked her as she sat stiffly with her back to him.

"To me yes." She told him with a broken and cracked husky voice.

He took her in his arms from behind and held her tight, he whispered in her ear, "My mother had a son, my younger brother, but survived only a few days. My mother and father both found it easier to pretend he never existed, we were never to talk of him. I was the eldest and remembered him clearly, my mother and father thought my younger sisters were too young to remember."

"But they weren't?" she asked as she turned to him. It broke his heart to see her so full of pain. Her deep blue eyes were grey and glazed over, and her cheeks were so very tear stained.

Slowly he reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks, he shook his head and told her, "One day they came to me and asked what happened to mothers baby without a name."

As he said those words she saw the deep pain in his eyes and she knew then that he was hurting because of this, she had seen first hand how deeply his encounter with the Cardassians had affected him. "That must have been hard," she said searching his face where she saw his own pain there. "What did you tell them?" she asked wanting to support and care for him the way he had been doing for her.

"The truth." Is all he said simply.

"Nothing like that is easy Chakotay." She said as she cupped his face in her hands and smiled broadly up at him.

He smiled back and told her "we gave him a name." he then reached up and cupped her delicate face in his hands.

"You did?"

"Yes my sisters and I we named our brother Gustoppie"

"That's a nice name." She told him with a smile as she pulled away from his hands and looked at the floor. She really wouldn't know where to start naming a child she was never going to see again. All she knew was that she needed to do something and she couldn't do it alone, she couldn't face it alone, she needed him to stand at her side.

"The name given to a child among my people is very important." He told her watching her reaction as he talked, "It is not usually the mother or the father who name the child, as it is with your culture." She was watching him intently with great respect and adoration as he talked; she loved it when he shared with her about his culture. She knew how deeply he respected it and directed his life according to his culture and beliefs. Somehow for some reason because it was so important and sacred to him it was important and sacred to her and she wanted to know more. As he watched her he saw her deep desire to know more and her deep interest this touched his heart and made him find her more respectful. It made him fall in love with her even more when he saw the true and honest desire to know his beliefs and understand him and what made him at the core of his being. So he continued to tell her of the naming of a child, "The man closest to the parents, often an uncle, is the one granted that honour. Although not always, it was my father who named me."

She smiled at him as he looked at him with deep love as she sat just in front of him resting her elbow on the sofa and her chin on her hand. "Is it just Chakotay?" she asked with curiosity, tilting her head to look at him.

"Just Chakotay? In what way do you mean?" he asked her in confusion not understanding what she meant.

"Well" she began to explain to him, "My name is Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway." As she said those words she saw is whole face lighten, and shock as well and honour spread across his eyes as he looked at her. "So is it just Chakotay?" she asked him as she looked back at his eyes and rested the palm of her hand on his chest in a gesture of deep love.

He simply looked at her and admired her for a while, he really could not see what he had done to deserve this woman, She offered him love and forgiveness so freely and readily, as the two sat admiring each other on the sofa of his quarters he vowed to never leave her or hurt her again. "Captain you have a beautiful name, I never knew you had a second name, Elizabeth." He said as he admired the way it sounded rolling off his tongue.

She smiled as she told him; "Many of our people have two first names and then a last." She wasn't sure why it was important but she could see to him it was.

"Really?" he asked slightly surprised. To Chakotay's tribe the name was one of the most precious gifts. A persons name was held as something very sacred. The name was very important and sacred to the person and was to used and spoken like a very sacred possession, it was not to be taken lightly.

"Yes," she told him "for example Thomas Eugene Paris or Samantha Jessica Wildman."

"That I did not know." He said thinking about the names of his people, slowly he asked her, "Do your names have meaning?"

She looked at him for a second and then thought for a minute, she had been told once when she was a child about the meanings of her names but it hadn't really been very important for her to remember. Chakotay saw the intense concentration on her face as he simply watched her in puzzlement about why she had to think hard about such a question. Then slowly and feeling slightly unsure if she was right she told him, "Well Elizabeth is taken from an old earth religion, the faith of Christianity which many still follow today, it means 'God is truth.' Elizabeth was an important character in that faith's teachings."

He took her in his arms into a tight embrace where they sat on the sofa, her name made him smile, "God is truth." He said with such reverence, to his people for one to speak the meaning of another's name is an act of incredible honour and respect. "I like it," He told her, and then pulling from the embrace and stroking her cheek gently with his knuckles he laughed and said with such love, "quite a name for a scientist."

"Don't knock it Chakotay!" She said feeling slightly embarrassed that her name meant something so different to what she was. Kathryn could see how much it mattered to him and couldn't quite understand why because to her it hadn't mattered at all, She simply shrugged and told him, "It's just a name."

"But a name must have meaning." He told her as his jet black eyes searched for hers in love.

"Why must it?"

Taking her hand in his and pulling her back to rest the back of her head on his chest he wrapped his arm around her and told her in a deep loving voice, "Among my people names are chosen not for what they sound like but for their meaning. The meaning of a child's name is very important and the name it's self is sacred and never to be abused. To know another's name and meaning and to make fun of it or to change it in anyway is a great dishonour and shows that person great disrespect." He then stoked her hair and wrapped his arms more tightly around her tiny body that rested on his.

"So for example where in my culture it is a sign of close friendship and love to shorten a persons name, like Samantha is Sam to her friends and Thomas is Tom."

"Yes like that." He told her, "in your culture that is an honour given to those the person feels most comfortable with and when you are hurt or angry with a person or if you don't like them it is them that is when you use the full name." She nodded, this conversation was making her think a lot about the difference of cultures and this was concerning two cultures from the same continent on the same planet. Something in her wanted to know so much more about his culture. "Among my people to shorten a persons name is a great dishonour and something reserved for when talking to or about an enemy." He told her as he stroked her face. "But not just to shorten a name, to change a personas name, to call them something different or to say their name is not to be used is like saying they are not a real person." He told her as he was wondering how he could be worthy of such a woman, never had he held a woman in his arms who had actually been interested in his people's ways and in his beliefs. All the other women he had met found the idea of his tribal background a fun and cool one but didn't care much of upholding it or honouring it. "To do that is the worse disgrace you can give to a person and to make them live with a name that is not their given name is making them a slave."

"Really? But you said your family called you contrary." She asked reaching up behind her and cupping his face in her hand where he sat behind her as she rested her head on his chest.

"My family said I was contrary, they never said it was my name." he corrected her taking her hand in his and kissing each of her fingertips gently.

"What does Chakotay mean?" she asked feeling it would honour him to ask.

"Chakotay is only half of my name." He told her as he watched her turn to look into his eyes, She had never known that. She looked at him expecting him to tell her the rest of his name, but he told her, "Only those dearest to me can know all of my name."

"Oh" she said simply turning from his face to rest her head back on his chest. She was not offended she could see for Chakotay his name meant a great deal, she was just slightly disappointed.

"In my tribe, the owner of the name, the parents, the name giver and the tribe chief are the only ones to know the full name of a person." he told her and she relaxed a little, now she understood why he had not told her his full name, she was not one of those people.

Chakotay watched her for a second and then told her, "It is kept sacred and only those dearest to the owner of the name can be told the full name and therefore the full meaning of the name. When the full name is spoken aloud after the naming ceremony it can only be done by the owner to those he or she holds dear enough to know the name."

"So your name is very special to you." She said with a husky whisper as she rested into him. It was a statement more than a question.

"Yes. I have never spoken my full name to anybody before, I have never before met a man or woman who deserves such an honour." He said as he watched her closely stoking her long hair. For a few minutes the two lay in silence and enjoyed the touch of the other.

After nearly five minutes of lying softly on Chakotay's chest with him stroking her lovingly and watching as her eyes began to drop slowly closed as she was drifting of to sleep she suddenly opened her eyes and sat up moving towards his replicator she ordered a black coffee and took a sip before she had really realised what she had done. He was watching her and smiled inwardly, it made him proud to see that his Captain Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway clearly felt at home in his quarters to sit or use his replicator with out needing his permission, he was not annoyed with her, he admired her for it. Realising what she had done she lowered the mug from her mouth and slowly turned to face him, "Oh Chakotay I am so sorry, I didn't think, err may I use your replicator to get some coffee?" She asked him feeling very embarrassed.

"What would you do if I were to say no?" He joked.

"Beg you to forgive me, give you anything you want from me." She said with a laugh in her voice.

"And if I still said no?"

"Pull rank on you of course _Commander_ and order you to give me coffee!" she said in her best command tone and making sure she stressed his rank.

"I see well then it's a lucky thing I don't mind, mutiny and disobeying the orders of my beautiful captain was not on my to do list for today!" He said with a smile as he stood and moved to stand next to her, he ordered a tea from the replicator for himself and smiled down at her.

"You know telling somebody your full name is a very sacred honour, one not to be given lightly Chakotay, don't worry that you have not yet met somebody who deserves that honour." She told him moving away from him back towards the sofa, she wanted him to feel supported and not feel upset he had not yet found the right person to share something so sacred with.

He watched her sit back down on the sofa and take a small sip form her warm mug grasped in her hands; he saw then what he had to do, what he wanted to do. Slowly he walked to her and placed his own mug of tea on the table in front of her, he then gently took the mug of coffee from her. She didn't protest but looked up at him in compete confusion and shock. He took her hands and guided her to stand with him. He brushed the hair from her sleepy eyes, leaned in and kissed her cheek, as he was pulling away he whispered in her ear, "Captain Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway I wish to tell you my name is Chakotay Hache-hi Kaga, the first son of Kolopak."

"Chakotay!" she exclaimed pulling back and staring deep into his eyes, she was truly shocked that he had just told her his name. Kathryn felt that she was not worthy of such honour. It wasn't until she looked deep into his warm jet-black loving eyes that she realized the truth of the honour he had just bestowed on her and she hadn't acknowledged it because of her shock. She repeated back to him, "Chakotay hann-cha-hiee kane-ga" she talked slowly with a deep husky voice, her whole body shook with the implication of the gift he had just given her.

He looked at her beautiful scrunched up face and had to laugh at the intensity of her expression as she had tried to say his name, what was even funnier to him was that she had said his name completely wrong, it amused him not offended him. He saw her cheeks turn pink and she turned her face from his. He took her in her arms and held her tiny body in a tight embrace, when he let her go he brushed her hair from her face, took her tiny shaking hands in his and whispered slowly and clearly, "Chakotay Ha-che-hi Ka-ga, the first son of Kolo-pak." Breaking each word into slow syllables so that she could pronounce it better. It was his honour and with great pride that he did this.

She slowly lifted her head to meet his loving gaze inches from his own and slowly repeated his name taking each syllable slowly as he had done, "Chakotay Ha-che-hi Ka-ga the first son of kolo-pak." He smiled at her and nodded to let her know she had got it right.

Taking her into another joyful embrace and resting her head on his chest he said, "Whingoppoo," she didn't say anything he just felt her tiny body relax into his as he told her, "That means hello."

She pulled from his embrace and held out her hand to shake his, "Whing-gop-poo," she said slowly, "Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway nice to meet you." She said in a joyful voice as she looked up at him.

Looking down at her happy, free and radiant beauty he took her hand tiny pale hand in his larger brown hand and shook it politely saying, "The pleasure is all mine, Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway." He bowed his head slightly and raised her hand to plant a tiny gently kiss the back of her hand all the while keeping his eyes locked with hers as he did so.

Taking her hand from his and holding his gaze she asked seductively and in a deep husk voice, "Tell me, what does Chakotay Hache-hi Kaga mean? And what does your fathers name Kolopak mean?"

Smiling and shaking his head at her in pretend annoyance he reminded her, "You never told me what Kathryn means."

Swiftly she turned from him and muted back at him, "It doesn't matter what Kathryn means."

"It does to me." He told her spooning her from behind where she stood and kissing the back of her head.

"Well it does mean something, but the Cardassians took that from me." She said with a cracked voice and tears fell once again. He saw her shaking and tightly wrapped his arms around her. The two stood for a few minutes and she turned to face him, clinging to his uniform jacket she wept into his chest and he stood strong and held her upright like he promised himself he would do in every day from now on.

When her crying slowed he gently led her to the sofa where he lay her down and knelt on the floor beside where her head rested on the sofa. "In what way? They can never take your name from you, you will always be Kathryn have no fear of that." He talked with such deep love as he wiped the falling tears from her cheeks.

"Kathryn means 'pure', but I am not pure, not after what they took from me." With those words she turned her back to him where he knelt beside the sofa, he saw her body quiver as the tears fell.

"Pure God is truth." He said with such adoration, "It is a beautiful name and it is very true, you are pure Kathryn, your soul is very pure, your intentions are pure, your life and goodness is pure, your beauty is pure, this beautiful body of yours _is _pure. Kathryn you _are_ pure." He was almost shouting with conviction as he looked hopelessly at the tiny redheaded woman curled up on his sofa with her back to him.

The two stayed this way in silence for what felt like an eternity until slowly Kathryn turned to him still she lay on his sofa and with a small curled smile she looked at his and whispered to him as tears still fell from her eyes, "Thank you Chakotay Hache-hi Kaga the first son of Kolopak. Now please I would very much like to know the meaning of your name."

He smiled with his dimples at her where she lay and said with pride, "Chakotay means 'peace in the Valley'" and then went on to explain, "my tribe lived in a valley."

She was grinning at him now as she lay on his sofa and told him, "I like that!"

Brushing her cheeks to wipe away the last of her tears he told her, "Thank you, Pure, I like your name also." He then leaned in and gently kissed both her cheeks, as he began to pull away from where he leaned over her face she wrapped both her arms around his neck so that he would not move from here he held his face only half a foot from where hers lay looking up at him from the sofa. As he stayed there and looked down on the beautiful woman lay before him he took her hips in his hands and wrapped his arms around her back, tilting her upwards and holding her there. He would never drop her but she was now forced to hold on to his neck or her upper body would fall back onto the sofa, he had her right where his loving arms wanted her. "Hache-hi," he continued whispering deeply into her face as he held her so close to his own, "has a meaning very sacred to me," as he said this he felt her gaze intensify and he knew her heartbeat had quickened with the anticipation. He kissed her forehead and lowered his now warm captain to lie back down on the sofa and held her hand saying, "It means 'running wolf'."

"Running wolf!" she exclaimed with a gasp, only the day before she had given him a painting of a running wolf, one she had painted a few weeks before and he had loved. She had no idea he had a name that meant those very words, she had only known that the wolf was sacred to his people.

"Yes, like the painting you gave to me." he told her as he glanced to the door to his bedroom where the painting now hung.

"And what does Kaga mean?" she whispered feeling intense love for him overflow her whole body.

"Kaga mean's 'teller of legends.'" He said with a smile, "And Kolopak means 'the faithful one'"

She watched his eyes so close to her for a while as he held his head above her and then she reached up and cupped the side of his face with her hand, watching him she whispered, "Peace in the valley running wolf teller of legends the first son of the faithful one."

"Pure God is truth." He replied watching her and than stopped and then asked "Does Janeway have a meaning?"

She scrunched up her face for a second and bit her bottom lip and then shook her head telling him, "I don't think so, and many of our family names aren't like that."

"You have a beautiful name." He told her as he looked at how her beautiful long red hair was fanned out over his sofa.

"As do you, Chakotay I must thank you for bestowing me with such honour to share your full name with me."

"The honour is mine my dearest captain." He said still kneeling on the floor and taking her hands in his.

He looked far above her and distantly out of the window behind her as he told her, "You see that is why giving my brother a name helped my sisters and me to deal with it. In time even our mother and father came to call him by his name, in a way it gave him an identity that my family could mourn."

"That's really nice, what does Gustoppie mean?"

"Remembered one." He told her proudly.

Tears began to well up in her eyes, not sad tears but fear of joy for the beauty of what Chakotay and his sister had named their brother, "Oh Chakotay it's beautiful!" She whispered deeply with a smile and once more meeting his intense gaze.

"Thank you." He said simply.

"I am happy for you but my son might not be dead, how can I mourn a boy who is still living." She asked feeling confused and unsure what she should do.

"My dearest Captain," he said guiding her up once more, this time to allow him to sit with her on the sofa so she could rest her head on his chest just as she had been doing earlier that evening, "he is lost to you, that you must mourn and greave over."

"How can I mourn over that which does not belong to me?"

"Captain?"

"My son was and still remains the property of Cardassia, as do I." She said trying to sit up and pull away from him but he wouldn't let her he held her to his chest.

"No, captain you do not and nor does he." He said sternly.

"Can I tell you about it?" she whispered reaching to grasp his hand in hers.

"About what captain?" asked Chakotay lovingly but confused.

"About my time in the Cardassian prison."

"You can tell me anything," he said stroking her and kissing her hands, "I will not judge you." He reassured her.

"One day Chakotay Hache-hi Kaga, one day I will tell you."

"But not tonight?" he questioned lovingly.

"No, tonight I want you to name my son." She said as she sat up and looked at him with truth in her eyes.

"Pardon?" Stumbled Chakotay really unsure he had heard her correctly.

"Did you not hear me Chakotay?" She asked with a slight smile knowing her had hear her very well. He was now relaxed in front of her on the sofa and she was sat upright stating down at him with indignant fearfulness.

"I thought you said that you want _me _to name your son?" he said feeling quite shocked that she had said such a thing.

"Yes I did." she stated simply with a nod.

"But captain, he is yours to name." Chakotay whispered sitting upright to meet her where she sat.

"I want you to name him." She told him just as definitely so there could be no mistake in what she was saying.

"But why me?" asked Chakotay still in shock.

"Because you matter a great deal to me." she told him looking confused herself now and maybe a little slightly hurt. She had thought it would have been obvious why she had chosen him to name her son and now she feared he would say no.

"But he is still yours to name." Said Chakotay in disbelief shaking his head at her.

"You are a man." She told him standing and turning from him feeling the sharp pang of rejection.

"Last time I check yes." Said Chakotay trying to make a light joke of the situation but when he saw that she was not laughing he went to her and tried to turn her to face him but she wouldn't.

Looking down at the floor feeling ashamed and hurt and refusing to look at him Kathryn mumbled, "you said the honour of naming a child is given to the man closest to the parents." She was so fearful of his rejection she didn't want the tears to fall as she said with pain, "As the parent I choose you to be the name giver of my child, you are the man dearest to me."

"Captain I couldn't possibly presume to-" He began with a whisper.

Interrupting him Kathryn turned and said, "Please I want you to. You will pick a great name with a great meaning. Please will you do that for me? It doesn't have to be tonight."

It was then that he realised that his rejection and turning down of her honour would be far more hurtful and painful and he would not hurt her. He in fact had been honoured by her request to name her child and that was an honour he would take with pride, "It would be my honour." He said with a nod as he took her in his arms for one last tight embrace of the evening.

"Good. Now I am sorry, I need rest. I must sleep. Thank you for the lovely dinner and for the coffee ice cream of course. Most of all though thank you for bestowing upon me the honour of knowing your full name, it is a name I will hold dear and cherish." She told him with a smile pulling away from his embrace, before he even had chance to reply she was gone from his quarters and once more that evening he was left stood alone in her wake.

**End of Chapter 15…. Chapter 16 NOW UP… Reviews welcome… Thanks…**


	16. We do this together

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 16**

**We do this together.**

Kathryn stood before the doors of the holodeck and saw there was a program running, it was 23:00 hours and nobody had booked the holodeck for the whole of the night, she knew exactly who it was in there and she wasn't sure of she felt relief or annoyance to him being in there. She politely pressed the chime and waited, he did not allow her to enter, but then he may not have heard her. She couldn't call him on the Comm, she had tried that but when he did not reply, she had ordered the computer to tell her his location. The computer had sent her to his quarters, only next door to hers. When she had chimed his door and he had not allowed her entrance she had used her over ride code. It was there that she found no Commander Chakotay just his comm badge on his sofa.

She had gone on a ship wide search of him; she had tried the observation deck, the mess hall, even the bridge, his office, her ready room. He was nowhere to be found. She had asked B'Elanna if she had seen him, she was staying tight lipped but Kathryn was sure she knew more that she was saying. In fact nobody knew where Chakotay was, either that or they weren't saying. She had even scrambled down to deck 15 to see if he was hiding in the tiny space that she often hid in, the one she had shown him a few weeks ago. Though she had no luck there.

It was then that the dread and fear washed over her, what if he had gone? Had he gone back after Seska _again_ after she had just rescued him from her after he had taken it upon himself to go after her alone without orders to do so. Much of Kathryn had wanted to refuse to believe he would do that. Not now, not after she had put him on report and told him how much he had let her down. There was no way she wanted to think that he might do that to her again, so soon after the first time.

After exhausting all other options she turned with a heavy heart to the computer to check if all the shuttles were still in her shuttle bay, her heart was pounding fast while she asked the computer but then skipped a beat when she was told all the shuttle crafts were still where they were meant to be. Relief washed over her, he was still on her ship.

This left her with one last option about where he could be, though in many ways she knew if he was there while his presence there _was _breaking the procedures of his being on report she would rather him there than off her ship on another stolen shuttle craft, twice in twenty four hours she could not cope with.

As she entered she found herself in the dimly lit boxing room that she had been in once before, she looked up at the ring just in time to see her first officer punch a Cardassian man till he hit the floor with a loud thud. Chakotay had his back to her as he did so and she couldn't help but smile. Then with her hands on her hips feeling slightly annoyed she said in her usual deep husky voice, "I thought I might find you in here."

"Captain!" exclaimed Chakotay in shock as he spun round to face her he looked down at her from where he stood on the raised stage and then realised that in fact he should haven't been there and was disobeying her orders, again, he jumped to stand to attention and felt very guilty for his actions.

She pulled herself up to meet him on the stage and then waved her hand in his direction saying, "At ease, please Chakotay." As she turned from him feeling unable to look at his face but wanting to be near him.

"I was hoping you wouldn't find out I was in here." He mumbled watching her back and feeling ashamed.

"It's my ship Chakotay, the idea is I am supposed to know where everyone is." She replied still with her back to him. He felt a pang of guilt wash over him, some may have thought she was making a joke but he knew better. Chakotay knew these were the words of a very hurt woman who was making a sly comment to the fact he had managed to steal her shuttlecraft and disobey her orders and leave her ship with out her knowing. He also knew as punishment he shouldn't be in the holodeck at all. He turned to her and he saw both and anger and pain in her deep blue eyes but her mouth smiled trying to pretend to make light of it all, "Though I am beginning to wonder if you can follow procedure at all."

Hanging his head and feeling quite shameful for his deliberate disobeying of her orders again he told her, "I am sorry. I will leave." As he made to walk past her towards the door.

"Not so fast!" she told him forcefully as she place a steady hand on his shoulder to signal him not to move past her.

"But captain I know I shouldn't be in here." He said gazing into her face but she was simply refusing to look at his.

"Is that why you hid your comm badge in your quarters?" She asked looking down at her now outstretched palm where his comm badge lay.

He looked down at it too and felt so sorry for what he had done, he had knowingly once again disobeyed her, "I-" he began trying to find some explanation to give to this woman who he loved and respected.

But she interrupted his by throwing his comm badge at him in a rage where it hit his face and clattered to the floor. Chakotay looked at her wide-eyed and in shock but she did not flinch at all, "Commander!" she shouted "You know all personal must wear their comm badge at all times. You also know that while on report all holodeck privileges are revoked." For the first time she stared widely into his eyes. She was searching for something, any small indication about why he was doing this.

"I know." Was all he said simply.

She looked at him for a few minutes and then looked down at the floor, "Poor Mr. Cardassian." She said nodding at the lifeless body on the floor.

"Maybe, Maybe not." Chakotay shrugged.

She looked back up at his plain expression on his face; she could see it was like he just didn't care any more. Tilting her head, meeting his eyes and placing her hand on his arms she asked, "Do you want to talk Chakotay?"

"Not really." He told her plainly pulling from her.

She continued to look at him as she told him, "I checked, the holodeck is free all night, I can waver your holodeck restriction, let you have it all night, beat up some more Cardassians if it would help." She was trying her best to comfort him and support him in this difficult time even though he had just hurt her very badly.

"No I know the rules, no holodeck privileges while on report." He mumbled and said "Computer end program" leaving them stood in the small empty square of a room with the grey and yellow holo-grid surrounding them, only his comm badge lay on the floor.

She looked at him annoyed and snapped at him, "Clearly you wanted to be here bad enough that you left your comm badge in your quarters and came here hoping I wouldn't come looking." Waving her hands around the room.

"It's my problem." He told her picking up his comm badge and turning away sharply and walking swiftly towards the door.

"That's exactly what you said before" she snapped not moving but staring at his back as he walked from her.

"Seska is my problem." He spat at her stopping just before the door but not looking at her.

"You went off and sorted your problem before and look where we ended up." She shouted annoyed, as she stood stating at him and feeling very angry but yet vulnerable.

"We?" he asked slowly turning to face her.

"I told you," she said sliding down from the stage and walking to stand directly before him, "what you did was commendable, the way you did it was not, please don't leave me out again, it hurt Chakotay. Don't shut me out. We do this together. We command voyager together, remember."

"You can never understand!" he told her turning from her as the doors opened and he walking out into the corridor.

"No?" she asked annoyed as she followed him.

"I didn't ask for this!" He shouted punching the bulkhead on the way past, She stepped back from him quickly but didn't say anything, and "I didn't ask to be a farther." He shouted resting his fists and forehead on the bulkhead.

She came in behind him and rested her hand on his shoulder, "No you didn't"

"I don't want a half Cardassian child with Seska." He told her and he looked up and met his troubled eyes with her loving compassionate eyes.

"No I don't think you did," she whispered with a loving husky voice as she leaned her back against the bulkhead standing next to him and watching him closely.

"But all life is sacred, right?" he asked her slightly sarcastically.

"Yes, even this child." She told him resting the back of her head on the bulkhead and folding her arms.

"I hate her." He said bitterly as he turned form Kathryn and carried on walking towards the turbolift.

"I know you don't want to be a father but I need to ask, when to time comes do you want to go after the baby?" she asked him sincerely trying to find out what the situation was likely to be.

"What?" he yelled spinning round and staring at her, He hadn't really thought about that. He marched angrily up to her and pinned her up against the bulkhead in anger. She didn't fight back, but she looked at him with her deep blue eyes as he pinned her there. His force wasn't hurting her but wasn't allowing her the ability to move.

She looked at him deeply, unable to move as she asked him lovingly, "Chakotay I know you didn't ask for this but I need to know, are you prepared to leave your child to grow up in the hands of Seska and the Kazon?"

"It's not my child." He snapped at her as the anger raged in his eyes.

"Like it or not, your DNA has made it."

"I didn't consent." He mumbled letting her go and turning from her. She didn't say anything as she watched him storm off towards the turbolift.

"Does that make the life any less real?" She asked moving closer to him and following him into the turbolift. He was surprised that she had followed him in there as the doors closed shut. He watched her move in and stand next to him folding her arms and staring straight ahead not looking at him.

"Captain please I need time to be angry about this," He told her, he had hoped to be alone even though he knew he shouldn't have been in the holodeck, now he really didn't want her to follow him as he walked off. His anger had already caused him to pin her to the bulkhead, he was glad he hadn't hurt her. "It is how I deal with it. I can't talk about it now."

"Ok, I am sorry, I'll go" She said moving to key a code into the command panel in the turbolift. "And you can got back to the holodeck if you want, all night if you wish" She then turned to him in compassion and begged him in a deep husky voice, "but please promise me Chakotay that you would talk to me if you need to."

"I am going back to my quarters." He mumbled as the turbolift door swished open and he stormed out leaving her stood there.

"Why?" She asked. She had to move almost in a run to keep up with his wide strides.

"Procedures." Was all he said as he stopped in front of the door that lead into his quarters.

"Chakotay!" She shouted at he walked into his quarters.

The doors swished shut in her face. She stood for a second to think about if she should leave him or not but then decided she would key in her captains override code and walked into the darkened quarters after him, "No I will not disobey you again." he told her not turning to face her.

"But you already did to be here in the first place by doing that you disobeyed my orders!" she told him angrily. She wasn't annoyed with him for being on the holodeck she was annoyed with him for being so infuriating.

He took in a deep breath and flopped down onto the sofa and buried his face in his hands. "What do I do captain?" he asked her sadly.

Kathryn opened her mouth to say something but couldn't think of anything to say so she closed it again and stood shaking her head as she looked at her distort and broken first officer, "I don't know Chakotay." She whispered compassionately sitting next to him and wrapping her arm around his slouched back.

"I am so sorry I hurt you." He told her still burying his face in his hands.

"I know." She told him gritting her teeth feeling frustrated. She rolled her eyes at him and muted "You always are."

His head shot up and he looked at her, she saw tears in his eyes, "Captain-"

Quickly she shook her head and held up her hand to signal him to stop, "It's not me we are talking about!" She told him in her best command voice.

He watched her sat next to him and then said painfully, "You're really angry with me aren't you?" He leaned in to take he hand in his but she stiffened up and pulled her hands away.

"What do you think Chakotay?" She snapped angrily and stood to move towards his door suddenly feeling it was a bad idea for her to have come here. Stopping and rubbing her forehead with her hand she turned to him and yelled, "After everything we have been through and all the pain you have caused me I needed you at my side, I let you back as my First Officer, we were supposed to do this TOGETHER!" She hissed as she tried to make sense of the situation. Tears fell and she was shaking with utter anger towards him, she just couldn't understand why he had betrayed her. "You went off like some cow boy and I was left standing like a fool!" He stood to move towards her hoping to hug her, he felt intense guilt for what he had done, the same guilt he had felt earlier in the day when she put him on report. She turned from him; "I wasn't going to go back for you I was going to leave you to rot in hell!" She yelled.

"That mad, hu?" He whispered pulling from her and watching her intently.

"Boiling!" She yelled at him her deep blue eyes flashing.

"What made you come back for me then?" he asked calmly.

"That nagging half kingon you brought on board." She joked with a half smile.

"I see." He stated simply not sure that he wanted to laugh with her.

Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes slowly she went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, and told him seductively, "That, and the fact that the ships captain can't live a day with out you." She then rested her head on his chest. He looked down at her in shock and then very slowly wrapped his own arms tightly around her tiny quivering body.

"I thought I was doing what was right for her." He said kissing the top of her head; suddenly his own pain and anger seemed to be fading away.

"You thought it was right to make her look like a fool when her first Officer didn't show up for the senior staff meeting and she had no idea where he was? Then when she was told he had managed to steal one of her shuttles and disobey a direct order without her so much as noticing?" She cried into his chest. Slowly he looked down at her and then realised what she was saying, it was only then that he understood what pain he must have put her through. "That's not even to mention the sickening feeling in her gut when she was forced to stand on her own bridge, surrounded by her crew and watch his handsome face on her view screen telling her it was unlikely he was still alive!" She said shaking as she tightened her grip around him. Pulling from him she walked towards his door, "Chakotay I thought I was going to be sick and faint on the bridge when I heard those words."

"I was wrong." He told her as tears fell down his cheek for both her pain and his own.

"Yes you damn well were." She hissed, She stopped before his door and turned to him, looking down at her hands she told him, "Oh Chakotay look at us," Then she started to beg "please I can't do this anymore, your in or your out Chakotay!" She shouted shaking her head at him, "I need you and I need you not to be the one to do this to me!"

"I am sorry." He said and tears fell down his strong golden cheeks.

"Your hurting Chakotay and your confused and in pain, please don't try to deal with it alone, please will you talk to me." She begged him.

"I need Alaya." He said simply. He realised what he was doing to her and he didn't want to take more of her time to cause her more pain.

"Alaya?" She asked, Mr Alaya was one of the Ex-Maquis crewmembers on the ship, she didn't know much about him or how close he was with Chakotay.

"Yes he is the friend most dreariest to me." Chakotay told her looking away from her slightly. She looked at him wide eyed and nodded at him and then turning on her heal and leaving him alone. She returned to her quarters for the evening.

The next morning Kathryn sat calmly on the bridge as Chakotay arrived for duty and took his seat next to her. He didn't look at her or say a word to her as he sat and checked the console between them. She watched, after he didn't acknowledge her, she said cheerily, "Good morning Chakotay."

"Good morning captain." He mumbled not looking up.

"How are you?" She asked tilting her head in concern.

"Fine." He stated simply not looking up from the console at all.

"Just fine?" She asked feeling compassionately towards him as she could tell there were things he wasn't telling her.

"Fine," He said again and then quickly glancing up at him he said, "thank you captain."

"I see," She said tightening her lips and standing up to head towards her ready room. "Then you have the bridge."

**End of chapter 16…. Chapter 17 NOW UP!… reviews welcome…**


	17. Filling out reports

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 17**

**Filling out reports. **

"Hello there" a rather happy and cheery looking Chakotay smiled down at a very stressed and exhausted Kathryn where she sat alone in the mess hull examining a PADD she held in her hand. He placed a large mug of steaming coffee in front of her but that did not make her so much a move.

"Humm." Was her absentminded reply to him as she sat reading her PADD and not looking up at him.

Chakotay watched the stressed little woman for a while half hoping that she might look at him and engage with him, It had been many weeks since the whole disaster with Seska but Chakotay couldn't help thinking his personal relationship with the captain had suffered due to that incident. He leaned forward and rested his hands on the table in front of her asking, "Is this seat taken" He was meaning the clearly empty seat opposite her.

"No." She said as she pressed her thumb on the PADD to make it show a second page, still she did not look up at him or say anymore.

"Can I sit with you?" He asked cautiously as he began to pull the chair out to sit in without waiting for her to reply.

"Hummm" came the only reply he was going to get, one he assumed meant yes.

Sitting down before her and nodding at the untouched mug of coffee that was going slowly cold on the table he told her, "I brought you some coffee." He was smiling at her, hopeful for a response.

He was very disappointed, "Thanks" was the only response form her as she took the mug in her hand and moved to towards her lips, still intensely reading the PADD in her hand and not looking up from it to even meet his eyes.

"What are you reading?" he asked hopeful of trying to make conversation.

"Reports" She replied, a conversation stopper before it had even begun.

"They very interesting?" He asked feeling slightly hurt and put out by the failure of his efforts to connect with her.

"Humm" Came her infamous reply again.

"I see" He said simply, now he was frustrated and hurt with her.

"Oh I am sorry Chakotay," She said huskily with a sigh she set down her PADD on the table and rubbed her forehead with her hand, looking upwards so that her eyes ever so slightly met with his for a second, "hi." She said taking a large gulp from the now lukewarm mug of coffee.

"Do you fancy a game of velocity tonight?" He asked her hopeful, He had felt a great whole in his life since the Seska incident that had driven their personal friendship apart, "You can prove to me you always win again." He joked referring to the fun they had shared with the game many months before.

"Oh I would love too but I have work to do," She told him forcefully and she picked up the PADD once more. Chakotay couldn't help thinking that she was only pretending to read to put him off, "sorry commander." Came a mumbled after thought.

"It's feels like many weeks since I got to spend time with you." He told her, thinking if he was frank and honest and real with her she might return the favour.

Again he was wrong in that when she merely told him, "I see you on the bridge every day." Chakotay really felt like she was saying these words like she really didn't care.

"No I mean time with _you_, relaxed, alone it feels like it's been weeks."

"Maybe because it has been." She mumbled as she started to tap things into her PADD. Quickly Chakotay shot up from the chair where he sat. It was then that Kathryn realised what she had just said she stood to join him, "Oh Chakotay I didn't mean that to sound so cold." She told him meeting his eyes properly, Chakotay noted it was the second time she had done this since the morning after the Seska disaster three whole months ago. She just wouldn't look in his eyes anymore.

"No but it felt cold." He told her stiffly, and she tried to meet his eyes with what she hopped was a look of compassion and concern. "Enjoy your work I shall get out of your way." He said quickly to her as he moved towards the door of the mess hall.

"Chakotay please!" She called after him causing a few heads to turn towards her but nobody seemed willing to say anything.

"Captain." Came Tuvok's steady emotionless voice stepping between her and Chakotay as he walked out of the mess hall.

"Tuvok." She sighed her own body and voice erupting with emotion.

"I couldn't help seeing that you were sat with Commander Chakotay." Tuvok stated steadily.

"Yes." She grumbled back at him falling down into her chair and picking up her PADD again. This last six moths since the incident when Kes had entered premature puberty and things had started on the rollercoaster of emotions with her and Chakotay had been a truly difficult six moths to deal with. Now she had simply had enough and she wanted her space before she wore out drastically.

"I assume you didn't tell him." Said Tuvok sternly looking down on her with his steady face and raised eyebrow.

Kathryn noted hr was making a statement rather than a question but still she replied exasperatedly by saying, "No."

"Very well." Said Tuvok in response.

Rubbing her forehead because of the ongoing headache she was experiencing she asked angrily, "Tuvok why can't we tell him?"

"We agreed, the fewer people who know the better." he stated.

"I feel like I am saying I don't trust him, that is by no means the case, it's not right." She told him feeling angry at the situation she was in and the conflicting feelings she had for it.

"The commanders past intimate relationship with Seska makes him our prime suspect." Tuvok stated which angered Kathryn a great deal.

She stood and pointed at him and talked deeply and slowly so there could be no mistake in her words, "I want it on record that I personally have no doubt as to my trust in Commander Chakotay."

"very well captain, but we continue with the plan?"

"Yes." She said nodding feeling slightly ashamed by what she was agreeing too, "but Tuvok please do not question me every time I talk to the Commander, who I choose to build a friendship with is my business." She said in a strict command tone.

"That may well be the problem." He told her with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh why is that?" She asked slightly shocked and unsure of his meaning.

"It is not beyond possible that he is using your friendship to gather his information."

"Lieutenant!" she shouted shaking her head at him, there was no way she could allow herself to think that way about Chakotay. "there is no proof that it is Commander Chakotay and beside he is first officer on this ship, there is not much he would not otherwise know." She reminded Tuvok sternly.

"He is Maquis." Tuvok reminded her.

"_Was_ Lieutenant, _was_ Marquis." She hissed at him in anger, she knew in her inner being and soul that Chakotay was trust worthy and honourable and she wanted to defend that honour. "Lieutenant this is a very public place to be having a very private conversation."

"Yes ma'am." Tuvok agreed nodding.

"Give Tom the go ahead," she told him with a nod, "and I promise as I agreed and have been doing, for now at least, I will keep away from the commander." It was with a heavy heart she said the last words but she knew her duty and she knew what she dad to do.

Later a very miserable and depressed feeling Kathryn sat alone in her ready room with a mug of coffee staring out the window at the passing stars. Today was not a good day. She was unsettled about the decision she had made and knew she could really do with Chakotay's counsel over this matter but had chosen no to let him in.

Not only that but one of her crew had been found murdered in cold blood and it was believed to be Lon Suder and ex-Maquis crewmember who had done it. Kathryn really wanted to turn to Chakotay for comfort and support, she hated to loose a crewmember, but again she had made a choice to keep her distance from him, all for the sake of the ship. She always had known it was lonely at the top but somehow more recently that feeling had gone with the ever growing closeness of her relationship with Chakotay but now that was nearly but gone her lonely feelings were returning at an alarming rate. The door chime pulled her from her thoughts.

"Come in." She mumbled and looked up as the tattooed Native American who frequently occupied her thoughts entered her sanctuary and handed her a PADD.

"What's this?" She asked trying desperately hard to keep her emotions together as she forced herself to appear cold and distant to him.

"My written evaluation of Suder that you asked for." He told her watching her closely, her sudden distance confused and worried him a great deal.

"Oh yes, thank you." She said placing it on her coffee table and not even reading it.

She turned to once more stare out of her window with a great hope that he would just leave. When he did not she slowly closed her eyes as tears threatened to fall, she needed him and she hated this, she hated the distance, she hated not telling the truth to him or letting him in on what she, Tuvok and Tom where doing. "Was there something else commander?" She asked slowly hoping he would just leave.

"Yes," He said and slowly she turned to face him dreading he would want to talk about the rift growing between them, but he did not, he handed her another PADD and said "I confiscated this from Mr. Pars about half an hour ago."

She looked down at it and knew instantly what it was, 'Wow he didn't waist time.' She thought thinking of Tom. She decided to play it casual and dumb and pretend she didn't know what it was, "A list of names and repilicator rations?" she said shrugging at him.

"He has been setting up gambling pools and skimming profit off the top." Chakotay told her slightly annoyed that he didn't seem to be too bothered.

"Oh so it begins." She mumbled into the PADD feeling once again caught and annoyed with the situation.

Chakotay who had heard her but clearly didn't understand her said, "Captain?" looking at her very confused.

Brushing him off and waving her hand absentmindedly in his direction she said simply, "Oh nothing commander, I assume you dealt with it accordingly." Hoping that would be enough to make him go away, she just could not cope with it all anymore.

"I have put him on report." He told her but feeling there were things she hadn't been telling him for weeks. Since the Seska incident she hadn't wanted to spend any time with him. He felt like she didn't trust him anymore and it hurt him deeply. He knew she had been avoiding seeing him outside of their working relationship and even then she didn't seem to trust him with anything important. Toms taunting and sarcastic words were now plaguing his mind, 'there's a tough job-filling out reports. But I guess someone's got to do it' had been Toms words to him. He had always thought Kathryn had more respect for him than that but when Tom said those words it had made him think, was that all she way using him for? a easy man to do her tedious jobs and carry messages? It made him think she had no respect for him and now her crew had little respect for him and hurt and annoyed him greatly.

"That seems fair, would you ask him to come in here and see me." She told him throwing down the confiscated PADD and turning from him like he didn't even matter. All the while Kathryn was fighting with her inner turmoil of wanting to run to him and embrace him, but for the sake of her crew and her ship she had agreed to this.

"Yes captain."

"Thank you commander and I am sure you wouldn't mind filling out the report, would you?" She asked persuasively turning to sit at her desk with a half smile on her face that really didn't meet her eyes, without waiting for a reply she carried on, "Thank you, if that's all dismissed." She had no idea her words would hurt him the way they did.

"I am sure somebody has to do it." He mumbled painfully as he turned to walk through the door.

"Commander?" She asked with a lump in her throat she could see he was hurting and she was torn, right now she couldn't do anything about it.

"Something Tom said to me when he was being rude to me." Chakotay told her.

She took in a deep breath and said in a very dismissive and slightly sarcastic voice, "Rude commander? I am sure you can take a bit of stick."

"He made fun of me, saying I had a hard job filling out reports." He said calmly with his back to her, then turning he stated less calmly, "To be frank lately that's all you have been using me for, your message boy."

"Commander!" she hissed, all she wanted now was for him to get out; she could not cope with it.

"Captain, I know what this is about!" His words shocked her and she stood to meet his level.

"You do?" she gasped wide-eye.

"Yes." He stated coldly.

She felt fear and dread wash heavily over her, was he saying what she thought he was saying? Was her trust in him miss-placed? Was he the traitor? She found herself shaking with fear at what he would tell her. "Chakotay, no, please don't tell me-" she whimpered huskily.

"I know it hurt you but I didn't realise I hurt you this badly, please can we talk about this over dinner? Tonight?"

This only made her fear greater, "Talk about it? Chakotay please don't tell you're involved."

He stared at her with complete confusion, "Of course I was involved you know I was the one who took the shuttle." He snapped.

"What?" she had no idea the betrayal went back that many months.

"When I went after Seska." He informed her.

Feeling like she was about to faint she staggered, "Is that how you did it?" clinging on to the desk to support her. This could not be, this had to not be, this was so wrong.

"Did what?" Chakotay asked looking confused.

"What?" she asked stepping back wide eyed, why did he not know.

"I told you, Seska was my problem."

"Seska?" Kathryn asked shaking head, what was he trying to tell her?

"I am sorry I hurt you then, but that was nearly three months ago." He snapped at her pale face.

"Commander I really do not understand what this has to do with anything."

"You don't trust me." he told her plainly.

"I do!" She shouted moving quickly towards him and then catching herself on she exclaimed, "Chakotay I do trust you!"

"Then why can't I have more responsibility?" He asked her.

"Responsibility?" She asked.

"Yes on this ship. Tom is starting to really push the limits." he told her.

She stared at him wide eyed for a second and then realised what he was saying; he had not been saying the same thing as her. He had not just admitted to betraying the ship, he was annoyed because of her distance to him, Trying hard not to smile with relief she turned and said, "I am sure you are capable of disciplining him how ever you see fit commander.

"So I have the freedom to discipline him?" He asked.

"Yes." She told him, "Though I would like a word with him briefly when his shift ends, could you see to that?"

"Yes captain." Chakotay said nodding at her back then with a smile he said, "Thank you captain."

But his smile quickly disappeared when she didn't turn to him and she simply said, "Very good commander, anything else?"

Concluding that the day's events must be why she was acting so distant Chakotay decided to ask her compassionately how she was after such a troublesome day, "How are you holding up with this murder?"

"Fine, why would I not be?" She snapped longing for him to hug her but also needing him to go.

"I know what a death of a crew member means to you captain." He told her stepping forward to take her in his arms.

She turned back to her desk, hurried from him and said, "I will get over it, thank you commander. Is that all? Unless there is anything else, dismissed."

He watched her deep blue eyes stare into his for a second and he found no emotion there, her command mask was deep in place. "Yes ma'am." He said with a nod as he turned and stormed out of her ready room feeling let down and angry.

As soon as the doors swished shut behind him she let out a huge breath she didn't even know she was holding in. She quickly buried her face in her hands and allowed herself to cry.

**End of Chapter 17…. Chapter 18 NOW UP!**


	18. A captain's duty

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 18**

**A captain's duty**

*****PLEASE NOTE*** this chapter contains mild reference/suggestion of rape/attempted-rape. If anyone finds this topic upsetting or disturbing please read with caution. This is NOT explicit and this entire chapter complies with the rating 'T'. Please don't be put off from reading I just felt I should put a note here first so readers can be aware. Thanks.**

"ARGH!" Kathryn sat up in her bed. She wasn't quite sure what she had heard but the muffled sounds coming from the other side of the bulkhead opposite her made her heart skip a beat.

Sliding from her bed she ever so slowly crept towards the bulkhead and mumbled to herself, "What the-"

"NO!" came a man's muffled scream from the room beyond once again causing her to stop still where she was and not finished the sentence she had been muttering to herself.

"Computer locate commander Chakotay." She said standing very still between the bulkhead and her bed and waiting for the reply.

"**Commander Chakotay is in his quarters." **The familiar clever voice of the computer told her.

"Is he alone?" she whispered unsure what to do in this situation. Last time something like this happened she ended up being bashed over the head and fired at the arm, both curtsey of the first officer and his phaser.

"**Affirmative." **Confirmed the computer.

"ARRRGAH!" There came a longer and louder scream from her first officers quarters.

Kathryn ran quickly to close the gap from where she stood to the bulkhead, resting her hand there she shouted, "Chakotay!"

But "NO! Stop! No!" was the response she got from the other side of the bulkhead.

"Please my love." she whispered into the bulkhead as tears began to fall from her eyes. She hated the distance she had been forced to keep from him and she hated the pain she knew he was feeling. She loved him and desperately wanted to be there for him.

For a few minutes she questioned herself if she should leave him or not. She sat with her hands and head resting against the bulkhead. She needed to embrace him; she needed to be with him.

Standing up from her sitting position on the floor Kathryn left her own quarters and slowly walked to the next door in the corridor. She didn't even bother pressing to door chime she just used her over ride code to enter Chakotay's private quarters. She looked around the darkened sitting room and saw that he was not there, she heard muffled sounds coming from his bedroom, slowly and quietly she made her way towards the parting door. As she did so the doors swished open.

"Why have you come here?" Came the deep voice of Chakotay who stood in the door way, all Kathryn could work out was his silhouette but she could see that he was stood with his back to her.

Stopping abruptly in her tracks she looked at his broad shoulders silhouetted before her and said simply, "Midnight exercise."

"There is a gym on deck 6." He told her, Kathryn couldn't work out what emotions he was feeling by the way he talked to her and so she decided it was best to play it cool and keep her distance.

"Yes, I know." She replied not moving forward nor backwards.

"I have a riddle for you." He said and Kathryn could hear the coldness in his voice as he said these words.

"Oh?" She asked, determined to hold her ground.

"What kind of an example does a captain set if she ignores privacy procedures of the crew who serve under her?" He spat slightly sarcastically as he turned to face her and she saw hatred in his face.

She moved closer to him, she wanted to meet his hatred with love, "Privacy procedures?" she asked him casually, not entirely sure what he meant.

"Well we are in great hands now aren't we?" He laughed with a deep and bitter note of sarcasm in his voice, "The captain doesn't even know the procedures of her own ship."

She had moved to his bedroom doorway and was now stood inches from him, when she saw the pure hatred in his angry eyes as he looked at her she knew being that close was a bad idea. Backing away she said, "Chakotay I am sorry, I shouldn't have come." She meant to get out of there was fast as she could. She knew in his anger he could be driven to do anything. He wasn't a bad man, she knew his love for her was real and pure but his life had driven great anger into him.

But she was too slow, the angry native American warrior saw her backing away and reached out to grab the wrists of her hands, she tried to get away but he was a strong man, he pulled her tiny body tight to his, as she tried desperately to pull away from him he felt her wriggle and it only angered him further, "What is the matter captain too close for comfort?" he drawled at her laughing coldly as he wrapped on strong arm around her and ran the other hand through her think hair. He laughed as he turned her head from his.

"Sorry." She mumbled as tears fell for the eyes she had turned from him, his strong arm prevented her from getting away from him. She knew his strength and she knew now she was at the mercy of his angry whim. She hoped that the true Chakotay, the man of peace whom she loved and whom she knew deep down loved her would win out over the angry warrior that he had been and sometimes still was.

"You will be," He growled at her as he grabbed a large chunk of hair from the back of her head and pulled her head hard to look up at him. She met his angry black eyes with her pleading blue ones as he held her there.

"Pardon?" She asked strongly and commandingly, as she stood in his tight grip unable to wriggle away.

"You did this to me." he said with bitterness as he tightened his grip on her body causing her to feel pain.

"Here we go again." She said angrily as he still held her hair and was pulling hard, "I have told you Chakotay I can't cope with this." She told him as tears fell from her eye.

Chakotay let out a loud cold and unloving laugh and asked her, "What can you cope with?" before closing the gap between her mouth and his.

Wriggling in his grasp she tied to pull away as he slammed her body hard against the bulkhead holding her hands well above her head in just one of his tight hands, "Chakotay!" she screamed at him, begging, her heart pounding with fear. Was he about make true of his angry threat of months before?

He laughed coldly as he causally without effort held her body against the bulkhead she tried to fight to free herself, "You can't even defend yourself against a Cardassian!" he told her coldly as he let go of her and watched her slowly back away from him.

"Chakotay! I am sorry I shouldn't have come here." She gasped as tears fell.

"No you shouldn't have, only strong people are worthy." He spat at her back as she tried to run from him.

"Worthy?" she asked confused as she stopped running and turned to face him, her mistake.

He lunged forward and grabbed her, with all his force he threw her on to his bed and laughed as she fought to get free, "You let a cardassian rape you. Do you want to roll over and let me have a turn?" When she did not reply and she only tried hopelessly to break free from where he held her on his bed he told her, "it's been too long, you want to make sure all the needs of your crew are met don't you _captain_? I am a man, I have needs, It's your duty to meet them." When still she fought him and he hadn't even touched her in anyway other than to hold her, she knew it was angry hollow-threats but still she wanted to get out of there, "HA you Stupid bitch." He laughed at her and let her go, "I wouldn't have you! You have let pure evil into you!" he told her throwing her off his bed.

Quickly she staggered to her feet tears pouring down her cheeks he ran from his quarters and he didn't bother to chase her.

Three hours later a guilt ridden and broken Chakotay stood outside his captain quarters pressing her door chime, something he had been doing for the last five minutes. "Come on Kathryn!" He whispered to himself as tears fell from his own eyes as he remembered the look of pure horror and terror in her beautiful blue eyes. He trembled and quivered as he gently pressed her door chime, he was a gentle man from a gentle people. He was overcome with shame and self-loathing for what he had done to the most remarkable woman he had ever had the privilege to meet.

"Computer locate Captain Janeway." He asked the computer in a cracked and broken voice and he fought back tears of guilt, shame and pain.

"**Captain Janeway is in Sickbay." **Came the steady voice of the computer.

"Sickbay." Whispered Chakotay as horror swept over him.

With out hesitation he tapped his comm badge, "Chakotay to The Doctor."

"Doctor here." Came the voice of a slight put out doctor.

"Doctor is the captain with you?" gasped Chakotay hurriedly has he quivered with worry.

"That depends on what you mean by 'with me' commander?" joked the doctor but Chakotay couldn't help thinking this wasn't the time for jokes. When the ships first officer didn't respond to his joke the Doctor continued more seriously, "I think you had better get down here, we can talk better in my office."

"On my way, Chakotay out." He said tapping his comm badge and hurrying with fear to the nearest turbolift to get down to deck 5.

The whole way in the turbolift Chakotay paced with fear, what was wrong with the captain, his precious captain. Why could the Doctor not tell him over the comm.

Practically running into sickbay Chakotay shouted, "Doctor what's going on?" at the doctor before he had even made it in through the doors, he was still tearful and feeling dread and nausea.

"Commander I think you had better come into my office." Came the calm still voice of the doctor moving towards the stressed and quivering Chakotay. The Doctor tried to guide the first officer towards his office but failed badly when Chakotay pulled away from him shaking his head.

Shouting frantically he said, "The captain, I want to see th-" He didn't finish his sentence because upon looking around the room he saw her, "Captain" he mumbled quietly. His beautiful captain was lying there, lying motionless with her eyes closed on the main bio bed. He ran to her and sunk to his knees next to her. He didn't dare to touch her, he didn't even feel he had the right to touch her after what he had done just hours before.

As he looked down at her limp motionless body he saw the excessive extent of her injuries, his captain was covered in blood, her uniform was soaked in blood from head to toe, her face was bruised and battered and her left arm stuck out in a strange angle, clearly broken.

**End of Chapter 18…. Chapter 19 NOW UP!… reviews and comments always welcome…**


	19. Impatient white people

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 19**

**Impatient white people.**

Kneeling at the captain's side where she lay in sickbay a very frightened, confused and upset Chakotay looked up at the Doctor.

"She is covered in blood!" He shouted infuriated, He watched as the Doctor causally entered some data into his console seemingly not interested, "Doctor?" he snapped.

"Yes I can see that commander!" Said the rather annoying self-righteous hologram.

Chakotay looked down at her battered limp body, "Kathryn." He whispered gently in her ear, as she lay unresponsive and motionless. "Oh my beautiful Kathryn." He said taking her tiny hand in his. He was very careful not to take it too hard for he could see her arm was broken. He stoked her knuckles as he looked down at her blood-covered face, tears threatened to fall as he looked at her beauty.

"That's pointless commander, she can't see, hear or feel you right now." Said the rather cold Doctor with a poor bedside manner as he consulted the console before him with a crossed brow.

Kes who was near by to assist the Doctor scowled at her boss and teacher and offered a soothing touch to the commander's shoulder. Chakotay looked up at her and smiled appreciatively as tears fell silently down his cheeks. The sight of his beautiful captain whom truthfully he had come to love more than life it's self who was lying there in that state broke his heart. He knew how painful the last few months had been for this wondrous beauty of a woman and he knew most of that was his doing. This he knew was not his doing, when she had ran from him three hours before she had not been this way. He knew his anger was consuming him but he knew this he had not done.

Standing he moved forcibly towards the Doctor who's inability to care in a human way was getting Chakotay very annoyed, "I have been in some brawls in my time Doctor," He told him sincerely, "She had been beaten up!" He exclaimed with horror.

"That is putting it mildly." Retorted the Doctor.

"Doctor?" Chakotay asked for clarification.

"It's barbaric," The Doctor, muttered pushing the first officer out the way to get to the captain, "Sport." He said rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"What are you talking about who did this to her?" Demanded a very angry and worried Chakotay, "did this happen on voyager?" He asked looking down at the extreme injuries the captain was lying with; Chakotay didn't want to believe somebody on broad would do _that_ to their captain.

Exasperated the sarcastic Doctor said, "Did the captain go on a midnight away mission into deep space because if she did then possibly not, if not then one would conclude the captain sustained these injuries while on board Voyager."

"Midnight away mission?" ask Chakotay almost distantly as she thought of something the captain had said to him three hours before. "No, but midnight exercise" he said distantly thinking.

"I believe a well trained Cardassian did this to her." Said the doctor with raised eyebrows at she looked down at her.

"What?" shouted Chakotay looking confused.

With a sharp snap the Doctor looked at him, "you wouldn't happen to know anything about a boxing simulation on the holodeck would you?" the doctors sarcasm seemed to Chakotay to be ongoing, the doctor was well aware that Chakotay had a boxing simulation on the holodeck.

It dawned on Chakotay what the doctor meant, Kathryn had been running his boxing simulation. Guilt flooded over him as he looked at his injured captain, had his words to her earlier driven her to do this, "Who brought her here?" he asked the doctor as the thought of her lying alone this way in the holodeck made him feel nauseous.

"She brought herself here, she came staggering in activated my program staggered towards me before falling at my feel, not five minutes ago."

"But the holodeck safeties they-" Began Chakotay in horror

"Were off." Interrupted the doctor matter-of-factly as though he didn't care as he still consulted his console.

"Is that confirmed?" an extremely horrified Chakotay demanded to know.

"Well she didn't do this to herself!"

Taken aback by the Doctors bluntness Chakotay was shocked for a second but then realised that in a way she did do it to herself, there was a reason why she had chosen to go boxing in the middle of the night without the safeties on, Chakotay couldn't help but feel it to be his fault. He looked back to her and wiped the hair from the side of her face, "oh why captain? Why?" He asked her gently and then with horror realised he hadn't asked the obvious question, "She _will_ be OK wont she doctor?" he almost shrieked at the doctor.

The not so humble Doctor replied, "With my excellent medical skills, she'll be fit for duty by the morning." Having expected praise and having received none the Doctor continued, "until that time the ship is yours."

"Tuvok can have the ship." Chakotay stated not looking up from his captain's face as he gently stroked her beautiful cheek and forehead. He had decided than that nothing was going to get in the way of him and his beloved captain Kathryn Janeway.

"May I remind you as first officer it is your duty." Said the doctor looking directly at the first officer.

"Duty…." Said Chakotay trailing of in his distant thoughts as he thought again of his earlier conversation with the captain and the words he had said to her then. He looked down at her and saw her injured and attacked body, "I will not leave her side, look at her!"

"Chakotay, she let you back as her first officer for a reason! Don't let her down." Kes reminded him as she stepped in to wipe the captains blood stained face with a damp cloth.

Hanging his head in shame and guilt Chakotay said, "I already have, she's like this because of me."

"Chakotay what are you saying?" Asked the innocent minded Kes who clearly thought he meant _he_ had inflicted these injuries on her.

"Commander?" said the Doctor staring at him his eyebrows raised clearly thinking the same thing.

Looking from Kes to the Doctor and then back down at the captain Chakotay told them, "The last time I saw her just a few hours ago, we had a fight. I said some not very fair or nice things. I think it was something I said, something I told her which drove her to this. Also it was my boxing simulation." He slowly watched as Kes was cleaning her face, neck and arms, reaching in and taking the cloth from the young Ocumpan's hand he said, "Kes let me do that."

"Oh it's OK commander." She told him reaching back for the cloth.

"Please Kes, I want to." He asked her.

"Commander the captain will be fine, your place is the bridge." The Doctor told him sternly.

"My place is her side." He said forcefully, there was no way he would budge.

"Very well." Sighed and exasperated Doctor who could see by the expression on the Commanders face he was not going to win a fight against him.

"Chakotay is there anything I can get you?" Kes asked him compassionately.

"A dermal regenerator." Chakotay asked at he looked down at the many cuts and bruises covering the captain. He wanted to use a dermal regenerator

"You can't do that until you're sure there are not internal injuries." The doctor told him plainly as he picked up his medical tricorder and made his way to Chakotay's side next to the injured captain.

"Internal injuries?" exclaimed Chakotay in horror, "What internal injuries?" He looked at the doctor searching for an explanation, the dread still washing over him in fear.

"Calm down Commander. I am about to conduct a scan now." The calm Doctor told him preparing his tricorder.

"You have not scanned her yet?" Snapped Chakotay in horror.

"Please move out of the way commander and let me do my job." Snapped the Doctor feeling slightly annoyed with Chakotay's questioning.

"Well?" Chakotay impatiently asked as he watched the doctor scan his precious woman whom he loved.

"She is fine, she has some superficial cuts and bruises. She had a blow to the head, which knocked her out! But she will be just fine." The doctor told him as he moved back to his console, "evidently she lost."

"Lost?" Chakotay asked confused of the Doctors meaning.

"The match" the doctor said not looking up from the console where he was reading the results of his scan in detail and began to prepare a hypospray injection.

"What's that?" asked Chakotay watching the Doctor approach the captain with the hyposray.

"A hypospray, it will revive her." He said simply as he moved it towards her neck.

"Now?" came the horrified voice of Chakotay.

Stopping abruptly the doctor slowly retracted his hand and then asked, "Do you see a reason to wait?"

"No doctor, thank you, carry on." Chakotay said letting go of the captain's hand he had been holding and moving hurriedly towards the door, "Kes" he said with an acknowledging nod as he handed the damp cloth to Kes and disappeared from sick bay. The last thing she needed was him present when to doctor revived her. Kes and the Doctor exchanged puzzled looks before the Doctor shrugged and administered the hypospray to the captain's neck.

The next morning the ships first officer reported for duty on the bridge, he looked to the chair to the right of where he sat in his and saw it empty and felt a sharp pang of guilt for what he had said and done to the woman who normally occupied it.

He also felt worry wash over him as he remembered the injuries he had seen her with in sickbay the night before.

It was about an hour into his uneventful shift on the bridge that morning when he heard the unmistakeable sound of the doors swishing open and his beautiful captains husky voice demanding, "Report commander"

"Captain" Chakotay gasped standing and turning to watch her wide eyed as she made her way down to stand beside him. He saw her elegance and beauty as she walked. He saw her command presence and her somewhat sophisticated stance as she almost glided towards him.

As she came close he feared the worst. Chakotay feared this woman whom he admired and loved would come nowhere near him or look at him after what he did to her the night before, he couldn't have been more wrong. She came within inches of him and placed her delicate newly healed hand on his chest and told him almost seductively in he deep husky voice, "The doctor gave me a clean bill of health, report."

"All systems peek efficiency, warp 4 heading 694.5" he told her stunned as he looked down into her searching blue eyes, there was no longer a single cut or bruise to be seen and her arm didn't look broken at all, the doctor truly had healed her well.

Removing her hand from his chest and braking from him she nodded at him and said, "You have the bridge. I'll be in my ready room." As she turned to walk towards the door or her personal sanctuary.

Some hours later he decided to visit her in the ready room where she had remained all day, as he pressed the chime she said "come in" to allow the doors to open giving him access to the room.

As he stepped inside he saw the captain sat on the sofa looking out of the window with a mug of coffee in her hand.

Chakotay stood just inside the door allowing it to close behind him, he didn't want to intrude any further or interrupt her, and he decided to wait for her to initiate conversation. After a few minutes it looked as though she was pulling from some distant thoughts she turned to see who it was stood there, when she saw it was him her face drew into a genuine smile and she said happily, "hello commander."

"Hi" he said returning the smile and waiting he her to say more.

"What can I do for you?" She asked placing the mug on the coffee table and gesturing for him to join her on the sofa. Chakotay, feeling surprised by her readiness to be close to him after what he had done but yet very please joined her on the sofa but tried to keep a safe distance, for her sake more than his.

With a smile he handed her a small bunch of peach coloured roses he had behind his back, "They're peace roses." He informed her with a loving smile.

She looked at them in his hand for a second and then she cast her wide blue eyes upwards to meet him jet black ones, almost searching to see if he was serious, when she saw he was she took the roses in her own hands and smelt them. "Oh Chakotay they are so beautiful!" She told him joyously.

"Just like you." He told her earnestly.

She looked up at him feeling very self-weary, "something wrong with your eye sight commander?" she asked him shaking her head at him.

"No" He said simply. With that he leaned forward and closed his eyes as he planted a gentle kiss on her cheek and hoped with all his heart he wasn't crossing the line or that she wouldn't pull away.

When she didn't pull away she just watched him and allowed him to kiss her cheek he opened his eyes and watched her looking lovingly down at the roses in her hands, "you spoil me!" She told him with a joyous twinkle in her eye.

"Your worth it." Chakotay told her. He could not believe that after all he had done to her the night before she was allowing herself to be so close to him, allowing him in so readily. "I am sorry." He told her hanging his head with guilt and shame.

"I know." She told him lovingly taking his hand in her own.

"Captain" Chakotay said looking up, there was so much he wanted to say to this woman but he didn't know where to start and tears began to fall from his own eyes and trickle down his cheeks. Kathryn knew only great pain would make such a strong, angry warrior cry.

"It's a pattern not worth fighting about Chakotay." She told him shaking her head and tightening her grasp on his hand.

"A pattern?" he asked her looking deep into her eyes.

She nodded as she explained, "you do or say something out of anger, I get hurt, be it this time a little more physically hurt, then you say sorry, I forgive you and so it goes on."

Feeling guilty he pulled away and stood up to walk away, this shocked her, "I shouldn't have come." He said painfully as he moved towards the door.

"Yes you should have." She told him earnestly as she stood to move to him.

"It was me wasn't it?" He asked not daring to look into her deep blue eyes.

"You?" She asked confused of his meaning.

"What I said made you take on a Cardassian"

With a sigh she turned and told him, "maybe a little."

Spinning round to face her he said, "I saw you, I did that to you."

Kathryn met his watery eyes and with her own and shook her head in confusion, "you saw me?" She asked, "You did what to me?" she was seeking clarification of his meaning.

"I saw you in sick bay." He told her as tears fell, "I am sorry." He said with deep pain in his voice that Kathryn could see, "I can't control my anger, what I said to you, I have no right to stand at your side." With those words he pulled away and turned from her once more.

"You have every right!" She shouted at him making him turn to look at her, then more softly she whispered, "you have every right to stand with me because I freely give you that right." She looked at the man she loved stood before her crying and She wanted to embrace him. She stretched out her arms and moved closer to him, "Come here Chakotay." She told him lovingly as she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. Slowly he returned the favour and wrapped his arms gently yet tightly around her tiny body and rested his chin on the top of her head. Pulling away slightly she looked up at him and said, "Look at me, know I want you at my side."

He looked down at her for a second and then told her, "I have something else for you, if you still will let me give it?"

"Oh?" She said pulling away looking excited like a little girl at Christmas, making Chakotay smile with his dimples flashing, "what is it?" She asked clasping her hands together in excitement, as ships captain it sadly wasn't often that somebody gave her a gift, but two in one day was like Christmas for her out there in the Delta Quadrant.

"A name, for your son." He told her proudly.

"Oh Chakotay!" She exclaimed with love, "I thought you had forgotten."

"Never" He told her with his own love for her showing deeply, and then he explained, "I needed to take these many weeks because I needed to consult my sprit guide on the matter and be sure."

"Well?" she said with a smile feeling very excited, "what did you choose?"

"My people have a special ritual and ceremony to name the children," he told her and the taking a hopeful and vulnerable deep breath he said, "I would be honoured if you would consider taking part in such a ceremony?"

"Of course, it would be my honour." She told him with a smile, "Forgive my impatience."

He smiled back at her and nodded feeling proud, he just loved the fact she respected his beliefs so much, that meant a great deal to him. He knew she truly thought it to be her honour to take part in his rituals. Then with a joke and a laugh he told her, "You white people are all the same! Impatient."

"I see!" She said with a smile and raised eyebrows, "well this white woman will try to contain her inherited traits and wait for when the ceremony is to be."

He laughed as he told her, "Great I'll let you know when."

"Thanks." She said with a nod, "and thank you for these." She said picking up the roses and moving to the replicatior to replicate a verse.

"You are very welcome. Your ready room should never be without fresh flowers, that I will see too." He told her and sure enough every day from that day until the day he flew Voyager into earths atmosphere five and a half years later fresh flowers were always in her ready room curtsey of the ships first officer. "I am glad to see you looking better" he added watching her put her flowers on her coffee table.

Slowly she drew herself to her full height and turned to look at him, saying "One day we will talk about it but not now, please."

"Yes ma'am." He said with an understanding nod.

"Dismissed." She said with a happy smile and she sat back down on her sofa.

Chakotay turned to leave and then remembered something else he had meant to say to her, "oh captain." He said turning round to face her.

"Yes?" She said looking back at him from the window.

"Tom was late again today."

"Again?" She said with an outward sigh but inwardly was thinking 'please can't all this just be over', "that's what three duty shifts in a row?" She asked her first officer.

"Yes" He said sounding quite angry, "and to make it worse he's been flirting on duty and using other peoples replicator rations and holodeck time." He informed her angrily.

"Holodeck even while on report?" She asked him trying to think what on earth Chakotay was going to propose to do about this.

"Yes"

She shook her head at him, "I can't really throw him in the brig, and I need him at my helm"

"I know," Chakotay nodded and then went on to say "I need your permission to confine him to quarters while off duty."

"Granted." She said nodding and turning back to her window she said, "please inform Tuvok as well." She really hoped all this mess would just be over soon.

"Aye captain." Chakotay said.

Without turning to him Kathryn asked, "anything else?"

"No." he replied.

"Very good." She said which lead him to leave her ready room. When the doors swished closed behind him she let out a very exhausted sigh.

**End of Chapter 19…Chapter 20 NOW UP!… Reviews welcome.**


	20. After the lizard babies

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 20**

**After the lizard babies**

"May I come in?" asked Kathryn Janeway were she stood in front of Tom Paris's quarters seconds after he had opened it in response to her pressing the door chime. The surprised lieutenant looked down at her from where he stood blocking her entry.

"Is this a social call?" he asked her causally.

"In a way." She shrugged, "it's not everyday the captain goes to visit her crew in their quarters.

"Twice in one month, I must be a lucky man." He said to her with a smile as he stepped aside. She playfully swatted his arm as she passed him. He let out a hearty laugh. What the two did not know was that further up the corridor the ships first officer was watching this scene unfold with a mixture of anger, confusion and jealousy. One this Chakotay did know for certain was that this visit was slightly too friendly and laid back for a captain visiting her lieutenant who was confided to quarters for breach of protocol and insubordination. Chakotay heard Tom say to her, "sorry I can't offer you any coffee. The good commander had my replicator taken offline." Before following her inside.

Chakotay her voice say, "he is taking this very seriously." Before the doors shut. Her words angered and hurt him, was she romantically involved with Tom and the two were making fun of him? The jealous commander needed to find some way to get in there.

Inside the room Tom and the captain were settling on two very different armchairs far away from each other. The incident at the beginning of the month when he and the captain had both mutated into lizard like beings and had created offspring together still settled uncomfortably between them. "I know it's not him captain" Tom told her with conviction referring to Chakotay.

"So do I Tom." She sighed rubbing her forehead.

"Why can't we let him in on the mission?" Tom asked her.

"Tuvok thinks it's best not to." She told him and he didn't miss the sadness in her voice.

Tom decided to tell her what had been on his mind lately, "When all this comes out, when we catch the traitor, your going to have a very hurt commander on your hands."

"I know tom." She sighed heavily; "I know" she nodded slowly and sadly at her younger helmsman.

Looking at her Tom began, "If we let him in on it then he-"

"I know but I have agreed with Tuvok." She interrupted him.

"Why?" he asked shaking his head at her, he could see how all this was going to end up blowing in their face's, her's as well as his and he knew she cared deeply what Chakotay thought.

"The fewer people who know the better." she mumbled looking confused and sad.

"But-" Tom began again but Kathryn held up her hand and cut across him,

"I came here to apologies for having to agree to confine you to quarters, I didn't think Chakotay would take punishment this far." She told him and Tom could hear the sincere apology in her deep and husky voice.

Just then the door slid open and in stormed the broad shouldered commander, "Mr. Paris?" he asked.

"Arrr Commander chuckles." Said Tom standing and making fun of Chakotay.

"MR PARIS!" Screamed Kathryn as she stood and stared at Tom infuriated by the fact he had made fun of Chakotay's name, "Stand down! You are out of line!" She hissed at him. It was not so long ago Chakotay had shared with Kathryn how precious his name was and how deep the disrespect went to make fun of his name or change it anyway, for Chakotay's people their names is sacred. Kathryn might have agreed, even ordered Tom to start breaking the rules and be insubordinate but he had just crossed a line and she was sincere in making that clear to him.

"Ma'am?" Tom asked her taken back, in truth Tom had great respect for Chakotay but was only acting on her orders as per the plan She and Tuvok had devised to flush out a suspected traitor on board Voyager.

"Captain." Chakotay asked coldly.

"Commander." She said looking at him and seeing the coldness towards her, it cut deep into her heart. "May I enquire what you are doing here?" She asked steadily.

"I wanted to monitor when Paris's door opened." He told her.

"Excuse me?" she asked looking at him rather confused.

"To be sure he wasn't leaving his quarters." He said sternly looking at Tom and then looking down at her coldly he said, "The signal alerted me to the door opening, evidently that was you entering."

"Evidently commander." She hissed back up at him, She was feeling annoyed as she could tell he knew Tom and possibly she were here in Tom's quarters, She couldn't help feeling checked up on, to prove this she said, "Commander it is simple really, computer locate Lieutenant Paris."

"**Lieutenant Paris is in his quarters." **Came to steady voice of the computer as Kathryn stared up at her first officer daring him to say something else. The two stared at each other as their eyes met.

Tom broke the silence with his childish drawl, "Stupid Chacky Chucky here clearly didn't think of that!" he told her laughing loudly.

Chakotay shot his head round to leap at Tom with the intention of punching him. "Mr. Chakotay!" Screamed Kathryn getting herself in-between the two men and hoping it would be enough, after what she had go through the night before she knew that Chakotay may well have punched her in his anger but she hoped he wouldn't. He didn't as soon as she got in the way he stopped and lowered his fist but still angrily staring at Tom. When she was sure Chakotay had stood down she turned to Tom, "Mr. Paris I ordered you to stand down! You are out of line! And I mean it!" She yelled.

Tom took a step back and realised she was not joking, this was not part of the mission, she was serious, "Yes ma'am." He said trying to let her know he understood.

"Very well." She said nodding at him. Turning back to Chakotay she said,

"Commander if you don't mind I need to continue my conversation with Mr Paris." When Chakotay made no effort to leave or even move she moved right to him and hissed, "commander, dismissed." Looking back from her to him and then back to her again Chakotay turned and walked out of the room.

When Chakotay had left she turned back to Tom and said in her best command tone, "Tom! I gave my go ahead to this mission but I mean it when I say I NEVER want to hear of you calling Commander Chakotay names again! Have I made myself very clear?"

"Yes ma'am." He said nodding, he wasn't sure why but he knew this was her being deadly serious, not playing along with the mission.

Smiling and patting his shoulder she said, "On a lighter note I do really want to thank you for all you are doing."

"Thank you captain" he said smiling back at her.

She sighed heavily and told him, "I had better go and find my first officer."

"See you tomorrow." Said Tom feeling compassionately towards this woman who he knew must be torn between emotions.

She walked up towards Chakotay's quarters and tried his door chime, when he did not reply she used her override code and stepped inside to find him stood less than a meter from her, looking angry and stiff with his arms folded.

"Get out" was all he said coldly.

Feeling that he must have known she would use her over ride code he had stood waiting for her to do so from the moment she chimed the door. "Chakotay! Please!" She cried out full of emotion.

"Why were you there?" he spat at her.

"Pardon?" she said confused and taken aback.

"Thinking of making some more babies?" he sneered nastily at her.

Feeling extremely hurt she said tearfully, "Chakotay you know I can't-"

But he cut across her with his cold drawl, "seemed to be just fine making lizard babies with Mr. Paris."

Shaking her head and fearing her night would end as it did last night she said simply, "Good night Chakotay." And then turned to walk out of his door. She stopped and slowly turned around again telling him, "Oh and if your checking Mr. Paris's door he is on duty in an hour, please do let him go."

"You embarrassed me." he growled.

"You make a fool of me Chakotay." She shouted angrily. "Goodnight." And with that she was gone from her beloved Chakotay's quarters.

**End of chapter 20…. Chapter 21 NOW UP… reviews welcome.**


	21. Could Seska be responsible?

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 21**

**Could Seska be responsible?**

**Based on the series 2 episode '****Dreadnought****' some of the dialogue is taken directly from the episode.**

Three hours later the ships captain sat in her quarters on the sofa settling down with her mug of coffee and a good book in her hand. She knew she could have all the old books on a PADD and it would be much easier for her to read but somehow she felt when reading these old classics she loved to have real paper and bound leather in her hands. She was just getting to the good part in _Jane Austin's pride and prejudice _where Lizzie Bennet realises she has fallen for Mr. Darcy, much as she was beginning to realise she was falling for her first officer, Chakotay.

It was then that her comm badge sounded and the voice of her Vulcan friend Tuvok filled the silence of her room, "Captain to the bridge."

"On my way." She said with a sigh as she set down her book and stood to leave her quarters, duty always seemed to call her at the most inopportune moments these days.

"Report." She asked as she stepped from the turbolift onto her bridge.

"Long range sensors have picked up some unusual debris." Harry Kim her operations officer informed her.

"Debris Mr Kim?" She asked the young ensign feeling he hadn't given her enough information.

"I can't give you any more information from this distance." He told her. The entire bridge crew were now looking to their captain for orders on how to proceed.

She looked round at them all one by one. She had set up quite a relaxed report between herself and the senior staff on the bridge, she was hoping one of them would chip in with suggestions, when they didn't she knew she was alone, deciding to make the dangerous call she gave her order, "Mr Paris, take us closer, Warp 2. With caution."

"Yes ma'am." he said spinning round in this chair and tapping the commands into his console.

Kathryn felt she was in need of the support of somebody who wasn't afraid to give her suggestions, speak his mind or even sometimes tell her when she is wrong, sitting in her chair and tapping her comm badge she said, "Janeway to Chakotay"

In a loud voice so all the bridge crew could hear his words the first officers voice came stiffly over the comm line, "Chakotay here, Captain I am not playing your games. What do you want? Me to tuck you nicely in your bed? Or just some fun in your bed? It is the middle of the night and I am fed up with you. I think you should-"

But Chakotay never got to say what he thought Kathryn should do. When the captain realised the train of words Chakotay was on as he clearly thought she was alone in her quarters and he was annoyed with her she cut across him to make it clear to him she was on the bridge surrounded by the rest of the staff, "Mr Chakotay, please would you care to join me on the bridge, we need your assistance up here."

"Hu?" he asked taken aback and then rather sheepishly "Yes Ma'am, I'll be right there." Came his voice, "Chakotay out" Kathryn glared tight lipped at Tom who had turned to stair at her and now quickly turned his chair to face his console.

As Chakotay entered the bridge from the turbolift Kathryn looked up at him and told him, "Unusual debris. We are approaching now."

He nodded and casually sat in his seat next to hers, "I think we should get the science officers here." He told her after examining the data on the console between them.

"Great idea." Kathryn told him with a nod, tapping her comm badge to make a ship wide announcement she said, "all science officers please report to your station."

"We are approaching visual range," Harry announced.

"On screen" The captain ordered, a very small distant looking debris field could be seen. The captain glanced at Chakotay who said,

"Magnify."

"There's not much left what ever it was, from the amount of debris I would say it was a small ship no bigger then shuttle craft." Tom told them while tapping things into his console.

He turned to Harry how told them, "I'm not reading any organic material in the debris field it must have been an unmanned vessel Possibly a probe."

Chakotay was checking the console that parted him from the captain feeling annoyed and embarrassed.

"Any idea what happed to it?" a tired captain asked while the man to her left simply stared at the view screen, things started to look bad and if he was right, this was not good…

Half an hour later the native American first officer and the half klingon chief engineer were in engineering examining some segments of the debris the captain had collected for analysis, Chakotay was scrutinising the test results on the PADD he was holding and he really did not like what he saw,

"B'Elanna please tell me this is not what I think it is!" He told her handing her the PADD.

She looked at the readings for a minute and then worriedly handed it back to her friend and mentor, "I wish I could Chakotay, I wish I could." She mumbled picking up some of the debris and staring at it in her hand.

"How did it get here?" Chakotay snapped at her.

Looking worried B'Elanna speculated, "It must have come with the caretaker." Feeling like she wanted to punch something she snapped angrily, "I never wanted to see that thing again."

"And you think I did?" Asked Chakotay trying to keep his calm, "so now we have to stop it." He said trying to find a more productive way at looking at the situation before them.

"It shouldn't be doing this." She shouted frustrated and confused as she looked at the bits of debris before her.

"Well it is." Said Chakotay calmly as he looked once more at the data findings on his PADD.

"What am I going to tell the captain." B'Elanna looked up at the man she saw as her father with great worry across her face.

Chakotay looked down at the young engineer and said calmly, "Just find some was of stopping it! And fast!"

"But Chakotay-" B'Elanna began but was interrupted by the sound of the doors opening and a familiar voice asking,

"Any conclusions?" it was the captains husky voice as she marched towards them.

The two looked up at her almost in fright. Chakotay knew it was now or never, B'Elanna glanced at him as he said, "Afraid so."

"We have identified the signature left by the weapons fire, it was Cardassian." B'Elanna told her nervously playing with a bit of debris in her hand. Chakotay stared directly at the captain fearing her reaction to the word Cardassian. He found himself having to hold onto the console in front of him to try to contain his anger.

"Cardassian." She said simply staring her big blue eyes directly at B'Elanna and Chakotay noticed that she wouldn't even look at him, then she asked something that he really wished she hadn't brought up, she said, "Could Seska be responsible?"

Nervous B'Elanna looked to an open mouthed and shocked looking Chakotay who just looked back at her playing with the PADD in his hand, slowly B'Elanna said, "No captain." Then taking in a deep breath she nodded and said, "I am." Chakotay saw the look of pure horror and confusion in the blue eyes of the captain.

"Senior Staff report to the briefing room in five minutes." The captain snapped into her comm badge.

Five minutes later all the senior staff, apart from Tom, were assembled in the briefing room. Chakotay chose to sit further away from the captain, where he would have usually occupied the seat to her left he chose to sit at the other end of the table next to Harry. To everyone's surprise the captain chose to start the meeting without Tom but nobody said anything. "B'Elanna please begin," said the captain simply nodding to her chief engineer.

Slowly B'Elanna stood and began to explain, all the staff were watching her, all but Chakotay who was keeping his eyes transfixed on his captain. "The probe was destroyed by and experimental Cardassian weapon from the Alpha Quadrant." She began but had only got through one sentence because a very flustered and out of breath Tom came barging into the briefing room.

"Sorry" was all he said rather causally in a general direction on the captain who said nothing in reply. Chakotay stared at Tom as he causally and rather disrespectfully plonked himself into his chair. Chakotay turned to his captain expecting her to say something. When she did not he looked back at Tom. Chakotay was rather surprised by the captain, this was now the fourth time he had been late in a few days and putting him on report and confining his to quarters didn't help.

When the captain did not respond to Tom, B'Elanna carried on explaining the situation. With Chakotay chipping in to help B'Elanna explain to the staff about their responsibility of Dreadnought the Cardassian bomb that they found in the Delta Quadrant which was responsible for the debris they found floating in space. Back in the Alpha Quadrant it was sent by the Cardassians to go after The Val Jean, it had managed to get past all of their defenses but never actually detonated. B'Elanna explained how she had got inside it and reprogrammed it to work for the Maquis. She opened her mouth to say something else when Chakotay Jumped in to say, "and we gave it a new mission, to destroy the Cardassian fuel depot on Ashilon five but it never made it out of the badlands, we thought it had been destroyed by one of the plasma storms." B'Elanna looked shocked at him but he wasn't looking at her he was looking right at the captain. Who was turned to Tuvok who sat at his place at her side, the place Chakotay usually occupied.

An annoyed captain looked from Chakotay to B'Elanna while asking, "So how do we stop this weapon before it causes any more damage?"

"Dreadnought masked its warp trail with a randomized EM field but I can modify our navigational sensors to get through that." B'Elanna informed them all. She wasn't actually very hopeful it would work but feeling responsible she felt like she had to come up with something.

It hurt as a very sarcastic Tom asked her, "And what are we going to do with it once we find it?""

Quickly replying to him she told him, "I get back inside it." Looking up at the captain she told her, "I know all the security codes I installed them myself."

A very contemplative Tuvok glanced at the captain as she nodded and told B'Elanna, "Lieutenant Paris can assist you with the navigational sensors." And then before anybody else could say anything, or before Chakotay could protest over Tom's involvement she said, "Keep me informed." She then stood announcing to the room, "Dismissed" as she stood.

All of the senior staff stood to return to their work, and started to file out of the briefing room. As Tom made his way past Chakotay's chair to walk towards the corridor Chakotay stood in his way presenting an angry command presence.

"Lieutenant." Chakotay said coldly to the younger man as he passed causing Kathryn to turn her head to see what was going on. The tall Lieutenant looked down at Chakotay with a 'I don't care' look on his face as the commander dressed him down saying, "I expect everyone to show up for meetings on time and properly dressed."

Tom met his eyes and almost laughed in his face as he nodded and said sarcastically, "Yes sir." Before he turned and walked away from Chakotay without waiting to be dismissed.

Kathryn who had stopped and was silently watching from the other side of the briefing room turned away as tom did She left to leave from the other door, which led to the bridge. Kathryn felt she had to run the last few steps onto the bridge so that Chakotay wouldn't see her watching. This whole situation annoyed her so much. Tom was only following her orders, something she had agreed not to divulge to Chakotay. She was feeling bad that Tom was getting the entire wrath from Chakotay for doing something she had asked him to do. She was also sorry she couldn't tell Chakotay the truth. She knew one day soon he would find the truth out and he would be angry with her and feel rather stupid and she hated doing that to him. She also hated the implication that gave that she didn't trust Chakotay. Her emotions were causing her turmoil and it was causing her pain because she could see the pain and hurt in chakotay's eyes.

**End of chapter 21… Chapter 22 NOW UP!… Reviews and comments always welcome. **


	22. Get out commander

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 22**

**Get out commander.**

"Commander please." Said Kathryn rising from her chair behind her desk in her ready room and moving around her desk towards her infuriated first officer, who was angrily pacing up and down in front of it. A few weeks had passed since the incident with the Cardassian bomb, which B'Elanna had finally managed to defuse, and for Voyagers captain she had found a few days to relax and settle into her _pride and prejudice _book.

"Did you hear him?" Chakoty snapped as he rounded on his small captain.

With a sigh and a heavy heart she said seriously, "Yes I did." She knew Q's words had hurt Chakotay a great deal but somehow she hadn't thought he would react this way. Things between the command team were falling further and further down and Kathryn was beginning to wonder if she would ever be able to recover a friendship.

"He called me 'wilderness'." He snapped at her just in case she hadn't heard what the omnipotent being had said the first time, "It's an insult!" He roared, slamming his hand hard on her desk to prove his angry point.

"He _has_ gone now commander so what do you want me to do about it?" She told him taking his shoulders in her hands and looked up at him to meet her eyes.

"It's what you didn't do about it." He snapped as he pulled away from her with deep bitterness.

"Didn't do about it commander?" She asked trying hard to keep calm as tears threatened to fall from her eyes. All this stuff between her and Chakotay these last few months had been wearing her down and she was now beginning to feel very hurt and upset.

"On the bridge in front of everyone you _let_ him insult me in the way that he did." Chakotay told her angrily.

"That was last week commander." She shouted at him as she fell back into her seat at her desk.

"So you want to talk about this week?" he growled.

"Commander?" she asked rubbing her forehead, he was annoying her and she felt a headache come on.

"Why are you ignoring me?" he asked turning from her in anger.

"Chakotay I am not ignoring you, I am just very busy." The small redheaded captain told the man she loved.

"Captain, why are you avoiding me lately?" he asked turning to look at her, as he did he slowly reached his fingertips to her delicate face but stopped millimetres from her skin, he watched her flinch as he did so.

"Avoiding you?" she asked with a quiver a he held his fingertips millimetres from her skin.

Withdrawing his hand he told her sadly, "all I wanted was for you to actually _want _to spend time with me."

She watched him with her deep blue eyes searching his for a second and then asked, "Is this really about what Q said about your tattoo?"

"It's about the fact that you _let _him." Chakotay spat at her but Kathryn couldn't help feeling there was more too it than that.

"Ok Chakotay, look it wasn't easy for me, both Q's were playing on my heart in many different ways." She told him sternly as she stood and walked to look out of her window leaving her back to him, remembering when Q had shown her earth.

"You don't want to talk to me do you?" He asked staring at where she had turned her back to him.

"Chakotay can you blame me?" She asked with a sigh hanging her head.

"Captain?" He spat in question at her.

"These last few months have been very trying for me, I am at my wits end." She said still with her back to him and not wanting to face him in case the tears fell.

"You don't trust me." he told her feeling a pang of pain in his own words.

Kathryn stood for what felt like an eternity looking out of the window, without turning round she said with a crack in her usually strong husky voice, "Commander I trust you, you are my first officer, if you remember I asked you back after you resigned."

He angrily marched up to her and took her shoulder in his hands. He spun her around and almost shook her as he told her, "I don't care if the captain trusts her first officer, and I want to know if Kathryn trust me, the man I am, Chakotay."

Kathryn looked up slowly and met his eyes with hers as tears fell from her eyes; reaching up with her fingertips she traced the lines of his tattoo, "With her life." She told him as tears poured down her cheeks.

Chakotay didn't want to hate her, he didn't want to be angry with this woman he knew loved him but for some reason lately all his pent up anger had been directed at her and she had taken it with such grace and dignity, "Can you try and act it then?" he spat at her walking from her.

"Excuse me?" she said watching him with her wide blue piercing eyes.

"Your acting like you don't want to be anywhere near me." he shouted across her ready room at her which confused her slightly as she had just gone very close to him and gently caressed his face with her gentle loving fingertips.

Shaking her head in frustration at him she said, "Commander this is not the time or the place, please will you talk about this matter at a better time?" she really was exasperated with him now.

He watched her and then very slowly nodded saying, "Dinner? My quarters tonight?" Though he was asking her to dinner he was talking to her rather coldly, "I'll replicate you what ever you want _and _even coffee ice cream." He said with a forced smile as he watched her.

Kathryn thought for a minute and was tempted, "Oh that sounds lovely commander" but then remembered all that had happened between them, "but I am sorry I am very busy tonight." She finished.

"Doing what?" He demanded from her like it was his right to know.

Wheeling round on him she shouted, "GET OUT!" as far as the captain was concerned the first officer had just crossed the very fine line he had been toeing for weeks, he had pushed her over the edge. There in her ready room, right in front on him she wept.

Chakotay was taken aback by her abruptness and was about to shout back at her when he saw the abundance of tears falling from this beautiful woman's delicate face, "captain?" He asked her with love. He watched as she fell to the floor as her knees buckled under her and she cried out almost in pain. "Oh captain." He gasped, moving forward to where his vulnerable love was crouched weeping uncontrollably into her hands.

As Chakotay neared her and reached his arms to take her in his own to give her a very loving and soothing embrace but she pushed him away with her arms and muttered, "please just go Chakotay." Between heavy sobs.

To look at her this way broke Chakotays heart, "But you're hurt, you're crying. I want to be there for you." He told her once more reaching out to embrace her.

"I'm tired Chakotay." She told him sternly shaking her head and sinking even more into the floor, "Tired of this." Then she looked her tear stained eyes up at him and said, "and I am tired of us, of YOU."

"Let me help." He said trying to reach again to take her in his arms.

"You can help by getting out!" she shouted pushing him away from her and scrabbling to get away from him.

Chakotay could see that his presence really was making it worse and so he didn't know what else he could do but leave. Backing away slowly out of the ready room into the corridor on deck 1 he cried his own tears as he watched his captain coughing and spluttering with uncontrollable tears on the far corner of the floor of her ready room. This was _not_ what Chakotay wanted.

**End of chapter 22…. Chapter 23 NOW UP!… Reviews and comments welcome….**


	23. She had to order him to the brig

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 23**

**She had to order him to the brig**

"Ensign Wildman's baby!" shouted a very angry Chakotay who was stood in the captains ready room staring down at her where she sat at her desk holding the PADD her had just given her with his latest report on lieutenant Paris, "I mean come on captain who does he take me for?"

"I am not entirely sure what you want me to do about it?" she said slightly confused as she looked down at the PADD and skimmed what her first officer had written there about the chief helmsman.

Looking at her sternly he shouted, "Captain it's the third time this week! And that's not to mention last week and the week before."

"I know Chakotay!" she hissed feeling annoyed that the same argument kept cropping up, the one thing she wished she could do and she couldn't, "look I'll talk to him." She told him throwing the PADD on her desk and picking up another PADD, the one she had been reading before her first officer had come barging in.

Kathryn hadn't seen Chakotay since the day before and she was feeling slightly embarrassed by her extreme emotional out burst in front of him. Kathryn didn't mention the incident to her first officer and he seemed to be following her lead and giving her the decency of not mentioning it.

He watched her and couldn't help feeling annoyed that his concerns were being over looked and so he told her, "I know you want to see the best in him, you find the best in everyone but I really think in his case a leopard can't change his spots!"

"Tom has been trying so hard." She told him looking sternly over the PADD she now held in her hand, which was a report from the doctor on his treatment of a Vidiian woman they had on bored Voyager.

"Yes, I was really beginning to respect him, but not recently."

Rubbing her forehead and pinching the bridge of her nose she placed the PADD down and slowly said, "Chakotay, leave it with me. I'll have a word, I'll try to see if I can get to the bottom of this."

"What do you mean?" he asked her.

Exasperated she explained, "Well punishment isn't working and there is clearly something wrong. I'll talk to him and try to see if I can find what the problem is."

"But captain-" Chakotay began.

Kathryn cut across him in a loud, stern command voice, "Chakotay! Please! No offence but right now a slightly annoying Tom Paris is the least of my worries, I am very busy and right now I have a meeting with the doctor to talk with him about this Vidiian woman."

"Yes ma'am." Chakotay said feeling thoroughly dressed down, he snapped to attention.

With a heavy sigh Kathryn stood from her chair and moved around the desk to stand in front of her first officer, Still he stood to attention and did not look at her. "I promise I will talk to him. Ok?" she asked placing a gentle hand on his chest. Her touch made him shiver inside. Once it seemed to Chakotay he had been drawing closer to her but his dammed anger that he could never seem to leave behind had gotten in the way and driven them apart.

Slowly Chakotay looked down at her beauty and saw nothing but deep love in her eyes., "Yes ma'am." He whispered as their eyes locked and he felt tear of love well in his eyes as he thought of the pain his anger had inflicted on her.

Removing her hand and with a twinkle in her eye she said, "Or better still, why don't you talk to him?"

"Captain?" he asked taken aback and watching her cross the room to sit on her sofa.

"Why don't you talk to him to see if you can get to the bottom of this?" se said simply with a smile in his direction.

"Is that an order captain?" he asked walking to sit next to her uninvited, he was determined to do anything to get close to her again. She didn't flinch or move out of his way.

"I could make it one if it would help?" She said turning her face to face his with a smile and that mischievous twinkle in his eye. She swatted his arm playfully and laughingly said, "Come on Chakotay, it could be something simple, you could just ask him if anything is bothering him."

"Yes ma'am" he said returning the relaxed smile. This captain he was with felt more like the captain he had seen a glimpse of, the coffee ice cream devouring captain he loved.

"Thank you." She said relaxing to the sofa for a much needed rest, "Dismissed." She said winking at him, it was not an angry dismissal it was simply the conversation was over and she wanted her rest. Smiling at her he stood up and walked from her read room feeling hopeful of rebuilding their friendship once more and happy to see her smiling that way again. He knew he had done some distasteful things to her and he knew one day they would have to talk about it but for this he was hopeful.

Less than ten minutes later Kathryn was lying back on the sofa of her ready room with her legs up and her eyes closed and feeling extremely relaxed.

Her thoughtful relaxation was short-lived when she was interrupted by the door chime, still with her eyes closed she mumbled "Come in." thinking it would be her first officer coming back.

"Captain." Came the voice of her Vulcan security chief as he entered the room.

"Tuvok." She said opening her eyes and sitting bolt upright. Though Tuvok was a dear friend she had a much more relaxed relationship with Chakotay than she did with Tuvok.

Tuvok looked down at his captain with raised eyebrows but did not mention her relaxed posture as he began to tell her why he had come, "I see the commander was talking to you again today, he is taking the bate." He told her in his usual unemotional voice.

This only angered her, this whole situation had got out of hand and was infuriating her, "It's not the commander we are trying to catch!" she told him sternly as she stood to walk behind her desk, "We are using him Tuvok, using him to fuel the bate! It's not fair on him. I sincerely think we need to tell him what has been going on with Tom this last few months." She knew the two didn't always see I to eye and she hadn't always helped that but she did not really agree that Chakotay should be kept in the dark about what was going on, especially because she could see how hurt he would be.

"We agreed-" began Tuvok.

Cutting across the Vulcan Kathryn snapped, "I know what we agreed but it's wrong and it's not fair!"

"Need I remind you that the plan only works if Lieutenant Paris is reprimanded for his insubordinate actions?" Tuvok stated in his usual cold voice.

"Yes I know that but surely if we tell Commander Chakotay he too can play along and then at least he knows what is going on." she said feeling like she needed all this to be over, and quickly.

"It is more real if he doesn't" Tuvok stated.

"So we use him to play a part?" she said feeling her emotions for the man she loved boiling in her, she did not want to do this to him anymore, it was killing her inside and she knew it would kill him when he found out.

"If that is how you choose to look at it." Tuvok said plainly, devoid of all emotion.

"It is how he will see it." She said sitting in the chair at her desk and burying her face in her hands to think for a minute, "One day soon he is going to find out what is going on!" She told Tuvok feeling the pain of it already, "In all aspects of our professional relationship I have been using him and playing him like a fiddle for months now!" to say it aloud broke her own heart, "I can see this is hurting him. Tom can see it too."

"The plan is better if we don't tell him the truth." Stated Tuvok once more; "besides captain we don't want to put him in a position where he has to trick one of his former crew."

Kathryn thought for a minute and then slowly nodded in agreement, "the sooner this is over the better." She whispered feeling pain for Chakotay; slowly looking up at her Vulcan friend she said sternly, "Dismissed." So there could be no doubt that the conversation between them was now over.

Later that day Chakotay entered the busy mess hall and saw Tom sat alone facing the window, it was then or never and the captain had really ordered him to do this. He told himself 'maybe she was right, maybe this would get to the bottom of it all'. Maybe there really was something he could do to help Tom.

Taking a deep breath, ordering a mug of tea and casually walking over to where Tom sat he stood waiting for Tom to look up.

"Mind if I join you?" the first officer asked the younger helmsman who looked up at him and gestured towards the chair next to him as he finished the mouthful of food he had been eating.

Chakotay took the seat and watched slightly nervously as Tom wiped his mouth with the napkin. 'She said just ask him how he is, that's all she asked me to do.' Chakotay thought to himself. Taking a deep breath and trying to sound casual he said, "So how are things tom?"

Tom looked at the commander like he was an idiot and asked, "Excuse me?"

Feeling slightly annoyed Chakotay asked, "How have you been feeling lately? Something bothering you?" he was not comfortable doing this and really didn't see the point but his Kathryn had ordered him to do this because she did think it would help.

Tom laughed in his face which only lead to anger Chakotay further, in a slightly insubordinate tone the lieutenant said, "Err no offence commander but why the sudden concern for my feelings?"

"Well you've been moody lately, indifferent to your duties." Chakotay told him not really sure this one to one chat was helping at all, "to be honest you don't seem to be taking you job very seriously, if you've got a problem I would like to know what it is." the first officer finished. Chakotay was trying to hold out an olive branch to the younger man, he was trying to help but the smug, sarcastic look on Tom's face just seemed to anger him further.

It looked like Tom was trying to think of something to say and then he said slightly too casually, "Yea I've got a problem." Then taking a pause to settle himself in his seat and look straight at Chakotay he said. "My problem is you."

That was all he said leaving Chakotay sat next to him looking stunned. It was taking great effort and all he had in him not to punch the lieutenant then and there but he had promised the captain he would _talk _to Tom and find out what the problem was. "You care to elaborate?" He asked Tom feeling annoyed.

A very sarcastic Tom looked at him a said, "You tell me I don't take my job seriously but half the time you don't let me do my job."

Chakotay looked at him in anger and confusion. Shaking his head he snapped, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you don't trust my judgement, you don't allow me to take initiative." Replied Tom in a way that he knew would anger Chakotay, "Remember last week I suggested that we might save time by travelling through that emission nebula, but what did you say?" He asked and then quickly went on to say what Chakotay had said putting on a mocking voice of the first officer, "Oh that's not the way we do things on this ship."

An extremely annoyed Chakotay was now staring at the younger man through gritted teeth and trying desperately to hold himself back from punching the helmsman with everything he had.

"Look sometimes I am not going to agree with your suggestions but making decisions is part of being a leader, maybe someday you will understand that." Chakotay told him sternly.

"Being a leader also means knowing to give your people a little leeway and let them be creative." Tom told Chakotay angrily. He then took a breath and with a sarcastic laugh he raised his voice saying, "I might as well put this ship on auto-pilot for all the freedom you give me to do my job!"

"I didn't come here for a lecture from you on how to do my job" Chakotay said angrily and sternly through gritted teeth at the younger man.

Standing up without being dismissed Tom said sarcastically, "Yea well I know you don't put much stock in my opinion." He was raising his voice very loudly now in the busy mess hall coursing many of the other crewmembers to turn to see what was going on, "So maybe you should talk to some of these people!" Tom was shouting now gesturing around at the staring crew while he was still looking at the commander who was still sat calmly in his chair. "Because I am not the only one around here you has got a problem with you." Chakotay stared at his with an angry glare but said nothing to the insubordinate helmsman. "Now if there is nothing else," began Tom and then in a very rude way he said, "sir" then taking a long breath in which Chakotay said nothing Tom continued, "I'd like the be excused."

Commander Chakotay who was still sat in this chair looking up at the rude lieutenant looked him up and down and said slowly, "sure Paris" and then trying with everything he had not to stand up and punch the younger guy told him "your excused." Tom picked up his PADD and marched out of the mess hall past all the muttering crewmembers leaving a very angry and hurt Chakotay sat looking out of the window.

An hour later Chakotay was heading towards the turbolift to go to the bridge. He was still feeling quite livid over Tom's insubordinate words. He knew Toms shift on the bridge started again just five minutes ago and he had no doubt that when he arrived on the bridge the helmsman would be nowhere in site. Chakotay had decided if that were the case he would take him off duty with or without his dear captains permission. He had _talked _to Tom as she had asked and now not only had he ended up insulted and embarrassed he was very angry. Chakotay hoped he wouldn't take his anger out on the captains beautiful face as he had been doing to her. His anger had begun to overcome him and he was finding it harder to contain.

"Ah Commander I hoping to run into you," Came the deep husky voice of the very woman he had been thinking of, snapping out of this train of thought he looked down at her as she said, "I heard what happened in the mess hall with Mr. Paris and I wanted to ask if you were ok?"

"Fine," he said looking away from her as they walked towards the trubolift together, he then thought for a minute and then asked, "are you?"

Stopping to look up at him she asked, "yes, why would I not be commander?"

He too stopped and turned to her, resting a compassionate hand on her shoulder he said, "well I just thought yesterday you seemed a little upset," as he watched her turn and try to hide her face from him he reached out and gently guided her chin to make her lovely face look at him, "I was worried."

She did not protest or pull away as he thought she might as they stood together in the ships corridor, simply she said, "No need for concern commander."

"Captain, please" he was almost begging now.

"Commander?" she asked confused as he let her go.

With a deep sigh he decided to tell her how he had been feeling, "a few months ago things between us were getting close, I thought we were building a friendship."

Looking up she met her deep blue eyes with his jet black ones and with a smile she said, "We do have a friendship commander," Reaching up and cupping his cheek in one of her tiny palms she said, "One I cherish greatly." Almost too quickly she pulled away and turned to walk towards the turbolift like she had suddenly remembered something, "I am just a little busy right now." She told him.

Feeling hurt and put out Chakotay followed her but was determined not to let her know how he felt. "The doctor has it all under control I trust?"

"Commander?" she asked slightly confused as she entered the empty turbolift closely followed by her first officer.

"I assume you are on your way back to the bridge from sickbay." He said as the doors closed behind him and he took his usual stance just behind her left shoulder.

"Actually I am as it happens." She said with a smirk and not looking behind her.

"Do you want some company?" He asked with an equal smirk.

"I think I might." She said with laugh, clearly he was already joining her, "Computer holt turbolift." He watched her as he turned to face him, tilting her head she looked up at him and said, "one day soon will you join me in my quarters for dinner?" when he just looked down at her and didn't say a word she hung her head in embarrassment saying, "I am sorry commander, it was just a thought" still he said nothing so she went on, "I mean after I turned you down last night I felt so very bad" taking a deep breath she looked up at him with conflicting tears in her eyes, "Chakotay maybe you are right you and I were closer once than we are now, and I seem to be stepping back on my promise, for that I am sorry."

Shaking his head at her in confusion Chakotay asked, "your promise captain?"

"I told you I would stand by you to help you" she told him, as tear threatened to fall once more, "it's just been very hard Chakotay."

Taking her hand and wiping her tears he told her, "I would be delighted to share dinner with you."

"And I you." She said with a huge smile as she reached out and hugged him, "So we have a date, when all this mess is over we can have dinner and sit and have a much needed talk."

"You, my dear sweet captain, have a date." Chakotay told her stoking the top of her head and planting a kiss there, "When would you like it to be?"

"Tomorrow night?" She asked looking up with a smile.

"Tomorrow night I am all yours." She said with a joyful nod at her showing his dimples, it really was special to her to see them!

"Excellent!" she said turning back around to face the doors and then she decided to really try her luck and put herself on the line she said while looking down at her feet apprehensively, "I have some holodeck time, maybe we could share a stroll on the beach?"

"Sounds delightful." He told her leaning in from where he stood behind her and gently kissing her neck as her hair in a tight bun left it so appetizingly naked.

Without a word of complaint or pulling away she said, "Resume turoblift"

Back in professional mode but feeling very excited about the next day he asked, "May I ask that in the matter with Tom I have complete discretion?"

With a nod, still with her back to him she told him, "Yes, it is your matter to deal with."

"Thank you captain." Was his professional reply.

As the doors swished open she stepped aside gesturing to the open doors she said, "Our bridge commander."

"After you captain." He said with a similar gesture towards the open doors and a slight twinkle in his eye, as she moved in front of him to walk onto the bridge he very delicately and very deliberately placed his hand on the curve of her bottom. She did not pull away was he had expected. In fact for Kathryn she suddenly felt a woman again, she felt loved and appreciated and she felt beautifully free. It turned her on to feel like Chakotay was flirting with her in that way. It was then she did what Chakotay had not expected.

With a slightly higher than usual voice Chakotay asked the bridge "where is Lieutenant Paris?" he had not by any means counted on his captain wiggling her tiny, delicate derriere playfully into his hand.

"He hasn't arrived for his second shift yet." Tuvok reported standing from the commanders chair to move further back to his usual tactical station.

"That started seven minutes ago." He said in a cracked voice as he watched his captain sit in her chair. To all on the bridge, who had no idea what he and the captain has just shared, not that it was much but it was more than he believed she would give, all they would see was the captain sitting down, to Chakotay he saw her mischievously wriggle into her seat with a twinkle in her eyes.

Chakotay glanced at the captain who looked at him and nodded, he glanced at Mr. Grines who was covering Tom on the helm and said to him "Mr. Grines you will be working all of Mr. Paris's shifts for the near future."

The young man turned and nodded.

"Commander." Kathryn said handing him a PADD as he turned to look at her, "I am sorry I never got this to you earlier, the doctors report." She told him.

"Thank you captain." He said examining the PADD; he hadn't sat down yet because he thought he would rather collect himself first.

Just then Tom came bursting onto the bridge looking like he had just dragged himself out of bed, with a sigh he said, "sorry I am late." A little too casually for Chakotay's liking. Harry looked at him with worry for his friend. Kathryn stayed in her seat watching what her first officers next move would be in this matter.

Chakotay didn't even look up from the PADD when he said, "That's all right Mr. Paris we don't need you." Tom had just moved down to the lower deck of the bridge, walking like he didn't care and was now stood next to his commanding officer, "Mr. Grines is taking you place at con." Chakotay continued as he glanced briefly at Mr. Grines but not looking at Tom, he was still tapping things into his PADD; he really had had enough of Tom.

Tom glanced at the poor Mr. Grines who was tapping things into the console and trying not to look round. Tom then looked stunned back at Chakotay open mouthed; Chakotay was still ignoring him and tapping things into his PADD. "But it's my shift." He said like Chakotay was an idiot.

"Not today it isn't" Chakotay told him shaking his head and still not giving the decency of looking up from his PADD.

"What?" asked Tom shaking his head at the commander, "because I was ten minutes late?" Tom was looking at the angry commander confused and stunned.

"That's right." Was all Chakotay said clenching his teeth and still looking at his PADD.

Tom moved past Chakotay to look at the captain who was sat silently in her chair watching the whole thing play out, "Captain?" he asked her.

"Don't look at me Mr. Paris." She said looking up at him with a tilted head from where she sat, "Commander Chakotay has complete discretion in this matter." The two stared at each other for a second. Tom was silently asking the captain for any sign that she gave permission for him to take their plan one step further. Kathryn knew this and she also knew that it needed to be so, with a slight nod of her head at Tom it was all the permission he needed.

Tom feeling unsure what to do turned back to the commander who was still stood staring at his PADD. Kathryn simply sat silently watching. There were too many emotions going round in her head, she wished this didn't have to be. She guessed what Tom was about to do, what she had given him permission to do and she knew what it would do to Chakotay when Tom did it. Tuvok had always said Tom should end up in the brig after doing something physical to Chakotay and Kathryn knew now was the moment. In a few seconds she was going to have to send Tom to her brig. She didn't quite know what he was planning; this was not at all rehearsed. She grabbed the arms of her chair and watched.

"So when should I report back for duty?" A sarcastic Tom asked Chakotay.

Looking slowly up from his PADD Chakotay met Tom's eyes and said, "when you decide to start taking you job seriously we'll discuss it." Chakotay told him with a nod. Taking Toms arm forcibly Chakotay tried to guide him off the bridge, Kathryn braced herself she knew something was coming, "But right now you are dismissed." Chakotay told Tom.

"Get you hands off me!" Shouted Tom pushing Chakotay forcibly catching him of ground. It was swift and quick, the great Native American warrior and boxing champion stumbled backwards with the force of Toms push. Dropping his PADD Chakotay fell to the ground with great force. All on the bridge heard the thud as Chakotay's great weight hit the floor. Chakotay used his hands to catch himself as he fell.

Kathryn leapt from her seat and looked down at Chakotay who was on the floor scrambling to pick up his PADD. Kathryn wanted to cry as she looked at her Chakotay who had been made to look old and weak by the younger man. Guilt washed over Kathryn, as she knew Tom was acting on her orders. She couldn't bear to watch Chakotay turn and look up at Tom angrily as he scrambled to his feet, she couldn't help feeling that Chakotay looked weak and old like that and it hurt her to know that ultimately that was her doing, her orders. She looked round at Tom, now was the time for her star performance, it was up to her to get this bit right even though so many emotions were spinning in her head now. As Chakotay stood and he and Tom stared at each other, Kathryn knew Chakotay was holding back with all he had, Chakotay forcing himself not to lurch at Tom on her bridge, with a tight lip and a calm and collected steady tone Kathryn said, "Mr. Tuvok."

"Yes captain?" came his reply from the tactical station.

"Please escort Mr. Paris to the brig." Chakotay was glaring at Tom now with anger, as Tuvok moved closer to take Tom Kathryn couldn't help feeling the whole situation had gone spinning out of control, this was much more serious than she had thought it would get when she agree to the plan. She knew what this situation would do to Chakotay, the man she loved and it wasn't good.

Tom glanced at his friend Harry, the young straight backed Starfleet ensign would never understand and Tom didn't want his friend thinking any less of him for this. Harry shook his head and hung his head not looking at his friend as Tuvok took him and led him by the arm from the bridge.

Kathryn watched Tom go and then looked back at the man she loved to gauge his feelings, what she saw was not good. He looked stunned and angry with his mouth slightly open. As their eyes met he looked like he was trying to calm himself breathing heavily. Kathryn knew then that when her dear Chakotay found out the truth, that she had been using him, that Tom, Tuvok and she had been acting and pretending and that she had in fact ordered Tom to be insubordinate and given Tom permission to push him to the ground she was knew she and Chakotay were both going to be in for a lot of pain.

**End of Chapter 23…. Chapter 24 NOW UP!… Reviews and comments welcome…**


	24. The lonely pain of a starship captain

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 24**

**The lonely pain of a starship captain.**

Kathryn Janeway was sat alone on a warm beach watching the sunset far out beyond the sea. It was a beautiful scene and it made Kathryn feel young again. She knew she may never see a real sun set on earth again and it saddened her. She had been on this very beach alone for nearly four hours. She had set aside all her holodeck time and planed this program so that she could share it with the man she had fallen in love with, the ships first officer, Chakotay. The day before she had made arrangements for the nights date and he had seemed extremely keen to share a date with her. She now had missed his presence on the beach she had hoped to take a romantic stroll along arm in arm with Chakotay. As it was he had not come as they had happily planned and she had strolled alone along the beach.

As she sat and looked out at the vast and beautiful sea as the calm waves came gushing in one after the other she felt her own waves, her waves of tears fall from her eyes for all she had lost. She had wanted to be there for her first officer, to help him overcome his great anger and bitterness but she had found she couldn't. She had also tried to do what was right for the ship and try to track down a traitor amongst them. Today they had, the plan she had set with her chief security officer and the help of the chief helmsman had worked. Michael Jonas had been exposed as the traitor but not before he died a tragic death. Traitor or not Kathryn hated loosing one of her crew and his death was weighing heavily on her mind that evening.

The death of Jonas was not the only thing on her mind, the pain and anger she had seen in the eyes of her first officer as he stood in her ready room before her hours before was also plaguing her thoughts. The plan she had set to smoke out the traitor had not involved Chakotay but it was that day she came to realise it _had_ involved Chakotay. In order to set the traitor up they needed to get Tom Paris, an agreeing participant, off Voyager, it had to look like he wanted to leave and so in came the plan. For weeks Tom had been playing the role of a "malcontent" as Tuvok had explained it. It had been Chakotay's job to reprimand him and punish him, only Chakotay didn't know it was all a plan. His words were now spinning around in her head cutting deep as she felt the pain in his voice, "and the reason I wasn't let in on this little plan?" she couldn't forget the angry bitterness that lingered in his words or the way he had looked at her. It had all gone wrong. Chakotay had reacted just like she knew he would, "in other words you didn't trust me." He had spat when Tuvok had explained there reasoning, she had wanted to cry then she didn't know what to say to him, she had come up with something stupid, she had tried to lighten the mood, "Commander the simple fact is we needed a good performance, I am afraid we used you to help Tom provide it." The word used had stuck deeply in her throat and for some reason as if that wasn't bad enough she had gone on to say "and you did a damn good job." The look Chakotay had given her then was one of pure hatred, one she wasn't going to get out of her memory and time soon.

Sat on the beach Kathryn closed her eyes as more tears fell and more of Chakotay's angry words flashed through her mind, "Are you saying Paris's insulting behaviour, the gambling, being late for duty, mouthing off at me was all a ruse?" She could still feel the anger in his voice hours later and it hurt that she had done that to him, she wished she hadn't and she wished Tuvok hadn't been quite so blunt and heartless when he explained it to him.

She had been very excited about this evenings date with Chakotay on the holodeck beach and she knew he had been too. He had never said he wasn't coming but she had seen his anger that day. Sure he had done his duty after that, he had performed well and talked to her when he had to but nothing more. Still she had come as arranged hopeful that their date had still stood, clearly she had been wrong. Alone on such a romantic beach she had walked and sat for too many hours now. Tearfully she stood to leave as the sun set till caste its burning glow from a distance when she felt the presence of somebody behind her.

"This is nice." She heard the calm voice of her first officer.

Spinning round she saw him stood just inches from her, "Chakotay!" she exclaimed and went to hug him but then pulled back unsure if he was wanting to talk to her or not.

Chakotay saw this and with a smile he took her in his arms, "Hi." Was all he said to her simply as the two stood in a tight embrace on the beach until long after the sun had gone down and the stars and moon were casting an eerie glow over them.

As he let go he looked down on her face as she looked up at him, "I thought you weren't coming." She told him.

"For a moment there so did I," he told her as he reached to wipe the glistening tears from her pale white cheeks with his gentle copper brown fingertips.

"I'm sorry." She said turning away and sitting back down on the sand to face the sea in which the reflection of the moon was beautiful.

Chakotay watched her for a long time sat on the sand at his feet with her back to him and then said lovingly, "may I sit with you?"

"Yes." Was all she said as she pulled her knees up and silently wrapped her arms around them.

For a long time the two sat silently staring out to sea. Neither needed to talk, to sit in each other company the two both felt a difference sense on contentment where they sat. After about ten minutes Chakotay looked at his quivering crying captain and gently and slowly wrapped his arm around her and guided her to lay her face on his chest as he lay himself down gently on the soft ground. For over an hour The Captain and Commander of the federation starship Voyager lay silently together wrapped in each other's arms under the stars on the holographic beach.

After an hour Chakotay who was gently stroking the long hair of the beautiful captain he had embraced in his arms looked up at the stars and whispered, "Why captain?"

"Why what?" She whispered back, fearing what the answer would be, lying like that it didn't feel like it mattered, all she had faced all the pain went whenever she was in Chakotay's arms.

"Why did you not tell me?" he said, he was not annoyed but was stern enough to want an answer. Still he lay with her and stroked her arms.

"I wanted to tell you." She told him honestly.

"But you didn't?" he asked looking for clarification.

Pulling away and sitting up she said, "Tuvok said it was best if I didn't" She turned to where he still lay looking up at her and whispered, "I'm sorry Chakotay, I should have told you."

"Perhaps." He said with a dimpled smile. He couldn't bear to be angry at the beauty who leaned above where he lay, the moonlight shining from behind her.

Reaching up her wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back to him, "you have been very hurt by me lately, and this I know." He said gently kissing the top of her head.

"A little yes." She said with a shiver as he kissed her.

Pulling away instantly he said in shock, "I make you nervous. I am so sorry"

"No!" She said turning back to him, "No! Not at all"

"I should do." He said sadly "after what I did to you."

"I trust you Chakotay." She told him tightening her embrace around his body "is that not all that matters now?"

"You know I wanted to hate you today." He found the courage to say to her.

After a long pause she said to him, "do you care to walk along the beach with me? A moonlit stroll," without waiting for a reply she stood and began to walk away from where they had lain together.

Standing and following her he told her, "I would love to."

Not looking at him she looked out to sea. She knew Chakotay's jet black eyes were upon her almost unblinking as she said slowly, "I did it for the ship, I did what I had to do, I knew it was hurting you, I knew it would even more when you found out the truth."

Wrapping his arm gently around her shoulder as they walked together on the beach he asked, "but still you did it?"

"I am a ships captain, I did what I had to do for the ship." Kicking the sand gently with her foot she said, "I took the advisement of my tactical officer and in a way it worked perfectly, for the ship it worked." Taking a pause and pulling from him she told him sadly, "for me and you it didn't work and that I deeply regret."

"We will come through." He told her as he watched her uneasy stance for a while.

Standing tall and looking out to sea she said "Chakotay it makes me wonder," taking a pause to collect herself she decided the best thing to do would be to just get it out, "captain's wouldn't normally be allowed to form this sort of relationship with those who serve under her." Turning her body to face where he stood he was watching her intently she clasped her hands together and told him, "A captain has to make choices, make decisions that will sometimes hurt those individuals who serve her. For the good of the whole a captain must lead and not all those who work for her will like it, you must know this, it's part of being a leader."

Chakotay watched her, her words so close to those he said to Tom only the day before. He knew what she was going to say and he knew the pain it would cause them both.

"How can I get close to you, or anybody, and order you into a situation that would injure you, or worse?" She asked him.

"So you would rather be alone and friendless for the next seventy five years?" he asked her, he wasn't trying to be cold he was trying to make a point.

"I ordered Tom to push you on the floor." She told him turning from him once more. Chakotay watched her and then he understood the true implications of their 'little plan' as he had called it and it cut deep into his heart. "I made a show, a pretence of putting him in the brig." Then with a pause she said though the tears that were falling, "I even sent you in there, I told you to _talk _to him knowing what he would do." Then she turned to face her hurt and stunned first officer, "I did what I had to do for this ship, this crew. It hurt me as much as it hurt you." She watched as he stood and said nothing, "my feeling's didn't come into it." She continued, "and sadly neither did yours."

Chakotay could see the tears pouring down the glistening face of his beautiful captain as she looked at him with sorrow, he wanted to take her, to hug her and kiss her to love her for all eternity but right now he knew he couldn't "are you saying this is over?" he asked with a lump of pain in his throat.

"Chakotay I-" she began but the tears over whelmed her and her tears took her. He saw her pain and quickly moved into hug her, no sooner had he got his arms around her and she pulled way shouting "No!" she shook her head violently at him, "no, don't you get it, _this _is what we can't have."

"What?" he asked, he wasn't going to let this beauty go without a fight, he did not agree with her, "what can we not have?" looking at her quivering body he said "are you saying you and I can't have a friendship?"

"I am the captain, I have to be the captain Chakotay!" she told him and she quickly turned to walk back the way they had come.

"Tell me you don't care about me!" he shouted at her.

"You know I do." She told him as he came to walk beside her.

"Are you really going to refuse to be my friend?" he asked her sharply.

"There are many nice woman on this ship who can be your friend." She told him feeling cross.

"I want to be your friend." He said.

"Look I will make it an order if I have to." She shouted as she spun to look him in the eye.

"Captain, you wouldn't go that low." He said in disbelief, he could not believe she would be prepared to order him not to pursue a friendship with her.

"Don't make me!" she said turning back to walk away from him, "just let me go."

"I can't do that!" he shouted after her, "and I won't." he just did not believe she would do it.

Turning back she marched right up to him, looked up with her tearful eyes and in her best command tone said, "Commander Chakotay you are not to pursue a friendship with me." He met her eyes with an indignant glare daring her to say it, and than she did, coldly she said, "that is an order." Turning on her heal she ordered the computer to produce the door and she left him stood alone in the beach.

Chakotay stood for a long time and walked the moonlit path in the sand. He looked down at her delicate footprints there and knew the torn pain her heart must be feeling, the lonely pain of a starship captain.

**End of chapter 24…. Chapter 25 NOW UP… Comments and reviews welcome…**


	25. Will you come berry picking with me?

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 25**

**Will you come berry picking with me commander?**

Chakotay stepped inside the captain's ready room and stood to attention saying, "You asked to see me captain?" it had been many weeks since the incident with Tom, when the captain and first officer had shared time on the holographic beach. Chakotay had been there for her over the weeks and had been particularly steadfast and supportive of the difficult choice she had made the week before, he had made it clear he stood by her no matter what choice she made and that alone gave her the strength to do what she did to Tuvix. Chakotay had even openly supported her on the bridge in front of everyone and that had made her realise how much she missed him and how much she needed him. That had helped her make the decision that she would invite him to join her personally on this simple and yet possibly freeing away mission. Kathryn realised she her self hadn't got off Voyager into the fresh air of a plant since nearly eight months ago when the Kazon had captured Chakotay and a young Kazon boy had held him on a Kazon training moon, she had insisted to be part of the rescue team to beam down to rescue him. As she had been full of dread and worry for her first officer and the feeling of deep guilt for letting him go alone on the shuttle craft she had not had chance to enjoy her surroundings.

"Yes, commander" Kathryn said with a smile as she looked up but her smile quickly faded when she saw him stood too attention looking at the bulkhead above her head, Moving round to stand in front of him she said, "I was wondering if you would join me on an away mission." With her words she placed her gentle hand on his arm causing him to look down into her eyes.

For Chakotay it had been too long since he had looked deeply into those gorgeous blue eyes and he missed them just as much as he missed the woman they belonged to, "join you captain?" he asked in a slightly cracked and higher than usual voice.

"Yes Chakotay," she said still staring up at him and then with a sigh she said lovingly begging, "please, I feel like I have hardly seen you and so I was wondering if you would join myself and Ensigns Price and flemming on an away mission?"

"Are you asking?" he said mischievously as he watched her walk towards the replicator, "or making it an order?" he asked, making a slightly unfair reference the last time they were alone many weeks ago when she had gone as low as to order him not to pursue a friendship with her.

With a sigh as she had her back to him she said sadly, "I was asking." Then stood in front to the replicator she asked "tea?" as she stood still with her back to him.

"No." he said with a twinkle in his own eyes, "thank you" he was watching her back where she stood, "it wouldn't be proper for the commander to accept tea from the captain," He then went in for the kill to make his point, "it would be too much like friendship."

Hurt Kathryn turned to face him and asked, "do you want to come berry picking with me or not?"

"Berry picking?" he asked her taken aback, in his culture if a woman asks a man to came berry picking with her it was a ritual used to show the man she is looking to marry him, "captain?" he asked her sure that there was no way she could know what she had just asked.

"Yes" she told him, "Ensigns Price and flemming and I are going down onto the planet to collect some vegetation for food."

This made him smile with his dimples flashing, "hummm I don't know." He said thinking of how different cultures being so different could cause so much confusion. He wanted to laugh, his captain had no idea she had just proposed to him, one day he would tell her but now he saw her getting angry and impatient, 'just like all white people' he thought to himself with a laugh. "Of course" he said and he watched her smile broaden as she looked at him, "I would love to join you." He told her as he thought to himself, 'she might not have meant to propose to me but any away mission with her is better than being stuck minding her bridge. Besides I could look after her when I am down there.' He did worry for her greatly on away missions.

"Great we leave at 14:00 hours." She told him with a huge smile.

"Aye Captain." He said nodding and leaving her ready room feeling much more joyful than he had been before.

At 14:00 hours Chakotay walked into the trasporter room where he saw Kathryn and ensigns price and flemming stood on the trasporter station waiting for him to arrive. As he moved to take his place next to Kathryn she smiled and winked at him and said, "Energise." Before he could say or do anything and the transported beam took him.

As soon as they materialised on the beautiful scenic planet she was shouting orders, "Right I suggest we fan out," she told them looking around the green forest like planet. They were in a clearing of rich green grass surrounded by woodland all the way around. Kathryn continued her orders pointing to one section on the woodland to her right, "the commander and I will take that side, and ensigns you take that one." She finished pointing to the woodland at her left, as she began to walk off to her right with Chakotay following close behind she called out to Price and Flemming, "Keep within a fifty mile radius. Collect as much vegetation as you can find but don't eat any until we get back to voyager and are sure it's not harmful."

The captain and commander had been walking silently round the forest for nearly ten minutes, Chakotay was keeping his distance and simply enjoying watching his captain almost skip around the fresh air like a little girl. She was stopping to smell the flowers and Chakotay didn't want to stop her. For Kathryn she was content. She was walking through a forest and enjoying the company of her first officer; 'even if he is saying very little and just following me around with that silly grin on his face!' she thought to her self, 'I love being here with his this way.' It was freeing for her. Happily she wondered around the forest minding her own business and deep in thought.

"Feeling happy captain?" Chakotay's deep yet happy voice brought her from her thoughts.

With a slight startled jump she asked, "hum?"

"You were singing." He said with a smile, his dimples flashing as he climbed up the stand on the fallen log where she stood above him.

"No I wasn't" she told him with her hands on her hips and looking slightly too stern Chakotay thought for a woman who was skipping around a forest singing and now had flowers in her hair.

"Yes you were under your breath." He said as he reached up and took one of the flowers from her hair, one that she had put there absentmindedly, he gently kissed it and handed it to her.

"Maybe I like to sing commander." She told him through pursed lips snitching the flower from him hand and turning her now pink face from him. She was embarrassed, it wasn't often the ships captain get out on any missions and she had already worked out it had been eight months since she had been off voyager and they were less than happy circumstances. She wished she could spend more time in the fresh air like this. Chakotay was the only person she allowed herself to be this free with but even she hadn't meant to be _this_ free with him.

Chakotay jumped down from the Log in front of her and looked up at her radiant beauty where she stood looking down at him, "don't stop on my account captain it was nice to hear you." He told her with a happy smile.

Sliding down and sitting on the log she looked down at the floor and then slowly she said, "commander." Chakotay could say she wanted to say more but was struggling.

"Captain?" He asked her joining her sitting on the log, where she sat still looking at the floor. Chakotay was trying to show his support and patience.

"I wanted to say I am sorry." She told him turning to face away from him.

"For what?" he asked gently resting his hand on her shoulder, and watching her waiting for her to talk.

"The last time we talked," she said with a great sigh "all that business with Tom." She could feel the tears flowing back now.

"It's forgotten my dear captain." He told her truthfully wrapping his arm around her and gently guiding her head to rest on his shoulder. "Please don't worry."

"I do worry." She whispered, "I worry about you."

"Ahh well I worry about you." He told her with a smile.

"Look at us." She said with a mixture of crying tears and laughter as she looked to where he sat at her right on the log in an unnamed forest.

"Your plan not working?" he asked looking at her with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"My plan?" she asked confused with tears still threatening to fall as a lump got caught in her thought, she wondered if he was referring to her plan with Tom and Tuvok all those weeks ago, the one he had just said was forgotten.

With his twinkle still in his eye he wiped the tears from her eyes and told her, "Well now you are just going to have to throw me in the brig."

"For what?" she asked almost shocked.

"This." And with that he leaned in and gently planted a kiss on her tear stained right cheek, "and this." He said as he did the same to her left cheek "oh and this." She said with a smile as he lowered his mouth to her neck.

She hadn't pulled away and for a split second had even tilted her head backwards to allow him easier access to her neck. "Commander." She mumbled seductively in that husky voice of hers as the commander buried his face in her neck.

"I am sorry ma'am." He mumbled into her neck causing her to shiver as his warm breath seductively touched her skin, "I try to follow your orders" with that she wrapped her arms around him and drew her body closer to his, "really I do" he told her as he lifted himself to move his head around the side and to the back of her neck, gently he nuzzled his lips into the back of her neck that had been exposed by her hair being held so tightly up, "but this neck of yours is just so delicious with that bun of yours." He told her as his warm breath touched the back of her neck and his lips softly touched her skin causing the ships captain to moan in desire as she tilted her head forward.

Suddenly Kathryn realised where she was and whom she was with, this was not good, she thought. She was falling for him again, she wanted him, she needed him in everyway but she was an engaged woman and a ships captain, Chakotay served under her, and not really in the way she wanted him too, this could just not be, Standing abruptly and almost running from him she said sternly, "vegetation commander." And started yanking up all kinds of plant life from all sorts of parts of the thick forest.

"Wait captain." Chakotay said as he went after her feeling suddenly dumped when he was about to go in for the kill and clam her for his own.

As Chakotay caught up with his captain and wrapped his arms seductively around her from behind and pulling her desiring needing body into his he went to slowly raise his hands up from her tiny waist to explore her tiny and yet so inviting chest held in the confines of her uniform when she quickly pulled away and said sternly, "no really vegetation commander."

Watching her closely he saw he was serious and so nodding he said "ok fine vegetation." And began to help her turf mounds of grass-like vegetation from the ground.

Later that evening Chakotay lay alone on his bed feeling a great need and desire to be with his captain, it was then that he saw his desire was not purely a physical attraction as he had thought it was. Yes she was a beautiful woman and he longed to know what she looked like underneath that uniform, he wanted to see the chest he had very nearly held tightly in his hands that afternoon. But he had come to see he loved her, for who she was, he wanted her for the person she was on the inside and not just her beauty of her outside. It was then Chakotay finally admitted to himself that he was in love with his captain, in was in love with the great Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway. Smiling deep in thought about his captain he was quickly pulled from his thoughts when his comm badge sounded.

"Sickbay to commander Chakotay." Came the doctors annoying voice.

'What the hell does he want now?' Chakotay thought to himself, annoyed the doctor had interrupted him while he was thinking of Kathryn, "Chakotay here." He growled sitting upright.

"You might want to come down here, the captain has taken ill." The doctor's voice came coolly through the comm.

"Ill?" exclaimed Chakotay standing and running towards the door, his voice was a little less cool.

"Yes commander." The doctor said coolly.

"On my way." Shouted Chakotay as he practically ran into the turbolift. Worry and dread for his Kathryn washing over him as he entered the turbolift.

As the doors shut behind him he felt an unusual dizziness over come him and he had to grab on to the rail to keep himself upright. He put it down the shock and worry for his captain as he stumbled swaying as the doors of the turbolift opened and he staggered towards sickbay.

**End of chapter 25…. Chapter 26 NOW UP!…. Comments and reviews welcome…**


	26. You don't look so good

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 26**

**You don't look so good.**

Chakotay came staggering into sickbay and saw the Doctor and Kes stood over the main bio bed where a sickly looking Kathryn Janeway sat talking to them.

"Ahh Commander." Came the Doctor's slightly too cheery voice as he glanced up to see who had entered sickbay. Just at that moment Chakotay stumbled and very nearly fell. Catching himself on a nearby console he looked up at the doctor who was moving towards him to scan him with a medical tricorder.

"Commander!" Exclaimed Kes as she moved from the captain to hurry over and try to support him as he staggered towards where the captain was sat. All the while he felt like he wanted to faint.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn asked in a voice that sounded too full of pain for Chakotay to feel happy about it.

Looking at her extremely pale and almost grey face he smiled "Hi." He said as he moved to stroke some stray strands of hair from her sweaty forehead. With the lightest touch he could tell she was burning up. His worry for her increased ten fold when he felt her touch.

"You look terrible." She said trying to force a smile when she looked at the first offer. All things considered he really didn't look too well at all. Though she really was not well and did look a lot worse than her first officer.

"You don't look so good yourself," he told her with a wink and a gentle grip on her right hand.

"I've been-" She began but a wave of nausea overcame her "argh!" She exclaimed, as she was violently sick into a bedpan Chakotay had suddenly managed to thrust in front of her face just in time. "I've been better!" she told him wiping her face with her uniform sleeve, she really didn't care now.

"What is it doctor?" Chakotay asked as the doctor came closer to scan the two of them.

"Some kind of flu type bug?" Kathryn chipped in trying to sound cheery even though she felt as though she was going to be sick again.

Watching her wretch uncontrollably into the bedpan she held near her face Chakotay asked the question he knew she wanted to know, "is the rest of the ship in danger?"

"Not that I can tell." The doctor informed them as he began to tap data into his console. "I think your just going to have to live it out." He said slightly unsympathetically.

With that Kathryn threw up on to the floor of sickbay, "Captain if you don't mind." The doctor growled at her causing a faint looking Chakotay to give him an angry look as he tried to gently stroke his captains hair with support but was feeling like he was about to be sick himself.

"Is anybody else infected?" the captain asked taking Chakotay's hand and guiding him to sit next to her as she could see the faint look in his face.

"Not as far as I know." The doctor told the two of them as he examined the data on his console, "Have the two of you been anywhere different, an away mission? Or eaten something new?"

Kathryn who had been watching her first officer thrust a bedpan in front of him just in time for him to be sick into, "we were on a planet together a few hours ago" she said as Chakotay, the proud warrior was sick into the bedpan she held in front of him.

"We left orbit about three hours ago." He said as he struggled with his insides not to be sick again.

Kathryn watched the raised eyebrows of her chief medical officer and really didn't like the implications she was feeling they were trying to give, "we were collecting food reserves doctor." She snapped angrily at the EMH.

"I see," He said in his deep unconvincing voice as she turned to look at them, "did you eat any of them?"

"No, not yet." She told him gasping for breath and feeling very sickly, there was a deep pain growing in her side and she could feel it crawling up her rib cage, Glancing sideways to Chakotay sat next her she could see he was feeling the same kind of pain.

"The captain was quite clear about not eating any of the plants until we can have them tested on voyager." Chakotay hissed threw gritted teeth as he clutched the side of his body in pain, something very uncharacteristic of the first officer Kathryn noted showing her that he really was in a lot of pain.

"And was it just the two of you on this little away mission?" The doctor asked not really seemingly sympathetic to the painful predicament the two commanding officers seemed to be in.

"No" Began Kathryn but the pain in her side was beginning to intensify causing her to breath heavily and clutch her side with both hands, "ensigns Pri-" she began but the pain was too much, closing her eyes tight she cried out in pain for there was not much else she could do. Tears streamed from her eyes as she doubled over in pain.

"Price and flemming came with us." Chakotay said hurriedly to the doctor as he tried to offer the captain a little comfort, Kes was already administering a pain killing hypospray.

Tapping his comm badge the Doctor said quickly, "Doctor to Ensign Price and Ensign Flemming please report to sickbay immediately."

"Aye sir." Came the voice of Ensign Flemming over the comm line.

"Doctor is there a problem?" asked the voice of Ensign Price.

"That's what I need to determine," the doctor told him slightly exasperated as he ran another tricorder scan over the captain's side "please report to sickbay as ordered." he snapped at ensign Price.

"Yes sir." Came the voice of ensign Price as the comm line ended.

"For now I need the two of you to lie on a bio bed and sleep." The doctor told them nodding at Kes to support the command team over to two of the smaller bio beds rather than the main bio bed where they sat. "Both of you." He said with a stern look at his captain who really was in no fit state to argue or protest.

"Yes sir." She said with a mock solute as she staggered off the bed. Half falling in to Chakotay's arms as she did so but his standing situation was not really much better than hers. With the support of Kes the two managed to walk over to the bio beds, "I am sorry commander." She began as she griped his uniform sleeve of his upper arm for support, "this is" she gasped "not" she said through a painful cough "quite what" more coughing "I had in mind when I asked you to come with me." she gasped finally getting herself to lie down on one of the bio beds curled up in pain.

Chakotay looked over the bio be where she lay and lovingly asked, "Are you comfortable?" all the while he was feeling intense pain himself but tried to ignore it.

"I need you to rest too commander." The doctor came over trying to guide Chakotay from Kathryn's bed to the one next to hers.

"Chakotay" she whispered through tears where she lay in pain, "lie down and get some sleep," she reached out and gently grasped his hand. "Hopefully we both will feel better in the morning." Nodding Chakotay lay on the bio bed next to his captain's trying to relax through the pain. He watched as her eyes finally glazed over and after about half an hour she looked like she was about to fall asleep, as peaceful as she could be while in pain. Chakotay was finding it harder to sleep inside him he wanted to play the alpha male and protect his prise woman from harm. Her cries of pain disturbed him so much. Then suddenly she sat upright, gasped for breath and cried "Oh no!" for anyone in the room to hear.

"Captain?" an annoyed looking doctor asked coming over to where she lay.

"Doctor please can you inform Lieutenant Tuvok he will be in charge of the ship for now?" she grumbled.

"Of course Captain" he said and then in a slightly more annoyed tone at both her and Chakotay who had just stood to stand at her side, "now please will you both lie down" as a reluctant captain lay down Chakotay lay back on his bio bed, "and SLEEP!" the doctor shouted at them.

"Captain it's probably for the best." A concerned Chakotay whispered across at her.

"Argh!" she growled as she grasped her side "I just feel so horrible!" she mumbled so only Chakotay could hear.

"Captain" he said with a twinkle in hi eye, "ill do you a deal, I'll sleep if you will" he winked at her and said, "and like you say we will probably be feeling better by the time we –" but Chakotay never got to say the rest of his sentence "Argh!" he called out in great pain and then went into a seizure like shock.

"Chakotay!" screamed Kathryn frantic and terrified, seeing Chakotay having a seizure in that way frightened her, "doctor!" she screamed as he came running towards them.

**End of chapter 26…. Chapter 27 NOW UP… Reviews welcome…**


	27. The bite of an insect

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 27**

**The bite of an insect**

A very drowsy Kathryn Janeway sat up on the bio bed where she lay in the dimly lit sickbay, "Doctor?" she questioned feeling disorientated at first. It took her a second to remember what was going on but when the memory of her first officer having a seizure in the bed next to her came flooding back to her she was overcome with worry. Looking at the bed next to her and squinting to try to see in the dark she called out in fear, "Chakotay!"

"Captain please be calm." Came the doctors steady voice as he tried to push her down into a lying position with one hand and pick up a medical tricorder with the other.

"Chakotay!" She screamed frantically, "I want to see Chakotay!" When there was no response from the doctor who was guiding the hand held scanning device over her body she hissed, "Now" at the doctor through gritted teeth.

"Captain the commander is asleep." He told her in a calm but somewhat annoyed tone.

"No!" She told him sternly while sitting up and pushing the doctor out the way "He was having some kind of seizure!"

"Captain that was six days ago." The doctor told her as he closed his tricorder and tried to guide her to sit down properly on the bed.

"Six days?" Her head snapped back to look at the doctor away from the sleeping form of Chakotay she had been looking at, "Doctor what's going on?"

"That is was I was about to explain before you got hysterical." The doctor told her sarcastically causing her to look at him sternly but still she did sit down on the bed and wait for him to talk.

"OK." She said holding her hands up in surrender, "doctor now I am calm will you please tell me what's going on?"

With a sigh the doctor mumbled "that what I was trying to do" and then continued to tell her, "Six days ago yourself and the commander went on an away mission to collect food."

"Yes doctor" she said angrily, she knew that much, all thought to her it had been a matter of hours not days.

"it seems to two of you were bitten by some kind of insect" the doctor told her calmly.

"An insect?" she asked slightly horrified that something as small as an insect could do that to them.

"Yes we found tiny yet angry bites on the neck of both yourself and Commander Chakotay." The doctor told her, "It seems the insect let some kind of toxin in your blood stream which quickly sent you both into a sickly frenzy which was when the two of you were in sick bay."

"Yes doctor I remember that" she said remembering the horrible sickly pain she had felt the last time she was conscious.

"Well Commander Chakotay began having a seizure" With these words Kathryn remembered the horror she had felt when she had seen him in the seizureing state, the doctor went on to explain what had happened next "and then slipped quickly into a comma, closely followed by yourself."

"A COMMA!" she screamed not really registering that the doctor had said that she too had been in a comma, "Doctor is he OK?" she asked feeling suddenly sickly and worried.

"yes, all of his vitals have returned to normal as have your own. the commander is merely sleeping." The doctor replied calmly.

"how did we come out of our comma's?" she asked steadying herself in the bio bed.

"after three day's at top warp away from the planet towards the Alpha Quadrant the two of you were within days of death, at this point Mr. Tuvok ordered this ship around so that we could return to the planet in search of a cure."

Feeling shock at realising how close she and Chakotay had come to death over this tiny insect bite she felt relief wash over her to know they were completely fine, "Lucky you found a cure then."

"We didn't" the doctor stated coolly as he looked at her.

"You didn't?" she asked slightly sceptical was worry filled her once more. "doctor?" she asked for clarification of his meaning.

"we have only been in orbit of the planet for a matter of minutes." He told her, he too clearly could not explain it. "no away team has beamed down yet." He told her.

"then how are we cured?" she asked feeling something strange was going on.

"my guess is that the infection has worked it way through your systems." Said the doctor who really didn't like guessing. Kathryn didn't like him guessing either, with all his medical knowledge one would think Voyagers doctor wouldn't need to _guess._

"But we are completely cured and fit for duty are we not doctor?" she asked for reassurance.

"Indeed captain." He told her firmly.

"Great" she said jumping from the bio bed with a new lease of energy.

As she walked towards to sickbay door the doctor asked coolly, "Captain my I ask where you are going?"

"To take over my bridge, please leave the commander asleep and ask him to join me when he awakes." She said equally as coolly as the doors opened for her to exit.

"I would prefer it if you were to rest also." The doctor said slightly annoyed.

"noted." She said as she left the room, "keep me apprised doctor." Was all her heard as the doors swished shut behind her.

Later Kathryn was sat in her ready room reading PADDs containing the mission reports of the last week when her door chime sounded, "Come in." she called not looking up from her PADD to see who had gained entrance.

Realising that the visitor was just stood in the doorway and hadn't said a word long after they had entered Kathryn glanced up to see who was stood there, "Chakotay!" she called with joy as she saw her tall first officer stood there. She placed the PADD on the coffee table and stood to embrace him in a hug.

"Good to see you looking well captain." He said with a smile as he returned her smile with his own dimpled smile and kissed the top of her red hair as he embraced her in his arms.

"you too." She said smiling into his warm chest where she had her head pressed against it.

"this is for you." He said handing her a single red rose that he had in his hand the whole time but she had failed to notice.

"Oh Chakotay it's beautiful." She said feeling his love in the tiny single gift.

"As are you." She said with an honest smile and a honest twinkle in his eye as he watched her walk towards the replicator.

"Tea?" she asked as she gestured towards the replicator.

"Please" he said nodding in answer to her question "Captain I wanted to apologise."

"Oh what for?" she asked as she gestured for him to sit on her sofa.

"My behaviour on the planet." He said seriously.

"Don't worry commander." She said with a smile as she walked with two mugs to join him on the sofa.

"Thanks." He said taking one of the steaming mugs from her hand. "It's just I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me." he told her feeling worried that she might.

"Not at all Chakotay." She said shaking her head and thinking about the last few months. "really." She said hanging her head with a sigh, "let's be honest over the last few months you have threatened to rape me" at her words she saw him wince but still she pressed on. "told me to watch my back because you are going to come after me to avenge your family." She saw visual pain flash across his face as he felt remorse for his words, "rammed a phaser into my scull and fired the phaser at my arm." She continued even though he was now looking at her with deep regret like he wanted to cry, "pinned me up against the bulkhead and made me think you were going to rape me" at this point she sighed and turned her body fully away from him feeling her own shame, "and drove me to take on a fully grown and trained Cardassian man to make me feel like a worthy human being again." At this point Chakotay felt nothing he could say would make any difference and he would not deny the truth of her words. "truthfully Chakotay I don't think a little breach of protocol while on an away mission is going to matter too much." He said with a smile.

"Captain I am sorry." He told her truthfully as he felt guilt and remorse wash over him, somehow he had made himself forget all he had done to this wonderful woman over the last few weeks, clearly she had not forgotten.

"I know." She said turning back to him with a smile, "so am I" She said as she slowly raised her deep blue eyes to meet his jet-black eyes, "for all that business with Tom." She told him when she saw confusion of her meaning in his eyes.

"You were doing what was right for the ship," he told her truthfully and lovingly as he reached out to grasp her hand, "any captain would." He said stroking her knuckles with his thumb.

Pulling away from him she stood to pace the room to clear her head, slowly she said "good, then can we try to move on from all this mess" as she walked from the sofa to the other side of her ready room. Can we try and rebui-" she began to say but never finished her sentence as she grabbed the side of her body in pain and felt he body shaking as she felt her knees give way under her. Chakotay saw what was happening and jumped to his feet in order to grab his captain but didn't quite make it to the other side of the ready room fast enough before she hit the floor.

"Captain?" he asked frantically as he knelt on the floor beside where she lay, "CAPTAIN!" he yelled again cupping her face in his hands when he saw she wasn't instantly coming round.

Quickly tapping his comm badge Chakotay said, "Chakotay to Sickbay."

"Sickbay here." Came the cheery voice of the doctor.

"Doctor, the captain has fainted." Chakotay spat hurriedly down the comm line completely unsure what to do.

"Can she be transported to sickbay?" the doctor asked calmly.

"I thi-" began Chakotay but he too was taken over by a great pain in his side, "Argh!" he cried out in pain as he grasped his rib cage in both hands, "Doctor!" he called as his world went dark and he too fell to the floor beside his captain.

"Commander?" the doctors voice rung out over the still open comm line "Commander Chakotay?" shouted the doctor into the silent ready room as both the command team lay unconscious side by side on the floor.

**End of chapter 27…. Chapter 28 NOW UP!…. Reviews welcome….**


	28. This can't be happening!

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 28**

**This can't be happening!**

"This can't be happening!" Yelled the captain pacing madly around sickbay and shaking her head in disbelief, two day after she and Chakotay had fainted in her ready room.

"Captain." Her first officer said calmly trying to move towards her to stop her from pacing a whole in the floor.

"No Chakotay!" She shouted turning on him and looking up with deep blue watery eyes. Chakotay saw the pain in her face and sighed for he knew there was nothing he could do. "There has to be another option!" She shouted with a hit of terror and fear in her voice, "Doctor?" she snapped in a pleading question as she rounded on the holographic medic.

With a sigh to doctor told her once again, "Twice we have moved this ship away from this planet and yourself and the commander took critically ill." At this Kathryn hung her head and pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger, the doctor continued seemingly unaware of his captains posture, "Twice we have returned to this planet and both your vital signs returned to normal." He reminded her once more.

Chakotay placed a caring hand on her shoulder and said lovingly, "Captain, until a cure can be found we both have to stay on this planet."

"And the crew?" she asked to both Doctor and First Officer, "if we stay they will have to go on without us."

"We have hopes in finding a cure before we have to leave you both forever." The doctor told her with hope and faith more than certainty.

Kathryn looked up at him and asked seriously, "do you have any lead on a cure doctor?"

With a sigh to doctor shook his head and said truthfully, "not on this planet" and then with a slight hit of hopefulness said "but we want to try the surrounding planets."

"But doctor," Kathryn sounded confused in her voice "did you not just say that Chakotay and I can't leave the planet." And then realising that presently they were on a starship in orbit of the planet rather then the planet she added, "or at least it's orbit."

"Correct captain." The doctor nodded.

"Then what would you suggest?" she asked wondering if she was the only one who saw a slight floor in the plan.

The doctor looked seriously to the captain and the commander who stood side by side staring at him, "well Capitan I propose to place yourself and the commander in stasis pods on the planet while we try to search for a cure on the rest of the planets in the system."

Chakotay could see his captain getting agitated from the corner of his eye, stepping in front of her trying to calm her down, he asked steadily,

"What are the risks doctor."

Looking at the commander and ignoring the clearly annoyed captain behind Chakotay the doctor said slightly nervously, "none that we can foresee."

"You want to leave our stasis pods un-protected down there?" screeched the captain who had not been convinced by the doctor's words and was trying to be seen from behind the tall, broad commander.

"Captain please remain calm." Said the doctor slightly patronisingly, which only angered her further. The doctor didn't seem to notice this and continued, "There are no life signs on that planet." With a nervous unconvincing glance at the commander he said, "You should be quite safe."

"And if you don't find a cure?" Chakotay asked calmly trying to be sure they fully understood the implication of what was being said. At his question a rather agitated captain had begun pacing behind him. Chakotay wanted to reach out and hug her and reassure her all would be ok no matter what the outcome. In his mind they were in this together, he loved her, he would never let harm come to her and he would live to make sure all her needs were met.

With a sigh the doctor watch the angry captain move around sickbay and had to inform her and Chakotay what he wished would not come to pass, "then I will regret to inform you that the captain and yourself will have to stay in this planet indefinitely."

"In stasis?" she shrieked in horror rounding on the doctor. She could not dare to think that she would never be awake again. Nor did she want to end up like Amelia Earheart and the other 37's revived by some alien race 400 years from now.

Chakotay turned to her and placed a steady hand on her shoulder to calm her. Chakotay met her eyes and while he was trying to be supportive she too could sense a hint of worry in his jet-black eyes, the lines of his tattoo were folded in worry. "No captain," The doctor told them "I see no reason for you not to settle down and happily live the rest of your days on this planet." She shot her head up to meet Chakotay's eyes and then very quickly pulled her eyes away from her un-admitted love to look back at the doctor, "we will merely put you in status as we search for a nearby cure to avoid you having to live down there unnecessarily." The Doctor told them. When he saw the captain staring at him wide eyed and hopeful the doctor reassured her, "I promise to keep myself active twenty four seven and not stop until I have exhausted all opportunities for a cure.

Kathryn felt like she was going to be sick, she rubbed her forehead as she felt one of her headaches coming on, "captain are you ok?" Chakotay asked her with love and deep concern.

"Yes fine thank you commander." She said absentmindedly staring wide eyed at the floor; slowly she looked up at the doctor and said, "I am sure you will do your best for us, thank you doctor." With that she walked quickly out of sickbay leaving the commander and the doctor staring at the now closed doors.

"Of course captain." The doctor said softly even though the captain had already left the room. He looked worriedly round at Chakotay who glanced at him stunned and slightly open mouthed.

"Doctor" Chakotay said nodding a thank you at the hologram as he walked past him to leave sickbay to go after his clearly upset and distraught captain.

"Commander. We will need you and the captain ready to be in stasis by 20:00 hours. I suggest you pack any personal items you may wish to have with you." The doctor called after Chakotay just after he had made it to the now open doorway of sickbay.

"Yes thank you doctor, I will inform the captain." Chakotay said hurriedly as he left sickbay leaving the doctor stood there alone shaking his head.

Chakotay found the captain sat alone in the mess hall near the large windows, she was half looking out at the stars and half watching a group of young crewmen of both Starfleet and maquis who were enjoying dinner together and laughing joyfully.

"Captain." Chakotay said calmly and lovingly as he approached her table.

"Yes commander?" she said tuning to look out the large window at the stars and no at him, "what can I do for you?" she said this not as a friend or somebody sharing a bad situation but as a captain talking to a first officer.

Chakotay chose to ignore the tone she had set and asked, "Care to join me in my quarters for some coffee ice cream?"

"Do we have time?" she asked slightly sarcastically as she still stared out of the window at not looking at him.

"The doctor wants us ready to go into stasis by 20:00 hours." Chakotay informed her, and then with slightly more compassion as he took the seat opposite her and reach out to gently guide the face to look at his he told her, "He suggests we pack any personal items we might wish to have with us."

"Why Chakotay?" she asked with a slight shake of her head as her jaw line tightened to show her captains mask, a captain she tried to show who was devoid of all emotion.

Watching her for a second Chakotay asked, "Captain?" he was looking for clarification.

"Why pack our personal items? We are only going to be down there a few days in status, the doctor will come shortly with a cure." She insisted at him indigently.

Chakotay looked at her with love in his eyes and began stroking her knuckles with his thumb, "captain" he told her "we may have to face the possibility that the doctor may never-"

"Don't Chakotay please." Kathryn cut him off as tears welled up in her eyes; this was not something she could bring herself to even want to admit. She was a Starfleet captain, an explorer first and foremost, she wanted to make it home and see the wolves and farmland of Indiana again. She hadn't come this far to just stay behind on some planet because of a damned insect. If she wanted to stay behind like that she would have stayed behind with the 37's on the human colony in the Delta Quadrant all those months ago.

"Captain I am sorry but it is a definite possibility." Chakotay told her sadly as he looked at her with love and deep compassion as he said the words he knew she couldn't bear to hear.

Standing up sharply she pulled her hand away from his and snapped at him "see you at 20:00 hours commander" with tears in her eyes.

"Captain I know you are hurting." Chakotay said with love as he too stood with her.

"Please Chakotay I know we will find a cure, I refuse to admit that I will live the rest of my days on that planet!" she said hurriedly as she walked from him and out of the mess hall leaving him alone to sink into his chair and rest his face in his hands and feel her pain.

**End of Chapter 28…. Chapter 29 NOW UP… Reviews and comments welcome.**


	29. A bathtub, a monkey and a towel

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 29**

**A bathtub, a monkey and a towel.**

For seventeen days the doctor ran his program constantly. For seventeen days acting captain Tuvok lead the faithful crew of Voyager on a search for a cure to the insect bite that plagued the captain and the commander. For seventeen days the captain and commander lay in stasis pods side by side in a clearing on the empty planet. The two silently slept waiting for the time when they will be activated.

On board Voyager the Doctor threw down the PADD he had been holding. He simply could not find a cure. Seventeen days twenty-four seven and he still could not find a cure. He sadly regretted that it was a no hope.

After getting the report from the doctor Tuvok had made the decision to revive the command team on the planet and allow them to live out the rest of their day's down there.

After Kathryn and Chakotay came out of stasis the doctor had contacted them by comm to tell them their vital signs were normal and they had in fact been in stasis for seventeen days, the doctors words still plagued Kathryn, "I wanted to exhausted every possibility of finding a cure" he had said "and?" she had asked slightly too hopeful, the Doctors reply still rung in her ears, "I regret to inform you that I have been unsuccessful, I have not been able to develop a counter agent for the virus and I have no other options to explore."

But that had been many weeks ago now, in many ways Kathryn had lost count of the weeks. Tuvok had sent down a transport of many supplies and technology. Chakotay had set about building the shelter and looking over the supplies they had been sent. Kathryn had gone straight to the scientific researching equipment she had been sent. She was not ready to believed she would be there for the rest of her life, she was determined to used this equipment to find a cure on the planet.

When they were sorting out all the equipment Voyager had sent down Kathryn had said, "It might be kind of interesting, roughing it for a while."

Chakotay had looked at her slightly stunned and replied with a slight hint of sarcasm and a laugh in his voice "Roughing it? Lets see, we have shelter, furniture, research equipment, tricorders, a replicator." And then turning to face her with a big smile on his face he said with a laugh, "it's too rough for me."

"We don't have a bath tub." She had replied while carrying some of the equipment away from where Chakotay stood.

Chakotay did a double take at her and exclaimed "a bath tub?" somehow he had not expected her to say that.

"I love a bath, it's my favourite way of relaxing." She had replied as Chakotay came to stand next to her.

"Captain I am sure you can learn to love the sonic shower." He told her while all the time he was wondering just how important a bathtub really was to her.

She had replied by trying to Change the subject, which Chakotay knew was a sure thing it really mattered to her. She had replied by saying slightly casually, "You know Chakotay it occurs to me we aren't exactly in a command structure any more." And with that she turned to walk away as she told him matter-of-factly with a nod "maybe you should call me Kathryn."

She had walked off before he had chance to reply. Slowly he watched her walk away. He had once told her how precious names were to his people. He had never called her Kathryn for the command structure that wedged between them but now she was giving him permission, she was letting him in. She had given him something so sacred, to allow him to use her name although she commanded him was a sacred gift among his people. He knew she knew how precious a name was to his people for he had told her. As he watched her tiny frame walk from him he stood and smiled a big rich smile and called out after her, "give me a few day's on that one ok?"

Chakotay noticed it had only taken Kathryn a matter of hours to set up all her research equipment and traps for the bugs. He had tried to get her input in the setting up of the house but she hadn't been interested. Her research equipment was all that mattered to her, He wouldn't have minded but he knew it was the pain she carried, she wanted desperately to be able to return to her ship so she would work desperately to find a cure. He on the other hand he had worked hard to provide a nice and decent home for this brave woman. In his culture the man is to provide a home for the woman he loves and he had no doubt in his mind that this was the woman he loved. If he had to spend the rest of his days on this planet with this woman he would provide her the best house he could, he would see to it that he provided all that she needed and wanted.

The next day he stood and watched her, she was running around the forest checking her traps. She had not so much as glanced at the home he had built for her and a slight pain burned in his heart, for her mainly, for the pain she carried. She had loosened her hair, she wore it in a long braid down her back and wore a green, earth coloured dress that fitted tight to her upper half and then flowed down the her ankles where she wore delicate shoos on her feet. Walking towards her Chakotay saw Kathryn a woman and a beautiful one not just Captain Janeway a woman commander.

He had just got her to laugh when Tuvok had broken her laugh through the comm to tell them that the ship was leaving comm range. Chakotay and Kathryn had stood and stared into the others eyes and then Kathryn turned from him and Chakotay had stood and watched proudly as she made her announcement to the crew, "This is Kathryn Janeway, I have never liked saying goodbye so I will make this brief, but I want you all to know that serving as your captain has be the most extraordinary experience of my life. No captain could ask more than what this crew has given, bravery, compassion and strength of character. But I think what I'll miss most is the fun, the times we joked together, the games on the holodeck. I shall remember the laughter more than anything. Although Commander Chakotay and I wont be with you for the rest of your journey we know that you will be the same steadfast crew for Mr. Tuvok as you have been for us. We wish you a safe and a speedy journey home; our thoughts will be with you. Janeway out." Tears poured down her face as she finished her speech and Chakotay knew there was nothing he could say that would make those tear forgotten.

Tuvok had made his final goodbye, and then that was it. Voyager had gone from communication range. Chakotay and Kathryn stood alone as equals on this new planet there were to call home.

Kathryn had wept into his arms for a long time and then turned back into the home to sit silently in her bed to read. Chakotay did not disturb her. Many weeks past and he felt as though he only saw her in the evenings, when she returned from her unsuccessful research, tired and drained. Each night he replicated them dinner and the two sat in silence and ate. He saw the pain etched across her tired and warn brow. Chakotay worried for her. He had spent his days in the forest building, still he would not tell her what he was building. She had asked a few times, she had spoken briefly to share memories of home and of Voyager. Chakotay encouraged this simply because it made her talk. It got her to acknowledge his presence. But all too often she sat up in her bed and read during the evenings.

Many weeks into their say on the planet they had decided to name "new earth" he had finished his building. He moved it close to the house but secluded behind the tress to give this wondrous woman some privacy when she used it. He filled it with warm water and waited for her to return. When she returned from her tired day of research he handed her a towel and a sponge and grinned at her. She simply stared back at him confused.

"You said you wanted to relax." He told her with a grin taking her hand and leading her to behind the trees where he had left it. She pushed a branch out of her way and looked down at the steaming bathtub he had built her.

"Oh Chakotay!" She had said turning to hug him. "This is what you have been building?" She had asked.

He had replied with a smile and a nod and left his beautiful woman to relax in her bathtub.

More weeks past and Chakotay saw more and more that Kathryn still was not giving up her hope of finding a cure but she talked to him more and spent her evenings relaxing in her new bath tub. One evening with he was painting one of his tribal sand paintings while she was in the bathtub when she heard her call, "Chakotay are you there?"

With a laugh he called out in reply "No! I left and hour ago!"

After a small pause in which he hoped she was smiling she began to tell him, "I was thinking maybe looking for protein co factors is the wrong approach, even if I can't find a specimen of the insect that infected us I could try to learn something about the bimolecular evolution of this planets eco system."

Sat listening to her from inside the house Chakotay felt sad, even while she was in her bath in the evenings all she could think of was some way of finding a cure, Chakotay was not half the scientist she was be he just wished she would relax and settle down a little. The reality was that they might never leave this planet. "Can't hurt to give it a try!" he called out in response with a sigh.

The next thing he heard a splash and Kathryn call out, "Argh Chakotay!"

Looking up form his sand painting slightly worried he called out, "What?"

"Someone's in the woods!" He heard her frightened and nervous voice shout. Without a second's hesitation he leapt from his seat and grabbed a phaser and flashlight from the shelf and ran out the door to where she now stood next to the bathtub wrapped in a towel which she was tightly holding in place and was dripping wet with her bear shoulders showing. Something Chakotay did not fail to miss. The person in the woods turned out to be a monkey, which Kathryn had tried to talk to as Chakotay shone a flashlight in its face. This amused Chakotay a little but as he turned his face to look upon her he felt a very different emotion.

Chakotay suddenly felt a ravines hunger and a deep desire wash over him as he looked down upon the open and almost naked beauty of this woman who clung to her towel to keep herself covered. He looked upon her glistening wet and silky shoulder and watched in the dim light as small droplets of water dripped from the ends of her hair onto her exposed back and shoulders. She was a vision of pure and open beauty. He knew he was stood inches from her and that under that towel that she clutched tightly to cover her chest he knew there was nothing to cover her naked body. The old Chakotay, the angry Chakotay would have taken the towel and clamed the naked woman as his prise but the Chakotay she had showed him to be could not and would not take her that way. This new Chakotay that he was becoming through her was a peaceful and compassionate and extremely gentle Chakotay.

As the monkey ran away Kathryn looked up at the tall figure of Chakotay stood inches from her looking down on her naked shoulders. She met his eye and quickly he coughed slightly saying "Excuse me." and with that he left her there alone stood in the woods wrapped in her towel. Kathryn was left wondering, she had seen a look in his eyes, a real gentle look. A look of true love. She had seen love in his jet black eyes before but never like this, this was a deep love and affection, the kind of love she had only seen once, the kind of love Justin had given her. She stood and thought for a second. It was then that Kathryn could feel her carefully constructed walls falling down around her, they were no longer in a command structure, she had said it herself, could it be that she was truly free to love and be loved?

**End of Chapter 29…. CHAPTER 30 NOW UP!… Reviews and comments welcome…**


	30. An ancient legend

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 30**

**An ancient legend.**

Chakotay set about building Kathryn a headboard for her to sit up comfortably in her bed while she read. He wanted her to be happy and have everything she needed. He took the wood and built it and shaped it and caved it as he had done with her bathtub. Each day he painfully watched her work tirelessly to find a cure so that she could hopefully return to Voyager that was now bound to be hundreds of light years away. Chakotay knew it was a hopeless effort even if she could by some small chance find a cure. There was no way they could return to Voyager in only a type two shuttlecraft. He had tried to talk with her about it but she had told him that she was not ready to accept this planet was it for them even if all evidence was pointing that way. Chakotay lovingly tried to explain that he couldn't sacrifice the present for a future that may never happen. He knew by then that this woman was the woman he loved. He had not expected to have these deep feelings for her but they raged in him almost untamed and he could not deny them.

After Kathryn had walked off in search of a cure Chakotay went back to shaping his headboards but couldn't help feeling slightly agitated and in need of guidance, how could he help this wondrous woman see it was time to give in and make a home here? Going back alone into the house he had worked on making for them he picked up his most prized possession. Chakotay went to sit outside on the grass to consult his animal guide in search of some support and answers about his emotions. If there was ever a time he was in need of counsel and guidance it was now.

He had barely sat crossed legged on the grass and was about to unfold his precious medicine bundle when the sky above him changed and winds ripped through the air. The sheer force of the sudden raging storm nearly pushed Chakotay to the ground. Fighting the gushing wind to scramble to his feet Chakotay felt fear and terror overcome him. His Kathryn was out there somewhere alone. Chakotay had no idea where the tiny gentle frame of the woman he loved was but he knew she was out in this terrible storm and so she was in danger.

Chakotay's heart skipped a beat and pounded with worry in his chest as he moved through the gushing tree's calling out his loved ones name. He feared the worst as his eyes skimmed the storm in search of his beautiful Kathryn.

He had no idea where Kathryn had gone that day and the blackened sky was making it hard for him to see anything, he feared he was never going to be able to see her. Chakotay knew that this plasma storm was a fierce one and could end up lethal to Kathryn if she did not get to safety soon.

"KATHRYN!" Chakotay called out once more in hopeless, blinded fear. Standing hopeless and full of dread Chakotay called out her name once more. Fearful he would be forced to abandon his search and find her lifeless and crushed body lying in the forest covered in blood and mud after the storm had past was the only thing that kept him determined to find her alive and save her. This woman he loved more than life it's self, at that very moment he knew he would lay down his life for her safety.

It was then, when all hope seemed to have faded and all else failed that Chakotay heard the gentle cry of a woman call out in pain, turning quickly to his left Chakotay had seen Kathryn lain out on the floor with the wind blowing dangerously in her hair. A mixture of relief and fear shot emotionally across Chakotay's face as he battled the wind and the gushing tree's to get to her. Kathryn seemed unable to get up and dread washed over him as he pushed towards her seemingly lifeless body. Relief was all he felt when he realised she was alive. Helping her back to the house in the storm Chakotay helped Kathryn carry her case and together the two made it back to the shelter of the house where the storm still raged.

Chakotay had to practically carry Kathryn into the shelter of the home where they lay together under the table waiting for the storm to pass. All Kathryn could do was cry out in sadness as the storm shook the furniture destroying all her scientific research equipment.

Kathryn lay in Chakotay's safe and loving arms watching as all her hope of finding a cure fell and smashed and shattered before her eyes. Chakotay felt her pain has she cried out in helpless sadness. He knew her tears were falling as he held her. Stroking her arms and holding her tight to her body as the angry storm raged around them Chakotay held his love.

When the storm finally passed and the two emerged from under the table. Kathryn found that not a single bit of her equipment was salvageable.

Slowly Chakotay walked behind Kathryn as she checked her insect traps outside of the house, he knew she was hopeful they were still ok, it was their last hope of finding a cure. Looking around Chakotay saw a tree had fallen on the house and he knew then there was no chance for the tiny, delicate insect traps. Though he knew how much they mattered to Kathryn he didn't care, she was safe and alive, he had got to her in time and that was what mattered the most to him.

Chakotay watched with his tricorder in his hand as Kathryn hurried to kneel before one of her traps that had fallen on the floor. He stood silently as she checked it and with a heavy and painful sigh rested her head in her hand and told him with great and deep pain in her voice, "none of this is salvageable either." Looking around sadly she knelt with her back to where he stood as she told him slowly, "there's no way I can continue to do my research."

All Chakotay could do was stand and look down on her beauty and feel sorry for her. He felt her pain. He knew this was it, in a selfish joy he knew she was now forced to accept their predicament but he knew how great her pain would be and had been over that. "I am sorry." Was all he could think of to say as he watched her.

Standing up sadly she turned to face him and told him what she knew he already knew, "Well that's on way of letting go." Her eyes met with his sadly and painfully and Chakotay couldn't help thinking she looked so vulnerable. She no longer looked like the strong brave captain he had come to follow but a woman in a red dress and full of sadness and pain. Chakotay couldn't help feeling all he wanted was for those blue eyes to see joy once more. Her long braid was loosening around the edges and thin stands of hair blew around her face. Tears began to form in her blue eyes, Kathryn Janeway though she was not ready was letting go painfully. Chakotay felt his heart beating fast as he looked at the pain and sadness across the face of the woman he loved.

"Come here" he said lovingly as he moved closer to her and embraced her in his arms. He stroked her auburn hair and planted kisses on the top of her head as she rested her cheek on his chest and sobbed into him. Chakotay knew she needed to cry, these were tears of goodbye, only after these tears could they move on into the future together. After a long embrace where neither said anything to the other Chakotay watched silently as she pulled away and walked into the house. Deciding she needed her privacy he left her alone in the hose as he went about moving the bit of log and fallen branches from around the exterior of the house.

About thirty minutes later a happier looking Kathryn emerged wearing a yellow sleeveless jacket and green jump suite. Without a word she took one of the fallen branches in her hands and moved it into a pile as he had been doing. Standing and watching her for a second Chakotay admired her strength, not just her physical strength but her emotional strength too. Collecting pieces of straight wood Chakotay stood on one of the storage containers looking down on where Kathryn was gathering together more of the fallen logs. The two had been silently working together to clear the house of the fallen debris. Neither needed to say a word to the other, their unified closeness was enough.

Chakotay broke the silence first by saying, "I have been thinking, there is plenty of wood available here, I could probably add rooms to this shelter and give us a little more living space."

"How would you mill it?" Kathryn asked him lovingly as she picked up more of the fallen bits of tree.

"I could do a certain amount with a phaser." He responded " but I was actually thinking of logs" he told her as he set about fixing the roof of their existing home.

"As in log cabin?" she asked throwing more branches onto her pile.

Watching her work he felt pride for the way she was handling the situation as he told her "I built a few of them when I was growing up, my father thought it was important that I learnt how."

As Kathryn worked hard to move the logs she told him in response, "When I was young my parents took us on backpacking trips." Rolling her eyes she said "they thought we should all keep a connection to our pioneer roots." Waving her arm in detest she told him "I hated it." This made Chakotay smile as he imagined a young Kathryn complaining about the family holiday. It was good to see her relaxed and talking to him again even if something painful had to happen for it to work out this way. Kathryn went on to explain why she hated the holidays as she still moved the fallen trees, "No bed, no replicator."

"No bathtub." He reminded her with a smile.

"No bathtub" she said with a smile and a nod. Laughing she told him, "I guess I was always a child of the century fourth century."

Measuring the wood to fix the roof Chakotay decide he would bring up their life on this planet, "Well maybe those camping trips helped prepare you for life here." He told her apprehensible shooting a quick glace in her direction.

Still moving the heavy debris and stood with her back to him she told him, "Oh no life here is better than that."

Almost shocked he snapped his head to look at her feeling slightly stunned. With a dimpled smile slowly forming on his face Chakotay turned his full body to look down at the woman he loved, "I think that's the first time I have heard you say anything positive about being here." He informed her happily.

Lather that evening Kathryn and Chakotay were sat in the house after their long hard days work. Kathryn was making note in her personal log on a PADD while Chakotay was carving a slate of stone with his tribal designs. The two where enjoying each other's company even though they were doing their own thing. Hunched over the desk Kathryn felt pain in her shoulders where he muscles aced from her days work. Rubbing her shoulders didn't help. She made a little noise of pain, which made Chakotay look up at her with worry.

"Guess I am not used to that kind of work" She told him as she tried to massage her own shoulder with one hand and lean back to relax. Laughing she told him "My knots are getting knots."

Smiling to himself and watching her Chakotay placed his carving down on the table before him and slowly and gently walked towards the woman he loved, "Here let me help." He said as he moved behind where she sat as she sat up straighter.

Slowly Chakotay took her long hair in his hands, he had never seen it so loose, She had always warn it in a bun or in a braid, never had he seen it so loose and long down her back. The way he stoked her hair between his fingers took her aback a little, Kathryn hadn't felt a man feel her hair with such love and tender care since Justin. It was also a huge contrast to the last time Chakotay held her hair in his hands, then he had used it to pin her down and hold her hostage to allow him to scare her into believing he would rape her.

Lovingly he swung her hair over her shoulder and began to need his fingers into he shoulders allowing Kathryn to drop her hand from her shoulder and lean back to relax. Kathryn felt her muscles relax and hurt less, She felt the gentle yet strong hands working unto her shoulders. With an almost seductive sigh she closed her eyes and allowed the moment to take her as she whispered seductively, "Oh that feels good." She trusted him and loved him and he was caring for her in a loving and practical way.

Still with her eyes closed Kathryn fell into the moment and allowed Chakotay to take her away as he worked his gentle fingers into her.

The attraction and seductive love that flared between them at that moment was the greatest it had ever been, Chakotay too closed his eyes as he told her, "I've had a lot of practice at this." It was hard for him to keep his voice steady as she kept letting out beautiful and seductive sighs and groans of pleasure, continuing with an even voice he told her, "my mother used to get sore necks all the time, I was the only one she would trust not to make it worse." But Kathryn wasn't really listening, she was smiling to herself with her eyes closed and was lost in the wonder of his hands.

When Chakotay realised she hadn't heard a word he had said he felt romantic tension rise and the chemistry between them bubble as he lovingly massaged her neck. What had begun as a simple massage to relive her aching mussels had turned into a genuine and open display of love and affection from both. Ever so gently Chakotay ran his thumbs in circles over her back as he ran the tips of his thumbs of the soft skin of her exposed neck and slowly Kathryn opened her eyes in realisation of the transformation of the massage, this was a massage of love and not to relive her aching mussels. At that point neither Kathryn nor Chakotay could deny the love they had grown for the other. Thinking wildly with emotions flying around her mind and he heart-pounding Kathryn slowly rose from her seat and lovingly turned to face him. The heat and love that was burning between them was great. Kathryn could barely stand the romantic tension as she felt her heart pounding and knew Chakotay's too was pounding bravely in his chest.

"That's much better, thank you" She said with an awkward smile as she looked at him. "Well I am going to go to bed now, I will see you in the morning." She told him hurriedly as she hoped she could ignore the intenseness of what she had just shared with Chakotay.

"Sleep well Kathryn." He replied to her with an awkward smile. Chakotay too didn't know what to say or do and so had followed her lead.

"Yes." She replied slightly more sharply than she had intended and then gently she said "you too." Quickly turning she moved towards her sleeping compartment by turning her back on him leaving him stood watching her and smiling almost sadly.

With a confused sigh Chakotay returned to the table to continue his carving as Kathryn climbed into her bed to consider the events of that day and how quickly things had changed for them on that planet.

Could it be ok that she loved him now? Could she form a relationship with him? Would she? These were the things raging through her mind as she tossed and turned in her bed where Chakotay could still see her through the mesh partition as he looked upon her with a confused sense of love and longing in his heart.

Tossing and turning Kathryn couldn't think straight. She knew she was running away from this and she did not usually hide from her problems, She also knew that there really was no way she could hide from Chakotay while she was alone with him on a planet for the rest of their lives. She captain Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway would meet this head on and not hide.

Standing from her bed Kathryn emerged from behind her partition to see Chakotay sat at the table still carving his designs in the stone. Chakotay looked up and watched open mouthed with his chest pounding as she came and sat in the chair across the table from him.

"We have to talk about this." She told him matter-of-factly as she place both her her arms on the table and looked at him searchingly across the table.

"alright." He said simply placing his carving on the table in front of him and clasping his hands on his lap looking at her waiting for her to say what she had to say. Many emotions were going through his head as was hers.

"I think we need to define some parameters." She told him sternly, "about us."

"I am not sure I can, _define parameters" _he told her, he wondered if she really saw what she meant to him, if she really understood how he felt. Chakotay knew then if there ever was going t be a time he had to tell her his true feelings that had grown for her over the last weeks and months then it would be then. Feeling slightly nervious he told her, "but I can tell you a story, an ancient legend among my people." He looked into her deep blue eyes to tell his story and he began, "it's about an angry warrior who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe, a man who couldn't find peace, even with the help of his spirit guide" Kathryn watched him steadily with her loving and gentle pools of blue eyes as he took a breath to compose himself he continued, "for years he struggled with his discontent, the only satisfaction he ever got came when he was in battle, this made him a hero among his tribe but the warrior still longed for peace within himself." Kathryn watched lovingly she understood his meaning and she loved is words. Chakotay continued, "one day he and his war party-" but then broke of as if to decide if he should continue or not, deciding he would he looked up steadily and continued, "Were captured by a neighbouring tribe led by a woman warrior." Looking deep into her loving blue eyes which were staring deeply at his he told her more of his story, "she called on him to join her because her tribe was too small and week to defend it's self from all it's enemy's." Kathryn gazed at him with loved and understanding and felt tears begin to well in her blue eyes as she understood his meaning in his words. Continuing on as he looked at her from across the table Chakotay said "the woman warrior was brave and beautiful and very wise." Kathryn felt his love and felt her own love for him burn in her heart as he spoke such loving and kind words about her. "The angry warrior swore to himself" Chakotay continued, "he would stay by her side doing what ever he could to make her burden lighter, from that point on her needs would come first." Taking a long pause to look deep into the tearful eyes of his woman warrior he concluded his story, "and in that way the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace."

Kathryn's eyes filled with tears of love as she processed the words she had just heard the promise Chakotay the angry warrior had just made to she the woman warrior, Smiling at him through her tears she whispered, "Is there really an ancient legend?" She asked with a slight loving laugh in her deep and cracked voice.

Chakotay looked serious for a second as he diverted his gaze from her eyes and then his face cracked into a dimpled smile as he looked up to tell her, "No," and then wiping the smile from his face he looked at her eyes and told her "but that made it easier to say."

Kathryn looked at him for a second and then realised he had offered her so much love while sat at that table, it was up to her to take it or reject it. With glistening tears in her eyes she looked at him with love as she raised her hand and reached out for the hand he too was raising, their hands met in the centre of the table as the two who had loved each other for many weeks finally allowed themselves to love. Both smiled gently and lovely at the other as their hands and eyes met across the table.

The two sat for a while gazing into each other eyes from across the table with their hands tightly clasped. Chakotay slowly stroked her hand with his thumb as both found love in the others eyes. Kathryn's blue eyes still glistened as tears of joy and love threatened to fall, it was a unique moment between the two who had never really had the freedom to love and knew that if it another circumstance they wouldn't. This was a rare moment. One that neither could believe had happened.

Kathryn sat and looked deep into Chakotay's jet black eyes and she knew his legend was a ledged of his love for her. She stared almost in hunger and disbelief. Hunger for more, hunger for a deep love, a kind of love she had only felt with Justin, the fiancée who had died so tragically in her hands.

Chakotay looked at the beauty of the woman sat before him whose hand was clasped so delicately in his. From the moment she had appeared on his view screen eighteen months ago, as the proud and brave and very beautiful woman warrior he knew his love for her would deepen but he never dreamed it would be any more than a physical attraction and the need for a woman. Chakotay in his rage and anger had taken woman for is own like a prize, he had conquered and wooed the most stubborn of woman from around the Alpha Quadrant. The brave and angry maquis warrior had seen that true love was a weakness, a poor hand sent by the spirits to soften his resolve. He had loved, he had loved his sister, his mother, even his father and that love had ended with great pain and anger stabbed into his heart by the hand of the Cardassians. Yet there before him sat a woman so stubborn, so brave, so honest and true a woman warrior who too had known pain who too had been violated and desecrated by the hands of the Cardassians and yet rage and anger and hated had not consumed her. Peace and love flowed from her. She saw the best in all men and woman, She saw the best in him. He the angry warrior had said and done unforgivable things to this brave woman warrior and yet she sat before him and offered him love. It was then he knew the ancient legend was true, the angry warrior had indeed found peace through this brave and true woman warrior.

**End of Chapter 30… Chapter 31 NOW UP… Thanks for sticking with me while I write this story that turned out to be much longer than I thought in would be in order to fit all my ideas in. … Coming soon Kathryn and Chakotay deal with the deep pain the last few months have left them in. Reviews and Comments are always welcome…**


	31. I love you

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 31**

**I love you.**

With a smile from ear to ear Chakotay broke the gaze and standing he lead her to stand with him, "come on let's get you some food." He said lovingly as he guided her towards the door of the house still holding her hand and leading her to follow him.

With a smile Kathryn didn't complain about following him though she did joyfully ask, "Chakotay where are you going?" When he did not reply he just simply laughed and shook his head at her, "Chakotay! The replicator is inside!" She called after him as he led her out of the house into the clearing outside.

Turning to her and taking her face gently cupped in his hands he stoked her cheeks with his thumbs and smiled at her as their eyes met, "We are going to eat a proper cook meal!" he told her as he lowered his lips to gently plant a loving kiss on her forehead.

As Chakotay walked from her she shrieked out after him, "Cook!" Kathryn ran to keep up with Chakotay as she said, "err Chakotay I-" but cut herself off feeling slightly embarrassed "well my cooking often turns out on the slightly chard side of things." She told him feeling slightly uncomfortable about it.

"Lucky for you my dear," Chakotay said with a loving smile as he took her hand and guided her to a near by rock. "You have me to cook for you." He said guiding her to sit while saying, "all you have to do is sit there looking beautiful and radiant as ever!"

As Chakotay turned and was about to walk away from where she sat to prepare the food she told him lovingly, "Oh Chakotay I love you!" It was the first time either had sad those three little words to each other.

Spinning round to kneel before her Chakotay asked cautiously, "You do?" Slightly embarrassed at her own declaration of love which Kathryn felt was nothing compared to Chakotay's ancient legend she turned her face from his where he knelt inches from her, "Kathryn?" He asked lovingly as he took her chin lovingly in his hand and stroked her lips with his thumb as he guided her face to look at him, "Do you really love me?" he asked.

Looking into his deep jet-black eyes seriously for a second Kathryn then broke into a smile and nodded as she reached up and traced to lines of his tattoo with her fingertips. Seductively she told him, "Yes Chakotay Hache-hi Kaga, the first son of Kolopak I love every part of you," She used his full name, something very precious to him that he had shared with her, It meant a great deal to him that she had used his name. He had imagined she would have forgotten in by then. And he was pleased and proud of her to see she pronounced it right. Wrapping her arms around his neck she looked up into the closeness of his eyes and told him, "I love who you are" reaching in an kissing his cheek gently she whispered into his ear, "I love your smile and I lo-" Kathryn never got to finish her sentence because Chakotay had closed the gap between them, lovingly and gently silencing her lips with a kiss.

This was the first time they had shared a real kiss of true love between them, it was gentle and loving at first as Chakotay led it. Teasing her lips with his tongue she parted her tiny lips to allow him to enter her mouth. "I Love you too Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway." He whispered into her lips as he pulled her tight to him and then like a hungry and ravines animal claimed her lips as his.

As he pulled back to look at her he saw tears pouring from her eyes. "Eighteen months on a starship." She laughed as he wiped the tears from her cheeks, "and some terrible times of anger, hurt and bitterness with each other." She told him taking a deep breath as she gazed up into his eyes, "six weeks exiled alone on a beautiful planet and it took a plasma storm and an ancient ledged to bring us to admit our love for each other." She said tracing his tattoo with her fingertips, She just loved it.

"Don't forget the bath tub." He said with a smile as he brushed her hair from her face.

"Ha!" she shouted playfully punching him in his chest, "Is that how you declare your love to all your girls, make them a bath tub?" she asked with a hint of a laugh in her deep voice.

"All my girls?" Chakotay asked pretending to be hurt "What dear Kathryn are you trying to imply?" he asked as he set about picking berries and other vegetation to roast for their first hand-cooked dinner together.

"A girl needs to know where she rates on the pecking order." She told him hands on hips with a smile and twinkle in her eye.

"Most girls don't let me see them dripping wet wrapped in a nice skimpy white towel with shoulders as lovely these of yours on display" he told her coming to her and kissing her shoulder as he placed a grape in her moth. Then with a laugh he continued, "while trying to talk to a wild monkey," kissing her forehead he added "at least not in reality."

"So you dream about naked wet girls in towels talking to monkeys?" she joked.

"Not exactly" he laughed over his shoulder as he got the fire ready. "Now food my dear one, food." He told her as he set about roasting what he had collected.

Kathryn and Chakotay sat outside together in the setting sun next to their campfire cuddled up together and enjoying a scrumptious dinner of roasted nut's and berries and lettuce like salad from true local vegetation. Chakotay felt like he was at home once more with his people and felt very relaxed. Kathryn admired the effort that Chakotay had put into the cooking of the dinner even though she was not a vegetarian as he was. She had loved the meal and had simply enjoyed being in his presence and company in an undefined way, no protocol or a desire to find a cure to hold her back. For Chakotay It had been important to provide her with a meal. His desire to meet her needs meant her simple needs as well as her greater needs. After the meal the two lay on the grass beside the shimmering embers of the fire. Kathryn lay with her head resting on Chakotay's chest as he sat with his arms wrapped around his brave woman warrior. Kathryn didn't say anything it was enough for her to feel safe and warm in his arms.

Chakotay stroked her back as he whispered a question he had not dared ask until now, "Do you ever think of what the Cardassians did to you?"

Kathryn took a long pause in which to think of the answer, "not in that way no." she told him slowly as she gazed up at the sky where the setting sun cast it's reddish glow on the loving couple wrapped tightly in each others arms.

Looking down at Kathryn Chakotay planted a gentle kiss on her red-ish head and whispered, "I do."

Kathryn had heard the great pain and sadness in his cracked voice, snuggling herself tighter into his arms she reached up behind her to cup his copper brown cheek in her pale white hand, "Chakotay what the Cardassians did to you and your people is horrible," she felt her hand feel moisture as Chakotay's tears trickle down across her hand from his eyes, "there is no wonder you think of it." She told him as she pulled herself up to turn to look at his face, "and there is no shame in that." She told him with honesty as she leaned forward to kiss his tear stained face.

Brushing her long hair from her eyes and looking deep into her searching pools of deep blue he told her in a cracked voice as more tears fell, "No Kathryn I mean I think of what they did to you."

"Oh" she replied looking into his eyes with a deep love, she wasn't really sure what to say in reply to that. Kathryn herself had ignored the rape and abuse she had personally suffered at the hands of the Cardassians while she was held in their prison as a prisoner of war. That had been her way of coping, her way of survival. Kathryn hadn't told anybody her experience and her story before talking with Chakotay about it and so she had never really thought what that would have done to him. She had known Justin before her capture by the Cardassians and so had dealt with it _with_ him. Mark had been very different with her, a safety net, she often wondered if he truly loved her. Somehow she had never imagined her experiences would affect Chakotay in anyway, and so the negative impact it clearly had on him was an effect she had never thought of before.

"It cuts me up at night," he told her sadly as he looked at her blue eyes as the tears fell uncharacteristically down his face. "I see him there, he takes you and he claims you, and ignores your screams, your cries for help." Chakotay told her as he took her hands tightly in his and told her of the nightmare that hunts him of a Cardassian man raping her, "Your face, your wide blue eyes are alight with fear." He said with a tremble in his pained voice.

"That was a different me Chakotay," She told him with love in her voice as she tried to reassure him, "it was a broken me, a cracked me." Taking a deep breath and placing her hand on his chest she told him, "back then Chakotay I didn't scream or protest or complain I didn't dare."

He looked deep into the brave eyes of the woman that just surprised him even more with everything she was, "Kathryn you once told me it was official that you were there only six months but really you were there for eighteen." He stated but Kathryn knew it was a question more than a statement. Chakotay was searching her face with love as he longed to understand what had happened to her.

With a deep breath Kathryn decided to talk of the most painful time in her life because she saw the man she loved needed her to talk of it. Chakotay needed clarification and so with a deep breath she told him, "A year into it they started to make demands to the federation" breaking eye contact from him she explained, "to negotiate my release."

"It took them six months?" Chakotay exclaimed in horror at the length of time it had taken the federation to get her freed.

With a shrug she replied, "I suppose so" Kathryn would not look at him as she agreed.

"It feels so wrong" He spat causing her to fear him "it makes me angry." Kathryn has seen Chakotay's anger when it came to the Cardassians, she had even felt it and she wasn't sure she wanted to feel or see it again.

"Then don't think of it Chakotay." She told him desperately for him to calm, "Think of nice things."

"Like what?" he asked looking at her with pride and respect over her emotional strength.

"Like our undying love for each other." She told him as she plated a kiss gently on his lips.

As she pulled away he wrapped his arms around her tiny body and kept her to him as he closed the gap between their lips again and taking her for his own once more. When they broke from the kiss Chakotay stoked her long hair rubbing the think stands between his thumb and forefinger "it's been too long Kathryn" he told her with a smile, "too long since we sat and talked like this."

Returning his smile and sinking back into him to rest the back of her head on his chest she asked, "does this paradise have to end?"

"I don't think so" he told her stroking her arms, "I don't want it too" he insisted as he kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear which cased a shiver of delight and desire course through Kathryn's body at his touch

"are you cold?" He asked with concern.

"No" she replied feeling the warmth of his chest and his embrace.

"You shivered."

"I was just thinking," she told him absentmindedly as she looked up at the now star filled sky above them.

"Do you want to enlighten me?" he asked as he followed her gaze to the unknown constellations above them.

"I miss voyager." She told him but added "only a little."

Chakotay thought for a while but didn't say anything. After a while he let go of Kathryn and stood leaving her sat staring up at him, reaching out his outstretched hand towards her he looked down with desire as he asked, "walk with me?"

"I would be honoured to." She said with a smile as she placed her tiny delicate palm in his.

Chakotay guided her up as he placed one hand on the small of he back and then reached across and held her hand as they walked. "Its not the beach we should have shared together many weeks ago, for that I am so sorry." He said sadly.

"If I remember correctly it was I who ran off that day." She reminded him.

Turning and kissing her cheek he corrected her, "because I was angry with you and came late on purpose simply because as captain you had done what was right for the ship.

"I have been thinking about what I did." she told him braking from his grasp and turning in shame, "there was no need for what I did to you, I should have included you in the plan."

"Kathryn." Chakotay whispered lovingly was he looked at her where she stood with her back to him, "a captain has to be a captain. Like when I went alone after Seska, you disciplined me as you would any member of this crew, I publicly embarrassed you as a captain." Then in his own shame he lowered his head and said, "Though that was not my intention."

Looking far out into the night sky Kathryn tentatively asked, "can I talk to you about Seska?"

Looking up sharply Chakotay knew what the vulnerable woman stood with her back to him wanted to know, "I loved her," he told her with integrity straight out "if that's what you want to know."

"That's part of it." She said slowly thinking, Kathryn couldn't decide if she really had the right to ask what she really wanted to know, "I suppose I wondered" stopping her self again she took a deep breath and began again, "well I-" but once again stopped in mid sentence to ask, "did you and she?" sighing hard she spun round and blurted out, "how intimate were you?"

Looking down at her deep blue wide eyes Chakotay understood she was asking if he and Seska had ever had sex, "yes Kathryn, we did." he told her meeting her eyes, then taking it cautiously as he wondered why she had to ask, he asked her, "does that bother you?"

"No" she muttered looking at the floor, she wasn't really sure why she had asked. Now that she knew she wasn't sure she wanted to know. She couldn't be annoyed with him for having sex with somebody he knew long before he knew her but the thought of that traitor using Chakotay and manipulating him with sex sickened Kathryn.

"Your greater than you know." Chakotay whispered as he stepped up to Kathryn wrapping his arms around her from behind and drawing her body tightly and warmly to his. Taking a deep breath he began to tell her what he thought she deserved to know, no matter how painful it was for him to say or her to hear, "I was different then, you have changed me. To me back then woman were nothing more than a prise. Simply a possession I was determined to own." Chakotay explained as he took her arm and turned her too look into her loving and understanding eyes, "I was an angry man, I devoured and controlled all I knew, mostly women." He told her as his jet black eyes searched her for emotions.

Tilting her face to look right into his eyes with a face that showed no emotion she asked him, "you wanted to control me didn't you?" and setting her jaw in a strong command stance she told him, "that's why you resigned your commission all those weeks ago."

Hanging his head in shame Chakotay told her, "but I couldn't"

"So you got angry in my brig?"

"If I couldn't control you I wanted to destroy you." He told her shamefully turning away as he couldn't face what he had done to her, "but instead I fell in love with you."

"So you only said I killed your family because you wanted to destroy me?" she asked painfully.

"I am so sorry my beautiful one." He told her honestly.

"Don't ever do that to me again." She told him sternly.

"Never." He whispered in agreement.

Kathryn knew he was telling her to truth and it pained him to do so but there was one thing she could not understand, "why?"

"I fell in love with you because you could not be destroyed or controlled." Chakotay told her with conviction, "nor could you be owned."

Slightly shocked Kathryn exclaimed, "You wanted to own me?"

"In a way." He told her as he turned to watch her slowly walk away from him with her back to him.

"You can't own what belongs to somebody else." She told him as he trebled with fear and sadness.

"You belong to nobody Kathryn Janeway." He told her feeling great pain as he watched her trebling body move further away from him.

"No, I belong to the Cardassians." She said raising her head to look up at the darkened sky as tears glistened in her eyes.

"Did we not talk of this once?" Chakotay said moving to take her hands in his and pull her to his chest in love.

"Perhaps." She mumbled into his chest, "but the pain was greater than that Chakotay."

"What did Justin think of you?" Chakotay asked her as he stood in the moonlight and embraced her tightly stroking her delicate back.

"Justin?" Kathryn asked slightly confused, Mark had never mentioned Justin to her, Mark had always wanted to ignore her late fiancé's existence.

"Yes, how was his love for you?"

"It was very great." She told him truthfully, "he looked at me like-" she stopped her self before finishing her sentence.

Taking her arms in his hands and pulling her away form his chest Chakotay looked down "Like?" he pressed her to continue.

Slowly she looked into his loving and patient eyes and told him, "Like you do."

"Then he must have loved you a great deal." Chakotay told her raising her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles gently.

"He did and I did he." She told him sadly. She had never really admitted to anybody that she still missed Justin. She had never dared to talk with Mark about Justin because he would get jealous and insecure but Chakotay wasn't like that and so Kathryn felt free to tell him openly about Justin.

Letting go of her hand and wrapping his arm around her shoulder he continued the moonlit walk with her asking, "Tell me about him."

Walking side by side with the man she now loved Kathryn thought of the man she had once loved very deeply who had died a very tragic death, slowly she said, "Well he was polite, he was a scientist like me. Everyone said we were made to be together." and then with a sudden laugh she told Chakotay, "He was a bit of a fly boy, like Tom in some ways. For some reason that was always beyond me Owen respected him."

"Owen?" Chakotay asked looking at her for clarification.

"Owen Paris, Toms dad, he was our commanding officer." She told him and then thinking some more she said, "You know it's sad, Tom resents his dad, I think Owen pushed him just a little too much. I think it drove Tom further away. Owen hates those who live life on the edge of protocol, which is why it surprised me that he respected Justin so much. Justin was not always the one to play strictly by the rules, he wasn't bad or anything, he always did what he had too but he knew how to have a good time. That was something I loved in Justin, something I suppose I forgot since he died."

"So what you saying is Justin would have wanted you to have a good time and not always have to be a straight laced Starfleet captain?" Chakotay asked her with a mischievous twinkle trying to help her see things another way.

With a shrug and completely ignoring Chakotay's statement she said, "But what's really sad is that Owen loves his son a great deal he just wont let it show in any way Tom can understand." But both she and Chakotay knew she was actually thinking over what Chakotay had just said.

Knowing what she was doing Chakotay smiled and went along with her subject change, "you and admiral Paris must be close."

"Me and those admirals are on first name terms you know." He told him with a laugh and then explaining more seriously as he scowled at her, "Owen and my dad were close. When my dad died Owen sort of became a father to me. I think his own guilt drove him to want to do it." Then she looked up into Chakotay's eyes as she told him, "Tom must think I took his fathers love."

Chakotay was thinking back to the morning Tom had been to see him while he was in the brig and told him some of the things of Kathryn's past, "I think he respects you far more than that" Chakotay told her looking down into her face and brushing the hair from her eyes as he saw her beauty shining in the moon light.

"Did he tell you that when he told you that I had been in a Cardassian prison?" she asked turning from him satisfied she had made her point.

Looking down at her slightly shocked Chakotay insisted, "Who said Tom told me that?"

"Well who else was it Chakotay?" She asked and when he merely stared down at her she rolled her eyes, swatted his arm and told her, "I'm not that stupid."

"He thinks you don't know that he knows." Chakotay told her.

"Owen spent a lot of time with me both after I was set free and after the accident. I always knew Tom would have known." She explained.

"But you still had him on your starship?" Chakotay asked her thinking she was very brave to have on her starship somebody who she knew would know such intimated detail of her past.

"Maybe I needed his assistance in capturing the big bad angry maquis captain." She told Chakotay with a smile trying to lighten the mood.

Stopping walking and knelling before her he held out his wrists as if they were in chains and told her with his goofy dimpled grin, "I think you managed to do that just fine on your own."

"Shut up!" She said with a laugh. She went to swat his hands away but he grabbed her hands and started kissing her palms where he knelt before her. "Oh Chakotay get up!" She told him with a laugh trying to pull her hands away but he was too strong for her and kept hold of her hands.

"Why don't you join me down here?" he asked with a mischievous grin as he looked up at his love.

"But we nee-" Began Kathryn but stopped mid-sentence when Chakotay pulled her down to him, "argh! Chakotay!" She shouted as she fell and landed on top of him where he sat at her feet where she had been stood.

"Kathryn!" he shouted as she lay on top of him as he lowered to a lying position on the soft grass.

Kathryn tried to stand but Chakotay was too quick for her, he rolled over quickly pinning her to the floor and he saddled her with his knees either side of her writhing body as he pinned her wrist well above her head. "Your trouble you know that don't you?" she told him as he lowered his face to be inches form hers where she lay on the grass. Kathryn simply couldn't move and was now at the mercy of the man she loved and trusted.

"Good trouble or bad trouble?" He whispered seductively in her ear as he nibbled her earlobe lovingly.

Writhing underneath his body and groaning with pressure Chakotay heard her deep husky voice say, "Handsomely amazing trouble."

"I love you Kathryn." He said as he lifted his head to look into her eyes.

Still Kathryn could not move her body under his where he pinned her to the soft grass, "I love you too Chakotay." As she tried to lift her head to meet his lips with her own but he pulled away with a devilish grin. Chakotay was used to being in charge and controlling his woman and the great captain of voyager was one woman he was determined to control even if only in bed. Kathryn would learn to be submissive and he would enjoy it.

Taking both her tiny and delicate wrists in one of his hands he ran his fingertips of his free hand down her neck and then into the line of her dress, ripping the front mercilessly where she lay beneath him he whispered "My life is complete" as he looked down at the naked chest below him as he teased her with his tongue he felt her writhing with pleasure and heard her groans as he tongue played with her reviled naked chest.

Kathryn Janeway was truly his. And Chakotay Hache-hi Kaga, the first son of Kolopak truly belonged to her. There on that planet on that grass there was no responsibility or protocol to control their love, only each other.

Kathryn woke in the dawn of the next morning to find herself lying in the grass where she had been lying before wrapped in Chakotay's arms and wearing his jacket and feeling ineradicably happy. She sat up rubbing her eyes and was met by the loving jet black eyes of Chakotay, "Morning beautiful!" he said to her with a smile planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Hi." She said smiling back at him and getting her bearings. They had clearly spent the night on the grass arm in arm.

"You look beautiful in the mornings." He told her as she snuggled into him, His dimples flashing.

"Only in the mornings?" she joked in a stern voice.

Chakotay just laughed and then took her by the hand saying, "Come on"

"Where to?" She asked scrabbling to her feet with his help.

"I have something in the house I want you to have." He told her and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and guided her towards the house.

"What is it?" She asked with anticipation and excitement.

"Wait and see!" he told her simply.

"Come on Chakotay!" She begged, "Do I not get one clue?"

"No!" was all he said in reply.

Kathryn felt like she was a little child at Christmas again. "Is it big or small?" She asked trying to get him to hint just a little.

"I don't know." He replied.

"You don't know? Chakotay you do know what size it is." She insisted.

"It's huge but it also fits in you pocket." He told her truthfully as they neared to door of the house, he was grinning at her now.

"Chakotay that doesn't even make sense!" she exclaimed in slight frustration.

"It will do when you see it." He told her as he went to open the door of the house.

Charging inside after him like a little girl looking for presents she asked, "Is it another bathtub?"

"You want a bathtub in your pocket?" he asked with a confused look on his face.

"No of course not!" she said rolling her eyes and placing her hands firmly on her hips.

"And before you ask no it's not another head board." He told her as he kissed her cheek and moved the other side of the desk.

"I know that!" she told him with an insistent voice.

"Oh you do? Do you?" he asked as he chuckled at looked at her with a grin on his face.

"Yes just like the fact I always win I always know and am always right!" she told him in her best command tone as she stared at him with anticipation of what he had for her.

"Ok you keep dreaming then Kathryn!" he told her sarcastically as he grinned at her with a hint of a joke in his voice.

"Shut up!" she growled even though she too was just joking. "Ok well?" she asked scanning the room for even the smallest sign of her gift.

"Well what Kathryn?" he asked pretending to be innocent like he didn't understand.

"Well we are in the house what do you have for me?" she demanded, her impatience growing.

Chakotay burst out laughing and then told her, "it's in your pocket Kathryn, it has been all along."

Kathryn scowled at him when she remembered she was wearing his jacket. Chakotay watched as she slipped her hand into his pocket and removed her gift.

Kathryn removed the beautiful tiny object and when she realised what it was tears began to well up in her eyes, "Chakotay! It's beautiful!" She looked up at him where he looked at her with pride. "Chakotay does this mean-" She began but tears of joy took her over and she fell into the chair and examined the tiny beautiful object in her hands.

**CHAPTER 32 NOW UP!…. Comments and reviews welcome…**


	32. I do

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 32**

**I do.**

Chakotay looked down at Kathryn who was turning the tiny stone in her hand and rubbing the smooth side as she turned it over to inspect the tiny glistening stone on a delicate chain of glass beads. "Kathryn I want you to have it." He told her watching her run her thumb over where her tears dropped onto the stone.

"It is so beautiful, did you make it?" She whispered as she looked at the beautiful tribal necklace.

"Yes I did, I am glad you like it." He told her kneeling before her to hold her hand where she sat looking at the beautiful gift he had given her.

"I love it!" She said looking up into his eyes and smiling joyfully.

"I am glad."

Looking down she saw something she hadn't seen at first, Carved on the face of the glistening purple stone was a design Kathryn had come to know so well, "Chakotay! It's got your tribal mark caved in it, your tattoo design." She said snapping her head up to gaze into his loving eyes.

"Yes" He told her simply with a smile as he leaned forward and kissed her lips gently.

"But Chakotay you once told me that when a man makes something like this for the woman he loves it has the same symbolism as an engagement ring, a marriage." She told him in a deep husky voice as she gazed at him with a confused expression on her face.

"I hope I haven't gone too far?" He asked taking the necklace from her and slowly fastening it around her neck. When Kathryn didn't reply he looked at her and cupped her face in his hands he asked proudly and lovingly, "Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway will you pledge to spend the rest of your life with me?"

Kathryn looked shocked and wide-eyed at him, "Chakotay, I am already engaged." She whispered as tears poured down her face and she searched his eyes she hadn't thought she would have to face this problem so soon.

"I know, but Kathryn, Mark is in the Alpha Quadrant." He told her. Chakotay couldn't understand why she wouldn't want to pledge to be with him, they were alone to spend the rest of their days together on that planet and she had said she loved him.

"What am I to do? I mean what if we make it back and Mark is there waiting for me?" She asked him as confusion plagued her mind and she was unsure what to say or do.

"Kathryn do you love him?" He asked her.

"Chakotay you are proposing to a engaged woman." She reminded him, it wasn't that she wanted to say no to him or that she didn't want to pledge the rest of her life with Chakotay but in the heat of her love for him she hadn't thought of Mark but making a official pledge had caused her great confusion for her own feelings.

"I would never have presumed-" he began but then tried to explain another way why he had asked her what he had done, "Kathryn I am sorry I thought after last night-"

"Chakotay! Please don't misunderstand me." she cut across him unsure of what she really wanted to say.

"Don't worry yourself Kathryn I understand." Chakotay told her in a hurt and angry tone pulling the delicate necklace from her neck, some of the glass beads snapped to the floor.

Chakotay stared angrily into her deep blue eyes before he turned and stormed out of the door leaving her alone and crying in the house, "Chakotay!" She called after him as he stormed into the forest, "Chakotay Please! Wait!" She yelled as he stormed from her view and into the forest.

All day Chakotay was gone and Kathryn sat alone in the house, She had refused to chase after him. She had the day to think over what he had asked her and why had she not said yes. It was true it didn't make sense; she had allowed herself to admit her love for him and come to accept she was to spend the rest of her life on that planet with him. Kathryn found herself crawling into his bed and wrapping herself in his blanket to smell his sent and to feel close to him. She wished she hadn't been taken aback, of course she wanted to pledge the rest of her life to him, she could think of nothing more desirable. Sobbing into Chakotay's pillow she found herself falling asleep feeling very upset, she was frustrated alone and fearful he would not return to her. Part of her knew she needed him.

Kathryn was awakened by the feel of somebody wrapping their arms tightly around her, she quickly opened her eyes to see who was holding her and scream in fear but she was met by the loving black eyes and handsome copper face of Chakotay looking down on where she lay, "You came back." She whispered up at him with a smile.

"Why would I not?" He asked guiding her across so she gave him room to get into bed as well, "your in my bed." He told her with a twinkle in his eye as he took her hand tightly in his. When she did not reply he gently kissed the palm of her hand and rolled his back to face away from her saying, "Goodnight Kathryn."

"Chakotay please can we talk?" She asked with a cracked voice as she looked to where he had turned his back coldly to her.

Rolling back to look into her eyes he told her, "Kathryn I am sorry I thought after last night, after the storm you were happy to spend your life here with me." She too could see the sadness there in his voice.

"I am." She insisted as she stared lovingly into his eyes.

"But you wont pledge to spend the rest of you life with me." he pointed out.

Taking his hand tightly in hers where they lay in his bed together she whispered to him lovingly, "yes I do, I want to pledge my life to you for the rest of my life, if you will still take my life as yours?"

Chakotay looked into the loving blue eyes of his Kathryn and saw they were sincere, "of course I will still have you Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway." Lifting her tiny body into his arms he lay with her. "Why did you say no?"

"Chakotay I never said no, granted I never said yes but not because I wanted to say no." she told him as she rested her head on his chest where they lay together in the bed. Kathryn was absentmindedly tracing circles on his chest.

Chakotay felt the tears well up in him as he felt guilt for the anger he had shown her again that day, "My dearest Kathryn I am so sorry I was angry with you, I do understand how hard it must be for you to have lost a second fiancé. Know you will never loose me."

"Mark was a good man." Kathryn whispered.

"Did you love him?" Chakotay repeated his earlier question but with a much more gentile tone of voice.

"I thought I did" she replied. "I mean I wanted to love him, he was there for me after Justin died. Mark was a good man."

"But?" Chakotay asked as he could feel a 'but' in her words.

"I wanted to feel loved I suppose, I wanted something to fill the emptiness in my heart. Mark was there and was ready to love me with all my baggage. I admired Mark a great deal." She told Chakotay truthfully.

"But you didn't love him?" Chakotay asked as he stroked her back where they lay in his bed together.

"I loved the idea of him" Kathryn told him but then corrected herself, "I loved the idea of somebody to love me."

"And it didn't matter if that was Mark or somebody else?" Chakotay asked her as he watched her tearful eyes as she nodded. "So am I just somebody to love you?" Chakotay asked her calmly for clarification.

"NO!" Kathryn shouted sitting up to stare deeply into his eyes, "that's just it, I love you very much far more than I ever loved Mark."

"More than you loved Justin?"

"How can you ask that? I don't know where I would be if Justin hadn't have died, we would have been married with a daughter, maybe more children by now, that's not something you can ask Chakotay." Show told him firmly as she rested her back on the headboard he had made for himself as well.

"You're right, I am sorry." He said leaning to his side and kissing her cheek. Kathryn looked at him and smiling moved her lips to his where he took her lips in a loving kiss. As they drew apart he cupped her face in his hand and asked "Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway will you pledge to spend the rest of you life with me?"

Looking deep into his eyes Kathryn replied "Yes! Oh Chakotay Yes! I will, I pledge to spend the rest of my life with you."

Chakotay smiled at her taking from his pocket the beautiful engraved necklace which showed the carving of his tribal mark, "Will you take this as a symbol of that pledge?" Chakotay asked her in a whisper as he opened his palm to reveal to necklace to her.

Lifting her delicate hand slowly Kathryn placed the tips of her fingers on the necklace where it rested in his palm. Chakotay clasped her hand him his palm where the necklace was between them, lifting her hand Chakotay kissed her knuckles gently with his lips before he withdrew the necklace and placed it around her neck before taking her lips as his. In Chakotay's culture to two were now joined, for Chakotay's people a large wedding ceremony was not needed, Marriage was an intimate thing between the man and the woman. When the man makes the woman a trinket or peice of jewellery with his tribal mark carved on it and offers her a pledge and she says yes to accept the jewellery and the pledge then the two are joined in marriage. Kathryn had no regrets; she was ready to spend the rest of her life arm in arm with Chakotay. She loved him and he loved her. The two slept that night feeling happy and refreshed, a joining had made real the love they felt for each other. Over the next few days Kathryn and Chakotay began their new life as husband and wife. Chakotay provided for her a home and a shelter. Kathryn began to tend to the garden. Chakotay had replicated her some canvas and paints and brushes and she had painted many pictures to decorate their beige marital home, even if Kathryn did feel she looked better in beige. They had taken the partition down between the bed sections to allow more space. Chakotay spent the evenings sharing more of his culture with the woman he loved. He enjoyed to hear the stories of a scientist child who grew up on an Indiana farm. One day Chakotay came to where his wife was relaxing in her bath tub.

"Hello sweet heart" he said as he came fully clothed to kneel before her.

Handing him her sponge with a smile she said "Make yourself useful would you dear?" and she turned her back to him and lowered her head.

"My pleasure" he replied with an equal smile as he scrubbed her back with the soft sponge. Taking a deep breath he said "Kathryn I have been thinking"

"There's something new." His scientist wife joked.

Splashing her deliberately with the water he continued, "Many months ago you asked me to name your son."

Kathryn spun round to face him where she sat naked in the bathtub, "I didn't forget." She told him truthfully.

"I had a name chosen for him and you agreed to take part in a naming ceremony for him, with one thing and another we have never done it, I was wondering if you wanted to do it tonight?"

"I would love to." She told him raising a wet hand to stroke his cheekbone.

"The other thing I wondered darling is if you wanted to do a memorial for your unborn child who passed away." He asked her tentatively as he knew her miscarriage was a difficult subject as well as was the death of the unborn Childs father, Justin.

Looking deep into his eyes where she found nothing but deep love and compassion she asked, "Why are you doing this? Do you not feel threatened by the part of me that loved Justin and our unborn daughter? Do you no feel sadden that you and I could never have a child but I had a child with a Cardassian man?"

"Kathryn I feel sadden that a Cardassian man raped you and impregnated you against your will and then took your son from you. I feel saddened that you lost the man you loved and the daughter you and he created in an act of love." Chakotay told her as he felt his own tears for her pain well up in him.

"Oh Chakotay!" Kathryn wept where she sat naked in the bathtub suddenly feeling cold and exposed.

Chakotay noticed this and helped her to climb out wrapping her in a towel and guiding his tearful wife to the house. She dried and dressed herself as he replicated them a meal and coffee.

As she came to him he handed his love the mug of coffee saying "Kathryn I am so sorry if I went too far. I should have been more sensitive. Maybe it is not a good idea to have the ceremony."

Shaking her head and coming to stand behind where he sat she shook her head at him stroking his jet black hair she moved round to kiss his forehead as she sat next to him, "No Chakotay I want to do it. I want to name my son and I want you to be part of that." Taking her seat next to him she guided his face to look as hers, "I want to say a final goodbye to my unborn daughter." Taking a breath and looking at his eyes she asked him to do something she needed but thought it would anger him that she would ask, "Chakotay I never went to Justin's funeral, I couldn't. Though it was right at the time I feel I never got to say goodbye properly, can we do a memorial for Justin tonight as well?"

Chakotay took her hands in his and kissed each of them as he said, "it would be my honour to. Justin was a great man who loved and cherish you and who you loved and cherished, he deserves for you to have a proper goodbye to him."

Kathryn was truly shocked, "Mark was never that understanding, he hated me to talk of Justin he was jealous." She told Chakotay.

"I admire and respect Justin, he seems to be a great man who has helped shape you into the woman you are today."

"Then you will stand with me while I do it?" Kathryn asked her new husband hopeful.

"At your side, to hold up you always my Kathryn." He told her as he gently stroked the necklace that he had given her around her neck, the symbol of their marriage pledge.

Later that evening as dusk began to settle Kathryn followed Chakotay into the clearing outside the house. Taking her hand and squeezing hard to show his support he looked into her eyes, "Ready?" he asked.

"As I am ever going to be." She replied with a whisper as she looked up at the glistening moon far above where they stood. Kathryn Janeway the great explorer was finally home and for some reason was content not exploring the stars far above her.

Chakotay too looked up at the moon and began, "A-koo-chee-moya, we pray on this day of memories to remember and honor the lives of those who were close to this woman, the ones who the wind called. We remember Edward Janeway, Justin Tighe and the unborn child who was to be named-" At this Chakotay realised he did not know if Kathryn's unborn child had a name so he looked at her to see her stood next to him still holding his hand and looking up at the moon and the stars as the wind blew lightly in her long hair.

Kathryn merely said the name she and Justin had chosen together for their daughter, "Sophia Tighe" She whispered in a deep husky voice not moving her eye line form the moon.

Looking back up to the moon once more Chakotay continued, "We remember these three people who were dear to this beautiful woman, We are far from their bones but perhaps there is a spirit in these unnamed skies who will find them and honor them with our words."

Chakotay handed Kathryn a stone on which he had shown her how to carve a name, giving her a nod Kathryn stepped forward and laid the stone lovingly on the grass before her, "We ask the spirits to remember Edward Janeway the honored and loved father of this woman." As Kathryn stood looking down at the smooth stone before her with '_Edward Janeway' _clearly carved on it's face Chakotay wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulder as he handed her a second stone, Kathryn did the same stepping forward and placing the stone next to the fist as Chakotay said looking up at the moon, "We ask the spirits to remember Justin Tighe, the honored and loved Kay-pah-eeta, meaning pledged mate, of this woman." Kathryn stood trembling as she looked down at the two stones were the lay together with the name's '_Edward Janeway' _and _'Justin Tighe' _Carved on the face. Chakotay passed her a the last stone on which no carving had been placed, "Do you want to carve her name?" He asked his wife lovingly.

"I would like you to." Kathryn replied through sobs as she looked at the blank stone, she could not bear to place it with the others with out the name carved on it. Taking out his carving tool he stood and carved the name upon it. Handing it to Kathryn she smiled, it was the first time she had seen her unborn daughters name written down, it gave her great joy to see it there. Stepping forward she placed it with the others as Chakotay said, "We ask the spirits to remember the child of this woman and her loved Kay-pah-eeta Justin, The child who was taken before she first breath was drawn, the child who's name was to be Sophia Tighe. Though Sophia never saw the light we too remember her as the cherished child that she was." Taking Kathryn's hand tightly Chakotay finished his prayer, "We remember these loved ones and we have placed the stones of remembrance before the moon this night. We ask the Spirits to walk with this woman in her grief allowing her to remember and cherish happy memories of those we remember."

Kathryn looked up at the moon as Chakotay stood behind her taking her in his arm and kissing her hair. As she looked down at the three stones before her with the names of her loved ones carved clearly on the face of the stone she felt a greater release and freedom from the pain of the loss. The two stood that way for a while, Chakotay was afraid to break the embrace wondering how much his Kathryn needed to cry and not be disturbed.

**End of chapter 32… Chapter 33 NOW UP!…**


	33. Vine ripe Talaxian Tomatoes

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 33**

**Vine ripe Talaxian Tomatoes.**

Kathryn turned to Chakotay where they stood before the three stones of remembrance and asked gently, "Can we name my son now?"

Chakotay looked down at where her features shown in the moon light and asked carefully, "Are you ready? Take as much time as you need, we can do it at another time if you wish?"

"No Chakotay, I want to do it now, it will be very fitting to do the two things at the same time and in a way I want to name him to be able to remember him too." She told him, as she looked deep into his eyes.

The husband and wife stood side by side on the plant they had named New Earth. Taking Kathryn's hand he raised it far above her head and began, "A-koo-chee-moya, we pray on this day of naming for the son of Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway who is to be named this day. This woman has Charged me with naming her son, as the one who gives this boy his name I honour first the mother who carried him and bore him into this universe. The mother is the one who gave life, a cherished and loved life. We recognize the pain of childbirth but today we also must recognize the pain this woman carried for the violation she suffered and the loss of her son to her. We remember him in our thoughts and though we are far from him we pray there will be a spirit in his skies who will watch over him, the one who is called _Daryl __Chitto Inteus the son of Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway." _Lowering her hand Chakotay took her other hand and turned her away from the moon to face him, smiling at her he finished his naming prayer, "Daryl is taken form this woman's culture meaning _one who is loved greatly. _Chitto and Inteus are both names from my culture meaning _brave _and _one of whom we are not ashamed. _We ask the sprits of his skies to watch over him as we always remember Daryl Chitto Inteus the son of Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway."

Still looking into his eyes Kathryn whispered, "Thank you, Daryl Chitto Inteus is a beautiful name with a meaning that is equally as beautiful."

Smiling and showing her his dimples Chakotay wrapped his arms around his brave wife's shoulders and guided her back to the house, "You didn't mind I chose two of the names from my own people do you? I wondered if I should have picked all English names." Chakotay asked her as they sat together in the house.

"No I like those names, I think it's beautiful you brought your culture into naming my son, thank you." She told him smiling.

Hours rolled into days and days rolled into weeks and the two lived a beautiful life happy and joyful together as a married couple living their lives and looking to their future. Kathryn had begun planting Talixian Tomatoes in a patch just outside the house and Chakotay had been planning what he could build for her next. The pain and heartache of their lives bound in protocol on board Voyager a distant memory. The anger in Chakotay vanished at the side of his wife Kathryn. One day Kathryn was relaxing in the sun and tending to her tomatoes. Chakotay had joined her.

"How are they coming?" Chakotay asked as he can to kneel next to his wife who was lying on the ground in a blue dress coffee mug in one hand and tending to her tomatoes with the other.

"Very nicely" She told him as she leaned into him and rubbed her muddy hands together. "We should have vine ripe Talxian tomatoes in a couple of months." She told him as he tended to some of the small plants, which had begun to bud. "Unless this planet has the equivalent of tomato bug." She joked picking up her coffee mug "Oh they are awful." She finished as she took a sip of her coffee as she relaxed into him.

With a smile Chakotay looked at her and then back at the Tomatoes she had planted saying "I would never have thought of you as a gardener."

Kathryn shot her head round to look at him looking slightly hurt as she tried to gulp down her sip of coffee still in her mouth she told him, "I grew up around farmers," as she went back to tending her tomatoes she continued, "My parents insisted we learnt some basic gardening skills."

With a smile Chakotay glanced at her with a smile and asked, "did you hate that as much as camping?"

"Of course" she spat out in pretend disgust without even having to think. "Who wanted to muck around in the dirt when you could be studying quantum mechanics?" She asked with a laugh as she joked about her own desire to be a scientist from a very early age. Looking at his wife with love Chakotay laughed with her admiring her many talents, "but I find it very satisfying now." She told him "watching to seed sprout and grow."

Chakotay saw something in Kathryn he had never seen before, she was truly happy. She was enjoying her relaxed life as his wife. She was truly happy with her days tending to her tomatoes and being in his company as his wife. Chakotay saw it was a peaceful Kathryn Janeway that lay before him, she was content and happy. "If you tomatoes could spare you for a minute I would like your opinion on something in the house." He told her.

At the word opinion Kathryn sat up and eagerly looked at him, "Well you have come to the right person, I always have an opinion." She told him as they stood.

"Really?" he asked sarcastically causing her to laugh and swat him with her mud-covered hand as they walked together into the house.

Chakotay walked into the house first closely followed by Kathryn, this was not something they would have done on Voyager. On Voyager she was Captain and he served under her, she always went first, every room they entered together Kathryn entered first closely followed by Chakotay, as was protocol. Chakotay always walked and stood just that bit behind her left shoulder on Voyager, a protocol that might as well have kept them a million feet form each other. Here there was no protocol; they were man and woman, husband and wife entering their marital home.

As Kathryn picked up a towel to wipe her hands Chakotay tapped some commands on the small computer terminal they had, "What do you think?" He asked her as she smiled down at the screen with joy.

"A boat" she said with happiness as she looked from the screen to him and back again.

Nodding Chakotay said "you said you wanted to explore the river, it think I could build this." Pointing at the screen, which showed the designs for a paddle canoe.

Kathryn was so happy and smiling broadly, she loved living her and enjoying her new life, "We could go on a camping trip." She laughed as she smiled at him.

Laughing her husband told her, "I am not sure we could fit the bath tub in the boat."

Kathryn burst out laughing as she told him "that's all right I'll have the river.

The husband and wife laughed together as they enjoyed their lives together and planned their future.

Through the laughing came a sound they had not expected to hear, static was coming from somewhere and a faint voice was coming through the static. Looking around and still laughing Kathryn asked, "Do you hear that?" She was unsure what it was she was hearing.

Chakotay realized first what it was and his smile faulted as he felt like he was being punched in the stomach. "Yes" he replied.

It only took a second for the two to fully realize what it was. Kathryn and Chakotay looked in horror at the top shelf. Chakotay moved to pick up what was there, Kathryn felt sick like all her happiness had been sucked from her. She wanted to cry but felt she had to be strong, she didn't know how to feel.

As Chakotay reached the shelf Tuvok's voice could clearly be heard through the static, "-To Captain Janeway."

Chakotay slowly lowered the offending comm badges that where long forgotten and looked at his wife's pained face as he placed them in front of her. Both knew that Voyager would have only returned if they had managed to find a cure meaning she was back into captain role and he an officer who served under her. Kathryn slowly pulled out the seat and sat down staring at the comm badges before her that were clearly saying, "this is Tuvok to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay." Kathryn wanted to run and bury them but she also knew that if Voyager had found a cure that is where they belonged.

Chakotay stepped back and looked at his wife's face, his captain's face. He saw the pain there and he knew it was up to her, only she could decide what to do next.

Taking a deep breath she reached out her hand slowly to take the comm badge. Chakotay rested both hands on the table beside her and lowered his head the pain was too great for him too. The two stared at the talking comm badges on the table before he as she hesitated unsure what to do.

Then almost as though she knew she had to do it than Kathryn picked up the comm badge in a quick movement and painfully tapped it saying, "this is Janeway."

Tuvok's voice rung out in both Kathryn and Chakotay's ears delivering what he thought would have been good news, "It is good to hear you voice, we have news."

Painfully Kathryn looked down at the comm badge in her hand and knew what that news was, with her heart beating fast she asked "what is it?"

"We have medicine which we believe will effectively treat your condition. We plan to be in orbit within thirty hours." At his words Kathryn looked up with her wide blue eyes at her husband, in thirty hours they would have to return to their protocol driven lives. Chakotay who was painfully staring at the table and breathing heard glanced at his wife with a slight pained smile. The two locked eyes for a long time until slowly Kathryn stood and walked past him without a word into the sleeping compartment. Though she was his wife Chakotay did not follow he merely sat and looked at the computer still showing his designs for the boat he was going to build for them.

That night the two had shared a night in the bed as they had done any other night. Neither had said much or spoken of Voyagers upcoming return, the night was a silent expression of love between two lovers who loved each other deeply, neither needed words to say how they felt, the other knew because the two soul mates shared the same feelings that night.

The next morning Kathryn stood without a word and went to have one last soak in the bathtub her husband had made for her. Chakotay got up and sat at the table with his head in his hands. After what felt like an eternity he heard Kathryn return from behind him as he turned to say something to his beautiful loving wife she was not there, she was replaced but a captain in a red and black uniform and her hair pinned up in a very tight professional bun as opposed to the long braid which Kathryn his wife had worn not caring about fly away wispy bits but Kathryn his captain had a tight bun which gave no room for fly away wispy bits.

"Darling Kathryn-" He began but she turned form him.

"You had better get in your uniform Commander, Voyager is nearly here." She told him slightly more coldly than she had intended.

Before Chakotay could say anything else she turned and walked from the house and stood just in front of the three stones she had placed to remember the lost loved ones. Beyond them lay her growing tomatoes. Silently Kathryn stood looking at them where she had planted them joyfully without a care in the world only a few weeks before. Now her face was full of pain, anger and regret but most of all disappointment.

Chakotay had left her to it and had got into his uniform and began to pack all their personal belongings into storage containers. As he placed the last on the containers on the pile he looked up at Kathryn and felt pain, as he did not even know if he still stood as her husband.

"Ready?" Chakotay asked as he walked up to her.

Kathryn turned to face him and with a gently nod she moved her eyes from him to look at the paradise around them she was forced to leave behind, she wanted to cry as she knew Chakotay could not be on her crew and be her husband and she knew he knew it to. Chakotay stoically watched her as she looked around.

Standing as staring facing her husband Kathryn looked deep into his eyes. The two locked eyes for what felt like eternity as they searched each other for the hidden meaning in their faces both full of deep pain and sorrow.

Without another word Kathryn slowly turned her body from him and so Chakotay followed her lead clasping his hands in front of himself as his captain tapped her comm badge saying "Janeway to Voyager, two to beam up." And with that the blue light took them into the bondage of protocol.

**END OF CHAPTER 33..**


	34. A not so final end

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. Sadly I do not. If I did they would have far more fun!

**ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER MAN'S FREEDOM FIGHTER.**

**Chapter 34**

**A not so final end.**

Kathryn Janeway sat alone in her quarter's just hours after beaming back aboard Voyager. She hadn't really said a word to Chakotay since Tuvok's untimely comm signal had interrupted their planning of a boat and camping trip. She had shot some orders at him to where he sat next to her on the bridge but she had been very cold and formal towards him and had used his rank not his name. Now she was alone and she missed her husband dearly. She missed the Chakotay she had grown to love very deeply and share her intimacy with. She missed the Chakotay a life without protocol allowed her to be with as well as she missed the Kathryn that life allowed her to be.

She was still wearing the necklace; the symbol of her marriage to Chakotay, a joining that had been so real and intimate down on that planet. That was the Chakotay she wanted to stay with the kind, loving and peaceful Chakotay not the angry warrior that could find no peace.

It was then her door chime sounded drawing her back to her senses, "Come in" she mumbled expecting Tuvok to enter and inform her of what she had missed these last few months.

"Kathryn." Came the calm gentle voice of Chakotay as he stood in her doorway looking at her.

Slowly Kathryn lifted her head and asked tearfully, "What can I do for you commander?"

Stepping to her Chakotay said lovingly, "Nothing, the commander wants nothing from you but Chakotay wants to see his wife."

Kathryn's watery blue eyes met with his loving jet-black eyes, "We can't not here on Voyager."

Taking her hands in his he drew her to himself, "I know, not here not now but tell me one thing, tell me you didn't want to marry me? Tell me you didn't want to be my wife."

Pulling away and turning from him he heard her cracked voice say, "You know I could never say that, being your wife means to universe to me, it is what I have come to live for." Slowly she turned back to him and out stretched her arm to revel the marriage necklace he had given her, "Give this to a woman who deserves it."

Chakotay saw the treble in her voice as she said those words. Slowly he stepped towards her and outstretched her own arm as though to take the necklace. Kathryn's heart skipped a beat as he wrapped her fingers tightly around the necklace in her hands. Lifting her hand he kissed her nickels as she clasped the necklace in her hands as he looked deep into her eyes he said lovingly,

"Dearest Kathryn it is mine to give to whom I will, I have found the most beautiful woman who is more that deserving of my love and to be my wife. Fate has it that we can not live as husband and wife but know this, in this journey I will stand at your side and never falter. I will be with you through the good and the bad. I will put a smile on your face and wipe away your tears. I will never forget you and I will help you to keep safe on this road we will travel together. The ancient legend of the angry warrior and his beautiful woman warrior is not over my Kathryn. One day we will find away home and on that day I will be stood at your side smiling at your face as I take you as my bride. There will never be anybody else for me. Know this Kathryn, you are my wife and I your husband. Though we cannot openly show it we will know it, wear this because you know it. Together as unrequited husband and wife we will find a way home and then you shall be my one true bride."

As tears fell from Kathryn's deep blue eyes she nodded in agreement and said, "please never leave me my husband."

"Never" Chakotay whispered as he kissed her forehead gently.

"I could not bear to live without your friendship, please will you join me for weekly meals? We will make it to each week where once a week we can steal a few hours to live has husband and wife?" Kathryn asked him in pain as she could only allow her husband a few hours each week for truly be her husband.

"It will be my honour my wife, every Thursday?" He asked his beautiful wife.

"Every Thursday." She smiled and all ready she was hopeful as she watched her husband let go of her arms and slowly walk from her quarters leaving her alone, until Thursday when once more he would be her husband, even for just a few hours.

**THE END!**

**As we know it was up and down over the next seven years until Voyager made it home with Chakotay in the arms of a much younger woman. **

**BUT….**

**It is not the end of Kathryn and Chakotay's marriage. **

**I have started a new fan fiction using the Chakotay and Kathryn I developed in this story in a post-endgame fan fiction! So if you have enjoyed this story and want to know what happened to our favourite husband and wife read on in the epilogue of this story called **

'**A love lost and loves sacrifice.'**

**With can be found here…**

.net/s/6760980/1/**  
**

**Thank you for all those who stuck with me, it was much longer than I thought it would be but was only my second ever fan fiction. **

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews they have been so wonderful. **

**More reviews are always welcome**


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